Happy: Food that comes in a bowl. Besides soup.
Sad: Food that doesn’t come in anything. Like the chick that works at the PitaPit that handed me a pita sandwich. When I repeated “to go” in the form of a question she said the PitaPit stopped bagging to be more green. I dropped turkey and sprouts on my lap in the name of the environment.
Happy: Having a beer in the shower after a long run.
Sad: Having a beer before a long run. It’s more like a short, limping walk with a possibility of puking. I am not as tough as I used to be.
Happy: Gourmet spicy mustard.
Sad: Honey dijion mustard. I used to like it but one time I swallowed it down the wrong tube and coughed up honey dijion for the rest of the day. Now I fart in it’s general direction.
Happy: My iPhone. It is pretty cool.
Sad: It’s really hard to text and drive at the same time. I usually try not to but the other day I accidentally responded to this girl, “Can I come on you?” Stupid auto-text.
Happy: Chinese food
Sad: Chinese food in a town with a population under 2,000 people. And no Chinese people. It’s funny to think that John and Bethany McMillan named their own restaurant, “Happy Lucky Dragon”.
Happy: Falling asleep to Nick at Nite
Sad: Waking up to Nickelodeon. Especially when Dora The Explorer invades the dream.
Happy: Dropping a line from your favorite movie in an applicable situation.
Sad: Dropping a line from your favorite movie in an applicable situation….and no one has seen it. It’s too bad my favorite movie is the The Burbs’. Only the keepers get those lines.
Happy: Bud Lite commercials. Genius.
Sad: Those mother fucking CreditReport.com commercials. Every time they are on (400x a day) I scream at the TV. I screamed so loud on Saturday that I scared the dog causing him to sprint to the end of the driveway on his hind legs. I don’t know what I dislike more; those commercials or Al Qaeda?
Happy: My morning routine. I get up, put on coffee and turn to the news. Then I go into the bathroom and put a towel in the dryer and get in the shower. After the shower I reach out and can pull the warm towel out of the dryer. Then I dry off and walk over to the fire place and stay warm while I drink coffee and watch the news. Great start.
Sad: It all happens at 5am and it’s 20 degrees outside.
Happy: Everything about Randy Quaid.
Sad: Everything about Diane Keaton.
Is this a new thing? Do shitheads like this really post videos of themselves watching videos? We have reached a new low in entertainment, folks. And this chick looks about as much fun as wet underwear.
Who’s the moosiest moose we know?
Who’s the star of our favorite show?
M is for Merry, we’re merry you see;
O is for Oh gosh, Oh golly, Oh gee;
S is for Super Swell family glee;
E is for Everything you want to be.
M – A – R – T – Y;
M – O – O – S – E.
What’s that spell?
(Hyuk), that’s me!
Sad: Chevy Chase’s career after 1995.
Happy: Having elbows and knees that bend.
Sad: I’m too tired to make sense now.