Sad: Food that doesn’t come in anything. Like the chick that works at the PitaPit that handed me a pita sandwich. When I repeated “to go” in the form of a question she said the PitaPit stopped bagging to be more green. I dropped turkey and sprouts on my lap in the name of the environment.
Happy: Having a beer in the shower after a long run.
Sad: Having a beer before a long run. It’s more like a short, limping walk with a possibility of puking. I am not as tough as I used to be.
Happy: Gourmet spicy mustard.
Sad: Honey dijion mustard. I used to like it but one time I swallowed it down the wrong tube and coughed up honey dijion for the rest of the day. Now I fart in it’s general direction.
Happy: My iPhone. It is pretty cool.
Sad: It’s really hard to text and drive at the same time. I usually try not to but the other day I accidentally responded to this girl, “Can I come on you?” Stupid auto-text.
Happy: Chinese food
Sad: Chinese food in a town with a population under 2,000 people. And no Chinese people. It’s funny to think that John and Bethany McMillan named their own restaurant, “Happy Lucky Dragon”.
Happy: Falling asleep to Nick at Nite
Sad: Waking up to Nickelodeon. Especially when Dora The Explorer invades the dream.
Happy: Dropping a line from your favorite movie in an applicable situation.
Sad: Dropping a line from your favorite movie in an applicable situation….and no one has seen it. It’s too bad my favorite movie is the The Burbs’. Only the keepers get those lines.
Happy: Bud Lite commercials. Genius.
Sad: Those mother fucking CreditReport.com commercials. Every time they are on (400x a day) I scream at the TV. I screamed so loud on Saturday that I scared the dog causing him to sprint to the end of the driveway on his hind legs. I don’t know what I dislike more; those commercials or Al Qaeda?
Happy: My morning routine. I get up, put on coffee and turn to the news. Then I go into the bathroom and put a towel in the dryer and get in the shower. After the shower I reach out and can pull the warm towel out of the dryer. Then I dry off and walk over to the fire place and stay warm while I drink coffee and watch the news. Great start.
Sad: It all happens at 5am and it’s 20 degrees outside.
Happy: Everything about Randy Quaid.
Sad: Everything about Diane Keaton.
Happy:
Sad:
Is this a new thing? Do shitheads like this really post videos of themselves watching videos? We have reached a new low in entertainment, folks. And this chick looks about as much fun as wet underwear.
Happy:
Who’s the moosiest moose we know? Marty Moose! Who’s the star of our favorite show? Marty Moose! M is for Merry, we’re merry you see; O is for Oh gosh, Oh golly, Oh gee; S is for Super Swell family glee; E is for Everything you want to be. M – A – R – T – Y; M – O – O – S – E. What’s that spell? Marty Moose! Marty Moose! Marty Moose! (Hyuk), that’s me!
It has been a while since I have done one of these. But since we are less than a week away from Halloween I figured this would be a good time to add a new one. This time it will be all about October 31st. You see, Halloween is all about the scary movies for me. I can take or leave the candy, costumes and parties but when it comes to normal cable TV dedicating 24 hours to ghosts, ghouls and vampires, I come very close to taking off my pants and doing the Twist. Don’t worry, I watch them alone most of the time. So let us start off with one of my favorites.
“Oh! You’re so cool, Brewster!” Yeah, Charley was quite the hero in Fright Night 1 and 2. Even though he was a little high strung and his choice in a girlfriend was a little questionable. But still, his vigilance as a nosy neighbor payed off and call girls are free of death by vampire. Fear of STD’s, rape, murder, kidnapping and incarceration maybe, but vampires…no. Thanks to the heroics of Charley!
Charley Brewster was played by the great William Ragsdale and unfortunately, after Fright Night his career as the main character in film never took off. Sure he was in The Reaping and Big Momma’s House but William’s main bread and butter is TV. He has been in a number of episodes from different television dramas like “Judging Amy”, “Without A Trace” and “Medium”. I’m still holding out for a Charley comeback in a Fright Night 3 but I maybe alone. Here he is today. Actually, he hasn’t aged too badly. Oh Brewster!
The next star spotlight is a great one. There are plenty of films that have obscure actors who get the opportunity to be involved in the most memorable scenes of the movie. In Steven Spielberg’s film, Poltergeist, about a young family that is tormented by ghosts after they inadvertently moved into a house above a cemetery, one of the paranormal investigators is targeted, bitten by something and he had a delusion about ripping off his own face. You know the scene. And that is why we all love Marty.
