When talking to a customer service representative over the phone do you have a picture in your mind of what they look like? I do. I have an image of them as if they were talking directly across the table from me. Today, however I had the joy of dealing with the government and we all know how that goes. I have been on a quest for months to track down a DD-215 which is a corrected form of a military service record. In order to do that it requires patience, six months to kill, a virgin sacrifice, a goat and a pretty good handle on The Force. Here is how today’s conversation went.

Me- *beep boo bop boo beep beep beep* (phone sounds)

Gov- ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring…… Hello, you have reached the Department of Veteran Service Archives. All agents are busy helping other service members at this time but your call is very important to us. Please hold and the next available agent will be with you. The current wait time is 10 to 40 minutes.

(music)

25 minutes later

( My imagination)

Gov- Thank you for holding this is Nadeen, how can I assist you today?

Me- Hi Nadeen, how are you today?

Gov- uuuuuhhh…fine?

Me- Great! I have sent a written request for a DD-215 last January and I received an email from VASR that my packet was available and I was just wondering when I can expect it to be delivered.

Gov- You received an email from who?

Me- The Veterans Affair office of Service Records.

Gov- Did you send in a written request to our office directly?

Me- Yes…..

Gov- Can I have your social?

Me -Sure, it’s 255-**-****

Gov- 264-97-345783?

Me- No, and I think you have too many numbers. It’S 255-**-* * * *.

Gov- 2 5 5 – **-* * * *

Me- That’s it!

Gov- Is this William?

Me- Yup!

Gov- Hrm…………It says here that you wrote in a request in January. And……It says that you wanted a dd215. Annnnnd, it says that this is a request to have it mailed to your current address. hmmmm.

(my imagination)

Me- That’s all true. Do you know when I can expect to receive it?

Gov- Oh, I wouldn’t know that.

Me- No? Do you know who I can contact to find out?

Gov- I don’t know, would you like me to find out?

Me- If you don’t mind.

Gov- Please hold for me William.

( dial tone)

Me to myself- Mother bitch! She hung up on me! I can’t believe…..

*beep boo bop boo beep beep beep* (phone sounds)

Gov- ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring…… Hello, you have reached the Department of Veteran Service Archives. All agents are busy helping other service members at this time but your call is very important to us. Please hold and the next available agent will be with you. The current wait time is 10 to 40 minutes.

(music)

Oddly enough it was only 10 minutes

Gov- Thank you for holding, this is Nadeen. How may I help you?

Me- Hi Nadeen, this is Will. I think we got disconnected.

Gov- Was I helping you?

Me- It’s William. I’m pretty sure.

Gov- Oh, William. I don’t know how we got disconnected. Ok, I talked to my supervisor and she said it will be delivered (counts under her breath) about 8 weeks for your delivery.

Me- What? Eight weeks? Really? The email said it will be sent out 3 to 4 business days. How will it be eight weeks?

Gov- We are really backed up.

Me- Are you sure? I am looking at the email and it clearly states that the delivery will be in 3 to 4 business days. You have the right person, right?

Gov- Let me get your social security number again.

Me- 255-**-****

Gov-245-67-871542?

( now my imagination)

Me- Noooooo. It is 2 5 5 – * *- * * * *

Gov- Is this William?

Me- Let me check……yup.

Gov- It says that your written request was received.

Me- Annnnd?

Gov- And that we received it.

Me- (labored breathing) Nadeen. Can you give me someone who can help me find out when my dd-215 will be sent to my house? I have an email from your office requesting me to call for verification since I have to sign for it. Is there someone who can just answer me that question?

Gov- That’s me! But I can’t tell you that.

Me- Why not? (In an angry Steve Martin from Planes Trains and Automobiles voice.)

Gov- Because it doesn’t say on my computer. Is there something else I can help you with?

Me- Yeah, what’s the capitol of California?

Gov- It’s San Fransisco isn’t it?

Me- sigh…… ( hangs up and sprints into the wall)

I give up folks. I think I am going to move to Nova Scotia.