A Very Random Halloween Vlog

Ho Boy am I going to probably regret posting this one but I love the season so much, I think this video expresses that feeling far more than words can. I was in the moment this past week so I decided instead of three videos I could just cover everything in one. I haven’t really watched it all the way through because I would most likely not post it. So here is to being an idiot!

Enjoy and enjoy the last weekend of October. I am off to Vegas for business so my last week will be weird at best. Make sure to do something spooky!

I love how the freeze frame of Videopress always manages to get me in a worst position. Assholes.

The Scariest Thing I Ever Did See

I don’t consider myself easily rattled. My life experiences have led me down odd paths like living in combat zones to jumping from planes to walking into a burning house looking in closets for trapped people. All of them had my heart pumping and sure, I have been spooked here and there. After my video series run of “Spooky NC” I definitely have seen my fair share of things which made my hair stand on end but that’s not saying I was ever terrified. Shocked and surprised would be better descriptions.

There was this time in 1998, however, that I have told few about but I can honestly say, it terrified me.

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Back then I was a few years into the US Army and had enough rank to become comfortable in my own skin and developed true friendships with my fellow brothers in arms. Stationed up in the Dahlonega mountains of North Georgia at Camp Merrell Ranger Training base, I was able to live off post with a couple of buddies, Mike and Jeremy. This was a new-found freedom I had not really experienced before and though our mornings started at 3am, evenings were ours to drink beer and hit the town in search for wild women and song. Actually, Jeremy had a girlfriend and Mike was a goody-two-shoes officer in training so I was often alone in my quest.

One fateful Saturday I had some off time so I headed to visit my high school chums who all led normal college lives in Athens, Georgia which was about an hour and a half from my apartment. It was a welcome getaway for me. No yelling and explosions. Just screaming coeds and booze.

Unfortunately, a soldier’s weekends were always cut short and I had to be back on base the following Sunday morning so I decided the least painful thing to do was to leave that night and drive the curvy HWY 52 all the way back and catch at lease a few hours of sleep. It was a dark and spooky drive with little traffic. I am sure it has changed over the past decade but then it was the Ichabod trip home from the ball, traveling past farmlands and vacant old farm houses.

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It also lacked important things like gas stations and well-lit areas in case of trouble. A two lane road with waist-high grass is no place to have a breakdown, especially when large semi trucks rocket past every so often. Occasionally a dead deer carcass reminded you of these very large trucks.

That night I made the poor decision to not fill up the car before I left the safety of the city and arrogantly believed a quarter tank of fuel was plenty to get me to the BP next to the complex. I learned a few things that night and one of them was the limitations of a Honda Civic LX.

I was within a mile from the intersection where 52 met the road the apartment was on and that is when the engine, oil and that triangle with an exclamation point in the middle light came on. The wheel lost power steering and I remember shouting, “NONONONONO!” and I drifted into the tall grass, clearing the car from the road. I couldn’t make it over the hill which had an orange flashing glow cresting the top. I tried restarting but if you have ever done a bone-headed thing like run out of gas then you know it is hopeless. I tuned on my hazards and waited for a few minutes both pissed at myself and concerned how I was going to make it home and make first formation which was only a few hours away. At that point I was unsure how close I really was to home. It could have been another fifteen miles for all I knew. I decided to walk.

I made my way to the top of the hill and realized how close I was to home because in the distance I saw the warning of road construction that was happening not too far from the apartment. I knew if I began to jog I could be home in less than ten minutes and bribe Jeremy to get out of bed and take me back to the car. The only concern I had at that point was passing the notorious abandoned gas station and shed which nature had taken over some thirty years ago.

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I remember forming a plan to switch to the opposite side of the road when jogging past this creepy structure. Many locals believe weird things go on there and the local sheriff has arrested odd characters and drifters taking shelter there. I wasn’t frightened by this but I didn’t want to find out anything more to add to the legend.

