Ok, back to the basics of what makes VeggieMacabre what it is. A lot of random shtuff that ties in only if you live on the farthest moon of planet B’pleebip. But today’s post is actually inspired from Pammy Shep’s very intuitive observation of men in Speedos. That being said it was only a matter of a few comments before the topic shifted to the art of manscaping. For those of you who are not aware of what ‘manscaping’ is let me be an informative source for you.
Manscaping is a guy’s answer to removing unsightly body hair. And by body hair I don’t mean removing the back hair, chest hair, arm/leg hair or anything else just above the belly button. No no, I also mean from the “happy trail” to the…..uh…shit, this is harder than I thought. (that’s what she said) Well anyway, you know where I am going with this so bear with me.
When I was in the seventh grade I spent a summer in San Fransisco with my Aunt, her boyfriend and her 7 cats. While I was there I read a lot of books because her beatnik boyfriend didn’t believe in television and they both worked during the day. That being said I snooped around their bookshelves at least twice a day and on one fateful day I was introduced to the classic 1972 book, The Joy Of Sex. It forever changed me and not because of the naked pictures or the sex faces. It was the hair. Even then at age 14, a full four years before I would even see a girl naked, I knew this wasn’t right. I prayed that I wouldn’t grow up to be a bearded bush man. I also looked at my Aunt and her over educated boyfriend a little differently. I wanted to go home.
So let’s get down to the nitty-gritty. Why should a guy manscape? Well, that is a question that can only be answered by you and your partner. I can tell you that I do because I have pubeaphobia and I am uber-hygienic. I wouldn’t go as far to say that I fit in the metro-sexual category because I will never iron my jeans and if there is a bar that frowns on my Iron Maiden shirt, I won’t go in. But I have incorporated the manscaping routine in the shower and that is the way it is.
I am not saying that this is for everyone. Many women prefer their guy a little more on the natural side. There is nothing wrong with that. I have heard the case that many women feel manscaping isn’t manly at all and it detracts from the rustic, animalistic (made that word up) sense that I suppose only extreme private over growth can amplify. Hey, whatever sinks your canoe ladies. But to most, and I am only talking about the very few I know, they prefer guys to take the same amount of time that they are expected to when it comes to body hygiene.
For guys that feel this is a sissy practice all I have to say is, it’s not like you are shaving your legs and putting on a dress. It’s merely an extension of shaving surface area. I am not going to get into the details about how much needs to be trimmed but you’ll know. If you look in the mirror and see Buffalo Bill, you will know you went overboard. Start modest and go from there. I would suggest the Remington BT500A body hair trimmer. It’s waterproof and it eliminates razor burn, which is good. Very good actually. I also recommend Sensa Shave for the ol’ straight razor. It’s the guy’s equivalent to Coochy Cream.
So there you have it. I have stated my case for the practice of manscaping. I probably knocked my blog down a few pegs from entertaining to TMI but I felt it needed to be said. I think tomorrow I will write about ALF or cartoons. Something safe for work.
ALSO! Check out Allison’s hilarious mishap at the gym over at Macabrefitness. I was laughing so hard I popped something. Hopefully it wasn’t something important.