Happy: Food that comes in a bowl. Besides soup.
Sad: Food that doesn’t come in anything. Like the chick that works at the PitaPit that handed me a pita sandwich. When I repeated “to go” in the form of a question she said the PitaPit stopped bagging to be more green. I dropped turkey and sprouts on my lap in the name of the environment.
Happy: Having a beer in the shower after a long run.
Sad: Having a beer before a long run. It’s more like a short, limping walk with a possibility of puking. I am not as tough as I used to be.
Happy: Gourmet spicy mustard.
Sad: Honey dijion mustard. I used to like it but one time I swallowed it down the wrong tube and coughed up honey dijion for the rest of the day. Now I fart in it’s general direction.
Happy: My iPhone. It is pretty cool.
Sad: It’s really hard to text and drive at the same time. I usually try not to but the other day I accidentally responded to this girl, “Can I come on you?” Stupid auto-text.
Happy: Chinese food
Sad: Chinese food in a town with a population under 2,000 people. And no Chinese people. It’s funny to think that John and Bethany McMillan named their own restaurant, “Happy Lucky Dragon”.
Happy: Falling asleep to Nick at Nite
Sad: Waking up to Nickelodeon. Especially when Dora The Explorer invades the dream.
Happy: Dropping a line from your favorite movie in an applicable situation.
Sad: Dropping a line from your favorite movie in an applicable situation….and no one has seen it. It’s too bad my favorite movie is the The Burbs’. Only the keepers get those lines.
Happy: Bud Lite commercials. Genius.
Sad: Those mother fucking CreditReport.com commercials. Every time they are on (400x a day) I scream at the TV. I screamed so loud on Saturday that I scared the dog causing him to sprint to the end of the driveway on his hind legs. I don’t know what I dislike more; those commercials or Al Qaeda?
Happy: My morning routine. I get up, put on coffee and turn to the news. Then I go into the bathroom and put a towel in the dryer and get in the shower. After the shower I reach out and can pull the warm towel out of the dryer. Then I dry off and walk over to the fire place and stay warm while I drink coffee and watch the news. Great start.
Sad: It all happens at 5am and it’s 20 degrees outside.
Happy: Everything about Randy Quaid.
Sad: Everything about Diane Keaton.
Happy:
Sad:
Is this a new thing? Do shitheads like this really post videos of themselves watching videos? We have reached a new low in entertainment, folks. And this chick looks about as much fun as wet underwear.
Happy:
Who’s the moosiest moose we know?
Marty Moose!
Who’s the star of our favorite show?
Marty Moose!
M is for Merry, we’re merry you see;
O is for Oh gosh, Oh golly, Oh gee;
S is for Super Swell family glee;
E is for Everything you want to be.
M – A – R – T – Y;
M – O – O – S – E.
What’s that spell?
Marty Moose!
Marty Moose!
Marty Moose!
(Hyuk), that’s me!
Sad: Chevy Chase’s career after 1995.
Happy: Having elbows and knees that bend.
Sad: I’m too tired to make sense now.
Casserole of Disaster 
I really like this post! …especially the “iPhone” one. Haha. I’ve always worried a little about something like that happening!
I’m glad you liked it! I was pretty bored last night, as you can see.
i dont think its legal to text & drive at the same thing- obviously not for safety but because it makes people sad =P
It’s legal here but it still is just as wrong. It made me sad for sure.
In Southeast Asia we’d call this type of thing…bad karma.
“I’ve never seen that. I’ve never seen anyone drive their garbage out to the end of the street and then bang the hell out of it with a stick…I’ve, I’ve never seen that.”
Billy… thank you so much for this! I am still laughing! The text message really got me…. I would like to know here response š The Burbs is number 2 on my list of all time favorites!
Oh and wet underwear IS WAY MORE FUN than that girl looks…
You rock. š
As do you! wet underwear for guys isn’t fun at all. it usually means something awful. Or you just got off the log ride at an amusement park.
“I wanna kill. Everyone. Satan is good. Satan is your pal.” The Burbs is imminently quotable. Oh man, I’m gonna go rent it right now.
And that is why you are a keeper
I love Chinese food. Thank goodness we have plenty of Chinese people here to make it!
Lucky! And not Lucky as in Happy Lucky Dragon. I just mean lucky
I can’t tell you how hard this post made me laugh. The image of the dog running on his hind legs down the driveway still makes me chuckle, almost as much as the botched text message. And honestly, people should know singing on a table is a bad idea.
Glad I could bring a laugh or too, my friend.
I can’t believe I misspelled 2. Sorry Dan.