About a hundred feet I began to cross over but then I noticed the weeds were tall and absolutely nowhere to run along side the road. That’s when I also noticed a semi’s lights coming from behind to I was forced back to the other side where the gas station was. This is where I remember but can not tell if pure adrenaline blocked certain stuff out or add stuff in.

As the truck passed at a considerable speed, someone jumped out from behind a brick berm and screamed as if he were in terrific pain, swung either a pipe of a crowbar and hit the pavement inches from my feet. The force of that swing was so strong it must have reverberated up his arm causing him to drop the metal item. I looked over in that split second to see a gigantic human reaching out and taking ahold of my collar. This is when I lose memory of how I slipped out of my shirt and miracled myself up the top of the hill. I turned around and to this day that sight makes the hair on my arms stand on end and feet go numb.

I never saw faces because the road construction orange warning lights illuminated in blinking rhythm behind the few figures. I saw the outline of a large man with disheveled  hair holding a long object which must have been what he swung and missed me with. I saw a few others but for the life of me, I can’t accurately describe them because my next focus was on the child size person who was bald and skipping. It was a fucking Marylin Manson video in real life.

I was living a horrible dream and so terrified I began to laugh. I have no idea why this was my reaction but it was half insanity and half complete panic. I turned to run but only made it so far before I was winded and in hysterics. I had to pull myself together and survive this. I am in a specialized Army unit and this is how I am going to out? No way, José.

What seemed to be a life time, I finally made it to the BP station which was only a few hundred yards from the Apartments. And of course, it was closed with only the illuminating halogen lights over the pumps. A rational person probably would have used the pay phone and call the police but I believed if I could make it home, that was the safest place to be at the moment. And that’s when I heard it.

From the woods behind the gas station I heard cackling and screams. This was a real life horror movie and whether it was just bored red necks screwing with me or more malevolent people, it elicited a terror few have known and even fewer have lived to speak of. And that’s when I fucking began to laugh again! I couldn’t believe it!

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Terribly drawn map

Some how they figured out where I was going and were trying to cut me off through the woods. From deep within these said woods I could hear hysterical and maniacal laughter and screams. It was inhuman and if they were looking to give a young man a heart attack, they were doing a brilliant job. I honestly never heard anything spoken. Just cackling and screaming.

Finally, I reached the apartments and hesitated to run up to the door in fear that they would know where I lived but at that point the sounds were closing in so I either face them outside or pray that Jeremy or Mike was home and lock the door behind me. I decided that I needed some backup and raced through the from door shouting something stupid.

“Jesus, Jeremy! Mike! They are coming!”

Jeremy busted out from his room in complete surprise. I didn’t even get through half the story before he darted into his room and pulled out a .45 and loaded it as I grabbed another shirt. His girlfriend in the bed began shouting at him to call the police and not leave the apartment but our fear had switched to macho and he and I raced out the door down to his car. It’s amazing what a Colt .45 can do for the spirit when up against unknown forces.

We made it to the front gate of the apartment and realized leaving Stephanie alone was a horror movie no-no and went back to drag her along. She was pretty pissed about us darting out and leaving her. I believed we were called assholes no less than 900 times.

We sped to the spot where I was originally attacked and demanded Steph to wait as we got out with the headlights pointing at the station and shed. I didn’t hear any more shouting or laughing but I knew they were there. Watching. Jeremy had the pistol out and like we trained many times before we entered cautiously into the building only to find uneven floors and broken glass. There was obviously no one there or had been there in sometime so we went to the shed behind the store and that’s when we pieced it all together.

I wish we had cellphones with cameras but in the late 90’s because I still can’t believe it and nothing I can tell you would have done it justice. There were quite possibly over fifty candles, all recently blown out. A table with a large pentagram painted on it with, of course, my damn shirt in the middle. Also, a ton of feathers and what we agreed to be a deer skull lying on a chair. It was so creepy and unnerving, I can’t tell if it was something I actually witnessed or a dream. It just doesn’t seem like it was a real event. But it was. I had my friends to witness.

