FLTO: Wendy’s Ghost Pepper Fries

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It’s been a minute since I have added a post to the “For A Limited Time Only” page but when you throw words like “ghost pepper” around, you have my attention. A new addition of pain has been added to the Wendy’s menu and it’s definitely not permanent so I felt it should be immortalized on the site. The Ghost Pepper Fries showed up earlier in the week with much fanfare from those who like to involuntarily burp when saying the word ‘cholesterol’. That’s up my alley.

There have been lots of fast food items of the heat persuasion but few who tout being made from one of the hottest peppers on earth. I know this first hand after I stupidly ate a dried one a few years ago. The only way I can describe the experience would be to imagine a pain so searing, if someone told you that the only way for relief was to eat a urinal cake, you would eat two. So, naturally, when the Ghost Pepper fries came out, I had to try them. Because I am a very sick, sick man.

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Weighing in at 480 calories, 900 milligrams of sodium and 27 grams of fat, it’s safe to say these are not good for you. Made with their cut fries, melted shredded cheddar, a weird ghost pepper neon orange sauce and diced jalapeños complete with seeds, this is a little bowl of indigestion costing you a mere $1.99. They even include a fork just incase you had ghost peppers sauce on your fingers and used the bathroom. The struggle is real when you are a seasoned spicy food consumer.

Immediately when I opened this container up I knew this was not a true ghost pepper product. There is a certain smell that the ghost pepper has and it will choke you hard. You don’t have to eat the ghost pepper to have a bad day with it. These Ghost Pepper fries just didn’t have that punch. I did notice, however, the bright nuclear orange color of the cheese. It’s like drive-in movie theater nacho cheese orange. (Crayola, get on that please) The diced jalapeños seemed to be the only true source of heat. And I was right. Sometimes I hate to be right.

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To be honest, it was not very hot for me. Sure, there were a few bites a jalapeño seed got the better of me but on a scale of one to ten, one being “puree peaches” and ten being “going to the hospital”, I think these fries fall into the three rating. There were a few spicy bites but it’s just not that hot. To me. I need to clarify that because a couple of months ago I damn near killed a coworker when the waiter accidentally switched our Panang Curry order. A five-star spice rating is where I begin so keep that in mind when taking my advice.

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Against my better judgement I finished the whole order for a fair review. Spicy foods can also be rated based on the building level so taking one bite doesn’t give a fair shake to any food with heat. You gotta eat it all. So, for the next couple hours no jumping rope or wresting in a bounce house. Safety first.

To pair with the Ghost Pepper Fries, Wendy’s also has a Jalapeño Chicken Sandwich for a limited time only. I am sorry to report but this old guy can’t do both. I rarely eat fast food and if I was to jump two feet into a full meal at Wendy’s with nacho cheese sauce I think something extreme would happen. And not like a radical extreme. The different extreme.

So, there you are. The fries are not terrible but a little misleading. When you say jalapeño people say “huh? Wha?” but when you say Ghost Pepper… well, you’ll get my attention. This was not ghost pepper. In fact, this was not even close to habanero. But that’s okay because killing an innocent seventy year old lady who wanted cheese fries but was clueless to what a ghost pepper is probably wouldn’t be how Wendy’s wants to go out. I get it. Not everyone has a ruined palate like me.

Try them and let me know how you fare. Feel better about your fries and order a salad too. Wendy’s has their shit straight when it comes to salads. Have a great Sunday night!

It’s A Cheap Cat Christmas Countdown!

It took me a whole day to post this horrible video on Youtube and between that and WordPress failing me again with their awful Videopress that I paid mucho dinero for, it’s truly a Christmas miracle that I didn’t set fire to a Walgreens.

I told myself the day that my videos would be about cat ornaments it was time to take up fire-hangliding. Well, that day has arrived because for $1.79, there was no way “FUBAR” the cat was not coming home with me. In addition to a random cat ornament I also received quite a lot of trivia about the cat species on the back of his box. Go ahead and ask me how many teeth a cat has. Go ahead!

