I was driving to the office the other day on I90, letting my mind drift from thoughts of work to contemplative analysis of what am I doing with my life when it was rudely interrupted by a brief encounter with death. A Taco Truck merged three lanes of traffic causing me to veer off the road, nearly missing a road construction sign that was held up by a ten ton street sweepeing truck. Thankful to “cat-like speed and reflexes” I managed to skirt the taco-packing truck but not before making a sound like this:
Well, I thought I needed to share that because if I were to buy the farm via tacos, truck or a street sweeper, I would want you to know that I went out in the style I choose; something to keep the obituary lighthearted.
taken with a shakey hand and exposed middle finger
*Another “Where Did you Go” post is almost done and…and…Macabre Fitness is being resurrected. I am on the last couple of weeks before my first marathon in a few years. I need a new fitness forum to complain and bellyache.*
Again, this program is brought to you by the letters “S”, “H”, “I”, and “T”. Today is a day when we need to salute our shorts in the name of pants-past. I don’t know if you recall, but some time ago I had a favorite pair of pants that, for a brief second, betrayed me in a most egregious way. Well, my motto is to live let live and we soon became friends again; understanding that going commando would never again be an option. I wore them anywhere and everywhere and for an article that was over 6 years old, they held. The funny thing there was never a condition the pants were not suited for. I could wear them on a hike in 90 degree desert climates or trudging through five feet of snow up Mt. Will and be protected from any element. But I killed them.
Usually I have a washer and dryer. A washer to wash and a dryer to dry. But I also am one of those who irons the clothes with the dryer. Since I have moved I have not had the opportunity to get the appliances setup yet so I do it old school and break out the iron and board. That’s where we went wrong.
The traitor pants are made of magic material woven from the finest fairy goo and unicorn mane and most definitely not cotton. I, out of habit, had the iron set to linens. Right when I proceeded to iron them there was an acrid smell and I stated allowed, “Fuck! Smells like monkey burp!”. Then there was smoke.
I killed them. I killed them dead. The hole was instantaneous and not in a place that could be covered or patched. Ironically it was in the same place where I was betrayed by them to begin with. It’s a strange universe we live in folks. Strange indeed.
You know what? I have not done a post like this in some time. I guess I forgot my roots or maybe it’s the fact that Matt from X-E hasn’t updated his site very much. Or at all. I will save that heartache for another day. But for now, someone has to pick up the flag and charge it ahead screaming, “I want people to read my opinions over shit that makes no difference!”. So today as I sit in my office, taking an earned brake from the stresses that stress others but not me, I will write about….movie themes that are scarier than the movie.
“Laurie’s Theme” from the movie Halloween:
I love this theme in the movie Halloween. It had a way of creeping you out in sense that even though it was day, there was a sense of impending doom after nightfall. Well, that’s how I felt when I saw it on Channel 46, mid-October, one Saturday afternoon many years ago. Since then this little piano tune that John Carpenter created has brought many memories of hayride smells, cider, pumpkins and latex masks. The entire mood of autumn is in these few notes. That and the intro to The Great Pumpkin.
2. The Shining
I think I am in the majority that claims the movie The Shining was not as terrifying in the way it has been portrayed. You can ask almost anyone that hates horror movies and they will tell you The Shining is the exception. And it’s the exception because it is smart and tolerable to many cinematric-snobbies. (made both those words up)
The musical score, however, is bone chilling. Perhaps it is the foreboding, heavy brass that paints this picture that a small nuclear family is going face to face with a giant in the form of isolation, impassable roads, unlivable temperatures and a hotel with dark secrets. Or maybe it’s just the damn creepy wailing between the brakes in music. Regardless, it is hard to listen to alone at night and as far as I am concerned, way creepier than the film itself.
3. JAWS
Ok, I have an artistic license to contradict myself here and say that in this case, the music is not a scary as the movie was. But still, I think John Williams deserves an honorable mention for trying because no matter where I am; pool, lake, ocean, tub, sprinkler; this score is playing in my head.This has always been a theme for something or someone that is inevitably about to be devoured. Whether it is shark vs. man, lion vs. zebra, or me vs. broccoli, I owe John Williams kudos for giving predators the ultimate theme song.
And it’s PG?!?!?! We were a lot tougher back in the day, huh?
4. Amittyville Horror
The more I watch this movie the more I realize that this could have been made to be far more frightening. They tried to remake it a few years ago but I won’t even try to trash it because it’s not worth the efforts of my fingers. That being said I will give a standing ovation supported by a golf clap for the theme music. Very disturbing and like the theme to Steven Spielberg’s (Tobe Hooper, really) Poltergeist, kids singing “laa laa laa” is always unnerving. Especially when you have an overactive imagination like mine and you assume those are dead kids singing from your backyard at night.
By the way, the sequel is way more scary. It has possession, Catholic guilt, evil, incest, family violence and murder all wrapped into one hour and forty five minutes. Hooray for boobies. I don’t know…
Well, this was short and sweet but I felt that I needed to get something up and keep it in theme to what I love: all nonsense. And how annoying is it that YouTube redirects you to YouTube when you want to watch a video? Why can’t everything be how I want it?
Oh! And now I am in Moscow. Moscow, Idaho that is. Look it up because it might be the source for more “ripping on Idaho” posts. So far I like it a hell of a lot more that where I was but the other night I was almost accosted by interpretive dancers. No shit.
I love it when people share their opinions or memories on this blog. It has always been a special part for me and when strangers from around the world reach out and say “hey, I remember that and this is what it meant to me”, I get pretty jazzed. But every so often there is one comment that takes the cake. Enter Jessica.
On the post “Peeing Your Pants Is The Coolest” , I wrote the trials and tribulation about growing up as a dork. Especially when social gatherings involved roller skating. Jessica needed to express here love for a certain roller-rink that brought her joy and me…terror.
Jessica-“i am thirteen and i just wanted to say i love sparkles roller rink, and it shares a whole lot of fun and spirit!!! plus, i just broke my arm a sparkles for being a daredevil,(don’t try this ever!!! ) I skated on one foot for 6 seconds, but sparkles staff helped me!!! gosh they are so generous!!!! i have been going to sparkles forever since i was 2 weeks old!!! ya gotta love sparkles!!! i will be going to sparkles a whole lot now, so look for me i’ll say hey, just dont stalk me. love you guys!!!
p.s. my cast is purple!!! lol”
Thanks Jessica. That was pure awesomeness and please come back and share more with us. But I don’t think you will see me at a Sparkles. Not unless the polarities of the Earth shift causing opposite day to take place. In that case, keep your eye out for a guy in a blue jumper and a bicycle helmet.
It’s true. This blog is now two and oddly enough this is the 200th post. Weird, huh?
I just wanted to thank everyone that has shared this with me. Some have come and gone and some have come and stayed but I will be honest, I never imagined that I would meet such amazing people on this www dot journey. I am so blessed to be able to share my life and be able to share some of yours even though we may never meet. It’s weird wild world and this trip would be so less without all of you.
The funny thing is I misspelled “macabre” in the video. Of all things, you know? And I am not sure why Dire Straits is the anthem but it seems to fit the flow. Regardless, if you have been around over the past couple of years you may recognize many of these pictures.
Thank you again. I love ya from the bottom of the heart and I ain’t afraid to say it.
Casserole of Disaster 
