Tag: Ghostbusters

Candy Cane Culture Clash

This is a topic I have been meaning to write about for years but for some reason or another, I find myself in February before I can. So today, while it is still relevant, I want to write about candy canes. And not the ones we grew up with…

…but the candy canes that truly are candy. I believe Lifesaver candy was the first shot over the bow of Christmas to tell peppermint to get bent. But this bold and progressive move against holly-jolly opened the flood gates and soon other candy makers began to take their goodies, shape them into canes, package them in boxes and ship them to the stores for a 200% profit. How they didn’t jump on this back in the 1950’s when most teenagers still believed in Santa and a desk could stop a nuclear blast, I don’t know. But they are here now, and for twenty bucks I’m going to review them.

As you can see, I have made an Imperial Star Destroyer out of the boxes of candy canes that are about to be reviewed. I will admit, the color spectrum is quite festive and it almost seems a shame to take them out of the box and chew them up. But this site isn’t a photography sight (no shit) and I am less of a guy to stop and gaze at beauty so let’s bust them out.

So I have or tried to remove all the candy canes from the boxes. The Sour Patch Kids did not fare too well but as a guy in his thirties I no longer feel the need to suck my candy cane into a shanking weapon so broken or not, they eat the same to me. You will also notice that these have been labeled and displayed to easy choosing. I did, however, forget to segregate them by flavor. Aw fuck. Oh well, I’ll be surprised.

First! Okay, here we have Jolly Rancher Candy Canes and these appear to be the “Smoothie” edition. Interesting. They come in three flavors being strawberry, mixed berry and watermelon. I am only trying a couple flavors in this review because in all honesty, I have no sweet-tooth. If given the choice between a candy cane and a dry two-day-old triscuit that may or may not have been on the kitchen floor, I would most likely choose the latter. But what the hay, it’s Christmas and if you have been reading this site for any length of time then you know my reviews hold zero weight.

For all those who think that I am eating every variety in whole, this is a no. I have wrestled these out of their insanely tight wrapping and broken a tip off because…why do you think? Exactly. This particular candy cane is most definitely watermelon. If you can’t tell watermelon in taste, you have something seriously wrong with all six senses. I can most definitely taste the Jolly Rancher though the “smoothie” part is a miss on me. It is just sweeter and less sour than a normal watermelon Jolly Rancher is. (8 out of 10 Tim Allen fat suits)

Starburst Candy Canes. I have a bone to pick with these. Green Apple is not a flavor in the original Starburst line. Out of all the winning flavors in the lineup, why did they choose a nonexistent flavor? It confuses me much the same as why the Peanut gang are in different costumes for all recent Charlie Brown Halloween merchandise. It’s a stretch by comparison but the nerve is the same. So I’m not going to try the green apple. I am going with the strawberry flavor because I need to see if these candy canes are indeed the same as the glorious taffy originals. And holy shit they do!!! I am more of a cherry and orange Starburst fan but I will never leave a pink one for last. This is a pleasant surprise. I can’t vouch for the green apple because, what would I compare it to? (8 out of 10 Moose Mugs)

Gobstoppers have always been a mystery to me. I think it’s the name. According to the source of all things true, Wikipidia, the term “gob” means “mouth” in the United Kingdom. (Guise, is this true?) Therefore, a gobstopper must mean to stop one’s mouth. And…I learned something today. Anyway, Gobstoppers were never my first choice as a kid but I did fill a paintball gun with some and had minor success at making a kid cry about twenty years ago.

Oh, the candy canes you asked? Meh. I chose the white one just out of curiosity.

Call me gross if you must, but doesn’t this remind you of a baby tooth just recently lost? It’s the only thing I can think of once I cracked this piece off. Perhaps it’s strange irony but this should be a foretelling of tooth decay to come. The taste? It’s fruit punch. Most definitely fruit punch. (7 out of 10 Narwhals)

These are the ones I have been dying to review. Sour Patch Kids have been the candy of choice every time I go to the movies and a box of these can certainly burn all taste away for a solid week. I also like to share them with friends and press that little spot between the jaw and the bottom of the earlobe. Try it next time your eating these. You’ll hate it.

I tried to make sure that all the boxes of candy canes were purchased without damage but I believe these floppy cocks were shoved in the box the same way Lenny pets a mouse. But like I said, I am not here for looks. It’s the similarity to the original that I am here to review.

