Come Visit Summertime Here

It’s official! I am on the summer countdown now. The snow and ice in North Idaho has taken this southern boy from happy-go-lucky to Pissy McPissface in less than three months. And after looking at the week forecast that is calling for snow, I have decided to light up a pinacolada candle, put on some Hawaiian surf rock, lather up in Banana Boat and start the mind trip to late May. Here is your Summer fun list for 2009.


meatballsHoly shit this is a great movie! Sure the more sophisticated summer movie connoisseur would pick Caddy Shack if given the choice of Bill Murray movies but there is something about camp that gets me in the summer mood. It kind of sucks that I am too old even to be a counselor but it brings back so many great memories. Memories like late night practical jokes on other cabins, the nervous tension of being forced to spend a week bunking with kids you don’t know, the sadness of the last campfire, and how we all thought the counselors were so cool and the subject of camp rumors and gossip. I still remember thinking that a blow job was something done to an ear. I want that innocence back.


There are three different but distinct pool days I have in my memory.

jeremy_in_kiddie_pool1Rumor has it this kid was in mid-stream when this picture was taken. That’s a lie, but it kind of looks that way, huh? Anyway, I grew up in a neighborhood that didn’t have a community pool so we were forced to jump through the sprinklers or breakout what my Dad called the “yard killer”; the kiddie pool.Β  I remember these plastic pools from K-Mart to be as much fun as they look above. Even for an only child who had an imagination that could keep him entertained for an eternity during Catholic mass, this pool, with floating pine needles and drowned yellow jackets, really sucked. Especially when you have a friend over and the suck is multiplied by two. Ugh! I can still smell the hose water and see the pool toys that were just fancy McDonald Happy Meal boxes in the shape of boats.

81007407_9ae4b944e7The next step up is being invited to the friend’s neighborhood pool. That’s an exciting summer day.

100_0338_0022_022Wow…sharks and minos, underwater tea parties, chicken, handstands, cannonballs, jackknives, and of course my famous 1/3 flip off the diving board. That’s always good for a laugh. I also remember the packed lunch and how Hi-C, peanut butter sandwiches, Doritos and Sunkist Fun Fruits never tasted so good. I tried it the other day and it just isn’t the same without chlorine and uncontrollable shivering.

Being a grown up now, the pool is a different place than it was when I was a kid.

pool-party-1996-3-customFirst off, it’s a place I generally drink beer and read. Those are the two things I didn’t do when I was a kid. Also I rarely go into the water because it is usually occupied by 12 year olds and that age group really pisses me off in recreational environments. It’s just a great time to catch up with a good book, drink a dozen beers and sweat them out while working on a one-sided tan because I hate laying on my stomach. I can never get comfortable. Are you suppose to stick your face between the chair straps?



Boats are great with the right people. You need fun couples or perhaps your drunk buddy who constantly impersonates the scene in Forest Gump when he spots Lt. Dan on the dock and wave/walks off the side of his own vessel. But one summer I spent a week on a houseboat with my best friend at the time and his family. Sounds great, right? Well…they were from Great Britain and we had a steady diet of bake beans and toast and Christmas cake (fruit cake with icing). Oh yeah, and I was stung by a bunch of wasps while tying the boat to a tree trunk. It was a C- week at best.


The other day I was having dinner with some friends and we barbecued steak and corn on the cob. It hit me when I confused the texture of the corn with the steak and the tomatoes in the salad and also the baked potato, that I miss food that is in season. Here are some yums we get to look forward to in the next few short months.

oogies1Anything that comes in one of these is great. If it is served by this guy it will be a minor explosion of amazing.

371Pasta salad is the must at all outdoor activities that includes food. If I am present at a picnic and the is no pasta salad expect me to remove the picnic blanket and use it as a cape as I run around and step on the rest of the food. Expect it.

80775820_aguty-s-3Couple of dogs and a beer. It’s hard to imagine lips, assholes and yeast to be a summer must but it is. Especially at a weekday 1pm Cubbies game when you skip work to go. “Heyyy batta batta, sawingg batta!! He can’t hit he Can’t hit he can’t hit…”

watermelon31Quarter sliced watermelon that is wrapped in Reynold’s Wrap. Don’t know why but this is summer to me. But every time I eat watermelon I get a dull pain in my tongue from a watermelon eating race gone bad back in 1985. I remember I bit my tongue and lost the race. As I sat there in failure, holding ice wrapped in a paper towel on my tongue, I was awarded a “nice try” gift. It was bubbles. Insult!



