Where Did You Go…In Space?

Here I go again. Curiosity has taken the best of me and I find the need to ask what rational people never think about. Today’s “Where Did You Go” theme will be a space one. It’s funny to think that a lot of the movies back in the eighties were based off a magical box called a computer and through that unknown resource of technology anything was possible. Whether it was taking pieces of discarded junk to construct a spaceship, plug in a processor making the magic of space travel possible or start World war 3, computers made any story believable. But I digress. Actually, I don’t know where I was going with that at all. So without further ado, here are some Astronauts from the 80’s.

Joey Cramer from the Disney movie, Flight Of The Navigator. I swear that this was on HBO for 10 years straight when I was growing up. This was the only real notable role for Joey. He played David Scott Freeman, a kid who was abducted by an alien at 12 and returned back to Earth, only it was eight years later and he had not aged a day. For some reason he always struck me as a whiny little dick. “I wanna go back to my family…Jack gets all the attention…..You took me away from my family…but I want a Golden Goose….” Regardless, the one cool thing is the brief appearance of the Foot (Sarah Jessica Parker). I love the scene in reference to Twisted Sister when David asked, “who’s she?” Sarah replied, “It’s not a she it’s a he. Actually it’s a them…”

The Canadian born actor has not done much since Flight of the Navigator besides a few odd movies and a guest appearance on “Murder She Wrote”. He did win the Saturn Award for Flight of the Navigator so I guess that’s pretty cool. Where ever he is, he is 34 and I will not bet my life on it but here is a picture of him from 1996. The only one I could find.

I hope that is him. It’s from some off Broadway play but since then, I got nothin’.

 

We all know this movie! Like I said in the beginning, anything is possible with a computer and a Tilt-a-Whirl. Most people remember Ethan Hawk and the late River Phoenix but not me. I remember Jason Presson, the lesser known actor but the one I liked the best. Ethan was too much of a windbag in this film and River was plowing a pretty grotesque alien, so the only one left to respect was Jason Presson, (Darren Woods).

I guess Jason took a different road after The Explorers because River Phoenix and Ethan Hawk’s career really shot off. Since then he has stayed primarily with TV and lower budget films. But I do have to give him props for Gremlins 2. He hasn’t done much that I can find since 1997 but I did find a recent picture of him. I hope he goes back to film. We need more Pressons out there.

I remember seeing this movie, but I don’t recall the specifics. All I know is Larry B. Scott was in it. Whether his role was the token character or not, he is one of my favorite actors. I love this guy and I have been a fan since Iron Eagle.

Larry B. Scott played the role of Rudy Tyler, a science geek that fell short of a few essential skills like… understanding it. He was really an entrepreneur who loved french fries and dreamed of one day opening a restaurant in space. We are still waiting, Rudy.

Larry’s resume really stands alone from other recently obscured actors. His films include Iron eagle, Revenge of the Nerds, Karate Kid, Snake eater 2 and his debut movie, A Hero Ain’t Nothin’ But A Sandwich. I challenge anyone to bring that film up in a conversation. I have personally said it 10 times aloud and each time a couldn’t help but laugh. Love ya’ Larry! Here is a recent side shot.

Still a winner so many years later.

Hello Ally Sheedy! Goodness gracious she’s a hottie. I know I am drifting from the space theme but stay with me here. The movie War Games is about two teenagers who play with their computer magic box and the mystical, yet prehistoric Internet when the Web only had a few strings, and almost start a world war. I take the space theme because one, ICBMs go to space and two, I love Ally Sheedy. Two should be a good enough reason.

I think we all know how Ally has been but I just wanted to include her because I haven’t seen her around. Actually since she kicked her sleeping pill addiction I haven’t seen her in anything mainstream. The last project that I remember was when she played the ticket agent in Home Alone 2. That’s no place for a Goddess! Get you act together agents! Right? (crowd response- RABBLE! RABBLE! RABBLE!)

JINX the robot from Space Camp! Well, I can’t find a picture of him for the life of me so I will give you a clip of him in the most unrealistic scenario in cinema history.

Shame on you Tom Skerritt for being in this crap! But anyway, there is JINX. The robot that had a boy crush on Max (Joaquin Phoenix) granting his wish and shooting him into space. To me JINX sounds like a three year old with a trachiotomy. But what ever. If there was any truth to this movie I think we could currently find JINX looking like this:

Oh man, I have rambled through this one. Thanks for putting up with me. Now off to a meeting with Fuck stick One and Fuck Stick Two. Have a stellar weekend!

The Government At Work

When talking to a customer service representative over the phone do you have a picture in your mind of what they look like? I do. I have an image of them as if they were talking directly across the table from me. Today, however I had the joy of dealing with the government and we all know how that goes. I have been on a quest for months to track down a DD-215 which is a corrected form of a military service record. In order to do that it requires patience, six months to kill, a virgin sacrifice, a goat and a pretty good handle on The Force. Here is how today’s conversation went.