They are sour, there’s no argument with that but as for the similarity? Not really. They are Lifesaver candy canes dipped in Sour Patch Kid sour…sugar…stuff. It’s exactly what I expected so therefor I will only give it an average grade. (7 out of 10 Figgy Puddings)

Spree! I love the name. Spree candy canes promise to have a “flavor kick” on the inside much like the original candy that tastes like Advil on the outside and a powdery sour mix on the inside. Between the 500% of daily sugar intake and the fact these are hard candies, it makes Spree a dental nightmare. To combat this Willy Wonka adds that thse are fat free candies. So we have that going for us!

These are pretty good. I am not going to lie that of all the candy canes, these have come out close to the top only because they are not absurdly sweet and sour. I’m an ordinary average guy so there for these will get an above average average grade. (9 out of 10 Bumpus Hounds)

Well it’s nice to see someone hasn’t forgotten the mint in a candy cane! I love these! As an addict of coffee and tea, I have the need to brush my teeth five times a day. What? I don’t know why I needed to say that. Oh yeah! This has a great coffee-like taste to it and sure enough, it’s a spectacular stir stick! Hershey does a great job with the “less is more” angle and if you like mint in your stick and enjoy chocolate too, this candy cane is for you. Damn, I need to write jingles.             (10 out of 10 ill-digested potato or beef resulting in a hallucination of the ghost of Jacob Marley) 

Last but not least we have come to Sweetart Candy Canes and the ones that look most similar in color scheme to the intro to Saved By The Bell. Like most other assorted candy canes, these come in a variety of flavors being cherry, green apple and blue punch. I choose you, Blue! Pika! Pika!

These are just like what I had imagined. What a shocker. They are mildly sour and that stays through duration of eating. I like them but in all honesty, a 13 year old’s pallet is what these things were designed for. Without a lot of fanfare I will end this review on an average grade. (8 out of 10 shoeless John McLanes)

So there you have it! These aren’t your traditional peppermint candy canes and some don’t quite taste like their original form but I like the spirit of them. This is the time of year to get a cavity or two, gain a couple of pounds or even suck a cane to a sharp point and stab those terrible inflatable lawn ornaments across the street that you’ve been staring at for the past month. These are all good things so be good for goodness sakes…somebody’s comin’! Somebody’s comin’! Wait, that was from Ghostbusters.

Sorry for the lack of Christmas posts. I am getting a better laptop because this one sounds like the truck/generator that Arnold filled with explosives, lifted off it’s stand and pushed into an enemy tent in the movie, Predator.

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal!

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Where Did You Go? Part 6

I guess it is time for another installment of “Where Did They Go” so I can have an excuse to cruise the world of IMDB and Wikipedia searching for those random few who rarely get the spotlight anymore. It’s part curiosity and part obsessiveness because I don’t want them to be forgotten. I have always been the one to remember the supporting cast or the scene that no one cares about. Really, that’s pretty much the whole theme of this blog; the odd and random that people don’t or shouldn’t think about. And we’re off….

“But i didn’t know you were going to be giving me electric shwocks!”

Steve Tash was the poor student who fell prey to Bill Murray’s experiment on ESP for five bucks and 80 volts. Actually if I’m not mistaken he told Venkman we could keep the five bucks. Regardless, he gets and A + when for the gum being shocked out of his mouth. Besides Ghostbusters, Steve was in a few movies like Stephen King’s/ John Carpenter’s Christine, Beach Balls and Snowballing. (I don’t think I want to know what “snowballing” means.) I am pretty sure you can find Beach Balls and Snowballingon Showtime around 3am. He has even been in a couple episodes of Diff’rent Strokes as the character “Weasle”. But other than that it looks like Steve’s career in acting came to an end. Poor guy didn’t even get a name in Ghostbusters. He was named “male student” in the credits.

I have no idea what happened to Steven Tash after 1988. I mean, he didn’t even get a guest star spot on Murder She Wrote! It seems every actor around that time at least had some part in that show. I don’t even know if this guy is still above ground. Literally! He might be dead. Ghostbusters was 24 years ago and he has to be at least 44. I’m just saying, heart disease is a bitch. So, Steve, if you are still kicking, let us know.

 Oh man, it’s Thunder, Lightning and Rain from the movie, Big Trouble In Little China! That movie has always been a favorite of mine and oddly enough it has come up in conversation more than once this week. So that got me wondering what ever happened to these three mystical beings.