“You got bit?!?!? Wow!” I have always had a soft spot in my heart for poor Marty. But think about it. In the famous “face tearing” scene, Marty leaves the safety of the den to go, alone, into the kitchen. And what is he about to do? He is going to cook a steak. Really? In the middle of the night he was going to fry up a steak? Make a sandwich, man, I like to imagine the ghosts that were messing with him because they didn’t feel like smelling fried steak all night. Well, poor Marty got the message.
Marty Casella was played by, coincidentally enough, by Martin Casella. That is him to the right and it is kind of funny that I always assume actors with small parts are beginning artists. Not true about Martin. When Poltergeist was being cast, Spielberg himself recruited Martin Casella. At that particular time Martin was teaching drama at a Santa Monic high school so I would say he knew a thing or two about acting.
Since Poltergeist, Martin has only been in a few films like Robocop 2 and Turner And Hooch. He had small roles in each but that isn’t where he excelled. Martin is a celebrated screen and play write and has been in a number of Broadway shows. The one thing that I loved about Martin is that of all the films he has been in, his character has always been his own name. It’s good to have a quirk.
Little Known Fact: In the famous “face tearing” scene, Martin isn’t doing the tearing. Those are Spielberg’s hands. Funny, eh?
I would like to take a moment to thank Ronnie Scribner who played little vampire Glick boy in the made for TV series of 1979, Salem’s Lot. Because of the three minute scene where he floats to the window and bites his brother, I have missed many nights of sleep. Even today at age 30, when I hear a weird noise outside I immediatley think of his evil little smile. God.
Ronnie had quite a career as a child star from 1978 to ’82 but nothing after. It’s funny to read about his ABC morning specials. Do you remember those? They were the hour long shows that aired about 11pm after all the cartoons were over. I think the last time I saw one was when “The Land Of The Lost” was still on the air. Anyway, Ronnie stopped acting and I can only venture to guess that it was because he either grew out of his cuteness or his parents didn’t want him to have a Hollywood life. Regardless, he now lives in Pasadena with a wife and kids. He is a mortgage broker. A mortgage broker that is still in my nightmares.
“Braaaaiiiiinssss” And this is Tarman. When I first saw Return Of The Living Dead I was about 12 years old. Too young to appreciate the campy humor of the film but old enough to appreciate the choreographed walk of the Tarman. I was both disturbed but mesmerized by his skeletal stride. Was it really a human behind all that gore? I will let you be the judge. Watch and see…
It’s hard to imagine that a person was behind all that in our age of CGI but I will remind you that this was back in 1985. Back when movies were fun.
Well, the guy behind Tarman is the great puppeteer, Allan Trautman. He has been in many films but more notably he has been behind the scenes in such great Henson productions like “Muppets Tonight” and the famous early 90’s sitcom, “Dinosaurs”. He received his BA in both Drama and physics and I say that makes for the right character to portray the Tarman.
“Hey creep, speed kills.” You didn’t think I was going to write a “where did you go” Halloween article without including Halloween, did you? of course not! I think I am going to give a little nod and hat tip to Nancy Kyes (aka. Nancy Loomis) who played the cute and sarcastic character, Annie Brackett. And she did an amazing job proving the smart girls were susceptible to death in horror movies and that girls in the 70’s never wore a bra.
I think Nancy had a close friendship to John Carpenter because she was in Assault on Precinct 13, Halloween 1-3, The Fog, and The Twilight Zone. All Carpenter’s work. I guess her real life sarcasm got her far with him but after 1992 she stopped working on the silver screen. I always wonder why people make the decision to leave from such a full career but I guess everyone has their reasons. She has a family and resides in LA as a sculpture. I think she is still smoking.
“Dude, you getting a Dell!” Remember this guy? It’s Steve, the boy next door that is always trying to talk his parents into buying him a Dell computer. Actually it is Ben Curtis and his small spot as the main face of Dell lasted right up until he was arrested for possession of marijuana. And that sucks too because if you are going to trash your career, go out with crack.
Ben ended up on top anyway ( so to speak). He came out of the closet and is in a very successful Broadway play. It’s gay play call Joy and it had rave reviews. He graduated from NY University and is now the front man to the band WHALE. I’d say getting canned for smoking weed was the best thing to happen to the dude from Dell.
*I don’t know why I included Ben in the Halloween post.*
Well, that is all I want to write. I think this Halloween edition was a little light but I still learned a little. And I hope you did too. Happy Halloween, deary.