So, here is the video and I love how through the whole thing I failed to notice the top of my head is cut off. Whatever, my videos are always a bit dumb. Okay, very dumb.

Fall Beer Review 2

Okay okay I know. By the stroke of midnight I really meant by the stroke now. Typical me in the blogging world to over promise and under deliver but with my new position in the real world and less time to sit on my duff and drink beer while syncing flash animation advertisements to Flock of Seagulls (yes, I really do this), I have found that quality over quantity reviews win the day. I know that these reviews aren’t for everyone because, well let’s face it, beer isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But I do hope to add a little something for everyone. After this review I will just tack on a review as a bonus to real articles going forward. We still have a way to go this season so lets jump in and pop the top of the first two brews. Don’t tell me you forgot the bottle opener!

The HEX Ourtoberfest from Magic Hat Brewing Co. located in Burlington, VT is one of the first beers that I nearly broke my neck taking a double-take while walking past the beer aisle last week. It has one of the greatest looks, art and names of any spooky-time beer that I have seen since…ever, really. It screams colonial creeps with the iron gate logo and the name “Hex” font-ed in thorny branches. But like Bugs Bunny taught us, just because it looks hot doesn’t mean what’s under the dress isn’t a rabbit with nuts.  How does it perform?

It definitely has the autumn hue that an American made October brew tends to have. The taste, however, is very different. Right from the first taste you get less a hoppy/spice taste and more of a tart/smokey flavor. It was an awesome surprise especially after thirty pumpkin spice beers to have a roundhouse kick to the palate to clean it of pie and paint it with smoked molasses. I never thought I would say “smoked molasses” in a positive way. The Magic Hat Brewery states that it has a blend of fermented apples, caramel and smoked cherry wood malt that gives it the different taste.

I will say this about Hex and that is if you are looking for a very different blend that will keep you interested in seasonal beers, this is your homecoming date. It’s a smokey sweet lighter beer that makes you want to chop wood. The strange part is that this beer is only available until October 15th. I am not really sure why they made such an early date in the season to pull Hex but if you have the means and you can find it, I highly recommend buying this and maybe extras to keep in the cellar.

I give it three singing Elvises.

Hello Weyerbacher Autumn Fest Brew, how are you? I love the name Weyerbacher. I assume it’s German because I keep wanting to pronounce it “Vierbocker” in a very WWII German officer accent. “Vee have vays to make you talk.” Anyway, this is a great full body brew from Easton PA that doesn’t really break away from the fray when it comes to another American Oktoberfest type beer. Same copper color and mildly sweet malty taste. What I love about this beer, of course, is the awesome farm-scape scene with the creepy scarecrow and harvest moon-lit yellow sky. I really wish I could line the walls of the house with prints of all these beers but perhaps my life shouldn’t imitate art. It’s already a satirical cartoon.

I give it two flying toasters.

A couple of nights ago while reviewing these beers I decided that putting catnip in the bottom of  a Frankenstein’s monster mug would make for a good title page shot. I forgot how fat the cat is and when he got his head stuck, Frank’s monster was the loser.

Had to bury him in the backyard.

 

 

BACK TO VEGGIEMACABRE.TV

Kit Kats Make Me Wolf-Out

I hate Kit Kats now. I do. And it’s not because of the taste. They have been a Halloween staple for years and one of the great deciding factors of whether or not to kick in someone’s jack-o-lantern out of petty candy hate. But recently there has been a commercial featuring cubical maze of people all eating Kit Kats to a rhythmic eating sound montage. If you are new to my blog, let me tell you, nothing will get me to commit an atrocious act like human food crunching.  I can handle dog eating sounds or even cute cats chewing Meow Mix, but when a fucking dickhole warrior ad executive pushes food by forcing my ear to the top of someones skull as the smack and crunch away I…I…I get a little crazy.

So on Tuesday I was watching TV innocently enough when the said commercial  came on. I was already having a sub-par day so this isn’t exactly what I needed. Out of no where my vision went totally white. When I came to, the remote was no longer on my lap but in pieces across the room. The cat was staring at me from the doorway of the cat-condo as if to say, “hey…that was a little excessive don’t you think?” For the first time in my life, a commercial made me wolf-out/ Hyde-out. Which ever seems more accurate.

