What Are YOU Watching?

Poltergeist

If there is one thing I love about this season it is the fact that movies like Cabin In The Woods will be airing on random weekday mornings for the duration on October. Channels like AMC or Freeform (formerly ABC Family Channel) have their annual Halloween horror programing starting as early as the first of October. It’s such a treat to see what spooky films will share time slots with The View giving me a great excuse to work from home.

Thanks to the geniuses over at Nerd Much, we have gotten an early program guide for AMC, SYFY, Turner Classic Movies, and Freeform.  Sure, with subscriptions to Shudder, Netflix and Amazon Prime we can watch most of these without commercial interruptions and Reagan won’t be saying “your funting, daughter” but I think it’s a little more special to watch these scares on primetime with McDonald’s commercials every fifteen minutes.

Below are the scheduled times and dates (all Eastern Standard). So get your calendars out and start cancelling plans early because have horror movies to watch!

Monday: October 1st

  • Resident Evil (Syfy at 2:30PM)
  • ParaNorman (Freeform at 5PM)
  • The Nightmare Before Christmas (Freeform at 7:10PM)
  • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 8:50PM)
  • ParaNorman (Freeform at 12AM)
  • Tuesday: October 2nd

    • Sorority Row (Syfy at 1:30PM)
    • The Nightmare Before Christmas (Freeform at 5PM)
    • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 6:30PM)
    • Monster’s University (Freeform at 8:30PM)
    • Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (1971) (Freeform at 12AM)

    Wednesday: October 3rd

    • Silent House (Syfy at 1PM)
    • Willy Wonka (1971) (Freeform at 4PM)
    • Monsters University (Freeform at 6:30PM)
    • American Psycho (Syfy at 7PM)
    • Monster House (Freeform at 9PM)
    • The Monster (1925) (TCM at 10:45PM)
    • The Final Girls (Freeform at 12AM)

    Thursday: October 4th

    • ParaNorman (Freeform at 5PM)
    • Insidious (Syfy at 6:30PM)
    • Monster House (Freeform at 7PM)
    • The Addams Family (1991) (Freeform at 9PM)
    • Teen Spirit (Freeform at 12AM)

    Friday: October 5th

    • Into the Dark (Hulu)
    • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Freeform at 3:30PM)
    • The Addams Family (1991) (Freeform at 6:10PM)
    • The Goonies (Freeform at 8:20PM)
    • Z Nation Season 5 Premiere (Syfy at 9:00PM)
    • Van Helsing Season 3 Premiere (Syfy at 10:00PM)
    • The Breakfast Club (Freeform at 12AM)
    • Deadly Friend (1986) (TCM at 2:00AM)
    • Demon Seed (1977) (TCM at 3:45AM)
    • Saturday: October 6th

      • Monster House (Freeform at 10:10AM)
      • Willy Wonka (1971) (Freeform at 12:20PM)
      • The Haunted Mansion (Freeform at 2:50PM)
      • The Thing From Another World (1951) (TCM at 4:15PM)
      • The Goonies (Freeform at 4:55PM)
      • Cabin in the Woods (Syfy at 5PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 7:35PM)
      • No Escape Room (Syfy at 9:00PM)
      • Maleficent (Freeform at 9:45PM)
      • Cabin Fever (Syfy at 11PM)
      • Warm Bodies (Freeform at 11:50PM)

      Sunday: October 7th

      • Monster House (Freeform at 7AM)
      • Willy Wonka (Freeform at 9:10AM)
      • The Haunted Mansion (Freeform at 11:40AM)
      • Alice in Wonderland (Freeform at 1:50PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 4:25PM)
      • Maleficent (Freeform at 6:35PM)
      • The Mummy’s Hand (1940) (TCM at 8:00PM)
      • Sweeney Todd (Freeform at 8:40PM)
      • The Walking Dead Season 9 Premiere (AMC at 9:00PM )
      • Dark Shadows (2012) (Freeform at 11:20PM)
      • Fright Night (Syfy at 11:25PM)

      Monday: October 8th

      • Sweeney Todd (Freeform at 4PM)
      • Dark Shadows (Freeform at 6:30PM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 9PM)
      • Clue (Freeform at 12AM)

      Tuesday: October 9th

      • Jurassic Park (Freeform at 3PM)
      • The Addams Famly (Freeform at 6PM)
      • The Quiet Ones (Syfy at 9PM)
      • Warm Bodies (Freeform at 12AM)

      Wednesday: October 10th

      • The Lost World: Jurassic Park (Freeform at 3PM)
      • Lights Out (Syfy at 7:15PM)
      • The Devil’s Bride (1968) (TCM at 8:00PM)
      • Truth or Dare (Syfy at 8:30PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 9PM)
      • Horror of Dracula (1958) (TCM at 10:00PM)
      • Dracula, Prince of Darkness (1965) (TCM at 11:30PM)
      • ParaNorman (Freeform at 12AM)
      • Horror Hotel (1960) (TCM at 1:15AM)
      • The Face of Fu Manchu (1965) (TCM at 2:45AM)
      • Rasputin, the Mad Monk (1966) (TCM at 4:30AM)