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We walked steadily back to the car where Steph was even more agitated. But before we reached the car Jeremy turned around to the woods behind the shed and shot off a number of rounds from the .45. The sound of the gunfire echoed and we didn’t hear a sound after. I stood there waiting for something to come running but there was absolutely nothing. Not even a cricket chirp.

We came home and Jeremy and I sat on the porch as the sky began to turn a purple hue. Stephanie had enough of the excitement and went back to sleep, shutting the door behind her in a forceful way. He declined to share with her what we found in the shed behind the station. Jeremy had a way of keeping those types of details from her as she was the type to cry over Snuggle Bear commercials.

He and I didn’t really speak, as we had a couple of beers and let the adrenalin drain from the system. I began to tell him about the skipping child-like figure and he cut me off not wanting to know. I think we figured out what scared us both and sometimes it’s better not to dwell on such matters.

When the sun was up I got into uniform and he drove me to put a can of gas in the car as we cautiously kept watch in the woods. I could get out of there fast enough and back to base.

A couple of months later we closed the apartment and I headed to Bosnia as Mike and Jeremy had other assignments. I kept in touch as best as I could but in those turmoil days after 9/11, we all went our own way. It’s an unspoken understanding I have learned over the years.

So that is a very true story. It happened and there isn’t much I can add. I have told this a few times but until now, I really haven’t reflected upon it in great detail. Now I need to go watch cartoons.

Fall Beer Review AND Spooky NC!

We are in the pipeline, folks. T-Minus ten days and counting before we switch from jack-o-lanterns to turkeys and trees. It’s hard to believe we are in the last third of the month but…we are. So let’s do it right.

Tonight I am reviewing a beer that takes all things pumpkin to a higher and more sophisticated level. I usually shy away from reviewing such beers because it will attract the beer snob who picks apart the video and scoffs at he fact a guy like me can have two cents to throw. If you are reading beer jerk, expect to be pissy. But, I wanted to shed some kind light on Rogue Pumpkin Patch Ale because of the way they make it. It’s a farm to table way that I love. Real pumpkins from their farms make this mild and sweet beer all the more enjoyable.

Also! Also my pal Dave tells a spooky story about a notable haunted bridge only miles from where I live. He’s the type that is pretty serious so I 100% believe this tale. Now whether it was a ghost, who knows? Sometimes the perception is as fun as the reality of an event.

Enjoy this video and expect another catchup post later tonight.

Halloween For The Dogs

Before I commence on writing this post I would like to please ask you not to inform PETA about this article. The dogs loved doing this. Well, at least one of them did.

Halloween is a time when we dress up and I believe it was originally intended to chase away evil spirits. Over the years it’s morphed into something quite different and now it’s all about slutty mail carriers and Miley Cyrus bears. I, myself, have not dressed up in a couple of years and I don’t have any kids to live vicariously through so my poor dogs get the brunt of my Halloween love. They have no choice. I pick up their poop.

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Meet my two furry models; Cosmo and Lolo Bean. They are the greatest dogs and give so much love it’s almost annoying but they are technically rescues so they should spread the love-vibe. If only I could get Cosmo to stop humping his blankets and Lolo so stop rooting through the bathroom trash basket.

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The first victim is Cosmo. Little Lolo could only watch in confusion while I wrestled Cosmo into his Prison Jumpsuit I bought from Target for the price of $11.99. It’s pretty cute and even has a little slot where the inmate number goes so you can write what his offenses are. I have a list like, barking at the next door neighbor’s kid, humping his blanket, chewing up my blankets, putting his wet snout on the center of my back when I am asleep, stealing Lolo’s chew treats and dropping tennis balls in the toilet. I decided to write “Being Cosmo”.

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It’s not too complicated of an outfit, but you can see he definitely doesn’t mind wearing it. Almost as if he feels good about it. A life of crime doesn’t pay, my friend, and you and I both know you get antsy in your crate. He does look cute running around in a onesy that is a size too small.

