Real-Time Movie Madness

I think I am going to start a new segment of VeggieMacabre tonight. This is an idea taken straight from the wonderful and funny horror blog, Final Girl. The new segment is a real-time movie watching review that I will be doing from the comforts of my couch. It will be kind of like we are watching it together only I will be the only one spewing my opinions. Seems fair to me!

So let’s get the party started! Tonight’s film is the 1990 classic, Arachnophobia and I have never seen it before. Partly because I hate spiders. Actually, that’s the entire reason. Let’s put it in!

  • Jeff Daniels is in this? Did I know this before? Amazing!
  • How am I not surprised that this begins in South America?
  • Hey! The helicopter pilot was the bad guy in Crocodile 2. Kind of wish I didn’t admit to knowing that.
  • You just know there is going to be some of the “help” on this S. American expedition that might not make it home. I feel an Indiana Jones type death any minute.
  • God I hate spiders. This might not bode well for me.
  • I don’t get people who study insects and spiders. I am grateful they do but I don’t think we have much in common.
  • So the spider comes to the US via coffin, Of course! And it’s the same town as Stephen King’s Needful Things.
  • Enter Jeff Daniels! With token wife, Harley Jane Kozak. Isn’t she in just about every Lifetime and Oxygen movie?
  • It’s odd to see the country setting with a random palm tree.
  • Well, I am never going in a barn again!
  • Ah, so there is a back story. Jeff Daniels is an arachnophobia. The plot is coming together.
  • *just ate a Habanero. The little orange ones. So stupid.*
  • Ah, the second victim. Poor Margret. Let me add ‘turning off the light’ to my list of fears.
  • Enter John Goodman. This guy can steal any scene. Remember how I was asking how anyone can study insects? Same applies to those who are exterminators.
  • Now I am afraid of bleachers and football helmets. And empty shoes.
  • Now I am freaking out watching my cat paw at something in the corner.
  • I am feeling this Dr. Jennings/Sheriff Brody comparison happening.
  • Brian McNamara is in this? Holy Hell! I love that guy. In a plutonic way, of course.
  • I am getting the same feeling with this movie that I got with Jaws. Nervous anxioty.
  • Shit! Showers and toilets too.
  • Jeff Daniels in his younger days seemed very McGyver like.
  • I didn’t realize how much John Goodman’s character is like Bill Murray’s in Caddy Shack.
  • Hey! Family Ties in on TV! Oh shit, RUN!
  • Yeah, I hate this movie. But hate in a good way.
  • So, I thought there was a bigger spider in this movie?

Well, it’s over. Really? What’s up with the abrupt ending? I feel the character development left something to be desired. And while the cast ensemble was great, they just kind of left you guessing how everything works out in the end.

With that said, the movie did it’s job. I got ready for bed and found a piece of lint from an alpaca blanket on my shoulder and had an “episode” in the bathroom. I think I am going to train my cat to attack spiders now.

If….

…you watch Jaws backwards, it is a movie about a shark that throws up enough people they have to open a beach.

I heard this the other day and it struck me so funny, I have been thinking about it and laughing aloud in the most inappropriate settings. It is just so funny what how certain things can get me to laugh while many things do not. It’s a rarity I watch a TV show or movie and utter a laugh or smirk. It’s not that I don’t appreciate humor it’s just that I don’t express it. For awhile I was worried about a broken funny bone or perhaps it was harvested while slept like the urban legend that included one missing kidney and an ice bath.

After talking to a friend, however, it dawned on me that it’s not that I don’t find mainstream humor, well, humorous, it’s just that I have a fucked up sense of humor all together. Here are somethings that will cause me to crack up no matter where or when.

This is an all time favorite. I most quote Clifford at least twice a week. If I don’t I fear that the world might end. Superstitious like that.

Tobias Funke is my favorite character in Arrested Development and when he was Ms. Featherbottom, he sealed it. “When I get a little nervous, I hum a little tune. Humdidle¬† Humdidleedoo.”

As I sit here in this classroom I am muffling my laughs and it’s getting harder. I can’t help it but mascots that are injured tickles me in such a way, that for a while I thought perhaps I am a little sick. I want to see them fall, catch fire and blow their knees out. I think it’s because I forget it’s just a man in a suit.

Ah shit, here is one more. Try not to laugh. I dare you.

I am sorry but you have no soul if you didn’t find that a little funny.

Ok, last I think British dry humor is my all time favorite. I will laugh in an audible way for this. I am not sure why because I was never that way before. I love John Cleese and all Monty Python type skits growing up but never found them “side-stitch” laugh material. But over the past few years I think my tune has changed.

Well, that’s a good taste of my guilty “haha’s” so don’t judge my educated humor too closely. Everyone has their taste. I mean, people found What Women Want funny and that makes me want to cry. God I love diversity!

So, tonight I am going to be watching a movie as I real-time blog about it. It is kind of like you are watching it with me as I annoyingly converse through it. Only now, you can’t tell me to shut the hell up. Because I won’t be able to hear you. This idea is stolen from the great Stacy Ponder over at Final Girl.

The movie: Arachnophobia. I have never seen it and always wanted to. Yuck. I hate spiders.

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