      Thursday: October 11th

      • Light as a Feather (Hulu)
      • ParaNorman (Freeform at 4:30PM)
      • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Syfy at 5PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 6:40PM)
      • The Boxtrolls (Freeform at 12AM)

      Friday: October 12th

      • The Haunting of Hill House (Netflix)
      • Leatherface (Syfy at 7PM)

      Saturday: October 13th

      • ParaNorman (Freeform at 7AM)
      • The Nightmare Before Christmas (Freeform at 1:15PM)
      • The Seventh Victim (1943) (TCM at 2:15PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 2:50PM)
      • CUCUY: The Boogeyman (Syfy at 7:00PM)
      • Monsters, Inc (Freeform at 7:25PM)
      • Karma (Syfy at 9:00PM)
      • Monsters University (Freeform at 9:30PM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 12AM)

      Sunday: October 14th

      • Sweeney Todd (Freeform at 7AM)
      • The Nightmare Before Christmas (Freeform at 9:30AM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 11:10AM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 1:15PM)
      • Decorating Disney: Halloween Magic (Freeform at 8PM)
      • Hotel Transylvania (Freeform at 9PM)
      • The Robot vs. the Aztech Mummy (1958) (TCM at 10:45PM)

      Monday: October 15th

      • The Black Hole (1979) (TCM at 12:15AM)
      • ParaNorman (Freeform at 4PM)
      • Hotel Transylvania (Freeform at 6PM)
      • Monster House (Freeform at 12AM)

      Tuesday: October 16th

      • Decorating Disney: Halloween Magic (Freeform at 3:30PM)
      • Monster House (Freeform at 4:30PM)
      • Willy Wonka (Freeform at 6:30PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 8:55PM)

      Wednesday: October 17th

      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 6:30PM)
      • The Old Dark House (1932) (TCM at 8:00PM)
      • Sweeney Todd (Freeform at 8:30PM)
      • The Walking Dead (1936) (TCM at 9:30PM)
      • Isle of the Dead (1945) (TCM at 10:45PM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 12AM)
      • Bedlam (1946) (TCM at 12:15AM)
      • Die, Monster, Die! (1965) (TCM at 1:45AM)
      • The Sorcerers (1967) (TCM at 3:15AM)
      • The Terror (1963) (TCM at 5:00AM)

      Thursday: October 18th

      • Sweeney Todd (Freeform at 4PM)
      • Dark Shadows (Freeform at 6:30PM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 9PM)
      • Maggie (Freeform at 12AM)

      Friday: October 19th

      • Lore Season 2 (Amazon Prime Video)
      • Dark Shadows (Freeform at 3:30PM)
      • The Goonies (Freeform at 6:10PM)
      • Hotel Transylvania (Freeform at 8:50PM)
      • Monster House (Freeform at 12AM)
      • Dreamscape (1984) (TCM at 2:00AM)

      Saturday: October 20

      • Monster House (Freeform at 7AM)
      • ParaNorman (Freeform at 9:05AM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 11:10AM)
      • The Goonies (Freeform at 1:20PM)
      • The Nightmare Before Christmas (Freeform at 4PM)
      • Hotel Transylvania (Freeform at 5:35PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 7:40PM)
      • Killer High (Syfy at 9:00PM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 9:50PM)
      • The Haunted Mansion (Freeform at 11:55PM)

      Sunday: October 21

      • Paranorman (Freeform at 7AM)
      • Spooky Buddies (Freeform at 9AM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 11:05AM)
      • The Haunted Mansion (Freeform at 1:15PM)
      • The Nightmare Before Christmas (Freeform at 3:20PM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 5PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 7:05PM)
      • The Mummy (1959) (TCM at 8:00PM)
      • Maleficent (Freeform at 9:15PM)
      • The Curse of the Mummy’s Tomb (1964) (TCM at 9:45PM)
      • Pharaoh’s Curse (1957) (TCM at 11:15PM)
      • Sweeney Todd (Freeform at 11:20PM)
      • Eyes Without a Face (1959) (TCM at 2:30AM)

      Monday: October 22

      • Maleficent (Freeform at 4PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 6:10PM)
      • The Witches of Eastwick (Freeform at 8:20PM)
      • Son of Frankenstein (1939) (TCM at 9:00PM)
      • Warm Bodies (Freeform at 12AM)
      • The Curse of Frankenstein (1957) (TCM at 12:00AM)
      • Frankenstein Created Woman (1967) (TCM at 1:30AM)
      • Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed! (1970) (TCM at 3:15AM)

      Tuesday: October 23

      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 4PM)
      • The Witches of Eastwick (Freeform at 6:10PM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 8:50PM)
      • Monster House (Freeform at 12AM)