SAME? Keeping with the October theme I want to shed some more light on my favorite thing to do this time of year and that is watch horror movies without getting weird looks from friends and family. Trust me, I have watched Jacobs Ladder on Easter morning and got more than a few raised eyebrows. It was my silent protest after spending two hours outside, freezing for sunrise service. But anyway, I do love the frightful TV programs on AMC and The Chiller Channel so much. It is what makes Halloween now that I am an adult. So today I will talk about some of the more memorable scenes, some fellow website pals that do a better job of listing horror favorites and some my odd childhood scares and items that I still hold close to my heart thanks to Tobe Hooper and the like.
MOVIES!
Ho-Boy! The 1981 classic, Ghost Story, isn’t well known to those who are fans of SAW or The Grudge but it will beat them hands down when it comes to the creepy factor. This movie has a little bit of everything for everyone and includes gore shots, boob shots and the controversial full frontal male nude shot. I wasn’t a fan of the penis shot but in a genre full of boobs I guess there should be equality.
The premise of the film is a group of four gentlemen who befriend a young woman and they accidentally kill her… so they thought. In their panicked state they load her body in a car and push it into a lake only to see her scream as it slips under the frozen water. Tormented with grief they vow never to tell about this until they are old men and she comes back to haunt them, taking their lives one by one. Excellent. Plus Alice Krige is super hot in this film, for a ghost. Take a look but please put down anything that can be spilled or dropped (i.e. coffee, tea, water, cat, baby….)
GOOOOO! That’s just great, isn’t it?
Robert Wise 1963 film The Haunting is the creepiest movies of all time and I say the with hesitation. I know in a day full of special effects and gore, the possibility of a black and white film to be of the same scare caliber might seem iffy at best, but it blows any film away. I have seen this countless times and it keeps getting better. It truly holds up and even the remake by director Jan de Bont in 1999 couldn’t touch it proving that the only thing special effects do is remove the viewers imagination. And that is a crime.
This movie was as much psychological as it was supernatural. The camera angles, the inside the head conversations and the muffled ghostly sounds makes The Haunting truly terrifying. Wise hit a home run and please, please watch this clip. This has to be the greatest ghost moments of all times in the cinema and probably made our parents completely sleep deprived for weeks. Enjoy.
Poltergeist. (whistle) Just the name sends shivers down my spine. Who hasn’t seen this Spielberg/Hooper classic? Well if you haven’t, stop what you are doing, go to the movies store and get it. That’s an order. I can’t decide which scene is the best so I’ll just leave you with the trailer. I love the dude’s voice. I have already reviewed the movie here, so, that’s that.
SITES!
Robert Berry’s site, RetroCrush is by far the greatest site on the web when it comes to pop culture. He does an amazing job of archiving, interviewing and listing all things cool from yester-year and today. Recently he made a top 100 horror movie character list and it will have you blowing at least an hour out of the day scrolling through the actors. Even though I would move a few of the characters’ places around, he hit everyone and that takes eminence effort. Stop by and don’t forget to check out his list of the worst Halloween costumes. Hilarious!
Mystie has done some great work when it comes to Halloween reviews for the holiday, both food and cinema. If you haven’t been there it’s a trip down memory lane especially if you are a girl that grew up n the 80’s and 90’s. To me, her snarky sense of humor makes even an article about Polly Pockets fun. What can I say? I’m a fan and she is a very good friend. Click the Crown Combo picture above!
The Flesh Farm is all things great when it comes to archiving, reviewing and sharing clips and trailers to every horror movie available. J.P. Butcher and staff have outdone themselves with this site and I have been a fan for a couple of years now. Be careful when viewing this because there is some language and nudity so it’s not for the office or public computer viewing but when you get home, late at night, it’s a great way to spend the time. I give this site two severed thumbs up! Click the picture above to see what I am talking about.
Oh you didn’t think that was going to exclude X-E from the site shout out list did you? Of course not. It’s not like I haven’t plugged it about 300 times. But Matt is the king of holiday preparation and review so he earns a spot anywhere that Halloween centers as the topic of conversation. Even though the past couple of years haven’t been like the previous in scale it is still the place to go to find out what is hip in the world of spooy treats and decore. You can’t blame him. It’s near impossible to keep 45 days of holiday reviews alive while working full time and having a life. But we appriciate his efforts. Again, click the picture above to visit Matt and all of the X-E cult.
TV SPECIALS!