Spring training cranked up and baseball is only a few short weeks away. But here in Idaho I have to rely on minor league games for my live game fix. That’s cool. Maybe they’ll have a “bring your horse day” or something. There is a reason that Field Of Dreams was not filmed here. The line “ this Heaven?” would not be followed by “No, it’s Idaho”. I believe it would be, “No…are you fucking high?”.



This is one I sorely miss. Soon I will not have to make the choice to run in the morning when it is 15 degrees out or wait until night when it is 22 degrees out. No longer will I be five miles out and step in a slush/ice puddle and have to finish with a frozen foot. I mean, a real frozen foot. No, soon it will be perfect for hauling around the lake and getting a tan.


outdoor_concertsDo I really need to expand on this one? It’s part of the reason the Earth tilts on it’s axis, you know. But remember, if you see Megadeth this summer, leave the laser pointer at home. See below. I’m pretty sure the guy in the audience is no longer with us.

Now I know what you’re thinking, why did he not include the beach? Well, I did. Last year and you were with me. Remember? Click Fizgig for a memory jog. Remember, just because it’s minus 2 outside it doesn’t mean we can’t get dream. If you need me I’ll be refreshing my surfer language with slang note cards. Check it out here. We have finally dumbed down English that even the retards have note cards. Don’t forget Fizgig click!


23 thoughts on “Come Visit Summertime Here

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  1. You Win. Those McDonald’s boats were the greatest thing McD’s has every done. I have been looking for one on ebay for an eternity with no luck.

    I always got the steamboat. All I wanted was the speedboat but I ended up with a fleet of yellow steamboats. It sucks that McDonald’s has gone to paper bags over cooler happy meal boxes or Boo Pales. This just sucks in so many directions.

  2. That was the best Post! Thanks for that , I laughed so hard I thought I was going to cry. Cabin Fever days, can’t wait till Summer. Montana we have rain to look forward to after months of snow.It’s just not fair.

    Hello and welcome to you! Montana and North Idaho are tough during these months. I’m flattered that you came by. It’s snowing again here 😐

  3. I love Meatballs! (the movie and over spagetti! ) πŸ™‚

    “It’s hard to imagine lips, assholes and yeast to be a summer must but it is” *sniggers*

    Meatballs should be shown at least once a week in February and March. We need that nudge to get us over the winter blues.

  4. “It’s hard to imagine lips, assholes and yeast to be a summer must but it is”…..omg…you are suck a crack-up! πŸ™‚ (just thought i would stick with the “ass” kind of theme, haha…)…now listen, for me some of summer nostalgia actually includes your summer post from last year; I remember reading that and it was right about the time that I started getting addicted to your blog πŸ˜‰

    PS: really? you think that boy in the kiddie pool looks like he’s mid-stream??? Based on that look on his face, it seems more like he’s mid-dump…don’t you agree?

    I’m a suck a crack up? πŸ™‚ I am honored (honoured) that I am apart of your Summer tradition. And yes, that kid does look like he’s about to Baby Ruth the pool.

  5. Ahh, another Southerner! I am originally from Central Florida near Daytona Beach but somehow the sun melted my brain and I ended up in the frozen NE corner of PA! What the F??

    I am so ready. Send Mr. Hippie-Dippy over to my house. I needs me a Cremesicle!!

    Hello and welcome! I too moved from the warmth of S. Florida to the near-Canada west. As I write this I am watching a mini blizzard outside. I also am waiting for ice cream bars with gum eyeballs. *sigh*

  6. I was just in a blogtv chat room and the person that was hosting (that was on cam) randomly quoted Meatballs. So two references to that movie in one night. I have never seen that movie I probably wouldn’t like it because I don’t have any youthful memories of it. The closest thing I have done to camp is outdoor school. I’ll tell you that story sometime, I have my necklace in this box by my computer!

    Meatballs and The ‘Burbs are my two favorite movies to quote. “It just doesn’t matter! It just doesn’t matter!”

  7. The neighbourhood pool was about rabid self-consciousness and savage games of pool tag with boys who would barely look at me during the school year. That, and doing underwater summersaults while pinching my nose until I felt like I might hurl….

