Category: Art

Ninja In North Idaho?

Why didn’t anybody tell me the master of martial arts lives not only in the same state, but in the same area as me?!?!? Here I drove 2,400 miles thinking that all North Idaho had to offer was bears, moose and possibly Bigfoot. Oh how wrong was I! In this great state of Idaho, a young man holds the power and knowledge of some pretty frickn’ sweet moves. If you generally skip the YouTube videos on here I urge you to reconsider. It will change your opinion on the ability of the human body……and mind.

I know you are laughing right now but hear me out. Dude is punching while weighted down with at least 5lbs. Can you imagine when those beasts are released? And did you check out the facial intensity? It is like his eyes can wield the power of Earth Wind and Fire. We are in the presence of greatness my friends.

I could live without the commentary but if I was filming this I would be in awe too. Perhaps it’s the height of the kicks or the almost round, round house kicks. I might be ignorant to the fighting style but I have to find a comparison. Or at least a look-a-like.

Maybe. The intensity is definitely there but the execution is different. I wouldn’t compare the two like apples and oranges. More like apples and salad tongs.

Well, the equation is coming together but it’s still a bit off. Perhaps if we combine the two together and include massive head trauma we would get…

Perfect! It’s shockingly perfect. The Great White Ninja of North Idaho and his dojo/backyard is only a few miles from my residence. I must seek out the master and learn his ways.

This guy has a great imagination. You can almost see his creative world and the imaginary predicament he is in. I bet in his mind he is surrounded by 5, no, 15 guys and he is warning of the intensive training he holds thanks to the three “Kung Fu and You” instructional videos.

“You guys don’t want to tangle with me unless you want a little bit OF THIS!!! AND SOME OF THAT!!!!”

Thank you Idaho Ninja. And thank you dickhead neighbors.

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W.B. Yeats Don’t Know Idaho

    • O you not hear me calling, white deer with no horns?
      I have been changed to a hound with one red ear;
      I have been in the Path of Stones and the Wood of Thorns,
      For somebody hid hatred and hope and desire and fear
      Under my feet that they follow you night and day.
      A man with a hazel wand came without sound;
      He changed me suddenly; I was looking another way;
      And now my calling is but the calling of a hound;
      And Time and Birth and Change are hurrying by.
      I would that the Boar without bristles had come from the West
      And had rooted the sun and moon and stars out of the sky
      And lay in the darkness, grunting, and turning to his rest.

by: William Butler Yeats (1865-1939) He Mourns for the Change that has Come Upon Him…

This poem has always been near and dear to my heart and every change of direction I make in life, this piece of literary art takes center stage in my mind. It is melancholy but like most of Yeats’ work, it wouldn’t be same if it were without some sadness. I guess that is a direct symbol of change. There has to be some mourning of the past to take on and accept the future. I miss the comforts of old, the people and my family. The sun has set on that day and the cold, lonely darkness of night is here but I can faintly see the purplish hue of dawn. A new day; my future. And it will be bright and warm with endless possibilities.

But then I was driving to campus and I passed this:

Hey Yeats! Got any poems about Idaho? I didn’t think so. Dick.

Edit: One more thing. There are somethings that are too good not to be shared. Please read. I almost had an “episode” in the library.

http://socialpariah.wordpress.com/2008/09/04/whirling-whip-like/

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Friends From A Distance

So, I stopped over at a friend’s house after work to grab a few beers with him. I am not great friends with him and his wife but I have had a few delightful conversations over the course of the past few months and I finally took them up on a long standing invitation. And that is when I learned that some friendships should stay at the place they were formed. At the bar.

Don’t get me wrong, these people are really sweet but I guess there are just people in life that are meant to be friends from a distance. You think I’m a dick, don’t you? Well, just hear me out and then you can be the judge. I am sure there are a number of people in the world that wouldn’t want to come over to my house too. I’m not perfect. Okay, let us begin.

Right when I got there I knew this night was shaping up to be interesting. I wasn’t in the driveway yet and my gut was telling me to just go home. I guess it was from their yard with grass 4 feet high. But like usual I ignore my instinct and went with my retardo-sense. That always proves to be deadly. So I pulled in, barely missing 6 bigwheels, a bike, a pork roasting barbecue barrel thing and what looked to be a chewed up Lazy-Boy recliner. I got out of the car, walked up to their door, rang the doorbell and out jumped my buddy’s wife who gave me a really long and uncomfortable hug. It was clear that they had a six hour drinking head start on me.

I walked into their house and was met by a half a dozen other people, all very drunk. Now that doesn’t bother me but when you are dead sober and the people at the house are the type that will arm wrestle you for your girlfriend, it is strange. On top of that all the guys there played high school football together and now in their 40’s, they still act like they just walked off the homecoming field. I treated that night as a twisted sociology project, trying to use really big words out of context, just to see if someone will correct me.

