Cheap Christmas Countdown: Day 9

Brian rules. Let’s get that out-of-the-way.

Okay, so this is kind of a lame one for the beginning of the “Cheap Christmas Countdown” but I can assure you this is worth it. If you require light, heat, and fragrance then you require a Yankee candle. Well, at least fragrance.

I was at Big Lots the other day and I stumbled on the candle section and I knew this had to be reviewed. Partly because I had just recently bought a $30 Yankee candle and wanted to make sure I wasn’t stupid for spending that amount just to pretend I am in a forest.

Oh boy, the generic candles went right for the holiday throat and waxed the season into a “Winter Spruce” candle! Sorry for the doodling, I didn’t think about the backdrop when I took this.

The big difference between this Big Lots candle and a Yankee candle is $26…at first glance. I also bought Happy Gilmore for $4.99 on DVD the same day and I know I paid over $20 for that movie in 1998. Why is this relevant? Well, these type of stores sell on the premiss that one man’s junk is another’s treasure. Shooter McGavern eats shit for breakfast and I bought a candle. Vagina-boob.

Shut up.

So let’s test this candle! I never expect much from any candle not Yankee because to me, Yankee candles are the Jelly Belly of all “smell-stuff”. They can mimic any fragrance known to man so I am grateful Spencer’s Gifts hasn’t bought significant stock and have a line of “Sweaty Emo Girl” and “1998 Saturn Seat” to plague studio apartments across the globe.

I had no other way to test this other than lighting the candle and leaving it in the guest bathroom for an hour.

Smelled like a $4.00 candle. No trace of pine or winter spruce. It didn’t smell bad but the indifference was the offense.

I hate it. I hate it worse that my toilet won’t stop running now that I sat on the top part of it from the picture above. I also need to confess I was out with my coworkers and may have had a bit much to drink. Is this where I confess? I guess. I need to go punch the top of the toilet. I think that is what people do.



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