Category: film

The 2010 Annual Fall Beer Review 2

Mike and I are back, talking about beer. (Shocker!) This time we are discussing another Pumpkin Ale and it had a bit of a surprise for us both. Judging from the amount of hits, comments and emails, our last review went better than I had anticipated. So this time we included a little skit. See if you know the movie.

Thanks for watching these. It’s nice to take a Saturday, drink beer and feel like you are being productive and creative. Or acting like a 13-year-old with mom’s video camera. Which ever. The next one will come later on this week with more beers and the much-anticipated Sierra Nevada “Tumbler”. Be excited. And if you’re not….lie to me.

(I still say “um” like 900 times. My college Public Speaking 101 professor is shitting twice and dying right now.)

 

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The 2010 Fall Beer Review: Episode 1

It’s that time of the year again! My liver always tells me so and so do the crisp winds of autumn, pumpkin patches on church lawns, fake severed limbs in a Rite-Aid and NFL dominated Sunday-Fundays. Such a wonderful time to be alive and we celebrate by drinking the seasonal brews that bottle the essence of what makes Fall so great.
This year you will be meeting me in a face-to-face review more commonly referred to as a Vlog. While I had some trepidation with putting my stuffy-nose voice and poor screen presence in place of a written blog, Sierra Nevada Brewery shot me an email asking me to review the Tumbler and suggested a video. I know I’m not the prettiest vlogger but if you drink with us on these reviews, I will get prettier. That’s number 312 of 5 gazillion why beer rocks and should be sewn onto the bottom right corner of our nations flag.
Also, to do this beer review properly I have included a dear friend and fellow blogger, Mike, who is a master brewer himself. As you have read in the past I am a not a beer connoisseur by any stretch. I buy seasonal beer based on the marketing and pretty pictures. Much like how I shop for salsa. So this year I put a little professional taste in the mix and I hope all of you beer snobs will be less irritated with me. (check out his blog. Excellent stuff)
I am happy this 4th annual blog er…vlog, can be something a little different for all you to watch and hopefully enjoy. remember this is a 3 part series and there will be a number of beers that we will be reviewed including some obscure shout-outs. If you can spot the five shout outs (all horror movie references) I will be mailing a prize to the first three who guess right. It’s a good prize too.
So enough of all this reading crap and on to pure visual ecstasy. Turn off your brain…right……NOW!
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My Yoda Question

What is Yoda? I am not a die-hard Star Wars geek so I am sure this could be answered with as little effort as Wookiepidia or asking the question aloud in the general direction of this guy:

Now before you jump all over me for being mean or guilty of stereotyping, I did hear a lightsaber go off behind me and it was either his computer or the 90 pound old lady reading Pride and prejudice and drinking her cup of tea with as much tribulation as Rep. Barney Frank has pronouncing “sea salt”. If it was her, I give up on life as I know it and will try to fly tonight.

Anyway, back to my question. What is Yoda and in this fictitious galaxy, are there more Yodas? Obviously, being a Jedi means he is a special breed so one can deduce that there are normal Yodas, right? And that would make for some pretty lame creatures if you ask me.

Yoda's taller brother, Leo.

I like to think that Yoda was the one who had a gift for the Force but his other faux pas kept him from being fully accepted by his peers. You know, like severe dyslexia and having the voice of an asshole. I really believe the only option a guy like that had was Jedi camp.

To get my question answered quickly, I will tag only nerd attracting phrases and words. These are guaranteed to get some site hits from those who would know. But if you do, please, lemme know! Or make up your own story because trust me, I would believe you.

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I’m Three!

Well, before August gets here I suppose I should post something or suffer the fate of July 2010 being the first month I missed sharing my thoughts, random obscure trivia and death pools like how long will Brian Dennehy be circling the drain for.  Yeah, this blog has never been one to accumulate mass amounts of good karma points but I digress. Tonight I finally have time to catch everyone up. All three of you. There is no work that is pressing at the office, my research has finally gotten to a manageable cluster and I decided to rest and not run another race tomorrow.  I am currently staring at six more marathons and an ultra relay before October’s end. So with this free time, where to begin?

Living in Moscow Idaho is like living in the DOS prompt of America. There is really nothing here and if you leave this town you will drive through miles of rolling hills, blue sky and occasional farms only to arrive in another town that looks just like the one you came from. It’s a lot like living in a flash program. It will never change and does not end. Kind of like this.

I think my neuro research has effected my brain. Irony! I have spent so much time in the lab, hospital and library, I think I am socially inept. Yesterday I was at the local Co Op (hippy grocery) and the check out girl asked me what color my eyes were. I told her I wasn’t sure because I can’t see them. In my mind I was trying to be funny playing off the fact that I see with them and was unable to…you get it. But I came across like a dick-nerd. The worst kind! Being a nerd is bad enough but when a dick lable is added, that makes my fists itch. But I regained and thanked her for her compliments and the promptly spilled my change on the floor. I’m going to buy my fruit somewhere else for a while.

I witnessed my cat eat a fly today. It wasn’t good enough that she licks her butt but now eats flies. Just thought you needed to know.