“You owe me restitution!” Who doesn’t love the classic, It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charley Brown! ? Well besides one person I know. I won’t say who but you know who you are! Anyway, this signifies that Halloween is upon us and much like A Christmas Story, I will never miss this CBS Special that, for some reason, generally lands on a Tuesday night. I haven’t figured that one out yet. This is one of my favorites and no matter how many times I have seen it, it never gets old. My dad has seen it, I have seen it, my kids will see it, their kids will see it, their kid’s kids will see and then maybe an asteroid will hit. So, with that said I am going to go out and bury a copy in an airtight titanium case in the backyard. It must survive.
“‘Arrrr, I been Orange Beard The Pirate Cap’in, and this be me first mate….Odie the Stupid.”
This comes in a close second to Chuck Schultz’s master piece above, but still, it’s a classic. I can’t remember if they aired it last year or even the year before, but I hope so. When I was little I owned all things Garfield and the Halloween special really was close to my heart. Even the pirate ghosts were scary. Ok, ok…are scary. Happy?
COSTUMES!
You see this? When I was 8 I would have sold my soul for this plastic and cloth piece of shit. I begged for it from August to the last week of October. There were so many dreams of showing up to school, dressed in my amazing costume and wielding my deadly fist of blades. But when my Dad finally caved and bought the Freddy Glove, the thrill quickly faded. First off, it didn’t fit. Yeah I was eight and had hands the size of a cellphone but even today, and I still have it, it doesn’t fit. If I had bear paws for hands, maybe, but human hands? So that year I was knight. I love my Dad.
Here’s another one! I saw Halloween II and I knew that I was destined to be Mike Myers for Halloween in 1991. That meant my parents needed to shell out another $25 bucks for latex shit. And it was. The mask above pretty much looked identical and when I was at home looking in the mirror, the realization that I would be the subject of ridicule was eminent. Not only did I not look like “the Shape” but I didn’t even look scary. I looked like a dead Don Knotts. So that is what I went as. I put on a Hawaiian shirt, khaki pants and took off to plunder treats from the neighbors as a zombie Mr. Furley. This was my father’s idea and that makes him uber cool.
CANDY!
Fruit Stripe Gum was always in the Trick or Treat bag and I loved it. It’s too bad that the flavor only lasted 3.2 seconds. I remember that a lady went the cheap route and gave out individual sticks and later on that night it did not pass the parents/customs treat inspection. Still bummed and now that I am an adult and can buy mt weight in Fruit Stripe gum I must say, the thrill is gone.
Here is my second favorite Halloween candy, Spree! Doesn’t the sight of these just make that thing behind your jaw and under your earlobe tingle? Mine does. In fact, one year I ate so many Spree I numbed my tongue out until Christmas. Honest! Moderation is key when it comes to Spree.
OLD DECORATIONS!
Holy Hell! Remember these wall decorations? Tell me these weren’t all over your homeroom walls and windows in elementary school! I remember being truly terrified of the eyeball skull and witch as a child. But back in the early eighties, the folks thought the fright was cute and even tormented me by putting them on the outside of the front door. Do they even make these classics anymore? Or do I have to roam around the neighborhood and steal them off the elderly home’s like I did last year. Am I joking? Maaaaaayyybbbeeee……
Here are some more of the classics. God I love this time of the year! But seriously, that flaming skull still fucks me up.
I apologize about this post. There isn’t really any organized thought process behind it other than just verbal vomit of all things Halloween. But it was fun to write and I hope it was fun to read. Please check out the sites. They do a much better job but then again, they get paid for it. So they should.
I’m going to throw this out here, not because I feel that I have to but just to make sure there is no confusion. I am a straight male. I am not going to beat this to a pulp and risk painting VeggieMacabe into a “hey I’m not gay” blog because there is nothing in the world wrong with being gay. I just wanted this post to be in the appropriate perspective. Hey, I’m a 90’s guy! Anyway, tonight I am going to name a few of my man crushes. I think this is a funny term that was called to my attention thanks to Pam when she accused me of having a man crush based on my respect for a certain celebrity. So what? So I have a man crush? I am secure in my manly male maleness.
Alton Brown. This guy is to culinary science what Newton is to gravity. I could watch Good Eats for days on end and be better for it. How can this guy possibly know so much about food? He knows the chemical beak-down of a snow pea and some how makes it relevant! Unbelievable! There has never been a time when I turned off Alton from the tube and said, “well that was a waste of time”. Each show has a quirky way about it filled with humor and valuable information like in South America people eat toasted ants instead of popcorn and beets can look edible when talked up proper. Mr. Brown, I am in awe of you sir.
