Category: Food

The 2008 Fall Beer Review

Well, I guess it is that time of the year again. The weather has changed from warm and humid to cool and crisp. The sweaters are pulled from the Tupperware containers under the bed and the leaves on the trees begin to show off bright reds and oranges as a sign of their yearly demise. Kids are back at school, college football has begun and the Fall prime time shows are in full swing giving the perfect excuse to dip out of a lame date.  But most importantly, the Autumn beers are out so lets go drink some beer!!!

This is the 2nd Annual Beer Review for Veggiemacabre and I think I will continue it from now on. I have fun doing it and oddly enough it is one of the bigger Google hits on the stat counter. Tonight I am going to start with two beers that I am familiar with. Unlike last year I think I will review a few more but for my liver’s sake and your ability to understand what I am writing sake, I will start with two. So let’s begin.

So here are the first two beers of the season. On the left we have the ol’ standby Harvest Moon from the infamous Blue Moon Co. and on the right we have Broken Rake from the Pyramid Brewing Co. When I saw these at the Wal-Mart in Spokane (*shudders*) they were sitting on a pallet far removed from the open cooler. I am pretty sure these two six packs were meant for display but no matter. They went in the basket and and I tore out of there like I was stealing diapers and baby formula. I think I’ll begin with Harvest Moon. And yes, I am writing in real time.

I love Blue Moon and really, as far as “heavy” beers go, this is as heavy as I drink at a restaurant. It is a great summer time beer and the fact that an orange slice compliments it so well you just have to love it. Nothing in the world will make me more disappointed than a bartender who neglects the orange. It’s as big of a faux pas as forgetting the lime in a Dos X. We are lucky to live in such a forgiving country because a forgetful mistake anywhere else could result in cane lashings or an amputated pinky.

The Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale selection is very different than the summery Blue Moon in many ways. The body is much heavier and the taste is more along the line of an IPA. For those not familiar with an IPA it has a little bit of a bitter bite to it. (say that three times fast) Just a swig and my palate transports me to corn mazes and pumpkin patches. I think it might be the cinnamon which is really noticeable. Unlike the Blue Moon, there isn’t a fruit in mind that will compliment this so you can be free of the snide comments in public about drinking a ‘fruity’ beer. I give this a ‘B minus’ only because I have ruined my beer taste on Michelob Ultra and I have no right to even write a beer review. I speak the truth.

Damn I have some E.T. looking fingers in that picture. “Ooooooouuuuch.”

Anyway, this was a pleasant surprise. I wasn’t expecting much since I am unfamiliar to Northwestern beer companies but man, this was awesome. Broken Rake’s Amber Ale far exceeded my expectations and in comparison to the Harvest Moon, it kicked them in the balls. The amber was same in color and body to the Moon but the taste was sweeter and oddly enough lighter in body. A plus! This calls for a celebration in happy beer surprise. (insert Chinese accent there) Let’s carve something!

I tell you what, if you are in a Wal-Mart and you are buying two six packs of beer, a pound of pretzels and a whole pineapple, you are going to get looks. Whatever, I had a mission to accomplish. Originally I was going to carve a potato thanks to the suggestion of Mystie but seeing how I would be drinking and playing with knives, I needed to keep the target a little larger. So this is what I will be hacking up.

I don’t know why a pumpkin has always been the autumn tradition for carving? I have to be honest, pineapples are much easier to carve, you can eat the insides right away and above all else, it doesn’t smell like an old folks home. Yes, I have been to an old folks home that smelled like an inside of a pumpkin. Anyway, I think this will ward off evil spirits just as well and it provides a healthy amount of vitamin C while you are carving.

Awesome! Ruthless Toothless Paul the Pineapple in all his glory. Perhaps I should find this sad that it is a weekend and I am drinking alone while carving fruit. Nah, what else would I be doing? I think I have given these two beers a fair shake and I have to say that I recommend them to anyone who wants to put some buzz into the season. I guess I should put a disclaimer that states not to drink and drive or operate knives and stabbing weapons like I just did. So there you go. Next week I will be reviewing two more and these are my favorites so stay tuned. But for now I will go throw pineapple out in the woods for the wild turkeys or Bigfoot and sit in front of the fire as I finish off the rest of the Broken Rakes.