This blog turns three years old in a couple of days. I don’t trust myself to post on the exact day so I’ll just say it now. Weee! A lot has happened in the past three years and I wouldn’t do anything different. Well, probably quit tequila sooner. I don’t miss making this face anymore.

I missed motherfucking David Bowie Day! Dag rabbit! Okay, since it was my brain child to begin with I think I reserve the right to change the date. It will now be David Bowie Day on August 14th. Mark it on your calendar. Do what you have to do and when you do, you’ll know what to do. Remember that.

So here is to another three years of nonsense! Thanks for tagging along and all the great people I have met on the way. Seriously, it’s amazing how many friends I have just because I decided one day to start this WordPress page. I love you all. So, I guess it’s back to the path. See ya on the way!

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I No Longer Fear Hell…

…for I have seen Valentines Day.

Now before you ask, I did not plan on ever watching this abortion of a film but I was staying at a friend’s house because I have an office over one hundred miles away from my place (not exaggerating) and that forces me to be a couch hobo from time to time. So, when he informed me his girlfriend was in charge of the movie, I had no choice but to watch…in horror.

Usually I would never admit to seeing this, fearing embarrassment equal to having an involuntary bowel evacuation on the monorail at Disney World but this movie was so cliché’, unimaginative, woman-suffrage-ending, nauseating craptastic and utterly boring, I swear to God it cost me a penal inch. About half way through my fists were so itchy I took a swing at my buddy’s cat. Lucky for it, cat’s have a sixth sense about bad movies and it retreated for the closet. Quick little devil.

So where to begin? The movie follows a number of different people who are all having issues with Valentines Day, ranging from the sappy guy who loves the holiday to the kid who wants to get roses for his sweetheart to the old couple that is having their 50th V-Day. There is about as much creativity as a Christian Mad Libs book here. I am actually pretty impressed with how dumb Hollywood thinks we are and still gets away with it! I mean, fuck, I watched this!

The cast is a diarrhea mix of anyone in the mainstream that will piss off a moderately intelligent person. So let’s break it down one by one. There are a lot of them.

Ashton Kutcher plays a guy who owns a flower shop, loves Valentines Day, proposes to his girlfriend but in a twist gets dumped (when I say twist, I mean like when Scooby Doo catches a ghost and it turns out to be the maid) and ends up with his long time best friend in the end. And he wears pink through the whole movie. I can’t decide who is more annoying; him or his character. I had to be on my best behavior since this wasn’t my place but within the first few minutes of his debut, I telepathically dented my soda can.

I was worried the film would only have one black hole of talent but when George Lopez showed up I breathed a huge sigh of relief. It’s funny but I tend to fall asleep to Nick@Nite and for some reason the George Lopez show is always on infringing on all the good shows. So I change the channel while saying aloud in my best Mexican accent “click” (cleeeeek). Naturally I repeated that when he showed up as one of Ashton’s employees. I didn’t even explain myself.

Okay, so I just looked at the IMDB page and the cast list is so long, if I ripped on every character in this movie, this post would be about 10,000 words and I would be create such a storm of hate, I think my ora would turn a visible tie dye of puke-purple-green and cause a rainstorm in this cafe’. So I will point out a few.

The typical chick-flick cute boy who buys flowers for his fist love in an elaborate display of innocent affection without fear of ridicule from his fellow classmates. Of course it’s not for a girl but the teacher. Shock and twist! But then he gets shot down by the teacher and he is forced to give his $55 dollar bouquet to the Indian girl. If I was a writer for this movie, this kid would be a quadriplegic and bullies would disconnect the battery from his rascal wheelchair and roll him into the girls restroom.

Ah, Jennifer Garner is the teacher of the sweet boy whose misguided crush leads her to her best friend Ashton Kutcher after she learns of her doctor/boyfriend’s double life marriage. She beats the shit out of a paper mache heart filled with chocolate (obviously women’s substitute to prozac on Valentine’s day) with an aluminum bat. God, who is the doctor that would cheat on that walking radar dish? Ooooo, she might hear me

Of course! It’s Dr. McDickless! How could one cast this movie any different? Wait…where is his counterpart, Dr. McDouche?

Oh good, there he is. I was worried that he would be left out from this all-star circus. He plays the quarterback that is in turmoil because he is gay and has to come out. That’s bad news for his agent…

Jessica Beil because she is a depressed single girl on Valentine’s Day that eats chocolate by the pound. Wow. That’s a hell of a character. Way to be an actress of discernment. but there is hope for her because she is falling for a sportscaster who is breaking the gay football hero story and it is none other than…

Jamie Foxx! Is it just me or does this guy look retarded? And by retarded I mean full on Oshkosh overalls and a helmet. I have always thought that and I feel liberated to speak my mind. But his powerful boss doesn’t think so. She is a strong stocky woman who could care less about Valentine’s Day because she couldn’t get laid in a prison with a fist full of pardons. That can only be…

Kathy Bates!

Man, I can’t do this anymore. The list is too long and the characters are too two-dimensional! The only way this movie could take anymore of a turn for the worst would be if Queen Latifah was in it.

Of course she is! Aaaaaaaaaand scene!

Let me end this on a good note. My buddy’s girlfriend cried twice during this movie and that’s okay. Different strokes for different folks and sometimes strokes make people retarded.

Good night folks!

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