The Christmas Novelty That Will Not Die


This is starting to be an unintentional trend here on Veggiemacabre and I while I don’t want this to be a candy blog, tis the season, you know? I really wish this was a Triscuit/Hormell pepperoni blog but that would just attract eighty year old versions of me and a tarot card reader said I would grow into an asshole. I hope that she didn’t mean that literally.

The ol’ hard candy mix that has plagued every grandmother’s, great aunt’s and crazy cat lady’s holiday candy dish since Moses smoked weed, talked to a burning bush and was told to decorate a Christmas tree leading to why we celebrate Jesus’s birth…that way. It’s a staple for my holiday traditions and while I never could chip away a piece from the fused mix that I can remember, Christmas would not be Christmas without it.

Surprise bag! Here we have a good window (that is fogged up with candy dust) of what this assortment is without having to get sticky. Nothing is really standing out as the candy from 1985 that Grandma bought in ’66 but that is why this bag is called “Deluxe Filled Hard Candy” and the other is called “Old Fashion Mix”. So high hopes for the latter.

I don’t know why but every time I say the phrase “old fashion” I think of the wallpaper from Subway in 1987 and Three Dog Night. Weird.

So here we have both packs; “Old Fashion” on the left and “Deluxe” on the right. I can definitely recognize some pieces and for a brief second my olfactory senses took me back to a time when the only concern was having to visit my great aunt who continuously cleared her throat and spit into tissues followed by reapplying lipstick. God rest her soul.

I am really not sure if this is a review or just an ode to Christmas candy but I think I owe it to all those who are like me and have never tasted these assortments but had to have them within reaching distance from the tree. I owe it to my great aunt at least.

WATERMELON NUMBNUTS!

Take it for what it is. These candies will always have a soft spot in my heart that is three sizes too small. I don’t think they are for eating as much as they are for adding color and a bit of nostalgic glory to the season. There is one last test though…

Houston, we have perfection.

4 thoughts on “The Christmas Novelty That Will Not Die

  1. Yea I totally remember seeing these at my grandma’s. We’re kindred spirits, sir — thought I was alone with my retro Subway wallpaper fetish!

Speak to me, Egor.

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