Well, I began to drink very fast. So fast that I was drawing the attention of the said football team and before I new it we were shotgunning PBR’s. I really thought those days were behind me but it seems that they are not. So, about four beers later I had to pee like no other. I walked into there bathroom and right above the toilet was this.

What the fuck is that? Who buys art like this? I was completely transfixed and could not pee for the life of me. I am in no way a snob art connoisseur because, let’s face it, I collect horror movie posters as art pieces, but come on. Upon closer inspection I also found this.

Why is that frog blowing chunks? There is no theory to explain this. I have never seen a picture that caused me to have a bladder block before. There were four 16oz PBR’s begging to be set free and the pissing boy/frog yarf painting sucked out my will to relieve myself. Then my friend’s wife knocked on the door to make sure I was ok.

What the hell is with that anyway? Are there people who disappear in bathrooms around the country and I am the last to know? Why do people feel the need to knock on the bathroom door to check the status of whoever is in there? Next time I will ask them to come in and give me a back rub. That should keep them from asking anymore questions.

Well, I finally gained composure and finished what I started. I walked out and found my buddy, drunkenly gazing at his neighbor’s boobs and telling her about the new schooling zones that Alpharetta is starting. I walked up to him and inquired where they got that painting. It went like this.

Me- Fred, I have to know…where did you get that painting in the bathroom?

Fred- You like it? (hick-up)

Me- Ho..uh…where would one find something like that?

Fred- HEY NANCY! WILL LIKES YOUR PICTURE IN THE CAN!

Nancy- Oh you do! Our niece painted that for us! Isn’t it cute?

Me- Well, it kept me from peein’.

Nancy- That’s so nice! I’ll tell her that when she comes over again.

I so wanted to tell them fire wouldn’t even touch that but I didn’t have the heart. No, I am caddy but I am not a dick.

So, I drank my limit and went home. It wasn’t a bad night by any means but I prefer them in a neutral setting, without seeing them set up plans to swap partners, being obvious about having coke upstairs or being being asked who I am voting for when I am sure it is the opposite of everyone there and could ignite a fight. No, I like those two at the bar where I can enjoy the company free of vomit frogs. They are good people.

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Where Did You Go 2

  Ok, so I’m not done with my list of people that have ducked out of the limelight as I know it. Sorry this took more than a week to post but work is an SOB lately. I know it’s an accuse and people with far more responsibility manage to post when they say they will like my pal Kristiane but Hell, at least I am doing now. So without further ado I present to you some others that I ish we would see more often.

Art Evans, mang! This guy was a key element in defeating the terrorists in Die Hard 2 and was a pretty shitty detective that completely blew off Charley Bruster in Fright Night. His demeanor was always one that commanded at least 35% of a viewers attention. We acknowleged  him but when he shows up in other movies the brain goes into the “where have I seen him before” mode. Personally I think Die Hard 2 would have sucked without the charm of Art and his quick witted line, “where are you going to get those lights? Borrow them from Batman?”.

Stephen Geoffreys was best known for his character Evil Ed in Fright Night.  Every time I saw this movie I couldn’t help but become a little annoyed with him as Ed. That is until he was bitten and turned into a vampire with really exaggerated teeth. I mean he could eat apples through a picket fence. His vamped character was spot on, man. Spot on. But with all that going for him, Steve took a different career road than budding actors. He went straight to the hard core gay porn industry. No shit. Some of his later movies were (and I’m not making this up) Butt Pirate, Latin Crotch Rockets, Seamen In Training, and Leather Buddies. Well, what ever floats your boat or in Stephen’s case, beats your banana. Good for you Steve. I’m glad you are who you are.

Who you callin’ Dicknose? Jerry Levine is that sarcastic guy you just can’t help but love. My earliest memory of Jerry was his character in Iron Eagle as Doug Masterson’s buddy. They had kind of a weird trifecta friendship between them and their token black friend, Reggie. Really? Reggie? But again I digress. Jerry has been in many great films including his major role in Teen Wolf which told all us teens to be popular we must exploit our friend’s differences to give meaning to ourselves. Jerry is now a director for the funniest show on TV, Always Sunny In Philadelphia. I knew he was funny. He just needed a better agent.

Damn, I need to finish this later on tonight. The one fucking coffee shop that has wifi has just been invaded by mother fucking high school drama students. I hate all these kids. I hate drama kids. Drama college students are cool. Drama high schoolers are seriously unbearable. Too loud, to dramatic (no shit) and all annoying. I’m not even going to spell check this. It’s so funny to hear how hard life is to them. seriously? Declaring themselves bi-sexual? in a coffee shop? Fucking little assholes. I hope a there is a prom knock-up soon in their future. Hee….

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