    To this day, I like walking down hot summer streets and deliberately allowing someone’s lawn sprinkler to hit me… That little shock and sprinkle of cool…

    A never-ending flow of good fresh fruit is one of the things I crave most as we get this close to the end of the seemingly interminable crap of winter that brings me close to tears in the produce section supermarkets……

    Meatballs is awesome, though it’s been forever since I saw it. Hot dogs are the glue of life. Literally. I will forever be averse to jogging, I fear – but I am fond (though in no way an active fan) of baseball…

    And even if I hadn’t already had a great time reading this post, the fact that it ended with Fizgig made it an automatic fave…

    I put Fizgig on here just for you. You mentioned Dark Crystal a couple posts back. πŸ™‚

  8. You rock Billy. Be glad you didn’t have to share a kiddie pool with two little sisters and seventeen barbie dolls.

    Did you guys have a slide? That is the most pointless attachment.

  9. “you suck a crack up”!?!?! OMG….noooo don’t suck up any cracks, hahaha…a typo that I am slightly embarrassed about, though it still kind of fits the theme…lmao.. good catch πŸ˜‰

    I thought it was hilarious. Don’t be embarrassed! πŸ˜‰

  10. I’m with you. I’m ready for spring. I can’t relate to the outdoor running per se, but bicycling is a heck of a lot more interesting outside.

    I’m getting a new triathlon race bike for the summer. It will be nice to travel long distances and photograph it along way like on your blog. I was jealous.

  11. William,

    I love the way you write. It’s so real. I had a hot flash while reading this post and my now middle aged ass yearned for the warmth of summer.

    I miss you, son. Stop by once in a while and say high.

    Eat a potato for me.


    Laurie! My long lost big sister. You need to call me soon. We haven’t had a heart to heart for awhile. Miss ya. I’ll be by today. πŸ™‚

  12. Meatballs! Yes! I forgot how good that movie was.

    I can always count on you to take me back down memory lane. Wow, that was great.

    “Mid-stream” cracked me up, man!

    Meatballs is the one movie that will put me in a good mood no matter what the winter has done to me. Glad you came down the lane with me, pal.

  13. Go Cubbies! Your post made me happy and sad. Today it is a wonderful 60 degrees in Chicago with a weekend forecast of rain! And then freezing rain on top of that and then more snow and negative temperatures, I am sure. You brought so many wonderful summer things to mind and I was delighted and now a little depressed that it isn’t so. But, as always, you made me laugh, William-son. Keep it up. Hey, I have a friend in Idaho – maybe you know him. (Don’t you hate when people do that? “Oh, you are from Chicago? Do you know Tom Smith?!” Yeah, I know him.) OK, I am going now…

  14. I remember your trip to the beach from last year well. Like Romi I think that’s about when I started reading your blog regularly. And talk about yard killers. Remember the slip and slide? Ouch! Why anyone thought running and then flinging your body onto what is basically a wet trashbag on the ground, only to stand up bruised and bloody with permanent dirt and grass stains embedded in your skin would be a good idea I don’t know. But it was.

  15. “Why anyone thought running and then flinging your body onto what is basically a wet trashbag on the ground, only to stand up bruised and bloody with permanent dirt and grass stains embedded in your skin would be a good idea I don’t know.”

    I agree. And the ones I was on always seemed to attract yellow jackets and bees, without fail. So, when you got to the end, it was like some kind of weird torture device.

    Oh, and Bill–not to be all self-promoty or anything, but I recently wrote a story on my blog about an incredibly embarrassing exprience involving my quest to get a Slushee after work that reminded me of you. Just reminded me of some of your stories. I meant to make a mention of you in the story, but forgot, so I guess I’m doing it now. Thought you might get a chuckle out of it.

  16. Pasta salad when it’s good, it’s great and when it’s bad….it just makes me so sad to have wasted that space on my paper plate. We just got another 3 inches or so of snow today, so reading about summer was exactly what I needed. Thanks, man!

  17. OMG the kiddie pool part is sooo true!!! Im so glad I grew up with a pool in the backyard so I never had to go thru all that. haha My grandparents did have one of those stand alone above ground circle ones though that my brothers and cousins used often… lets just say I stayed away from all that. πŸ™‚

  18. Dude, I am so in tune with your pool jealousy. I went to a catholic school, and spent my summers at the daycare there. Except other than your standard religious days, the only difference was prayer over the PA in the morning, and funding. We had no pool. The rowdy public school up the street did. Bastards! That and endless yellow bus trips to field trips are the main part of my summers.

  19. I’m the hippie who serves the ice cream. It’s always fun finding our pics on other sites haha. And yes there have been many minor explosions of amazing from oogie’s ice cream.

    Peace & love,

Speak to me, Egor.

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