Chevy Chase made a public appearance 2 weeks ago… raging against Sarah Palin. While I officially have no problem with what he said, the fact that he starred in 3 of my favorite movies of all time and now is just a sad, sad and angry man makes me a wee bit depressed. I think tonight will be filled with FLETCH movies, just to remember Chevy as he was.
P.S. Any mustard that isn’t spicey mustard isn’t worth eating unless the only other option is mayo.
Chevy has made me sad. Did you know the W is Clark W. Griswald is Wilhelm? It’s true!
Beer in the shower!!! Why…why that’s genius!!! How have I not thought of this?!?!
I have no idea how Dianne Keaton has stuck around so long playing the same role over and over again.
Beer while bathing is the oly way to go. I multitask. What can i say?
Diane Keaton is a suck.
Food in bowls: I’m with you but what the heck do you have against soup?
Beer in shower: How very Kevin Costner in Bull Durham… Which – if I really give it some thought – is in no way a bad thing… Hmmmm…. Yeah. It works on a lot of levels… I might work the whole thing with vodka instead but anyway, moving on…
“Can I come on you?” Fuck is that funny. I’m trying to think how I would respond to that. I mean just the other day a guy asked me to sing something to him and I did and he actually told me “it made [him] hard” which was shocking. Fortunately he has an accent and I pretended he’d said it made him “sad” and moved on as gracefully as possible…
ANYHOO… The point here is that first I giggled like a shy school girl for many minutes and then I started to wonder what the hell you WERE trying to type to this woman? I checked some things (because that’s just how I roll) and the predictive text suggestions for “can” were actually words were “ban” and “abo” (which is a derogatory term for aboriginals in Australia as far as I know..) The alternate words for “come” are “bond”, “anne”, “bone”, “cone” and those for “on” were “no” “mm” and “oo”…. None of which really stand you in better stead… Just sayin’…
(Now would probably be a good time to tell me your iphone auto-text is way more sophisticated than my Nokia 5200’s – you won’t be at all wrong and I’m terribly gullible)…
Ok, let’s see….I like soup. Nothing against it. I just like rice and meat in a bowl. I’m weird like that.
That guy said it made him hard? Holy cow! I could never say that to someone. I might think it, but never say it. Unless…
The text was to a girl working on a project with me. The iPhone has learned text which means it remembers certain words you say together. I have no idea how I sent “Can I come on you” when I was trying to say “I can come over soon”. I was so embarrassed. She took it well. Actually she brings it up too much and now the thrill is gone.
Ohhh YAY! I’m SO glad you got as much joy out of Scarlett falling off the table as I did! š And I love the version you found; seriously my stomach hurt from laughing after they played it in slow-mo and fast-mo….that laughing was a good calorie-burning session š
Sad: When Diane Keaton was practically shown topless in that movie with Jack Nicholson (“Something’s Gotta Give”)
Thank you so much. I watch it 5 times a day. It makes me too happy and that is concerning. And Diane Keaton was topless? Did she shave her chest for that one? oooooo, I’m an ass.
Beer in the bath is my personal favorite. Not only are my chances of accidentally watering down my booze much smaller, an ice-cold beer will make a steaming hot bath seem even hotter.
Spicy mustard rocks. I’m a fan of Ingelhoffer.
I used to love falling asleep to Nick at Nite. When I was a preteen they had the best beginning lineup: Get Smart, Dick Van Dyke, then I Love Lucy. That was back before Nick Junior, so waking up to Nickelodeon usually meant waking up to Lassie or Pinwheel.
Sometimes I only speak in movie quotes, and most of those times the people to whom I’m speaking don’t get it. Besides, I think most of the movies from which I quote are too obscure for most people to make the connection. Of course, now that I’m trying hard to think of a killer quote with which to end this comment, I can’t think of any.
I remember when Nick at Night had the classics like those. Not even TVLand airs very much of those anymore. We should write a letter. “Respectfully Will and Megs.”
Ok from here on out if you text me something vulgar I will assume it was the iphone talking and not you. I am always terrified when I am texting two people at once I am going to send a comment I meant for the other person that is enough to make me and the wrong person blush. But I haven’t done it yet on my phone but I have done it in Yahoo messenger. The person knew the comment was meant for someone else so it was all good.
You probably already know this but the reaction video thing started with 2 girls 1 cup. A lot more vulgar than the girl that fell off the coffee table. There has been sometimes that I have fell and then instantly started laughing my ass off. It’s nice to have a good hearty laugh at yourself sometimes.
