Month: December 2012

Cheap Christmas Countdown: Day 9

Brian rules. Let’s get that out-of-the-way.

Okay, so this is kind of a lame one for the beginning of the “Cheap Christmas Countdown” but I can assure you this is worth it. If you require light, heat, and fragrance then you require a Yankee candle. Well, at least fragrance.

I was at Big Lots the other day and I stumbled on the candle section and I knew this had to be reviewed. Partly because I had just recently bought a $30 Yankee candle and wanted to make sure I wasn’t stupid for spending that amount just to pretend I am in a forest.

Oh boy, the generic candles went right for the holiday throat and waxed the season into a “Winter Spruce” candle! Sorry for the doodling, I didn’t think about the backdrop when I took this.

The big difference between this Big Lots candle and a Yankee candle is $26…at first glance. I also bought Happy Gilmore for $4.99 on DVD the same day and I know I paid over $20 for that movie in 1998. Why is this relevant? Well, these type of stores sell on the premiss that one man’s junk is another’s treasure. Shooter McGavern eats shit for breakfast and I bought a candle. Vagina-boob.

Shut up.

So let’s test this candle! I never expect much from any candle not Yankee because to me, Yankee candles are the Jelly Belly of all “smell-stuff”. They can mimic any fragrance known to man so I am grateful Spencer’s Gifts hasn’t bought significant stock and have a line of “Sweaty Emo Girl” and “1998 Saturn Seat” to plague studio apartments across the globe.

I had no other way to test this other than lighting the candle and leaving it in the guest bathroom for an hour.

Smelled like a $4.00 candle. No trace of pine or winter spruce. It didn’t smell bad but the indifference was the offense.

I hate it. I hate it worse that my toilet won’t stop running now that I sat on the top part of it from the picture above. I also need to confess I was out with my coworkers and may have had a bit much to drink. Is this where I confess? I guess. I need to go punch the top of the toilet. I think that is what people do.

CHECK IN FOR THE NEXT REVIEW OVER AT REVIEW THE WORLD!!!!

 

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10 Days Of Cheap Christmas With RtW!!!

So it begins.

Screen Shot 2012-12-13 at 8.05.45 AM

Brian from Review the World and I have created a joint project where we bring you a ten day countdown for cheap ways to celebrate the most wonderful time of the year. I have been a huge fan of Brian’s site for years so this is a great thing for me. Please click the cat and read Day 1 of the countdown and tomorrow ( really late tonight) check back here for my review!

This will be fun. SO HAVE FUN, DAMN IT!

CLICK ON TOMO THE CAT!

 

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The Christmas Novelty That Will Not Die

This is starting to be an unintentional trend here on Veggiemacabre and I while I don’t want this to be a candy blog, tis the season, you know? I really wish this was a Triscuit/Hormell pepperoni blog but that would just attract eighty year old versions of me and a tarot card reader said I would grow into an asshole. I hope that she didn’t mean that literally.

The ol’ hard candy mix that has plagued every grandmother’s, great aunt’s and crazy cat lady’s holiday candy dish since Moses smoked weed, talked to a burning bush and was told to decorate a Christmas tree leading to why we celebrate Jesus’s birth…that way. It’s a staple for my holiday traditions and while I never could chip away a piece from the fused mix that I can remember, Christmas would not be Christmas without it.

Surprise bag! Here we have a good window (that is fogged up with candy dust) of what this assortment is without having to get sticky. Nothing is really standing out as the candy from 1985 that Grandma bought in ’66 but that is why this bag is called “Deluxe Filled Hard Candy” and the other is called “Old Fashion Mix”. So high hopes for the latter.

I don’t know why but every time I say the phrase “old fashion” I think of the wallpaper from Subway in 1987 and Three Dog Night. Weird.

So here we have both packs; “Old Fashion” on the left and “Deluxe” on the right. I can definitely recognize some pieces and for a brief second my olfactory senses took me back to a time when the only concern was having to visit my great aunt who continuously cleared her throat and spit into tissues followed by reapplying lipstick. God rest her soul.

I am really not sure if this is a review or just an ode to Christmas candy but I think I owe it to all those who are like me and have never tasted these assortments but had to have them within reaching distance from the tree. I owe it to my great aunt at least.

WATERMELON NUMBNUTS!

Take it for what it is. These candies will always have a soft spot in my heart that is three sizes too small. I don’t think they are for eating as much as they are for adding color and a bit of nostalgic glory to the season. There is one last test though…

Houston, we have perfection.

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