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Next victim is Lolo Bean. She’s a really patient type and lets me do pretty much anything other than clip her nails. She is wearing a cheerleader’s uniform I got from Target for $6.99 and I am not sure why this little piece of fabric costs so much. Regardless I slid her into the costume and found out that Bean might not qualify as a small dog.
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It’s pretty snug and you can tell from her expression she is anything but thrilled. She get’s lots of loves from everyone and I think a sense of entitlement is starting to take root with her. Either that or my continuing theory that she is plotting my murder by doing the only thing she can and try to suffocate me in my sleep. She even tries when I am away! You might think it’s cute how she forces her head over my mouth and nose and refuses to let me up but it is also weird and in the dark of her eyes, I see murder.

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SEE?!?! Evil in a “Rah Rah Ruff” costume.

It took awhile to wrestle Cosmo out of his jail suit for the next costume. It was a little more complex. It had a hat.

I bought him his second costume, again at Target, for the cool price of $24. Since Cosmo is a bottomless pit and will eat just about everything, I thought it was appropriate to dress him as a culinary professional. Or, as we know it, a chef. The issue with this costume is the hat. He takes off in a dead sprint for no real reason so I am expecting this hat to be chewed up and buried within the first hour of wearing it.

The main part of the costume wasn’t overly that complicated but it did involve a very low on the abdomen velcro belt and my forearm kept bumping his wiener which made for awkwardness and no eye contact for the rest of the night.

He’s a good boy but such a spaz! I could not get him to stay still long enough to successfully get everything in one fell swoop so I had to distract him with treats while I tied his kerchief, making sure he could still breath.

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Finally, we have the hat and it was not nearly as difficult as I was expecting. Believe it or not, it actually stayed on too! I think my friend and I laughed for a solid ten minutes when it was finally done. He looks half pathetic and half Gordon Ramsey.

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Trust me, he is a lot happier than he appears. In fact, I think I caught him checking himself out in the bathroom mirror. After he dropped another one of his tennis balls in the toilet. Very handsome, indeed.

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This is the look of something that will potentially shit in your shoe.

We finally come to the last costume, a dinosaur purchased at Target for around $15 and as you see, I didn’t put it on right. I though Lolo Bean was too fat for it but then upon closer inspection, I figured the top strap was for the neck, bringing the arms higher which made much more sense. Sorry I called you fat, Lolo.

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Not the greatest picture but here is what it is supposed to look like. Pretty fierce.

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She spent the rest of the night with her back turned to me. I fear for my life now.

That’s the pet costume show of 2013. I hope you dress your furry family members up too and share them with the rest of us.

McBoo Pails…Sort Of.

As a kid nothing signified that Halloween was truly here like the launch of the McDonald’s Boo Pales. I am guessing the first ones came out around 1986 which carried strong all the way through the 90’s and then something happened. Maybe kids got fat and Burger University did a study and came to the conclusion that tradition and awesomeness was to blame? Whatever the reason, the Boo Pails disappeared for a few years leaving me sad and broken with nowhere to put candy that it can marinate in french fry smell. But luckily for us nostalgia nuts, they brought them back in the mid-2000’s. Happy days were had by all until now, 2013.

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What the Hell is this? What does this have to do with Halloween? WHO SOLD THEIR SOUL TO DISNEY AND….GIRL TOY MAKER? You can actually hear the boardroom conversation where McDonald executives laugh evilly as they award contracts to Monster High, Star Wars, Lucas Film Ltd and Angry Birds. This sucks and I hate it.

And that is when I need to remind myself I am in my mid-30’s and what is neat to a six-year-old is probably total dog shit to me. I just hate when companies like these ride on the Halloween wave with no intention of giving a nod to the holiday. Or the people who made them a success.

Well, since I bought two of them I might as well see what they are all about.

Let us start with the girl bucket. (Or boy bucket if they so choose. I wouldn’t but that’s me.) From the Monster High toy line we see Frankie Stein and her diva face performing a hip 1960’s dance with a severed arm. Okay, I guess that is a little Halloween but it’s also clearly a year-round toy line so, I am sorry, it does not count.