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Karaoke, Beer and Bowling

I have to admit that even though I rip on the culture here in Idaho it has really increased my desire to write about some of the absurdities as if I was Crusoe keeping a journal. My phone is full of various pictures and notes that have to be seen to be believed. I actually sat next to an older couple the other night and the lady took out her teeth to smoke a cigarette. She told the bartender that she just soaked them before they came out and she wanted to keep them white. Fuck a duck! To be honest, they did look pretty white on a bevnap sitting on the bar. Had I been drinking more I probably would have put them in her ashtray when no one was looking because, well, I’m an asshole like that.

I know the picture above is blurry but this is where I was on Wednesday night. It was karaoke night at the bowling alley and more importantly it was “no smoking night” so I could give my jeans and shirts a break from having to practically burn them when I get home from the wreak of smoke. Notice that it is a David Allen Coe song? Yep, that little ditty was played no more than 30 times. And no one appreciated KISS’s “Strutter” either.

All in all there are some pretty good singers here in Idaho. HA! I can’t even type that with a straight face. The whole night sounded like a third grade trumpet recital. If I didn’t no better I would believe a gaggle of geese where circling over head confused on whether to fly south or mate on the cars in the parking lot. The real funny part is watching all the people support one another as each person butchered the song of their choice. I witnessed a few standing ovations and some “I just want to thank my Mama” speeches.

I really wished there was a Milo there.

By the way, what do you think he has in his pockets? My theory is Milo is packing dinner rolls from the “Singles Potluck/Karaoke Night”. It is plausible.

Anyway, did you know that zucchini grows larger here too? The bartender showed me her award winning zucchini and I have to tell you, i now feel a little inadequate.

Make sure you come back because this weekend I am doing my 2nd annual Fall Beer Review. It’s a great excuse to get loaded, carve something and possibly go to the emergency room. I’ll be back tomorrow. Me with 10 toes and 9 fingers.

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Ida-NOOOOOOO!

I do apologize for the week plus hiatus. Getting situated and orientated really has left me no time to update. But I can promise you I have much to tell. So be a dear and put the tea kettle on; I have stories. Actually those will have to wait a day. For now, I want to share some observations I have about Idaho.

  1. There are far more bars than churches. There was even a bar next to the exit of my street that had a place out front where people can tie up their horse. Let me say that again. They have designated horse parking.
  2. Just because it says that the restaurant is Chinese doesn’t mean that the people working there are. My waitress from last night was Claire and she lived in Idaho her whole life. Steven was her husband. He was the cook.
  3. Every Wednesday night is “No Smoking Night” at the local bowling alley. Any other night, smoke ’em if you got ’em!
  4. Past Coeur d Alene, the driving rules turn to “what is deemed acceptable” which means, there isn’t very much that is enforced. I suppose what Idahoans deem acceptable is to turn around in the seat, bend over and put their face on the backseat and drive with their feet. Because that is the only way I can rationalize some of the maneuvers I have witnessed on 95.
  5. I haven’t seen a minority in weeks and I am beginning to freak out.
  6. Common health notions like smoking is bad for your health, chewing tobacco causes cancer, eating more than 15 bean and cheese burritos a day can increase risk of heart disease and deodorant hasn’t quite made it here yet.
  7. The moustache hasn’t died here. It’s alive and well.
  8. Neither has the mullet.
  9. Being from Georgia I am always shocked when I am talking with a “country” looking fellow and he has no southern accent. It’s the weirdest thing.
  10. I often sit next to some guy who has dirty, grimy hands but he took the time to put on enough cologne for the two of us. And by “enough for the two of us” I mean I smelled like “Midnight Cowboy” from Walmart for the rest of the night.