 I am going to start with “Rain” played by Peter Kwong. He was the sword swinging, long haired  bad guy that weirdly enough, didn’t have a Chinese accent. I always think of the battle between him and Wang (Dennis Dun) and that strange moment when Rain was caught looking at Wang’s, uh, wang I guess. Wang responded with an exaggerated eyebrow raise. Check it out the next time you see the movie. I’m not making that up.

  Peter has been in a shit load of TV episodes prior and after BTILC (Had to abriviate. That’s such a long movie title.) to include “MaGyver”, “Miami Vice”, “227”, “Tour of Duty”, “Dynasty”, “The A-Team”, “Manimal”, “Amazing Stories”, “Full House”, and on and on and on…. As far as film he was in The Golden Child and others but maybe they were SciFi TV movies. You know the ones like Gator Man or Tyrano Dog. Regardless of what movies he did, Peter Kwong is still cranking out TV show appearences today. He resides in LA and it looks like he is doing better than ever. He teaches Tai Chi at a 24 hour Balley’s gym and serves as Governer of the Preformers Peer Group at the Acadamy of TV, Arts and Sciences. Good job Pete and thank you.

  It’s Lightning! This guy was my favorite and I am still unsure how they killed him off in BTILC.  The guy who played him is James Pax who, like Peter Kwong, has a few appearances in a lot of well known TV shows like “MaGyver”, “Nash Bridges”, “Tour Of Duty”, “Matlock” and “Scarecrow And Mrs. King”.  Makes you wonder if they have the same agent?

  Man, James Pax has been a busy man. He was born in Japan, lived in Italy, educated at New York University in International Business, became a professional ballet dancer and master of Kung Fu, sang in South America, was a model in Milan, was on Broadway and currently resides in China working on the Chinese version of “Sex In The City” called “I Just Really Want To Fall in Love”. I guess “Sex In The City” doesn’t translate too well. It’s like the word pool. In China it’s called a “swimming gym”. So anyway, his life just wore out my fingers. Fucking over achiever.

  And finally we have Thunder. I didn’t really understand his specialty besides blowing himself up. If that is his power then I thing Lo Pan really fucked up his choice of body guards. I must admit that his few lines were ones to remember. “I con hep yuuu.” Classic!

  Carter Wong is a real bad ass in life. BTILC was one of only a couple movies he did in America. Before that he was in real Kung Fu movies to include a few staring roles with the late, great Bruce Lee. He even taught martial arts at the Royal Hong Kong police department. Now that is a dude who can kick your ass six ways to Sunday. I hope Kurt Russel was nice to him. By the way, how many people named Carter come from China? I’m just saying.

  “My name is Horace!” Actually it was Brent Chalem who played the tubby kid that was the weenie Monster Squad memeber. But I had to give him props for kicking the Wolfman in the nards. Yes Horace, Wolfmen do have nards.

  I found this out from our beloved Mystie who wrote one of the best reviews for the movie Monster Squad that I have ever read. It’s true, Horace is dead. Brent died in 1997 at the age of 22 from Pnemonia in Las Vegas, Nevada. I still can’t believe it. He was working as a legal assistant for a law firm at the time. I guess his career never took off even though he did appear in “Punky Brewster”, “Quantum Leap” and “Mr. Belvedere”. We even have the same birthday too. I’m sorry Brent. We hardly even knew you.

 

Streaks on the china,
never mattered before,
who cares.When you dropped kicked your jacket
As you came through the door,
No one glared.
But sometimes things get turned around
And no one’s spared.
All hands look out below T
here’s a change in the status quo.
Gonna need all the help that we can get.

According to our new arrival
Life is more than mere survival
We just might live the good life yet.

 

 

 He sure did live the good life but Mr. Belvedere is dead too. Poor Christopher Hewett died in 2001 from complications with his diabetes in Los Angeles but before he checked out he left us with years of wonderful work to remind us of his talents. He had been acting from the fifties until his death and was in a number of plays and TV shows to include ‘Murder She Wrote” (shocking), “E/R”,  “Fantasy Island” and of course the immortal “Mr. Belvedere”. The funny thing is he was really only cast as the “English proper” or “Butler servant”. He wasn’t complaining though. I remember Mr. Belvedere being as big as Alf back in the day.

   It’s Tiffany Brissette from the show “Small Wonder”! There aren’t many people who remember this show when I bring it up but if they saw this picture I am sure it would jog the memory. I always feel silly when I describe it. “You know, it’s about this guy who builds a robot named V.I.C.K.I. and everyone treats her like a member of the family. And one time she smoked pot on the show and blew a fuse and acted strange. And another time she fell in the pool and blew a fuse and acted strange. And they had this red headed girl named Harriet and she sucked. Ring a bell? Huh? Huh?……huh.”