Me- *beep boo bop boo beep beep beep* (phone sounds)

Gov- ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring…… Hello, you have reached the Department of Veteran Service Archives. All agents are busy helping other service members at this time but your call is very important to us. Please hold and the next available agent will be with you. The current wait time is 10 to 40 minutes.

(music)

25 minutes later

( My imagination)

Gov- Thank you for holding this is Nadeen, how can I assist you today?

Me- Hi Nadeen, how are you today?

Gov- uuuuuhhh…fine?

Me- Great! I have sent a written request for a DD-215 last January and I received an email from VASR that my packet was available and I was just wondering when I can expect it to be delivered.

Gov- You received an email from who?

Me- The Veterans Affair office of Service Records.

Gov- Did you send in a written request to our office directly?

Me- Yes…..

Gov- Can I have your social?

Me -Sure, it’s 255-**-****

Gov- 264-97-345783?

Me- No, and I think you have too many numbers. It’S 255-**-* * * *.

Gov- 2 5 5 – **-* * * *

Me- That’s it!

Gov- Is this William?

Me- Yup!

Gov- Hrm…………It says here that you wrote in a request in January. And……It says that you wanted a dd215. Annnnnd, it says that this is a request to have it mailed to your current address. hmmmm.

(my imagination)

Me- That’s all true. Do you know when I can expect to receive it?

Gov- Oh, I wouldn’t know that.

Me- No? Do you know who I can contact to find out?

Gov- I don’t know, would you like me to find out?

Me- If you don’t mind.

Gov- Please hold for me William.

( dial tone)

Me to myself- Mother bitch! She hung up on me! I can’t believe…..

*beep boo bop boo beep beep beep* (phone sounds)

Gov- ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring…… Hello, you have reached the Department of Veteran Service Archives. All agents are busy helping other service members at this time but your call is very important to us. Please hold and the next available agent will be with you. The current wait time is 10 to 40 minutes.

(music)

Oddly enough it was only 10 minutes

Gov- Thank you for holding, this is Nadeen. How may I help you?

Me- Hi Nadeen, this is Will. I think we got disconnected.

Gov- Was I helping you?

Me- It’s William. I’m pretty sure.

Gov- Oh, William. I don’t know how we got disconnected. Ok, I talked to my supervisor and she said it will be delivered (counts under her breath) about 8 weeks for your delivery.

Me- What? Eight weeks? Really? The email said it will be sent out 3 to 4 business days. How will it be eight weeks?

Gov- We are really backed up.

Me- Are you sure? I am looking at the email and it clearly states that the delivery will be in 3 to 4 business days. You have the right person, right?

Gov- Let me get your social security number again.

Me- 255-**-****

Gov-245-67-871542?

( now my imagination)

Me- Noooooo. It is 2 5 5 – * *- * * * *

Gov- Is this William?

Me- Let me check……yup.

Gov- It says that your written request was received.

Me- Annnnd?

Gov- And that we received it.

Me- (labored breathing) Nadeen. Can you give me someone who can help me find out when my dd-215 will be sent to my house? I have an email from your office requesting me to call for verification since I have to sign for it. Is there someone who can just answer me that question?

Gov- That’s me! But I can’t tell you that.

Me- Why not? (In an angry Steve Martin from Planes Trains and Automobiles voice.)

Gov- Because it doesn’t say on my computer. Is there something else I can help you with?

Me- Yeah, what’s the capitol of California?

Gov- It’s San Fransisco isn’t it?

Me- sigh…… ( hangs up and sprints into the wall)

I give up folks. I think I am going to move to Nova Scotia.

Well, It Could Be Worse

I am starting to dread Wednesday meetings and it’s not because they are drab or boring. They are but there is a dedicated hour that I have to show my account predictions and compare them to last week’s using only Microsoft Project. That means there are no fancy hand gestures or Wookie defense talk that can save me from the blank expressions after I clearly tell them in numbers whether I had a good week or a bad one. So today I sat there, wrestling with the projector, thinking that there are far worse places to be. Believe it or not, the meeting went over well, even though I showed the room I am a retard with a rubix cube when it comes to a certain account. It’s all about perspective, my friends. Let’s take a look at some examples.

One could always be in here. I try to make it a goal to only be in a port o potty in emergency senerios but when I am, this is never too far from my mind.

Great Whites are by far my favorite animal in the animal kingdom. It’s ironic, but they are the last thing I want to see at the beach. I think the comedian Kevin James summed it up best when he said, “I have the same reaction in the ocean when something touches me foot, whether it’s seaweed or a great white shark.”

I don’t know what would be worse here, wearing a Speedo in public, having a Euro-mullet or getting a face full of ass.

I took a course in Crew Resource Management for pilots and a good portion of it was listening to the black box recordings of the final moments before a crash. I guess it was to analyze the decision making and crew management but I walked away very disturbed. All I thought about were the passengers and how out of touch they were of the dire situation that was unfolding in the cockpit. It’s kind of like my love/hate of the great white. I love flying but I’m nervous as a passenger.

Shot by a monkey. It could happen! They have thumbs you know. I’m just kidding. I do think getting attacked by a primate would really ruin your day. I watched a program on Animal Planet and they had a guy with half a face testify to how bad it sucks to be attacked by a monkey. He also lost his testicles. That solidified it. I can never trust a monkey again.

