Oh boy. I have so much to say and now I don’t know how to begin. So, I’ll just start. My awesome uncle is dating twins. I wouldn’t believe it if I had not gone on a “double-date” with them. And what did this date consist of? We all went out to eat and get our future read by a tarot card reader. I swear to God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha, George or any deity you choose. This happened.
If you have been reading VeggieMacabre for a while then you may be familiar with my favorite uncle, Uncle Mark. Never in my life have I known anyone who can become genuinely excited over a road map or a laser pointer. He grasps life with both hands and throws caution to the wind everyday of his life. His heart is three sizes larger than a normal person’s and when it comes time to march, his beat is his very own. What a beat it is!
But with all that known, it doesn’t lessen the hilarity of what Uncle Mark does or the positions he gets in. On a fateful day he was minding his own business in a Dunkin Donuts when two twin sisters spotted him and asked him out. I know, so incredibly random I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it. Regardless, his cool points among his peers reached a new high.
So here they are. Do you like my sneaky picture? I had to cough over the “click” sound but to be honest, even if I didn’t, I don’t think they would have noticed. Or rather, I don’t think I would care.
Well, after memorable conversation and my 11 beers and shot to numb the night, it was time for the girls to get their fortunes read. At $25 bucks each my poor Uncle tossed out $50 to Mad’am Stratella (actual name) and they trotted off behind the curtain to find out the inevitable.
While we waited I had to ask my Uncle Mark if he was really serious about these two. I didn’t get the impression that they were using him but for life of me, I couldn’t understand their angle. Mark told me he was just having fun and it was a little flattering that they were fighting over who gets to be with him. I guess I could understand that. I mean hell, they were getting their fortunes read to see who would be the lucky one that gets to have a life of sausage sandwiches and shopping at Cabella’s.
Soon the twins came back to the table looking a little disappointed. The curiosity was bubbling over and Mark wasted no time in asking. Was the $50 bucks worth it? Would they hold the answers to life’s greatest unknowns? Was the meatloaf I ate really that day’s special?
No. They didn’t find out any of that. But what they did inquire about the fate of their sick cat and whether they should put it down or wait it out. I guess there are no tarrot cards for cats. For $50 they were left to decide for themselves. But not without some sound advice from Uncle Mark.
With total sincerity and in all seriousness he offered his services.
“If you want I can just drop it off in front of a Chinese restaurant?”
And with that, the night came to a dramatic end. (sigh….)
My life has meaning again, you’re back with the blogging!
It’s good to be back, my friend.
Ahh, the joys of cell cams. The other day, I wanted to take a pic of this older man at the restaurant. He had the most amazing nose I had ever seen. And I should have taken it, because I cannot even describe to you how great it was.
It’s hard to take a good one but when you do, ho ho! The bloggin’ fun!
I’m not even sure what to really say to this…I mean to even get beyond the fact of yes, actual twins, and yes, you guys actual went to a tarot card reader…and yes you actuallly coughed and grabbed a camera pic…..I just….
….no, you got me this time…speechless.
(and don’t ever leave for so long again! 😦 )
I’m sorry. I’ve missed you too
First I’m glad you’re finally back. And holy cow, twins just walked up to your uncle and said they both wanted to go out with him? Does this stuff really happen? I love it!
It totally happened. He came in for coffee and a cruller and left with twins. He’s the man.
Woooooooow. Those are really the girls??? No offense to your awesome uncle, but I was kind of expecting two older women with flaming red hair. The kind that go to Twin conventions and still dress alike.
Is this………..relationship………um………. sexual? I could make so many sausage sandwich jokes right now, but I will abstain.
I was proud that he has two 34 year olds at the ripe age of 52. i think he’s 52. I have a very visual imagination and the thought of that three way is scaring.
Oh Amy, I sure HOPE the relationship is sexual…otherwise poor Uncle Mark is getting TWICE the headache without any of the benefits. Besides, if it weren’t, what would we do with all the sausage sandwich jokes? 😉
And Will–I can’t decide which pic I like better: the unsuspecting DD Twins (just as I imagined) or that restaurant sign.
ps…have officially called off the search parties. Well, at least the dudes w/ sticks. I figure we still need the dogs w/ the mini kegs on their collars.
Mark keeps me not only informed but details on sexual scores. Nothing about the twins. Yikes
Amy With matching square dancing outfits? I can imagine that too!
Someday I will have to twins to take out for a tarot card reading. Someday.
“And with that, the night came to a dramatic end. (sigh….)”
You are a story TEASE!
Still, quite the tale and I am glad you posted the link to the earlier story about your uncle. I went looking for it and was too thick to find it… Now to go read more posts… You appear to be making up for lost time in a big, big way….
Would you believe me if we dropped them off at Dunkin’ Donuts? I swear to God. And then Mark and I went to a bar that actually Duff beer inspired by the Simpsons. No kidding.
I just want to interview you and talk about your life.