      Wednesday: October 24

      • Decorating Disney: Halloween Magic (Freeform at 4PM)
      • Monster House (Freeform at 5PM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 7PM)
      • White Zombie (1932) (TCM at 8:00PM)
      • Hotel Transylvania (Freeform at 9PM)
      • Mark of the Vampire (1935) (TCM at 9:15PM)
      • Spooky Buddies (Freeform at 12AM)
      • The Devil Bat (1940) (TCM at 1:30AM)
      • The Corpse Vanishes (1942) (TCM at 2:45AM)
      • Bowery at Midnight (1942) (TCM at 5:15AM)

      Thursday: October 25

      • The Canterville Ghost (1944) (TCM at 9:45AM)
      • Jurassic Park (Freeform at 4PM)
      • Hotel Transylvania (Freeform at 7PM)
      • The Haunted Mansion (Freeform at 9PM)
      • The Final Girls (Freeform at 12AM)

      Friday: October 26

      • The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (Netflix)
      • Castlevania Season 2 (Netflix)
      • Jurassic Park (Freeform at 12:30PM)
      • The Lost World: Jurassic Park (Freeform at 3:35PM)
      • The Haunted Mansion (Freeform at 6:40PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 8:50PM)
      • Channel Zero: Dream Door (Syfy at 11PM)
      • Teen Spirit (Freeform at 12AM)

      Saturday: October 27

      • 7 Faces of Dr. Lao (1964) (TCM at 6:00AM)
      • Dark Shadows (Freeform at 7AM)
      • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Freeform at 9:40AM)
      • The Adams Family (Freeform at 12:20PM)
      • Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1941) (TCM at 2:15PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 2:30PM)
      • Monsters Inc (Freeform at 4:40PM)
      • The Power (1968) (TCM at 6:00PM)
      • Monsters University (Freeform at 6:50PM)
      • Dead in the Water (Syfy at 9:00PM)
      • Hotel Transylvania (Freeform at 9:20PM)
      • Toy Story of TERROR! (Freeform at 11:25PM)
      • ParaNorman (Freeform at 11:55PM)
      • House of Dark Shadows (1970) (TCM at 1:30AM)
      • Night of Dark Shadows (1971) (TCM at 3:30AM)
      • Black Cats and Broomsticks (1955) (TCM at 5:30AM)

      Sunday: October 28

      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 9:40AM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 11:50AM)
      • Toy Story of TERROR! (Freeform at 2PM)
      • Monsters Inc (Freeform at 2:30PM)
      • Monsters University (Freeform at 4:35PM)
      • Hotel Transylvania (Freeform at 7:05PM)
      • The Mummy’s Shroud (1967) (TCM at 8:00PM)
      • Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb (1971) (TCM at 10:00PM)
      • The Goonies (Freeform at 11:20PM)

      Monday: October 29

      • Children of the Damned (1963) (TCM at 10:00AM)
      • Village of the Damned (1961) (TCM at 11:45AM)
      • What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962) (TCM at 1:15PM)
      • Hush…Hush, Sweet Charlotte (1964) (TCM at 3:45PM)
      • The Goonies (Freeform at 4:30PM)
      • The Nanny (1965) (TCM at 6:15PM)
      • Island of Lost Souls (1932) (TCM at 8:00PM)
      • Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1932) (TCM at 9:15PM)
      • 25th Anniversary Release: The Nightmare Before Christmas (Freeform at 9:20PM)
      • Mad Love (1935) (TCM at 11:00PM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 12AM)
      • The Fly (1958) (TCM at 12:15AM)
      • The Frozen Dead (1967) (TCM at 4:15AM)

      Tuesday: October 30

      • Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1920 Silent Film) (TCM at 6:00AM)
      • The Magician (1926) (TCM at 7:15AM)
      • The Devil-Doll (1936) (TCM at 10:15AM)
      • The Mysterious Island (1929) (TCM at 11:45AM)
      • Doctor X (1932) (TCM at 1:30PM)
      • The Return of Doctor X (1939) (TCM at 3:00PM)
      • King Kong (1933) (TCM at 4:15PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 4:40PM)
      • Things to Come (1936) (TCM at 6:15PM)
      • The Nightmare Before Christmas (Freeform at 6:45PM)
      • Toy Story of TERROR! (Freeform at 8:25PM)
      • The Addams Family (Freeform at 8:55PM)
      • Warm Bodies (Freeform at 12AM)
      • Night of the Living Dead (1968) (TCM at 2:45AM)
      • The Plague of the Zombies (1966) (TCM at 4:30AM)

