I have to admit that even though I rip on the culture here in Idaho it has really increased my desire to write about some of the absurdities as if I was Crusoe keeping a journal. My phone is full of various pictures and notes that have to be seen to be believed. I actually sat next to an older couple the other night and the lady took out her teeth to smoke a cigarette. She told the bartender that she just soaked them before they came out and she wanted to keep them white. Fuck a duck! To be honest, they did look pretty white on a bevnap sitting on the bar. Had I been drinking more I probably would have put them in her ashtray when no one was looking because, well, I’m an asshole like that.
I know the picture above is blurry but this is where I was on Wednesday night. It was karaoke night at the bowling alley and more importantly it was “no smoking night” so I could give my jeans and shirts a break from having to practically burn them when I get home from the wreak of smoke. Notice that it is a David Allen Coe song? Yep, that little ditty was played no more than 30 times. And no one appreciated KISS’s “Strutter” either.
All in all there are some pretty good singers here in Idaho. HA! I can’t even type that with a straight face. The whole night sounded like a third grade trumpet recital. If I didn’t no better I would believe a gaggle of geese where circling over head confused on whether to fly south or mate on the cars in the parking lot. The real funny part is watching all the people support one another as each person butchered the song of their choice. I witnessed a few standing ovations and some “I just want to thank my Mama” speeches.
I really wished there was a Milo there.
By the way, what do you think he has in his pockets? My theory is Milo is packing dinner rolls from the “Singles Potluck/Karaoke Night”. It is plausible.
Anyway, did you know that zucchini grows larger here too? The bartender showed me her award winning zucchini and I have to tell you, i now feel a little inadequate.
Make sure you come back because this weekend I am doing my 2nd annual Fall Beer Review. It’s a great excuse to get loaded, carve something and possibly go to the emergency room. I’ll be back tomorrow. Me with 10 toes and 9 fingers.
Casserole of Disaster 
There is no happier place than being a non-local in a hick bar. None at all.
Milo can really shake it!!
We have karaoke night from what I seen on the sign at our local bowling alley. What the fuck is up with Karaoke and bowling alleys?!? I should go some time. It’s only like 5 bucks or so. Now I am embarrassed I sang a Beastie Boys song karaoke style on my youtube account a few days ago!! ‘hangs my head down in shame’
Harry my best friend a couple of weeks ago brought home some zucchini. They were HUGE!! I have never seen a zucchini you have to hold with both hands before! Except slicing and grilling how the HELL would you cook something that size? I’m not asking you of course just I still can’t believe it. I moved them to the garage they were taking up so much room in the kitchen!!
what really scares me is that, if your description of idaho is a 10, my part of wisconsin is probably a 8.5…
Oh I’ll be back for the beer review and your carvings, and as for Milo, what was in his pocket you say? I don’t know, but I think he was happy to see me….oh wait, you said both pockets right? Okay now I am disturbed…
Idaho sounds swell.
I’ll definitely be back for the beer review. I’m always looking for a good new beer.
I must say that is an impressive zucchini! Glad to her your doing well Bill and I’m loking forward to the beer review!
That whole bit on Milo is fucking hilarious. Where is he from? I got a feeling I saw that guy before.
Wow. When I am 80, I will put my teeth on the bar. I try to keep some measure of class these days, (even though I’m actually kind of thinking about moving into a trailor park on purpose when I move to NC because I think it would be hilarious) but when I’m 80? Fuck it, I’ll give in.
Although I guess not wanting to stain your teeth is a sort of classy move in and of itself…a compromise, mayhaps…
That is one big zucchini. The ones at the store here in Oklahoma are tiny compared to that monster. They’re more like the size of a banana or something.
How funny! I know about the magical dirt up in this part of the country that grows giant zucchinis. I have seen many like that up here. I’m sure there are some good zucchini jokes in there somewhere…
I think I would fit right in with the Idahoan (sp?) singers…in fact, I might actually be considered good if it’s all relative. Even my kid asks me to stop singing. How bad can I be at ‘Twinkle, twinkle’??
The bartender looks cute, and I don’t see a wedding ring.
Wow! Now that’s a zucchini!! Makes me curious about the cucumbers… 😉
I love your posts! I always look forward to them because I know I’m going to laugh!
The part about the gaggle of geese had me giggling so much I got a strange look from my husband… 😆
Did you sing? I adore karaoke!!!
I lost my karaoke virginity at a wedding I was DJ’ing. I was trading off Dj’ing duties with a guy who is in charge of the weekly karaoke nights at the bar where I spin. My friends who were getting married just hired both of us to provide the night’s entertainment, so we took turns with me Dj’ing, and him providing karaoke fun. After loads of free drinks, I was literally manhandled and drug on to the stage, where I proceeded to belt out the best version of “Boys Don’t Cry” by The Cure that any drunken Dj at a wedding has ever belted. It was a thing to behold, let me tell you.
Since then, I’ve been known to grace the stage a few times at the bar, but only to sing either David Bowie or AC/DC. I really don’t have much desire to do it anymore, but if the urge ever arises in me again, I think I might change it up and try something totally unexpected.
Jesus, that’s a serious zucchini.