I love it here. I was starting to run dry of material in Atlanta and now the cup runith over. Or something like that. Fitnessmacabre will be rocking, I pray, by Friday. It’s all up to Northface as to the sponsor regulations. Not my fault I swear! Blame Sarah. She can take the heat. J/K Sarah. Keep a look out because Cristunity has a great article when it launches.

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I Have Questions

  • In the show All In The Family, why is Edith always running? I have seen every episode and I have never seen her walk.
  • If you have a lisp, can you even say the word ‘lisp’?
  • Dogs hate it when you blow on their face but they stick there heads out car windows?
  • Why do I always touch the plate at a Mexican restaurant when the waiter clearly says “hot plate”?
  • I love San Fransisco but I just read an article that the city is looking to regulate all restaurants to ban all trans fats, add a 3% charge to all hotels and dining for the city’s socialized medicine, and make selling bottled water illegal. I can’t understand how a city that prides itself on diversity and individual choice can do the exact opposite? I am wondering when the former Soviet Union will declare San Fran their new home?
  • I get very uncomfortable when people are singing while making eye contact with me. I wonder why that is?
  • I am sure I can Google this but I would rather ask it to you; can you please explain to me why Hawaii has interstates again?
  • Math

Anyone have any answers? Or did I add to your list of questions?

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Sausages!

I have to admit, I have become pretty desensitized to what is funny in our current state of pop culture. Maybe it is the fact that the last season of The Office was a little drab. Or perhaps I am still holding a very bitter animosity towards Fox for canceling Arrested Development. What ever the case is, I very rarely have laugh out loud moments when it comes to television. To be fair I rarely watch enough of it to be a critic but still, the few shows I see that are prime time get little more than a smirk. That is why I focus on commercials because they can hit a home run when TV can barely get a base hit.

Bud Light commercials have to be the greatest dead space filler since Billy Mays made his infomercial debut. The cleaver campaign has touched the hearts of many 22 to 35 year old guys and can make even the most pedantic and culture asshole chuckle. I would love to see the think-tank at the corporate advertisement office. I imagine it is a room full of Nerf hoops, air hockey tables and dart boards with a kegerator in the corner and the ad execs ranged from 24 to 30 year old dudes. The dress code would be little more than no jean shorts and if you wore a polo, the collar had to be down. An environment like that would be perfect to give us a gem like this.

It’s nice to see that laundry detergents and stain removal products are not only targeting women. It’s true that most all the guys I know, including myself, do their own laundry. I even use dryer sheets and (gasp) iron from time to time. I still have a hard time figuring out how to get some stains out and normally I would just turn to the black magic of the local Korean dry cleaners but thanks to Tide’s stain stick I have some magic of my own. To be perfectly honest, it was this commercial that made me stop in the aisle at the grocery store. To this day I still have this in my head when I see someone with a stain.

I am old enough to remember the day when Snickers candy bars were target to be a quick alternative to lunch. It was the “pick me up” of the mid eighties but then that damn FDA gave us the food pyramid that didn’t include nugget, chocolate or caramel. So it was left to the kids and the commercials became drab. That is until recently when someone finally was in charge of the marketing that had a sense of humor. Maybe it is the weird, quirky characters but I laugh harder every time I see this. I have a thing with poorly played horns.

This one really spoke to me. I think I have been to Quizno’s collectively five times in my life but those five times were when the Quizo rats or chinchillas or maybe gerbils were the spokes….things. For the life of me I can not figure out why they got rid of them. The singing was perfect, the South Park like animation was aces and to this day I still say “They got a pepper barrrrr“. Now that has to say something to the marketing department when I still sing that four years later. We need to start a petition to bring the Mexican rat things back. “We love the subsssss!'”

Man, this was a stretch for a post. I have some long ones that I have been working on for a while and they should be up by Friday. Hope you like them.

By the way, where the fuck is spell check in the new WordPress? If there is one thing I can’t live without, it is spell check.

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