      Wednesday: October 31 Happy Halloween

      • Hands of a Stranger (1962) (TCM at 6:00AM)
      • Dementia 13 (1963) (TCM at 7:30AM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 7:30AM)
      • Carnival of Souls (1962) (TCM at 10:15AM)
      • Toy Story of TERROR! (Freeform at 11AM)
      • Decorating Disney: Halloween Magic (Freeform at 11:30AM)
      • Spirits of the Dead (1968) (TCM at 11:45AM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 12:30PM)
      • From Beyond the Grave (1973) (TCM at 2:00PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 2:40PM)
      • Black Sabbath (1963) (TCM at 4:00PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 4:45PM)
      • Dead of Night (1945) (TCM at 6:00PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 6:50PM)
      • House of Wax (1953) (TCM at 8:00PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 8:55PM)
      • Pit and the Pendulum (1961) (TCM at 9:45PM)
      • Masque of the Red Death (1964) (TCM at 11:15PM)
      • Hocus Pocus (Freeform at 12AM)
      • House on Haunted Hill (1958) (TCM at 1:00AM)
      • Theatre of Blood (1973) (TCM at 2:30AM)
      • The Last Man on Earth (1964) (TCM at 4:30AM)
      • Halloween 5: The Revenge (AMC at 1:30AM EST)
      • Halloween 6: The Curse (AMC at 3:30AM EST)
      • THe Invasion of Neptune Men (AMC at 5:30AM EST)
      • Hocus Pocus (FF at 7:30AM ET)
      • Halloween 4: The Return (AMC at 9AM EST)
      • Halloween 5: The Revenge (AMC at 11AM EST)
      • Hocus Pocus Marathon (FF at noon – 11PM ET)
      • Halloween 6: The Curse (AMC at 1PM EST)
      • Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (AMC at 3PM EST)
      • Halloween II (AMC at 5PM EST)
      • Halloween (AMC at 7:30PM EST)
      • Stan Against Evil (IFC)
      • Halloween 4: The Return (AMC at 9:30PM EST)
      • Halloween 5: The Revenge (AMC at 11:30PM EST)

And so It Begins…

Welcome to the annual Halloween Hell Show or formerly known as The Halloween Countdown. This year will be something that will shift the idea that Halloween is just a holiday and not a season. Oh no, this ghoulish holiday season will be touted from the highest mausoleums and abandoned church bells, letting all good people know that orange is the new black and visa versa. We don’t mess around here at VeggieMacare during the season which specters roam the hollow and devils rap at the backdoor. Oh no, this is the time to embrace the macabre that most shy away from. The sights and sounds which kept us up at night, forcing closet lights to remain lit,  will be faced during the next few weeks. Today, September first, Halloween has begun.

So, with that said, what are we doing this year? Oh boy oh boy, let me fill you in!

PLACES!

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I am one of those jerks who has to see it to believe it. From shows like Ghost Adventures to Unsolved Mysteries, I go to quite a lot spooky destinations that I have always wanted to visit and a few really left me not only scratching my head but actually frightened.

MOVIES!

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What is Halloween without scary movies? That’s like Christmas without a tree! In a new video-cast , I will be bringing you many many many spooky films that you have to include in you Halloween celebration. Some are the ones you have always known and probably not. Either way, you will be enlightened and entertained. I hope.

JOINT OPERATION BLOGGER!

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You can’t have 100% fun without friends. Boy, do I have friends. This season I am combining forces with some of the best people on the planet who have as much fun with this season as I do. Some who you might know and others you will be introduced to. Your friends and are my friends and my friends are your friends so keep your eyes peeled because you might just see yourself!

REVIEWS!

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Nothing beats the new products of Halloween. NOTHING! From the much anticipated monster cereals to the always disappointing Jones Soda cans every trip to the grocery store is an adventure. Any aisle can bring spooky delights so when you go to the store for shampoo, don’t be surprised if you come home with a 6′ skeleton pirate. (True story) It’s all apart of the fun of Halloween.

This intro is a little light but trust me, in like a lamb and out like a lion is how I want this year to be. (Unlike everything else on this site) So kick back and WELCOME TO THE HALLOWEEN HELL SHOW.

This Is No Dream! This Is Really Happening!

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Yes, Mia Farrow, this is really happening. Coming this July, The What The Hell Show goes live and soon you will all be subjected to my mind, wit and poor Final Cut skills. This has been in motion since its conception last August and now we are at the final countdown for launch. So what to expect?

Well, the original shows like Beers With Movie Sauce and Spooky Carolina will still be going on (actually better produced and with more people) but it will be under the umbrella of The What The Hell Show. Expanding from there we will be running a weekly podcast interviewing neat people from freelance writers, actors, fellow webmasters to local rock stars and all around fun people. These will be able to be downloaded free and streamed live. Also you can watch reviews, the normal Halloween Countdown and other random fun videos to spend your work hours watching instead of doing your job. I am here for you.

There are other people (much smarter than me) who are helping to make this program a reality and I cannot thank them enough. Especially since they take beer and food as payment. So, sit back and watch  Will, the responsible one and Bill, the irresponsible one, talk about what is happening.

Also, I just learned how to clone so ignore the difference in lighting. Give this old dude a break.

October For A Sunday

Every so often I get a Sunday like this one and brother, these are so rare I just can’t waste them. It’s dark and rainy out with no sign of it stopping, so in my mind I am creating an “October Sunday”. What is an October Sunday, you ask? Well, it’s a day when you barricade yourself in a safe spot and pretend it’s October just so you can watch spooky flicks, drink cider and act on all the Fall fun, if just for a few hours. But be careful, long time lovers of the macabre season can get burned out if we do this too often so it’s best to take Bastian’s advice from The Never Ending Story when he was conserving his lunch, “No…not too much. We still have a long way to go.”