It’s Hal from Malcolm In The Middle! Actually it’s Bryan Cranston and this guy is the funniest dude in the world. In. The. World. World as in Earth. I have seen every episode of Malcolm In The Middle and the only ones I truly love center around Hal. No dude can rock tighty whities like Bry-Guy and no one can wear a body suit with the intention for speed walking. His duality between physical comedy and his dark portrayal of a professor turned meth maker in his latest AMC series leaves no question in his acting ability. One of the greats!
Bear Grylls. I know there was a question about the validity of his show, Man vs Wild, but his resume far out weighs whether he spends an entire night in a snow cave or not. So lets see, he was in the British SAS, the youngest guy to scale Mt. Everest and did so only a year after breaking his back from a bad airborne jump, volunteered to attend a French Foreign Legion bootcamp in AFRICA, and…well…you’ve seen the show. My point is, this guy is a badass in every sense of the word. I have much respect for him, especially for the British Special Air Service (SAS) since I used to work with them in Kosovo. In order to be in that elite team you have to be special. Bear is the man and I’ll go heels with anyone who says otherwise.
I consider Joel McHale somewhat of a hero. Who else keeps the retards of current pop culture in check? No longer can MTV and Tyra Banks get away with the crap they put out. Even the untouchable queen of daytime TV, Oprah gets hers. Oprahs Vagay-jay! And here I thought South Park were the only ones with all the balls. Joel’s snarkiness is a great conduit to rip on all the ridiculous crap we as views have to endure. Thank you Joel.
Still have mad respect for young Jame Hetfield. This picture embodies the changing face of metal and the brain behind “Kill ’em All”, “Puppets” and “Ride The Lightning”. He was an absolute genius and a model for all front-men from then on. I truly believe young James Hetfield was one of the greatest artists ever to bless rock.
Old Hetfield, no thanks. I am so tired of the whiny disposition that Metallica portrays. Between him and Urlich talking at length about how hard it is to do what you love all the time. How it sucks to be on the road and being a dad is the center of all life. Yeah, we get. So retire already before you put out a Kidz Bop album. God I wish I didn’t see Some Kind Of Monster! There is a reason why Bruce Dickinson and Lemey don’t do shit that that. Ugh!
Thomas Jane did a bang up job as The Punisher, didn’t he? He did many of his own stunts and trained with Navy SEALs just to get in the appropriate shape that reflects what Frank Castle would look like out of the comic book. That dedication is admirable. I have been killing myself in the gym for the past few years and the Thomas Jane look is what I’m going for but….apparently he doesn’t eat Dijorno pizza and beer. What are you going to do?
So that is my list of “man crushes”. See? You can be straight as an arrow and feel perfectly confident it is ok to say you have a man crush. It’s more like the “guy’s guy” or the “man’s man”. I’m going to stop here before I embarrass myself any further. If you need me I’ll be doing curls while watching Nascar and burping.
Why didn’t anybody tell me the master of martial arts lives not only in the same state, but in the same area as me?!?!? Here I drove 2,400 miles thinking that all North Idaho had to offer was bears, moose and possibly Bigfoot. Oh how wrong was I! In this great state of Idaho, a young man holds the power and knowledge of some pretty frickn’ sweet moves. If you generally skip the YouTube videos on here I urge you to reconsider. It will change your opinion on the ability of the human body……and mind.
I know you are laughing right now but hear me out. Dude is punching while weighted down with at least 5lbs. Can you imagine when those beasts are released? And did you check out the facial intensity? It is like his eyes can wield the power of Earth Wind and Fire. We are in the presence of greatness my friends.
I could live without the commentary but if I was filming this I would be in awe too. Perhaps it’s the height of the kicks or the almost round, round house kicks. I might be ignorant to the fighting style but I have to find a comparison. Or at least a look-a-like.
Maybe. The intensity is definitely there but the execution is different. I wouldn’t compare the two like apples and oranges. More like apples and salad tongs.
Well, the equation is coming together but it’s still a bit off. Perhaps if we combine the two together and include massive head trauma we would get…
Perfect! It’s shockingly perfect. The Great White Ninja of North Idaho and his dojo/backyard is only a few miles from my residence. I must seek out the master and learn his ways.
This guy has a great imagination. You can almost see his creative world and the imaginary predicament he is in. I bet in his mind he is surrounded by 5, no, 15 guys and he is warning of the intensive training he holds thanks to the three “Kung Fu and You” instructional videos.
“You guys don’t want to tangle with me unless you want a little bit OF THIS!!! AND SOME OF THAT!!!!”
Thank you Idaho Ninja. And thank you dickhead neighbors.
Casserole of Disaster 