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Inside the bucket we have the same old Happy Meal that you can get in April; a tiny french fry, burger or chicken nugget, apples and small drink. McDonald’s cuts a corner with the toy but does provide stickers which I am sure all parents will be chiseling off the TV and a link to a phone app where kids can play a game. This will make parents even happier. RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE SARCASM RABBLE RABBLE.

The Angry Bird Star Wars  bucket is exactly the same; stickers to be stuck somewhere and phone apps to smudge apple-sticky fingers on mom and dad’s iPhone screen. I don’t feel I need to give a side by side comparison.

 

The app is the only real Halloween themed part of the pails this year. I guess I am okay with this but McDonald’s really doesn’t hide the fact it’s all about low overhead. It’s as if the entire American society blamed little Fat Fatty Kevin’s obesity on puppet McNuggets dressed in Halloween costumes and demanded McDonald’s be lame and provide fruit.

Oh…wait. They actually did.

Let’s take a look at the app. Maybe there is some soul preserving qualities here.

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“Hey kids, this is advertising!”

Noooo shit, McDonald’s. I guess it’s just a little funny to see them state that in such a way. It’s even funnier that they are addressing kids when clearly it’s meant for adults (with no life) who care.

Okay, I feel the spooky vibe they are giving here. It’s very much like an Angry Bird skill where you pull the ball back and try to land it in the cauldron using trajectory and a bit of gentle skill. The hilarity begins when you have to collect vegetables, protein and fruit. Notice how the protein is a fish?

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Who does McDonalds think they are? I bought two buckets to write this review and Lord knows I don’t have any self-control so I ate two tiny fries, a hamburger, four chicken nuggets, two sprites and half an apple that I am sure is 40% preserves. Absolutely nothing in this meal is good for me or for my diet (yes, I am on a diet) so to have a game where you need to collect a carrot, a fish and a pear gives me the giggles. Sorry McD’s, you ain’t health no matter what you shove at kids. Sure, deep-fried meat pellets have protein but they also have fat-butt.

In conclusion I will say, I looked forward to what McDonalds was going to bring to the season since August. Not that I feel good about buying kids meals at 11pm and getting the weird eye from the McDonalds employee who HAS ONLY ONE EYE but I feel that a bit of my childhood is alive in Boo Pales and kids of today should experience them without having shit they already enjoy everyday plastered all over it. LET IT BE HALLOWEEN AND UNHEALTHY! IT WON’T KILL ANYONE!

D Minus. Try again next year.

 

 

 

Target’s Ghoulish Potions

If you have been reading VeggieMacabre for any length of time then you know I am a beer guy and really not much of a mixed drink fan. Sure, around Thanksgiving and Christmas I appreciate a glass of eggnog or apple brandy with a cinnamon stick but usually, it’s all about the beer. I guess it’s similar to cat person versus dog person, if the cat person didn’t completely hate dogs.

Where am I going with this? Oh yeah!

I prefer beer over liquor but if it is named “Ghoulish Potions”, I like liquor. This article might not clear the trees on take off but I am about to drink five martinis so it will absolutely land like a rock. Crash positions and brace for impact.

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We are going to start off with Strawberry. As you see above I don’t have a proper shaker so I will have to make do with this terrible and embarrassing martini set I put together from my glass cabinet. Don’t worry, vodka mixed with sugar-water shouldn’t really be any different no matter how it’s mixed.

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So, I am starting out with strawberry. I know, I have already said that. A shot of Absolute vodka, the whole mini bottle of the strawberry martini mix, a few quick shakes in cheap plastic tumblers, and I have a drink Dracula approves of. Or perhaps not. I tasted this little drink of terrible and I can completely see how someone could have a real bad night drinking a few of these.  Imagine dissecting forty Gusher fruit snacks, extracting the goo and adding vodka. I can promise you no amount of Tums will neutralize this.