I think this October Sunday (not a U2 song) I will impart my tricks of the trade with you, incase you find yourself months away from Target selling skeletons and severed hands and want to dip your toe in some creepy activities. I am not saying I am doing everything that you would consider fun but this may be a loose guideline and perhaps an idea or two will help you muster your inner Satan. Or you can read this and say I am crazy. Either way.

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Summer is for grilling and Autumn is for crock potting. If you want to have an early October there is no better way than to slow cook pot roast. It quite honestly is my olfactory link to The Simpson Treehouse of Terror, Season 2. I can’t explain it and don’t even want to dissect why for fear it would somehow change my link of meat to a cartoon but if I really am all in for an October Sunday, there’s got to be a fiddle in the band. And by fiddle I mean pot roast. The band is a crock pot.

I bet there is a vegetarian way to do this too. I love you all and if meat isn’t on the menu, share with us what you would do! I am curious.

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Coffee is my fuel that drives creativity, mental prowess, jitters and my ability to say “Big Bertha bought Bill’s bakery before Bob’s birthday” two hundred times in a minute. Lucky for me on this dark and stormy Sunday, I reserved pumpkin spice from Archer’s Farm to add that need boost to trick my taste buds into believing I will be sipping this while watching AMC’s Fearfest. A little goes a long way and after today, I will not visit anything pumpkin for another three months. I just need a quick fix.

Oh, and if you are going to buy a Keurig coffee maker, don’t buy the VUE. No one sells the damn cups unless you are at Bed Bath and Beyond or ordering online. And if you know me, then you know I often don’t have coffee here. I just happened to be at Bed Bath and Beyond for a table-cloth. That’s my life now, ladies and gentlemen. I shop around for a table-cloth.

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While you wait EIGHT HOURS for the pot roast to cook you need a spooky snack. I decided the good people at Hormel had just the canvass for a little Jack-o-Pepperoni. Behind that is extra sharp cheddar. Anything duller is completely unacceptable unless you can find habanero cheddar. That is very much acceptable.

The vehicle for the meat and cheese can be anything. I recently ripped through a box of Triscuits, grossing out my dog, so I am forced to use pretzels. God, how I wish I had some Triscuits.

Also, you vegetarians, I am sorry there is another meat. Replace pepperoni with apple.

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Alright, so we have the crock pot rocking, sending crazy good smells throughout the house, the pumpkin coffee is brewed and horror snacks are made without severing a finger trying to carve faces in meat. Now we find that little hideaway that is safe from the rest of normal society. For me, it’s my office. The only place where a 36-year-old can safely bask in pictures of Skeletor and Michael Myers. Even though it’s still rainy and windy outside, there is too much light. I don’t have blackout shutters so I have to make do with the guest bed comforter. The October Sunday is much more effective if it’s dark. Very dark.

I recently washed this comforter myself and you can still see areas where the stuffing separated. I swear those are not stains. I swear. Also, if you hang this up using a swivel chair with wheels, godspeed.

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Of course, how can we have a creepy Sunday without a terribly good horror flick? It’s honestly impossible to achieve full spooky without a horror movie. Lucky for me, I have a few of these horror collections, Netfix, Hulu and Vudu. Out of all these, I am sure there is something that will suffice. I am thinking The Unholy. Bare boobs can add a few bonus points, if you are looking for extra credit.

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It’s coming together but we aren’t quite there. As you can see, my little space is ready for a great Sunday of escapism full of blogging, horror movie watching and internet surfing. The aroma candle is lit and my buddy, Cosmo the Great, is sawing logs on the bed behind me. We just have one little detail left to complete.

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Perfection! It’s 2:30 on a Sunday afternoon and I am safely removed from any hint that it is the beginning of June. For all I know, shut in my capsule of delusion, it’s October 17th, 2023. It’s a fine Sunday indeed. I think another “Beers with Movie Sauce” review is on the books for later this afternoon, but for now, I will bask in this great little lie I call October Sunday. Try it! You’ll like it. But remember, not too much. We still have a long way to go.

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Of course I can’t leave out Matt’s Dinosaur Dracula archives. You didn’t think I forgot that, did you? Come on, I’m a pro at this.

 

Beers with Movie Sauce: Poltergeist & Foothills Brew

Okay, so I have been gone for thirty-two years and okay I have announced the start of a killer project and made everyone wait. I know that was rude but trust me I am back in with vengeance. By vengeance I mean back with some free time to post a few entries before work rears its head and eats time like may dog eats carrots. The life we live.

So you will notice that I have ponied up and purchased a Vimeo account because have found if you are posting a video waxing nostalgia about horror flicks, yapping about beer AND chugging ghost pepper sauce, you need time. The copyright nazis of YouTube and the small space of VideoPress just doesn’t work. So, if you want to browse the hundreds of videos I am doing for “Beers and Movie Sauce” as well as “Spooky NC”, that’s the place to check them out other than here at Veggiemacabre, of course.