I’m glad this little guy learned not to chew on pens at an early age. I had to learn it in college during Public Speaking 101.

I have no idea how people get themselves in positions like this but it’s a given that I would rather be in a meeting than having this X-Ray taken.

So you see? It’s all about perspective in life and that alone will power me through a two hour meeting. Tonight I will go to an equally dull dinner so I am thinking I would much rather do that than cut off my lower lip with a rusty pair of scissors. Wow, now I can’t wait to go!

Practical Joke Day!

I think I need to be a little more productive at work. It’s not that I am bored or lazy, it’s just that the days seem to drag on a bit longer than I remember. So today I couldn’t help myself and regressed to a 16 year teenager. I pulled a practical joke on a co-worker and I must say, I am pretty proud of myself. It wasn’t a Jim Halpurt “calculator in Jello” maneuver but it was on the same level.

To defend myself the person on the receiving end deserved it. He’s a good guy but one, he plays competitive handball. That’s disturbing. And two, he asked me if I ever have a serious side. Well pal, here is your answer.

Here is how it went down:

  • Conducted inner office reconnaissance from 8-10am
  • Observed that the subject left his cubicle to the printer station at least 5 times in an hour.
  • When he was at the printer station I pulled up a YouTube clip and paused it
  • Turned his processor backwards toward the wall and turned his speakers all the way up.
  • Before unplugging the mouse I pressed play and turned off his monitor.
  • Crawled on my hands and knees all the way to my office without anyone noticing
  • Watched all the gofers pop their heads from the top of the cubicles
  • Saw said person come unglued
  • Then went back to work worried that I took it too far.

Here is the video. Imagine it’s in a quiet office and this is way loud.

I shouldn’t be in corporate America.

Where Did You Go? Part…4?

I think I am going to keep up with my inquiry into obscure actors and actresses that mean a lot to me. It’s fun to poke around the internet and find out that the co-star of a long lost great sitcom now owns a chain of TCBY’s around Delaware. Then again the same search can reveal the actor died from an asphyxiation fetish while jerking off in a Motel 6 off International Blv. in Orlando. Regardless it makes for interesting reading.

Tom Atkins has always been the symbol of masculinity for mid range budget 70’s and 80’s horror movies like The Fog, The Creepshow, Night Of The Creeps and of course the cinematic equivalent to a dump in a jar, Halloween III. He wears a tough exterior as the hero who is never far from the vices that bind him. I don’t think i have seen him in a movie without a drink in one hand and a cowboy killer in the other. If there is ever a reason to drop everything I have worked for in life, grow a mustache, move to Hollywood and pursue a career in acting it’s because of Tom Atkins. It’s Miller time!

Tom is still pretty busy these days. He has a list of movies that are still in post and pre production and has made quite a few TV appearances to include Walker Texas Ranger, The Fall Guy and Xena: Warrior Princess. He still resides in his home state of Pennsylvania and I really hope he’ll make an appearance at Screamfest 2008 in Florida because the chance of meeting him is the only real reason I am going.

This has always puzzled me. What did Jennifer ever see in Cousin Larry? She was way out of his league, don’t you think? Well, regardless the actress who played Jennifer is Melanie Wilson and she cranked my tractor, even when I was only eight. She had a long ride with the show “Perfect Strangers” and was also in a couple of other great shows from the eighties like “Simon And Simon”, “The A-Team” and the spin off “Family Matters”. I think she has been behind the scenes in a few other Hollywood projects but nothing after 2001. Little known fact, she is the daughter of the late “Mr. Whipple” from the old Charmin toilet paper commercials. Sorry for your recent loss, Melanie. Mr. Wilson was one of the greats.

Alice Drummond will always have a place close to my heart from that fateful scene in the beginning of Ghostbusters when she was the New York librarian who encountered that full torso, free floating, non vaporous apparition that made me shit my pants as a child. I still love her interview with Bill Murray which gave us the famous line, “Back off man. I’m a scientist.” She has been in many films and TV shows in her career and is still cranking them out today. It’s kind of funny that she is of grandmother age and shot an episode of “Boston Legal” called Ass Fat Jungle. Oh to be on set when the grip tells her, “scene 4, Boston Legal, Ass Fat Jungle take 2…..action!”

I feel a little bad about this, but until recently I have always known Alex Karras as Webster’s father, George Papadopolis and the dumb guy that punched out a horse in Blazing Saddles. It turns out he was also an All American college football great, an NFL legend for the Detroit Lions, a Monday Night NFL commentator and a professional wrestle. Hrm, who knew? I bet over half the population of America knows Karras as the NFL great and not George. That’s why I write this stuff!

On another point, don’t you find the character names strange in the show “Webster”? George Papadopolis, Katherine Calder-Young Papadopolis, Webster Long, and poor Heather O’Rourke didn’t even have a last name. Just Melanie. I am curious how those names came to be.

This was a pretty lame post, but I couldn’t leave the site on such a sad sack note.

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