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Blueberry! I actually didn’t mind this as much. Kinda of weird, but this mix has twice the carbs and sugar of the rest of the potions so already it had something a little different to separate it from the pack. Besides acknowledging that it’s horrible for you, I am in love with the color. All blue drinks get an automatic passing grade with me anyway, but the taste wasn’t at all offensive. And that surprised me because I have always stated blueberries to be the “just okay” berry.

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Pomegranate martini mix was an odd beast. I wanted to like it but the pervasive plastic after taste kept me questioning whether this was a fruit cocktail or a melted down M.U.S.C.L.E. man cocktail. The color isn’t as neon as the strawberry or raspberry but it is just as offensive to the palate. If you have never had pomegranate, don’t let this be your first experience because that would be like finding a person who has never had a banana and feeding them a yellow pillowcase. (Damn, these drinks are kicking in, can you tell?)

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Green apple! I remember when green apple martinis were all the rage because young people (thinking specifically of my old dates) didn’t know a good drink if landed on their face and started to wiggle. I am being snobby, aren’t I? Sorry, it’s just not my bag and if I wanted a drink that was half Blow-Pop, I wouldn’t run to sour apple.

This mix is not much different but in a shocking twist, it is one of the lesser offenses in the pack. I was expecting a green spew of sour mix but instead its milder than most apple martinis I have had. I am not saying it’s good but I didn’t have to stick my finger down my throat and jam an insulin needle in my neck after the first sip.

I was going to review Raspberry but the silent “P” angers me so I will leave you with this: it sucked. It’s red, distant aftertaste of raspberry and so sweet I actually had visions. Of what, something something Hellraiser something Event Horizon.

Well, that is my harsh review of the “Ghoulish Potions” which are exclusively at Target. I know I was a Negative Nancy about them but I rarely drink anything but beer so it’s kind of wasted on this guy. I will say, you could probably make a delightful drink with these if you ignore the instructions that calls for the entire bottle to one ounce shot of vodka. Maybe mix half a bottle to an ounce and a half with tonic to cut the sweetness? I could be down for that.

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I did have a little scientific method to this taste test. You will notice the horrible handwriting I have been practicing since over half of my career is hanging around physicians. You can still read mine so there are improvements to be done.

After this test and many awful drinks I found myself rapidly passing through the stages of drunkenness with my office buddy. I have to hand it to him, he has more patience than I would have.

Thanks for putting me to bed with a trashcan close by, buddy.

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EDIT!!! The package clearly states that Cranberry was suppose to be in the pack but they secretly replaced it with Strawberry. You sneaky cheeky dicks. 

Candy Corn Coffee

CANDY. CORN. COFFEE.

It’s fun to say, no? I was a little skeptical when I saw the Fall flavored coffee in Target last week but I took the plunge and decided that is the fuel to drive me out of bed each morning.

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The good people at Archer Farms gave us a few different flavors for the Autumn season like Pumpkin, Butter Rum and, of course, Candy Corn. Pumpkin and Butter Rum are nice but for this review I gotta stick to the odd and macabre so Candy Corn gets the nod for a review.

I love the smell of coffee, especially right out of the package before the brewing process. I have been known to get hypoxia in a Fresh Market from taking hundreds of deep smelling inhales around the coffee barrels. It’s a problem and I am seeking help. And this bag is no help. It smells like heaven and I have a hard time putting it down. It’s sweet and buttery, much like a real bag of candy corn. That’s where the true test lies.

Candy corn is a deceiving beast. It will lure you with its amazing aroma and when you put it in your mouth, it breaks a part and the brain immediately believes you are trying to eat an inedible object. Candy corn is truly the chap stick of candy.

Lucky for me, you and the people at Archer Farms, coffee translates different when smell-to-taste comparisons are involved. It tastes better! I was so happy to take the first sip and not taste a waxy plastic but instead buttery, warm and a touch of sweetness for the palate. I love this coffee. I love that this coffee loves me. We are getting married this November so watch out for “save the date” invites.