Now, on to the show. Tonight we are chatting about the 1982 classic directed by Tobe Hooper and produced by Steven Spielberg, Poltergeist. I loved this movie going up and when it comes to things that goes bump in the night, my mind still questions if people only moved the head stones. A spooky thriller that grossed millions and possibly cursed cast members to their doom, this flick holds up even by today’s standards.

While we chat about why Poltergeist spooked us we are drinking the Winston-Salem’s own, Carolina Blonde from the good people at Foothills Brewery. It’s a good one folks and one I have a little pride in as a Winston local. And finally, we set it on fire with the new Texas Pete XXX hot sauce. A perfect Saturday night.

So sit back and enjoy. It knows what scares you.

For A Limited Time Only!

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I needed to start something on here with a more congruent theme or at least a side project. I know I have “Where Did You Go” but over the years I think just about fifty online news sites have copied and pasted nearly all of it and I get a little tired of doing the work for them. Especially the Huffington Post which is written on a third grade level and use misleading titles to trick people into reading an article about Kanye West in hopes he died by having is wiener caught in a vacuum at the bottom of his pool. So, while I will continue the fun posts about past celebrities, I think I need to develop another page and invite others in the fun.

“For A Limited Time Only” is the page dedicated to shedding light on what’s available for a fleeting moment in our busy bee lives. Maybe it will return next year or maybe it will be a discussion twenty years from now like how Crystal Pepsi tasted like soapy piss but we bought it anyway because Van Halen told us to. Either way, you can find it here.

Alright, one last thing. I want to open this page to awesome readers like you. I am stuck on a pretty strict diet of high protein and low carb in preparation for the 2014 trail race season so I probably won’t try the four patty burger donut with special sauce but if you do, feel free to drop me an email and I’ll post your article right here! I’ll tweet the hell out of it and before you know it, you’ll be on the road to food stardom. You never know.

This idea is something Brian over at Review the World  and I have been batting around and I think this is a good time to kick it off. I know if you have been here long enough you have visited his spot and it’s no surprise we collaborate quite often. He’s an awesome guy with a great talent for reviews and videos.

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Thanks and tweet me over at Veggiemacabre if you have any suggestions or know of a limited time offer out there that might be fun to write about!

The Christmas of ’87: Part 2

The worst was over for that year. I was back in my own little world, safe from asshats like Mrs. Conners, Bobby and his friend, what’s-his-face. Not only did I not have to see them again, I didn’t have to attend CCD for the rest of the year. But all that was like a distant dream to me because it was happiest time of the year for a ten-year old and I had business to attend to.

Is it just me or did Christmas break seem like it was month-long back in the 1980’s? I suppose time moves a little slower when you countdown to a day rather than hurrying like a madman before it arrives. Regardless whether it was perception or an actual month break, it seemed long enough to forget math. But no matter, the weeks leading up to Christmas day was filled with fun like my favorite activity, searching for hidden presents!

I was a kid who could be left home alone for certain periods of time during the afternoon. Once Christmas break hit, Mom would run errands like the grocery store or lunch with friends and she felt a few hours unsupervised wouldn’t be so bad. After all, I proved what I could do to someone with a bible and we own around fifty of them.

These little spans of time alone were perfect for me to get snooping. And also the perfect time for me to play around with the new gas powered fireplace Dad had just installed. It amazed me. With the turn of a key and press of a button, I could have a roaring fire by the tree. It was also the perfect opportunity for a ten-year old boy to do something insanely stupid like, for example, toss in a couple of M-80 firecrackers I had been saving under the bed since the previous 4th or July. I can not explain why this was something I had to do but I had to do it.

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Mom wasn’t even out of the subdivision before I had that fire turned on high. Without giving a second thought, I tossed both M-80s into the fireplace and stood back, cupping my ears. Within seconds I saw a the distinctive spark of the fuse from the first firecracker and with an incredible blast, it blew exploded flaming paper out from the stone fireplace and onto the carpet. That sent a ten-year old into a panic and I stomped out the little flames and turned off the fire in one swift motion.

Then there was the issue of the second M-80. It didn’t go off. I was caught in a situation of unexploded ordnance and a possible life grounding event. I had to retrieve the M-80 somehow without blowing my fingers off and even more so, not get in trouble with only a week left before Christmas. As I collected the bits of the exploded firecracker, Mom came home early because she forgot something.

BUSTED!

Boy, there was a lot of yelling. I remember this pretty clearly because for the next…well…ever, I was not allowed to even look at the fireplace. I was marched up to my room but there was a silver lining. She had no idea about the M-80. That is  a secret I have kept until now.

The one plus about the pre-cellphone and cordless era was I could count on Mom never being more than ten feet from the kitchen thanks to a lan line. That meant I was free to slip out of the room and look around the closets for any gifts that might be hidden. As long as Mom kept yapping, I knew I was free to roam around. And the second I heard the phone hangup, I knew I had 0.05 seconds to get from a closet and down the hall to my room. But such risks brought such sweet rewards.

