I consider myself a friend to the animal kingdom. There has never been a monetary donation I have not made when asked, either for shelters or endangered species fundraisers. I have had pets and just because I don’t currently reside with one does not mean I don’t want one. In all fairness to them I can not bring myself to have one based on my busy schedule. That is why I was so excited when I got this place and found out there was a dog already living here. His name is Kootanee, after the county we live in.
Isn’t he cute? Well wait, Kootanee and I have a love hate relationship: I love him and he hates me. In my entire life I have never had a dog who didn’t like me. It is starting to give me a complex! I even bought a bag of Beggin’ Strips and made a trail from his side of the house to my front door but all for not. I did, however, feed a few raccoons.
The guy who rents this place and Kootanee’s owner thinks that a delivery guy must have hit or pepper sprayed him as a puppy leaving him skiddish towards any male figures. Not even my high pitch “HEY BIG GUY” voice broke the ice. I have even left “cookies” outside of my door in hopes he would use me for food, but he eats and scampers off.
I was a little bummed at the beginning. There were thoughts of us hanging out on the front porch. I would sing Warren Zevon’s ‘Werewolves Of London” and Kootanee would be back up with an “Aroooooo” before the werewolves part. I would carve a pumpkin for Halloween and he would eat the innards. You know, common best buddy stuff. But not anymore.
I left for the weekend to visit Seattle and a mystery person on my blogroll, which you will soon find out next post. I accidentally left my running shoes on the front steps but I wasn’t concerned. Hell, I don’t even lock the door. But when I came home, guess what I found?
The dog shit on my shoes!!! Are you serious? Have you ever heard of such a thing? After all the treats and fairy talk, that furry asshole took a dump on my running shoes! This was not an accidental poop. My shoes were on steps so he had to actually back his ass up, up the steps, to shit on them. I’m dumbfounded! There have been plenty of times dog shit was under my shoes but never on top.
I sure hope that this winter isn’t so harsh that cabin fever sets in. Because I call first dibs on eating the dog.
Casserole of Disaster 
you met someone on your blogroll? That’s SO exciting, can’t wait to hear all about it! 🙂
(….oh hell, who am I kidding trying to ignore the big pink elephant in the room…THAT DOG SHIT ON YOUR SHOES!?!?!?! SORRY DUDE HE HATES YOU!!)
…hope you’ll be okay… 🙂
I wouldn’t believe this if I wasn’t the one to have been shit on. I’m not happy.
SEATTLE?! Say hello to the Puget Sound for me! And if it is who I think it is, give them a high-5 from me.
As for the dog…wow. I don’t know what else to say.
Damn, that was funny. Dog shittin in the shoes.
I’ve heard about dogs doing this when their owners go away and leave them at home for too long. The dogs get bored or are mad that they’ve been left. Maybe that dog actually LOVES you!
kristiane He went this last weekend. Trust me I know these things. I am watching him like a fox until he visits me 🙂
Oh dude I have heard of this before. My Grandma told me once that my Granddad used to go to a bar after work for about an hour and then come home with the dog on the passenger’s seat in his truck. If he was in there too long the dog would pee on the driver’s seat out of spite.
Cat’s are known for this too. Pissing/shitting in certain places for revenge. To show who’s boss. My best friend said several years ago he accidentally left a tabby cat that we don’t have anymore in an upstairs office in the backyard (it was a two story two room building) of a house we lived in at the time. Anyway the cat peed in his electric coil heater and my best friend didn’t realize it until he turned it on and smelled what he described one of the worst stenches ever!! Just as bad as burnt hair!!
I just realized I couldn’t have a dog or anything for that matter named Kootanee. I would be too distracted trying to avoid calling it punanee. Seriously it just wouldn’t work out. I would have to call it Steve.
My mom’s dog hates all males too. No one did anything to him, but since he’s mostly been around females he can’t stand anything with a penis.
Be careful next time you leave, Kootanee might break into your place and shit on your bed.
Sounds like you need to establish yourself as the Alpha Male. Shit in his water bowl. That will send a message.
Yeah the dog hates you. My dad’s dog has done this before when he’s been left behind on a trip not once, not twice but three times the little bastard left “presents” all over the house.
“Sounds like you need to establish yourself as the Alpha Male. Shit in his water bowl. That will send a message.”
As much as I don’t want the mental image of this, I can totally see you squatting over the dogs water bowl with a huge grin on your face.
I think he really likes you and missed you while you were gone. Though it is pretty funny. Seriously the owner thinks someone kicked or sprayed the little guy?? What a jerk.
Um, are you sure the dog’s name is Kootanee? Because he sure looks an awful lot like Cujo.