The Best And The Worst In Life

The other day I was talking with someone and the conversation morphed into a “what’s your favorite/what’s your least” type of a discussion. And since then I have been thinking about what a strongly opinionated prick I am. Man, I have been going through my whole life thinking I am a laid back, anything goes, I don’t care kind of guy when really, I have very strong feelings about a lot of shit most wouldn’t even think about. Here are a few of my love-hates in life and I hope you don’t judge me too strongly.

Best Movie Period:

I am going to have to go with Jaws. It is just an all around great film. I actually think it is a perfect movie and if anyone wants to argue, I will challenge them to duel with paintball guns filled with Gobstoppers. It had an amazing cast, a realistic setting, a priceless musical score and above all else, a great white shark that taps into our most primal fear; being eaten alive. A good movie will stay with you for life. And that’s why I still believe I am going to be eaten in a swimming pool by a shark.

Worst Movie:

Blair Witch 2: Book Of Shadows is the worst piece of shit movie ever, hands down. I can’t state that any harder. I would rather watch a marathon of Gerard Butler films for a week straight than to ever see this piece of bat crap again. It was so bad I actually can’t tell you anything about it. Can you believe my brain deleted it from my head because it sucked that hard? I know I watched it because I remember being pissed but as far as the characters, plot and setting? I got nothing. I do remember later that night going home and watching something with Sinbad in it and thinking it was really good. Blair Witch 2 destroyed any standards I had.

Best Food:

If you think I am a person of fancy discerning taste, this is going to wreck your opinion. I grew up in Marietta, Georgia and our Friday night restaurant was always the local Mexican joint called El Toro. I am sure you can find the exact restaurant anywhere across the country but for me, nothing beats El Toro. And it’s funny because I always got the #10 (two tacos rice and beans) so I am not sure if anything else would that be good. Actually, I don’t even know if I like Mexican food because I always get the same. Hmm.

Worst Food:

Every restaurant in Eastern Europe. There is nothing like eating uncooked pork, dried salted anchovies and pizza made with ketchup and corn. I drank my way across those countries.

Best Song:

When it comes to music I change on a constant basis. One week I am in the AC/DC mode and the next I am all about The Smiths. You never know. Shit, I never know! So for right now, I will say “Cutter” by Echo and the Bunnymen.

Worst Song:

God, there are so many. I guess if I had to pick one that makes me want to hit my face I would go with Michael McDonald’s “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”. I hate that song, him, his mustache and every keyboard that he touches. If I was an ultimate fighter, this would be my introduction song because it turns me into an angry chimp that freaks out on the owners friend and eats her face. Too soon?

Best Video Game:

I am not really into “gaming” and I don’t even own a console so I have to judge on past memories that go back to the time of Mario and Duck Hunt. I think my favorite would have to be Super Mario Brother 2. And I can’t really tell you why. I guess it was just my age that I associate it with. Life was pretty simple in the 6th grade.

Worst Video Game:

Absolutely Top Gun. No question. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t wanted to kill something over that game. I really believe I would have a better chance of survival flying a real F-14. Just watch this guy. Genius.

Best Childhood Toy:

I can’t really narrow it down without the feeling that I am betraying other great toys that fill my childhood memories. But if you are putting a gun to my head I guess it would be the infamous Millenium Falcon. It was like a dollhouse for boys. Funny thing though, every time I hear the theme song to the Andy Griffith show I think about that toy. Don’t ask me why.

Worst Toy:

I got this piece of shit from my great aunt who had dementia. I was eight.

Best TV Show:

This is a tough one because what was popular in 1989 is like watching cartoons by today’s standard. Gone are the days of moral lessons. But I will stand by my pick and say ALF. I never said my ‘bests’ were everyone else’s. That show still cracks me up and it will always make me comfortable. It’s like popping in the dvd and receiving a visual snuggie.

Worst TV Show:

I hate Nip Tuck. It is so silly to me. It is as if the writers try to out do the last show and it is just ridiculous. The shocking scenes are just not shocking. And to top it off, Mario Lopez is in it. That’s like giving it the seal of shit.

Best Drink:

I can’t handle hard liquor. I just don’t enjoy it. So now, I will say my favorite beverage is 7Up. Look out! It’s a party with this guy!

Worst Drink:

I hate tequila. It really does me no good and the mere thought of drinking it makes me heave. Last year we bought jello shots at this bar. Now in my mind, these are always made with vodka. Always. Nope, these were made with tequila and I promptly puked on my shirt. Never had a boomerang shot like that.

Boy, these posts are really stretching. I need to have a more exciting life.

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