Today we went to an old haunt to get a sneak peek at the up coming Halloween season at “Fat Man’s” gift and holiday store. I know it is way too early to get wrapped up in Halloween madness but I have been here in late August only to find remnants of what was cool and all that is shit left over. So I went to Fat Man’s with the attitude to just document and ward off any autumn yearning because I know myself. The fall bug will bite and before I know it, everything Halloween will be burnt out by October 12th. I hate myself for that. So putting all emotions aside, we entered in to find that , yes it is true. The Halloween season is just around the corner because every available worker was busy with a half unpacked box beside their feet and an inventory sheet in hand. Feeling like a spy, I walked through the aisle whistling with camera phone in hand. There was an overwhelming feeling that I was unwelcome to take pictures, I can’t imagine why, so I snuck in a few when no one was around. I guess it it looked weird to see a guy in a KISS shirt walking around fake flowers and Department 56 stuff. Hrm…
I can see why grandmas shit when they walk into a store like this. Anything you find at grandma’s house can be found here. At every turn there was a wreath for any occasion, fake flowers of every genre, bears with aprons, and so much paisley with pastels, it looked as if a clown blew up all over the store. But I didn’t come here for cards with dogs in hats or rabbits feet, I came for what was upstairs; Uncle Fat’s Halloween attic.
Up the stairs and to the right, you could smell the undeniable rubber smell that could only be the commercialization of the day of the dead, Halloween. Enter the world of latex and glue; Fat’s Attic. I’ll be honest with you, it was tough to not feel a tinge of excitement, but I could all ways remind myself that it was still at melting point outside. It is true that memory is linked to smell because once that smell of latex hits you, you are back to being 12, sweating in a mask. I love Halloween. It’s more of a season than a day but it’s times like this that bring back the feeling of a sack full of Dum-Dums and mini-Snikers hitting my leg as I cut through the yard, trick or treating, ignoring the polite use of driveways.
Just like I remember, aisles filled with masks, adult costumes, fake machetes, Kruger gloves, fake blood and over the top hats. It looks like Halloween will come again this year. Walking around, one can not help themselves to put on a hokey mask and browse the new line of plastic killing tools. It really makes you wonder what the Chinese sweat-shop worker thinks about us as he packages up 6,000 blood stained plastic kitchen knives. Oh those wacky Americans and their bizarre holidays.
Here are the serious masks. By serious I mean over $20. There some of the same ol’ same ol’ but this year I have noticed definite stand outs. With the ever increasing horror remakes you can be sure that kids of this generation will want to be Leatherface just as their parents were 20 years earlier. But the difference is in the almost scary realism in the latex masks. I was Leatherface many years ago and I swear I was mistaken for Bob Dole at least 100 times. This year there will be no mistaken identity for a five foot , meat stained apron wearing, plastic chainsaw toting Leatherface begging for Blowpops. Lucky punks.
I mean look at this! Teeth and all! I wish I kept my mask to compare but oh well. Back then I had a Mike Myers mask too and he was barely recognizable. There are no mistaking these guys. They are just aces.
It’s nice to see that now a days you have a choice to not only be a realistic Jason Vorhees but you can also be Jason from different Friday the 13th movies. I like the reassurance that you can go to a Halloween party, be one of many Jasons and kick someone straight in the balls for questioning you originality.
Me? I think this year I am going as Jason from Sunday the 15th; Jason in Church Dress. If you are unfamiliar, don’t worry. It suffered the same fate that many Disney sequels did and went straight to DVD. I Kid, I kid! I do like the hat.
I love browsing among rows of corpses and severed limbs, sneaking photos here and there. This is when I was caught by a lady who was out of view. We made eye contact and then quickly faked the camera noise as my ringer and pretended to answer the phone. Wouldn’t you know it, within seconds of my fake conversation I had a real call and the phone began to ring in my ear. So I did what anyone would do. I left in a hurry. To that lady, I was probably the most bizarre person she has seen yet. Then again she was the person stacking rubber rats on a shelf, so who is the bizarre person?
Well, shit. I did what I told myself I would not and got myself stoked for the Halloween season. I always do this. But what can you do? If you are ever Augusta Georgia you should stop in an see Fat Man’s for yourself. I covered about 10% of all the goodness they had to offer thanks to my cell phone debacle, so check them out. Hey, it’s cool in there.