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Behold what I found under a pile of coats, still in the old Toys R Us bag. The GI Joe Cobra Night Raven! I was overjoyed. I didn’t even know this was apart of the Cobra inventory. I sat there looking at the box of awesome when I heard Mom begin her famous long goodbye. You know the one moms do, “Okay…alright…you too…bye now”.

I placed the coats back over the box and with ninja speed and stealth, I raced back to the bedroom. I had to brief the Joes about the new ride they will have in seven short days.

I remember that magical feeling of finding such a big gift and knowing I would be the envy of the neighborhood. I daydreamed about the fantastic battles ahead and sending Shipwreck and Snake Eyes past the speed of sound. There were plenty of doodles with a big black plane strafing jeeps, I am sure.

That Christmas was also the one when I found the famous Tomahawk helicopter too. But I already wrote about that. You won’t have to revisit my gushing over a toy unless you want to. Okay, here is a link.

Later that evening, after dinner, we settled in for a night of Christmas specials. We didn’t have cable then so the primary channels were ABC, CBS, NBC and the dreaded PBS. I had the VCR primed to record every special from How the Grinch Stole Christmas to Merry Christmas Charlie Brown. It was a pure magic and I was at the right age to love the Hell out of them.

We sat there with the lights turned off, the tree aglow, basking in the warm fire as The Muppets Family Christmas aired. These are some of my best memories as a kid. Laughing with my Dad as we watched Animal scream, “PRESENTS! PRESENTS! PRESENTS!” we ate chocolate covered pretzel sticks and I dreamed of my big black jet that was soon to grace the skies of my imagination. Mom sat in her chair, cross stitching something to give to someone. It was a perfect pre-Christmas night full of everything that makes the holid-BABOOM!!!!

Great Jesus’s Ghost, I fucking forgot about the other M-80 firecracker that never went off! It was such a tranquil night until a great explosion that sent all of us to the ceiling. Dad went to great lengths to not use profanity around me but after that shocker, I remember quite a string of obscenities.

Upon investigation, somehow it was ruled the cracking of one of the ceramic logs which sounded like a firecracker was the cause of the blast. The bits of the M-80 must have burned up in the back of the fireplace because the rest was never found. I kept that secret until just this second. You are the only one to know.

We sat back down, a little shaken but otherwise fine. I don’t think my heart slowed down until my bedtime at 9:30. It was the second close call for a grounding over the same stupidity and I can’t believe I got away with it especially since just hours before I was sent to my room over the damn fireplace. Santa might see me when I was sleeping but I knew I what I was getting and it wasn’t punishment. It was a Night Raven.

That concludes part 2 of the greatest Christmas ever. I might drag this all the way to a part 4 but for now, I will leave you with the entire Muppet Family Christmas special. It’s glorious and wonderful and a few years ago I did full review of it. Here’s the link to that too.

Goodnight, you amazing person you.

Top Gun and the X-mas Pepsi Disaster

I am back. No more traveling for this working stiff. Well, at least not for another month so let the Christmas countdown begin!

Today I am going to share a story I seldom tell because it shows what a naive and questionably intelligent kid I was at age seven. It’s not that many had a good grasp on basic physics in their younger years but gee whiz, at least they didn’t do this.

Every Christmas Eve it is a family tradition to open one present. That present is carefully selected from the few that were under the tree which taunted me for a month before the big fella brought the rest later in the night. That particular Christmas, Top Gun was the previous summer hit and after having had a theater experience like that, I knew I was destined to be a F-14 Naval Aviator but (spoiler alert) we all know I did not. I eyed the gifts and with a recently purchased VCR begging to be fed, I eyed what could only be a VHS tape. To my delight, I received my favorite movie, Top Gun.

Not wasting anytime, I begged the parents to let me watch at least the beginning scene. You know the one, when all the planes take off and Kenny Loggins belts a killer “Danger Zone”? Yeah, you know the part. My nagging worked and I found myself up in their bedroom, unwrapping the cellophane, sliding the tape from the box and inserting the tape in the VCR. The anxiety of Christmas presents took a backseat to the movie which changed my life, or at least changed my idol from Arnold Schwarzenegger to Tom Cruise. Patiently, I waited through the FBI warning for piracy and just when I thought the Paramount mountain was next, it was a commercial.

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It was not just a commercial but it was a Top Gun parody commercial by Diet Pepsi. Had it been one of the damn Coca Cola bear or that stupid pigtail-ed girl, I would have FFWD that shit out of it but this was different. This had two Navy Fighter jets! And a “Refreshment System”!

This pleased me.

Okay, so we have two fighters that just came off of maneuvers and in celebration they are treated to a Diet Pepsi but something went wrong. Apparently Mustang’s DPRS (Diet Pepsi Refreshment System) malfunctioned and would not release his drink. Taunted by his fellow crew in the opposing jet, he fibs and claims no problems on board while trying to jimmy his Diet Pepsi free. Then, pulling out a bottle opener, he has an idea.