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My coffee maker, “THE BREW MASTER”, and I are not as close. It’s impossible to make coffee in the morning without involving half a roll of paper towels. I would buy a new one but the only time I make that commitment is 5:30 in the morning and that motivation is long gone by lunchtime. One of these days it’s going to involve electricity, me and a funny smell my neighbors will complain about. Until then, Brawny and I will have a close monetary bond.

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I give this coffee an A+++++ because of the wonderful aroma, pleasant taste and Halloween theme. It is absolutely the perfect way to start the day when you look this bad at 0′ Dark Thirty in the morning and it’s cold and rainy outside.

The pumpkin is just so-so. I made the mistake of buying really expensive pumpkin coffee before Archer Farms so I had already spoiled my taste buds.

Go get some Candy Corn Coffee! You will not regret it. I think it’s around $8 a bag.

Spooky North Carolina: “Körner’s Folly”

Man oh man, I have been a busy beaver lately. Work always seems to wait until I specifically ask for a break to go completely insane. A little unknown Murphy’s law is “Don’t countdown to Halloween; just acknowledge it’s coming.”. I never take my own advice and end up over promising.

So, here is my latest episode in the series, “Spooky NC” where a friend and I poke our noses around a very odd house located right down from where I live. I have always seen it driving through the little town of Kernersville but until recently, I never had a reason to ask about it. I am glad I did.

It was built in the late 1800’s and nicknamed a “Folly” because of the crazy price tag attached to the building process and the fact it’s just an odd design in general. Every room has its own distinct personality, shape and size. It’s as if a seven-year old drew up the blue prints. I can see how many people in the Körner family thought this was a something that could eventually be the downfall to the family name.

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The house itself sat boarded up and abandoned from the 1960’s through the 1980’s until the city decided to restore it to the original condition and use it for holiday events, social gathering spots and tourism. Since then it has been a pretty popular place and a money pot for the little city of Kernersville, NC. But it also came with something else. Unexplained noises are common there to the locals who walk past the old house at night. They report lights from inside the closed building and the police have a special numbered call when the motion detectors trip the house alarm.

Last year a paranormal investigative team spent the night there and found some pretty convincing evidence like kids laughing from the bedrooms and actually recorded what sounded like a cocktail party on the top floor where plays and parties were held. On their way out of the house early in the morning over half of the lights mysteriously came on as they were backing out of the parking lot. Creepy.

So, that’s a brief and shitty history of the house. Now I want to talk about what happened when we went there.

The house closes to the public at 4pm on Saturdays but will stay open for just a few people who might want to get ghostly evidence if you ask nicely and donate a few extra dollars to the Körner’s upkeep fund. And that’s exactly what I did! I dragged my poor friend there since she likes that sort of stuff anyway and it was just us in the house for a good thirty minutes while the two staff ladies went to their office across the street. I had the camera and my friend snapped pictures on her phone as we made our way through the different levels.

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I didn’t get a spooked feeling or the creeps but I will say it’s a house like no other that I have been in. It almost didn’t make sense structurally. Every time you stepped it echoed and creaked so I have no idea how anyone got a moment of rest there. When editing this I decided to leave the audio out and overlay it with music because all you hear is deafening footsteps and breathing. And that brings me to the only thing we think we witnessed. Or think we did.

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Okay, so remember when I was saying that we were the only two in the building? Yeah….that’s the top of someones head looking over the railing two floors below us. I absolutely did not see that when I snapped this picture and when I showed it to my buddy, she screamed as if there was a spider on her head because we were both absolutely positive we were alone. I am not saying one way or another if this is a ghost but I can be sure of one thing, it’s not a person hiding in the house and somehow tip-toeing around.

And why didn’t I see that when I took the picture? It’s crazy. I guess you would have to be there to fully understand there is no way for another person to be in that house without either of us knowing. The stairs alone would give you away!

I’ll leave it up to you. Here is my short video that starts with a festival up in the North Carolina mountains and some of the people there were far scarier than any ghost could be. Enjoy!

