It is kind odd how I rely on non-verbal communication for over 90% of my everyday conversations. I suppose it is the “get to the point” way that attracts me to use it more often than making a personal connection. I just recently blogged about how I hate texting during dinner and personified a few people into one and ended up hurting someone I didn’t mean to. I feel very bad about that and I am sorry. But this isn’t a post about taking words back. This is my rant on auto texting because, once again, I can’t comprehend how iPhone replaces misspelled words with…embarrasing ones.
I balance work, the hospital and school by a thread. A thin, old and frayed thread. Any wavering and it will break leaving me in a state of utter shit. So I balance my time as best as possible and even though my social life is a joke, I can still get out to enjoy a few things. Like the dart league at work.
This is a pretty good way of having the employees and bosses get together for a friendly night of drinking and team cohesion. Every Thursday night we get together to toss darts and laugh about office bullshit that just hours before, was not very funny at all. But this week I have been working on a project that has me traveling so I needed to find a substitute for myself. I text the only sales girl we have, Mandy.
Back story: Mandy is a pretty tough girl but she is the only girl we have in the sales side of the office. She has to compete with ego-driven guys on a constant basis and I suppose that makes her that much harder of a worker. I have a high degree of respect for her. That’s why this next part really bothers me.
Before I was hired, she was in a meeting with all the said sales guys and they were ribbing her and making her laugh hysterically. So much so, she farted. I try to keep this site here clean of low-brow humor but that is what happened. From then on she has been teased and it has become a real sore spot for her. I pretend to know nothing about it. Until this…
I texted her to see if she wanted to throw darts. Why darts was auto replaced with this I have no idea but I firmly believe, this could only happen to me.
“Hey Mandy, want to do me a favor?”
“Hi Will! What can I do?’
“You want to throw farts?”
“What?”
“Farts”
“Will, not you too. That’s not cool.”
(Then I become confused and reread my message.)
“Oh! Sorry, I meant darts. My phone messed up”
“Ha Ha I am sure. I can’t. I will see you on wed.”
“Seriously, I meant darts. I am not making fun! I am so sorry. It really is my phone!”
“Will, it’s fine. Are you with Dave?”
(Dave is the worst at rubbing her the wrong way)
“No, I am in Moscow! I really need a sub and wanted to ask you.”
“I will see you wed.”
I am so pissed at myself right now. For one, how did I not catch that? Two, how in heaven did it auto “fart” to the one person that could take offense to that? Is my karma that bad? I don’t know how to regain repor.with this girl but I suppose letting the issue go would be the best bet. Fuck my life.
I think this was worse than the last time.
Edit: You know, now that I think about it, F and D are pretty close to eachother. Fuck my life.
Casserole of Disaster 
HA!
At least you didn’t accidentally text the word “vagima”…
(I guess you had to be there)
ooohhh maaaaaan, FIRST of all: I am so so so so sorry but that CRACKED me up. I literally lol’d.
SECOND: that sucks for her that she farted while laughing. This is a constant fear of mine!
THIRD: I’m sure next time you see her (wednesday!) when you apologize in earnest face to face that she’ll see it was an honest mistake.
After reading your blog for the past year or so I can say of course this would happen to you. But like Amanda said I’m sure when you see her she’ll know you really didn’t mean for the text to come out that way.
Aww that sucks. The best you can do is bribe her. Send her a box of candy or something. W/ a note saying sorry for poking you where it hurts no hard feelings I hope. I wouldn’t mind farting while I laugh Harry and I make fart jokes all the time. I have to massage his legs and he farts and says oh sorry back there lol.
I wish I lived a bit closer to you so I could make your social life suck less. But that is just how it is.
Poor Mandy. Maybe you should bring your kitten with you for the apology. Kittens get away with everything.
I read this the other day:
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This
recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be
ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
Maybe you should send her the link to your blog. Then, she’ll see that this type of shit happens to you all the time, and as a bonus she’ll read this post and know for sure you did not mean it.
You are truly one of a kind.
I like oshea’s suggestion. Otherwise you could take photos of the darts night and include them with a card that says “Apologies on behalf of my oversize opposable thumb”