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Thinking fast, this cocky jet jockey pops the top of the Diet Pepsi that is lodged in its “Refreshment System” and held a cup to the edge of the bottle. Instead of tipping the bottle over the cup, Mustang turns his A-4 Skyhawk upside-down, simultaneously pouring his drink into his cup using gravity and the agility of his aircraft.

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The two assholes in the F-5 look around in puzzlement, wondering where he went. To their surprise, Mustang pulls an inverted maneuver and looking up, they are canopy to canopy, forced to acknowledge there really was no problem with his ability to be refreshed.

We finish with Mustang rolling his jet over, his cup of Diet Pepsi keeping inline with the angle of attack. The two jets roar over head and disappear into the blue as the iconic voice of Pepsi states the tagline, “Diet Pepsi: The choose of a new generation”.

Whoa! I was fascinated. I wanted, nay, had to try to invert-pour a soft drink into a cup. Nevermind the movie beginning, nevermind Kenny Loggins was starting to sing about the “Danger Zone” and nevermind Santa, this was what I need to try. But how? I didn’t have an A-4 withe a refreshment system or even a bottle of Diet Pepsi.

I went downstairs and found the closest soda to a Diet Pepsi (a can of A&W) and a coffee mug. Also a bike helmet. I went back upstairs with the items in hand as the adults were still at the dinning room table talking about dull things which were apparently hilarious. I never understood the conversations from the adult table that elicited such laughs and wheezes.

There I was, sitting on the edge of the bed with my pretend fighter helmet on and holding a can of soda in my left and a mug in my right. How the hell am I going to do this? I tilted my left arm up as my right arm dipped but it wasn’t quite right. I needed to somehow roll myself upside down as well. Shit, this was hard.

I GOT IT!

What if I was to lay on my bed and role in a 360 degree righthand turn? That would surely work and not only would I feel like Mustang but it would be the only way I would drink soda from then on. I would be a trendsetter!

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There were a couple of flaws with this plan which I am sure you can spot already. You see, the soda and my body need to remain static while the cup would be the only rotating item of the three. Or no, maybe the A&W rotate and the cup is static? Obviously I did not put much thought into the plan and laying on my stomach holding the can of A&W root beer in my left hand and the cup in my right, I began to roll over and poured the soda. Oddly the soda did not pour in the cup as planned but in a shocking and cold surprise, all over my face and the bedspread. I gurgled and spit and sat straight up, blinking the root beer from my eyes and when I came to, there was mom looking as shocked as I was.

She turned from the doorway and yelled downstairs to my dad, “BILL? BILL! YOUR SON IS IN HIS BIKE HELMET AND POURED ROOT BEER ALL OVER HIMSELF AND OUR BED!!!”. I am sure it must have been a pretty confusing sight to see and just as confusing to my dad and guests to hear. If there was ever explaining to do, this was it.

I won’t get into the yelling or the multiple towels and forced bath but I will say, they got over it. And every Christmas Eve I am reminded of the time I tried to pour a root beer upside-down…on their new bed…in a bike helmet.

Have any funny stories you are reminded of by loved ones during the Christmas season? Spill ’em! (see what I did there?)

 

 

 

Holiday Cheer From Yesteryear

I am about to enter into a week of work-hell so before I checkout starting Sunday through next Saturday, I thought I might link you to some past Thanksgiving-Holiday-Christmas posts from years past. It’s a cheap filler but if you have not read them, here is chance to grow your heart three sizes and decorate the dog.

Click the images to be whisked away to magical holiday…just click the images.

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A couple of years ago I wrote 1100 words describing a one minute McDonald’s commercial from 1987. Back before the war against McDonald’s, kids had a special love for the restaurant. Every holiday season, these types of commercials left an indelible impression on us. I still remember most of them, mentally linking the airing to certain CBS holiday programming like Garfield’s Christmas or How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It was a simple time with simple pleasures like tearing up to Hardnose Mrs. Hatcher and her third grade class.

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Oh my gorsh, the Muppet Family Christmas is my favorite holiday special. It’s the king and if you have never seen it, I weep for you. Jim Henson goes full nuclear on us by bringing together the Muppets, Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock under one roof for a Christmas never to be equaled again. We even get a little cameo from the master himself and if you have a dry eye, you have no soul.

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Back before I knew the magic of Black Friday, I created a list of things I would rather do than subject myself to the herd of crazy bargain shoppers. Then, last year, the girl I was dating at the time introduced me to alcohol while shopping and I finally got it. Look for me at Target come 12:01am this coming Black Friday. I’ll be wearing something stupid and drinking a Big Gulp cup full of margarita.

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Years ago I was in a bidding war on eBay for an ugly Christmas sweater. When the price got to $200 I backed out and lost the bid. Thank God because then I would have never had the motivation to create this monstrosity. AND, get “pinned” on Pintrest over 300,000 times. Sometimes fame comes in weird forms.

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Hey, did you know certain European countries believed St. Nick had a demon sidekick that would kill and rape the bad kids? Yeah, it’s not bad enough to be screwed out of gifts because you didn’t finish your peas but get violated and killed by Krampus? Damn Christmas, you scary.

So there you go.

 

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