6, 6, 6 Scary Scenes Mwaa Haa Haa

For years horror movies have always been the preferred choice in my household. I can’t tell you why, but also I can’t tell you why insane hot sauce is my condiment for everything. I guess it is that “in the moment” discomfort I crave. Sadistic or masochistic, you say? Maybe. All I know is that on a rainy and cold night, you will find me on a couch, eating pizza sprinkled with Dave’s Insanity sauce watching The Exorcist 666 times because it keeps getting funnier every time I see it.

Another reason I watch horror movies over, let’s say, comedies or dramas is because they stick with you. Especially certain scenes. You never come home at night from watching Die Hard 5 in theatre and race to turn on the lights because you are worried Bruce Willis is behind the couch, do you? No, you don’t! I want to feel that twinge of fear, that moment when you have to squint your eyes because if you only see 30% of a scene it might not be as scary, that feeling of waking up at 3:33am and wanting to pee but there is no way you’re putting your feet on the floor. I love it all and spending $15 at the theatre should involve a bit of residual entertainment.

Today, I want to share six scenes from amazing films that have and always will stick with me. To some, they may not be scary at all but for some reason they give me the chills. I can’t tell you if I over analyze or I really am just a wuss, but take a gander and see if you share my moments in cinema scares.

The Haunting 1963

Oh boy this one got me. I remember back in 2006 I was sitting on the couch, flipping through the channels when I stumbled across the opening title of The Haunting. Intrigued by the title, I stayed to give it a shot even though it was a black and white movie and to a nitwit like I was, that almost certainly means “not scary”. Man oh man, I could not have been more wrong. The whole movie was a creep fest and when the girl I was dating at the time came through the front door, I almost jumped out of my skin.

This scene was by far one of the most creep-out parts even modern horror films of the day could not hold a candle to. From the giggling to the inaudible chattering behind the door, it still makes my hairs stand on end. Watch and see!

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Of course if you are a fan of the horror genre you have most likely seen the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. If you have not, go back to your Sandra Bullock movies. (I kid) This film has plenty of disturbing and creepy images but the very beginning always made this one, the film that separates itself from the pack. Corpses posed on a tombstone with a radio news bulletin in the background paints a macabre scene and swearing off ever going to rural Texas.

The Blair Witch Project

Why did this film get such a bad rap? For the life of me I cannot understand why? The actors were amazing, there was a constant sense of hopeless dread and above all, the disorienting sounds in the woods insuring that going camping will never be the same again. A particular scare that has never left me was the sounds of dead children playing right outside the character’s tent. I actually felt their panic and when they bolted from the tent, it was hard to tell acting from true terror. Turn off the lights and turn up the speakers. Let your imagination do the rest.

The Amityville Horror

It’s said that this is a true story and to a kid that always amplifies the scare factor by ten but besides all the hype, the ghost/demon/rocking chair enthusiast, Jodi really was what kept the closet light on. This was my first real horror movie that didn’t rely on the Universal monster magic or special effects. A simple empty rocking chair moving on its own and glowing eyes  will paralyse me far easier than some a dude tearing his face off. Maybe I easily impressed?

This scene easily takes a top spot. Be quiet, I don’t wear a dress!

Ghost Story

I grew up without cable so I was always a little tardy to the party when it came to movies that were taboo to a young boy’s eyes. However, my grandparents did and a fateful day in 1984 I channel surfed right into this little ditty. For the first half of the movie, Ghost Story, you see a terrifying specter take revenge on old men in this type of “BOO!” fashion. It worked on me. I have a specific memory of actually running away from the TV.

The Brood

This was a movie that came later in my adolescence though I have always known about it. Although I didn’t find the movie to be all that scary, the scene in the kitchen was shot so perfectly, I think about it at least twenty times a day. Usually about wooden hammers. I can’t tell whether it’s the look on the children’s faces or the fact there isn’t a sound made before all Hell breaks loose.

Maybe it’s kids in snowsuits? I don’t know.

Well, there you have it! The six creepy scenes that I think about right when I begin to fall asleep.

What are yours? Do you have a movie that surprised you or took you off guard? Share them with me either here, Facebook or Twitter! 

Sleep tight.

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