Oh boy. I have so much to say and now I don’t know how to begin. So, I’ll just start. My awesome uncle is dating twins. I wouldn’t believe it if I had not gone on a “double-date” with them. And what did this date consist of? We all went out to eat and get our future read by a tarot card reader. I swear to God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha, George or any deity you choose. This happened.

If you have been reading VeggieMacabre for a while then you may be familiar with my favorite uncle, Uncle Mark. Never in my life have I known anyone who can become genuinely excited over a road map or a laser pointer. He grasps life with both hands and throws caution to the wind everyday of his life. His heart is three sizes larger than a normal person’s and when it comes time to march, his beat is his very own. What a beat it is!

But with all that known, it doesn’t lessen the hilarity of what Uncle Mark does or the positions he gets in. On a fateful day he was minding his own business in a Dunkin Donuts when two twin sisters spotted him and asked him out. I know, so incredibly random I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it. Regardless, his cool points among his peers reached a new high.

So here they are. Do you like my sneaky picture? I had to cough over the “click” sound but to be honest, even if I didn’t, I don’t think they would have noticed. Or rather, I don’t think I would care.

Well, after memorable conversation and my 11 beers and shot to numb the night, it was time for the girls to get their fortunes read. At $25 bucks each my poor Uncle tossed out $50 to Mad’am Stratella (actual name) and they trotted off behind the curtain to find out the inevitable.

While we waited I had to ask my Uncle Mark if he was really serious about these two. I didn’t get the impression that they were using him but for life of me, I couldn’t understand their angle. Mark told me he was just having fun and it was a little flattering that they were fighting over who gets to be with him. I guess I could understand that. I mean hell, they were getting their fortunes read to see who would be the lucky one that gets to have a life of sausage sandwiches and shopping at Cabella’s.

Soon the twins came back to the table looking a little disappointed. The curiosity was bubbling over and Mark wasted no time in asking. Was the $50 bucks worth it? Would they hold the answers to life’s greatest unknowns? Was the meatloaf I ate really that day’s special?

No. They didn’t find out any of that. But what they did inquire about the fate of their sick cat and whether they should put it down or wait it out. I guess there are no tarrot cards for cats. For $50 they were left to decide for themselves. But not without some sound advice from Uncle Mark.

With total sincerity and in all seriousness he offered  his services.

“If you want I can just drop it off in front of a Chinese restaurant?”

And with that, the night came to a dramatic end. (sigh….)