Bing, Bang, Boom


It’s almost five o’clock on a Sunday night and I am knee-deep in work for a Monday morning meeting. While I want to write about funny thoughts on candy corn and zombie-retail-hilarity, I must persevere with what pays the bills. So wait right here.

Okay, I am done. Believe it or not that space between this paragraph and the one above took about three hours to cross. Doesn’t look that far, huh? Now where was I?

Oh yeah. I have had football on all day while I responded to emails and wrote budget plans, I have come to a conclusion: Keith Olbermann makes me want to hurt puppies. I fucking hate that guy. Why must something as glorious as the NFL be covered by such a smug, ugly, dick of a guy? All politics aside, his mean spirited humor and snide comments makes me seriously through around the “C” word as if I was saying “and” or “the”. Piss on him. Just his voice causes me to bend spoons with mind-hate.

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Whew! Had to get that one out and thanks for listening. The cat gave up and left hours ago. What I really wanted to write about is…I don’t know. Hold on, it’s coming to me.

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Went to a corn maze this weekend! Yeah, I am a sucker for those. It was a beautiful day and everything about Fall was present. They had cider, pumpkins, squash, Halloween decor and of course corn. Lots of corn. The only thing they were missing were the people.

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Stephen King really had something with his “spooky + corn = win” idea. Even though it was 4 in the afternoon and daylight, being alone in corn makes your senses really spin. You can hear the wind blowing above but to your left and right; nothing. Every so often your mind plays tricks and you hear conversations. Like I said I was alone in the maze that was 3 miles long. Talk about sensory deprivation!

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I finally made it through, even if I did cheat by cutting through the rows. It turns out that corn kind of itches! No longer do I have aspirations to be a corn farmer, making alien shapes in it at night. This stuff kind of sucks. And scary.

See? Corn belongs in a can or popped. Not ten feet tall or in the movies.

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In other news, I have been accepted to be a staff member over at the infamous “Review The World” website. I can not begin to tell you how excited I am about this because I have been a fan for many years. Brian does an amazing job keeping a positive, fun and informative review site and in this age of Internet abuse, that can be a real tough job. But, he has prevailed and it is a fun site to peruse if you have not already done so. I am a fan of the review videos and random road adventures. Remember folks, it’s the little things and they should be celebrated.

6 thoughts on “Bing, Bang, Boom

  1. Congrats on becoming a reviewer! Please update us every time you post over there because I don’t visit that site. And don’t suggest I do I have enough blogs and shit to keep up on lol.

    I hate all those guys w/ political commentary shows! Especially Bill O’Reilly!! I wanna kick that guy in the balls SO BAD!!! Like give him a little internal bruising ya know? 🙂

    I have never been in a corn field before they look freaky. I don’t think I would like them. If you think that you would get lost like 2 steps in I would be so lost lol! You mentioned the breeze on top and not on the sides… a few years ago I worked at a cemetery and I used to jump into the open grave that was about 8 feet deep so it was right over my head (I am about 5’7) and I could look up and see sky and outside but when I looked in front of me it was dark and dirty. I remember once in July I was dripping with sweat and all I could smell was dirt! It was a job you would like you get to be outdoors a lot lol!! Oh what I did at that job for min. wage but I was proud of my hard work! I learned new skills. I had to jump in there with a straight edged shovel and straighten up the sides, the back hoe only shoveled out the dirt one of us had to go in there and make the edges, uh edgier 🙂

  2. Congratulations on becoming a staff member. Bravo Zulu. I agree with you 100% on Keith Olberman. I hated that smug prick even during his days on SportsCenter. It was :”Oh he is on…let me check ESPN News…” Dan Patrick makes me want to hurl cookies sometimes too.

    Funny to read this blog post after I just watched Children of the Corn on Showtime or HBO whatever it was. Corn is scrary. Big yellow 1980s Buicks are even scarier. Here is a line from Children of the Corn not heard in the movies in a while :” We gotta get to a phone!!” …when was the last time you heard that in a movie? How different would Children of the Corn be if Linda Hamilton had a cell phone on her? “Oh we just hit a dead kid in the middle of the road?…..Hold on I will dial 911” Credits roll, end of movie.

  3. well, Children of Corn was really scary as far as I remember (i watched them a long timne ago). It is like a classics now. Many producers use corn in their horror movies today. corn becomes a part of it i think. lol!

  4. I adore corn mazes, but have never been to one during the day.
    I really enjoy the sensory shutdown-
    going to a Corn maze is just so comforting to me.
    Just you and your mind, and the nothing.
    During the day, being in a corn maze must be like walking the Labyrinth.

Speak to me, Egor.

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