 I’m not too proud to admit that I had a huge crush on Tiffany Brissette as a kid. I thought she hung the moon and this may sound strange, but when “Small Wonder” was on TV I refused to watch in in my pajamas. I can’t quite explain why but I had to be in my favorite themed sweater and corduroys. I guess I thought there was a chance she could see me through the TV. I was a weird kid.

  All though Tiffany was in a lot of TV shows in the 1980’s and early ’90’s like “Webster”, “Teen Win Lose Or Draw”, “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose” and even the post Return Of The Jedi TV show “The Ewok Adventure”, she left Hollywood and never returned. After getting her degree at Westmont College in California she dedicated her life to helping children and teens as a counselor. She also is a marathon runner and rides horses during her free time. Man, I think I still have a crush on her. It would be nice to see her back on the TV again. Hopefully now I can watch without the need to put on a sweater with a bear on it.

  Well, part 6 is done. That’s all I have for now and I can cross off these few from the list that grows exponentially everyday. Hope you had fun.

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Where Did You Go? Part…4?

I think I am going to keep up with my inquiry into obscure actors and actresses that mean a lot to me. It’s fun to poke around the internet and find out that the co-star of a long lost great sitcom now owns a chain of TCBY’s around Delaware. Then again the same search can reveal the actor died from an asphyxiation fetish while jerking off in a Motel 6 off International Blv. in Orlando. Regardless it makes for interesting reading.

Tom Atkins has always been the symbol of masculinity for mid range budget 70’s and 80’s horror movies like The Fog, The Creepshow, Night Of The Creeps and of course the cinematic equivalent to a dump in a jar, Halloween III. He wears a tough exterior as the hero who is never far from the vices that bind him. I don’t think i have seen him in a movie without a drink in one hand and a cowboy killer in the other. If there is ever a reason to drop everything I have worked for in life, grow a mustache, move to Hollywood and pursue a career in acting it’s because of Tom Atkins. It’s Miller time!

Tom is still pretty busy these days. He has a list of movies that are still in post and pre production and has made quite a few TV appearances to include Walker Texas Ranger, The Fall Guy and Xena: Warrior Princess. He still resides in his home state of Pennsylvania and I really hope he’ll make an appearance at Screamfest 2008 in Florida because the chance of meeting him is the only real reason I am going.

This has always puzzled me. What did Jennifer ever see in Cousin Larry? She was way out of his league, don’t you think? Well, regardless the actress who played Jennifer is Melanie Wilson and she cranked my tractor, even when I was only eight. She had a long ride with the show “Perfect Strangers” and was also in a couple of other great shows from the eighties like “Simon And Simon”, “The A-Team” and the spin off “Family Matters”. I think she has been behind the scenes in a few other Hollywood projects but nothing after 2001. Little known fact, she is the daughter of the late “Mr. Whipple” from the old Charmin toilet paper commercials. Sorry for your recent loss, Melanie. Mr. Wilson was one of the greats.

Alice Drummond will always have a place close to my heart from that fateful scene in the beginning of Ghostbusters when she was the New York librarian who encountered that full torso, free floating, non vaporous apparition that made me shit my pants as a child. I still love her interview with Bill Murray which gave us the famous line, “Back off man. I’m a scientist.” She has been in many films and TV shows in her career and is still cranking them out today. It’s kind of funny that she is of grandmother age and shot an episode of “Boston Legal” called Ass Fat Jungle. Oh to be on set when the grip tells her, “scene 4, Boston Legal, Ass Fat Jungle take 2…..action!”

I feel a little bad about this, but until recently I have always known Alex Karras as Webster’s father, George Papadopolis and the dumb guy that punched out a horse in Blazing Saddles. It turns out he was also an All American college football great, an NFL legend for the Detroit Lions, a Monday Night NFL commentator and a professional wrestle. Hrm, who knew? I bet over half the population of America knows Karras as the NFL great and not George. That’s why I write this stuff!

On another point, don’t you find the character names strange in the show “Webster”? George Papadopolis, Katherine Calder-Young Papadopolis, Webster Long, and poor Heather O’Rourke didn’t even have a last name. Just Melanie. I am curious how those names came to be.

This was a pretty lame post, but I couldn’t leave the site on such a sad sack note.

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