Somethings I Just Won’t Do: Part Deux

Here is a continuation of my “no way, no how” list. I can’t believe I am actually keeping my commitment from part one. It took a few days to think of these but I finally have enough to complete the list. I guess that is a good thing when you need a few days to think about what you would never do. Or is that bad?

I will never turn the car off when this song is on. I have sat in the car for collectively a quarter of my life when my destination arrives before a good song is over. Call me crazy but I am superstitious enough to know that nothing but bad luck results in ending a great song before the final note. Here is my list. If you ever see me in the parking lot for more than ten minutes you can be sure that one of these songs is being blasted.

• The Cure- “Just Like Heaven” (because I think of Kristiane)
• Led Zeppelin- “Going To California”
• The Police- “De Do Do Do De Da Da Da”
• Metallica- Anything from Kill ’em All or Ride The Lightning (the rest can hang)
• Megadeth- “Holy War” (even hard to air guitar to)
• Queen- “Bohemian Rapsody
• Styx- “Mr. Roboto” (white guy has to do the robot sometime)

• Slipknot- “Before I forget”
• Highwaymen- “Poncho and Lefty”
• The Jam- “That’s Entertainment”
• Motorhead- “Iron Fist”
• The Darkness- anything

Get a haircut at a salon. I said it once and I’ll say it again; guys get haircuts at barber shops! I haven’t done this but my dad has and it was fucking hilarious. He went to a real barber to get it fixed and the barber said “who ever cut your hair last should be making shoes.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Use the “N” word. This is more of a serious one. I met a gentleman who lived in Mississippi during the civil rights era. His name was King and he was probably one of the wisest men I have ever met. As a black man during that time he was subjected to the worst kind of discrimination, humiliation and every day was a struggle just to keep his head up. He told me he could never understand why he couldn’t drink from the same water fountain but he was allowed to make food for the people who made those ridicules rules. He couldn’t walk in the front door but he could answer the door when people knocked. Discrimination makes no sense and people who say that word for what ever reason, whether ignorance or because some how it has been a word that is only to be used by one race, all I have to say is this: You really don’t get it, do you?

Kiss a snake. There’s no need for an explanation for this.

I think that maybe it. I mean besides the obvious like get a prostitute or lick a car battery. I believe that life is an experience and it is not meant to be saved but rather spent. Break the bonds that hold you down and for Pete’s sake go do something nuts! Tell the man I made you do it. I can take an ass chewing pretty well.