Well, It Could Be Worse

I am starting to dread Wednesday meetings and it’s not because they are drab or boring. They are but there is a dedicated hour that I have to show my account predictions and compare them to last week’s using only Microsoft Project. That means there are no fancy hand gestures or Wookie defense talk that can save me from the blank expressions after I clearly tell them in numbers whether I had a good week or a bad one. So today I sat there, wrestling with the projector, thinking that there are far worse places to be. Believe it or not, the meeting went over well, even though I showed the room I am a retard with a rubix cube when it comes to a certain account. It’s all about perspective, my friends. Let’s take a look at some examples.

One could always be in here. I try to make it a goal to only be in a port o potty in emergency senerios but when I am, this is never too far from my mind.

Great Whites are by far my favorite animal in the animal kingdom. It’s ironic, but they are the last thing I want to see at the beach. I think the comedian Kevin James summed it up best when he said, “I have the same reaction in the ocean when something touches me foot, whether it’s seaweed or a great white shark.”

I don’t know what would be worse here, wearing a Speedo in public, having a Euro-mullet or getting a face full of ass.

I took a course in Crew Resource Management for pilots and a good portion of it was listening to the black box recordings of the final moments before a crash. I guess it was to analyze the decision making and crew management but I walked away very disturbed. All I thought about were the passengers and how out of touch they were of the dire situation that was unfolding in the cockpit. It’s kind of like my love/hate of the great white. I love flying but I’m nervous as a passenger.

Shot by a monkey. It could happen! They have thumbs you know. I’m just kidding. I do think getting attacked by a primate would really ruin your day. I watched a program on Animal Planet and they had a guy with half a face testify to how bad it sucks to be attacked by a monkey. He also lost his testicles. That solidified it. I can never trust a monkey again.

I’m glad this little guy learned not to chew on pens at an early age. I had to learn it in college during Public Speaking 101.

I have no idea how people get themselves in positions like this but it’s a given that I would rather be in a meeting than having this X-Ray taken.

So you see? It’s all about perspective in life and that alone will power me through a two hour meeting. Tonight I will go to an equally dull dinner so I am thinking I would much rather do that than cut off my lower lip with a rusty pair of scissors. Wow, now I can’t wait to go!

17 thoughts on “Well, It Could Be Worse

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  1. I love this post!! That video of the speedo guy cracked me up! Thank you for making me smile this morning… I was feeling very down…but, I’m feeling much better now!!

  2. ok Wil, I think we need to run away to the midwest together. We can be blue grass singers and you can make me laugh with your undeniable wit and I can make you blueberry pancakes for every meal.

    We’ll never have to set through boring, stupid meetings again, and then it won’t be how can it be worse, it will be it can’t get much better…

    right? right?


  3. I think getting shot in general would suck but how much worse would it be to have been shot by a monkey? At least a regular gun shot wound you can make sound cool but getting shot by a monkey? I don’t see how you can spin that one into making you not look like a doofus who was dumb enough to give a monkey a gun.

  4. The only people who get shot by monkeys are Eurotrash who parade around in speedos and trip and fall into other people’s asses.

  5. But that chimp is so cute šŸ™‚

    And your office is the only office in the US that doesn’t use powerpoint for presentations? And that sucks that weekly you have to give an oral presentation to prove that you are a competent worker.

    I always am wishing that what happened to that guy doesn’t happen to me. You have your embarrassing moments I have mine. But I get embarrassed really easily though.

  6. Oh, Max had to use a porta potty at the sculpture park yesterday. I was not brave enough to see the inside. Those things are one of my greatest fears.

  7. Ba-chomp, ba chewy chomp. Sorry, had to do it with the shark picture.

    I ALWAYS picture the dentist’s chair when I’m trying to console myself. I’d rather be shot by a monkey than having plaque I didn’t even know existed scraped.

    Oh, and that x-ray…has to be a little kid. The bones are small, and I know from personal experience that they swallow crazy things (like the mancala marble).

  8. You think a little kid? That looks tough to swallow. I was thinking it was an “in through the out door” type of situation. But as a mom you would know better.

    Ba Chomp!

  9. Next time I’m in one of my borring meetings I’m going to think of this post and be grateful I’m not a participant in any of the activities you mentioned. I LOVE that Kevin James sketch and was just telling my sister a couple of days ago that she had to see it. So funny!

  10. LOL!! I really love when he’s floating in the water looking around and he’s like “this isn’t good at all” then pretends to get choke on the water. And when he drops the coin in the car while at the drive through at Taco Bell and names the worker Anthony. Very funny stuff. I might have to go rent that this weekend.

Speak to me, Egor.

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