So now I have to be careful when watching TV with people. I don’t trust myself not to go beastie when someone tries to entice me into buying crunchy food. But this is old news to those who have been here before. They know I mean no harm.

ALF ATTACK

Sometimes life makes you want to sit back and think about how wonderful all of this is. Like tonight, watching  ALF with someone great.

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If only she knew what ALF’s favorite food was.

(I swear this will not turn into a cat blog. Just too great not to share)

Cat On Back; Bee Died

So, I haven’t gotten much better. Just maintaining the same, really. But I am at home taking a little break from the everyday insanity and getting to know the cat a little better. So that is good. Did you know she wasn’t a fan of Neil Diamond? The nerve! But you know, it’s not like I can hate her for that. She’s too cute.

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Sorry for the sick face.

This is her new favorite place to sit. Unfortunately, it takes claws to get up there. And God help me if she spots something worth tearing off after. Like a bee this afternoon. It’s 41 outside and a bee showed up. Mother!

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Ow! Ow! Ow!

This is a real action shot that I took at the precise moment the cat saw the bee. Notice my forward leaning and wincing posture as she dug her claws in my shoulder, readying to pounce? Yeah, I bleed.

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Long story short, the bee died and the cat tried to eat it. Pretty good story, huh? This is what Theraflu will do to you. Make you blog about absolutely nothing.

Really, the point of this post is to share that my first article was posted on Review The World.com. If you care to read it just click FizzGig and leave Brian some love on his blog. He’s going to be a papa!

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Double Mint

Oh boy. I have so much to say and now I don’t know how to begin. So, I’ll just start. My awesome uncle is dating twins. I wouldn’t believe it if I had not gone on a “double-date” with them. And what did this date consist of? We all went out to eat and get our future read by a tarot card reader. I swear to God, Allah, Jesus, Buddha, George or any deity you choose. This happened.

If you have been reading VeggieMacabre for a while then you may be familiar with my favorite uncle, Uncle Mark. Never in my life have I known anyone who can become genuinely excited over a road map or a laser pointer. He grasps life with both hands and throws caution to the wind everyday of his life. His heart is three sizes larger than a normal person’s and when it comes time to march, his beat is his very own. What a beat it is!

But with all that known, it doesn’t lessen the hilarity of what Uncle Mark does or the positions he gets in. On a fateful day he was minding his own business in a Dunkin Donuts when two twin sisters spotted him and asked him out. I know, so incredibly random I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it. Regardless, his cool points among his peers reached a new high.

img_0423So here they are. Do you like my sneaky picture? I had to cough over the “click” sound but to be honest, even if I didn’t, I don’t think they would have noticed. Or rather, I don’t think I would care.

Well, after memorable conversation and my 11 beers and shot to numb the night, it was time for the girls to get their fortunes read. At $25 bucks each my poor Uncle tossed out $50 to Mad’am Stratella (actual name) and they trotted off behind the curtain to find out the inevitable.

While we waited I had to ask my Uncle Mark if he was really serious about these two. I didn’t get the impression that they were using him but for life of me, I couldn’t understand their angle. Mark told me he was just having fun and it was a little flattering that they were fighting over who gets to be with him. I guess I could understand that. I mean hell, they were getting their fortunes read to see who would be the lucky one that gets to have a life of sausage sandwiches and shopping at Cabella’s.

Soon the twins came back to the table looking a little disappointed. The curiosity was bubbling over and Mark wasted no time in asking. Was the $50 bucks worth it? Would they hold the answers to life’s greatest unknowns? Was the meatloaf I ate really that day’s special?

No. They didn’t find out any of that. But what they did inquire about the fate of their sick cat and whether they should put it down or wait it out. I guess there are no tarrot cards for cats. For $50 they were left to decide for themselves. But not without some sound advice from Uncle Mark.

With total sincerity and in all seriousness he offered  his services.

“If you want I can just drop it off in front of a Chinese restaurant?”

And with that, the night came to a dramatic end. (sigh….)

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