I used to not quote exactly but if someone mentioned something that was a topic on the simpsons I would say “that was on the episode of the simpsons” and explain the reference. So for years I was very annoying and I finally broke the habit a few years ago. I do it from time to time but very rarely.
You have a kickass way that you start the day. You work full time might as well spoil yourself.
It reminds me of a story. It’s one of those stories that it sucked really bad at the time but occasionally my family brings it up and laughs about it.
My Grandparents have a fireplace. It’s an old fashioned one with a stove on top and it’s really cool looking actually. There wasn’t the piece of glass in the front someone broke it accidentally and they were still in the process of buying a replacement. It was during the winter time and my Grandma was standing with her butt facing the fire to get it warmed up and there was a gust of wind that blew in through the door (my Granddad was going out real quick to go get firewood, I think) and shot some of the fire up and caught my Grandma’s robe and nightgown on fire and my Granddad ran in and they got it out. She went to the emergency room and for several weeks she had to have this prescribed ointment put on. She’s fine now, no real noticeable scarring. So be careful you don’t want your precious wobbly bits get burned Bill lol!!!
Wow!!! I’m glad your grandma is ok. That’s so scary. That reminded me of an episode of the Sopranos when one of Tony’s girlfriends caught on fire. It turned my stomach. Awful!
I could eat soup every day and never get sick of it. Middle of summer, 90 degrees out, and I’ll walk down the hill to Sound Soups and get Chicken Soup w/ Rice for lunch. In fact, there are some weeks where I will literally have soup every day for lunch.
Essaytch + Chicken & Rice Soup = BLISS
i have to be in the mood but I do love chicken and rice. I like syphoning (sp?)the broth and eating the rice and chicken before I workout. Good energy.
Yes, dude actually told me I’d made him hard. Casually. Like he’d told me he just made toast… It boggles the mind really on the scale of more-than-vaguely inappropriate to say to someone you barely know and I don’t think it’s a bad thing that you wouldn’t say it aloud. There are plenty of things I think but would never say out loud or, as you say, never say out loud “unless”…..
I am glad you do not hate soup. I make a pretty good turkey soup from scratch and would not have been able to share the joy of boiling into oblivion one of thine sworn enemies if you had not liked soup (smile).
Turkey soap sounds amazing. That sounds like a rainy/snowy day comfort food. And nappinating after in a cozy bed.
I love me some soup…with LOTS of crackers.
Girl falling off table gave me the hardest laugh I’ve had in a long time. I’m in your debt for that.
I don’t like the way Wet Underwear Girl’s looking at me. She’s got the wonky eye.
“Klopek, is that Slavic?”
“NO.”
“‘Bout a nine on the tension scale there, Reub.”
I can always count on you DjD! Keeper you are indeed! Oh, and Romi was the one who found the poor dear falling off the table. She is so funny.
Um, that autotext thing is hilarious.
Backpack, backpack. Backpack, backpack….loaded up with things that you can do….backpack, backpack. Dora. Welcome to the nightmare that is my world. Have you seen the SNL skit making fun of Dora.
I know what you mean about quotes from movies people don’t know. “I’m a bird. Say I’m a bird.”
I haven’t seen that but it is my nightmare. Backpack backpack backpack backpack!!!
lol…I know that quote Allison!!! It’s from The Notebook!!! *sigh*…I feel like watching that again…err..sorry Will, I’ll stop being cheesy all over your blog now, lol š
Is it wrong that I really liked that movie? And I read the book too? That’s between you and me.
“And Diane Keaton was topless? Did she shave her chest for that one? oooooo, Iām an ass.”
Take THAT, Keaton! She knows what she did.
I worked on The Notebook when it was being shot here. Well, I did it all from inside my office. I came in early one morning and sat down and read the script and turned into a sappy little shit. I couldn’t put it down. My job was to spend the next few weeks working with some guy out in B.F.E. who specialized in old carpentry equipment and convince him to let the art department use his stuff for the movie. He was kind of a kook and every time I called him he’d keep me on the phone, telling me stories about his vintage glass bottle collection. Funny thing is, to this day I’ve never actually seen the movie.
you should watch the movie DJD! And BIll, I think it’s great that you love it; don’t be shy! I think it’s because…it’s classic, you know? Not just the era, but that kind of love…sigh…..and speaking of the movie still, the actors are both Canadian (yay, canadians can do stuff!! I’m proud!) and they fell in love on the movie, so there was some serious on-screen and off-screen chemistry…then they broke up (which was a “sad”), but now they are back together and that’s a “happy” for sure! š
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