The Damn Double Down Is Back

I know it’s been a while since I have done another installment of “For A Limited Time Only” and for good reason. Between travel and the awful situation with my little dog buddy, there hasn’t been too much time for anything. But I am not going to let this one escape the vault of limited time items just because it’s too ridiculous not to include. The infamous KFC “Double Down” is back for a short time and it wants to kill you.

I am not going to lie to you, I was a little embarrassed ordering this thing. I’ll explain what it is in a minute, just incase you are unfamiliar, but I almost wanted to ask for a vegetable to balance out the order. KFC, however, scoffs at the thought of anything good for you so I was forced to look like the guy who just doesn’t give a shit. (I also had a Texas Pete stain on my shirt which I found later this evening. Class act)

The Double Down is the fast food’s middle finger to the FDA, American Heart Association and Surgeon General. Since its inception back in 2010, it’s been called everything from the “Fankensandwich” to “the worst thing freedom has to offer”. Personally, I find it fascinating. Not because it has an entire days worth of sodium and weeks worth of saturated fat, but because there are people out there who will eat this as a low carb option. You know, to lose weight?

“Jesus wept”

There she is. All 580 calories and it’s packed in a cute little box. Deconstructing the “sandwich” you have two fried chicken breasts, two slices of bacon, two slices of cheese and the Colonel’s secret sauce. Alone, these items seem harmless but when their forces combine they become the Double Down, champion of a fat ass.

This is what it looks like to laugh in the face of danger. I tried it and I am still here. No better; no worse. The taste is exactly what I expected given the nutritional facts before hand. Just one bite (and I only had one bite) required a bottle of water from the sodium shock. And believe it or not, this comes in a grilled version however it has more sodium than the abomination you see above. That’s right, the Colonel has a plan of doom for everyone. Even the delusional who think they are healthier going the grilled route.

I didn’t think eating a bite would harm me but I have heard the mere sight of this sandwich causes a rare form of sudden obesity. I don’t believe any of tha-

Aw shit…

PETER LOOK AWAY!

Sorry, man. Looks like the urban legend is true.

May 13, 2014 4

Beers With Movie Sauce: Fright Night (for real)

Howdy! Boy it has been a bit since we last sat down, kicked back a couple of cold ones and chatted about scary flicks that we love. Tonight, why don’t we do it again over one of my favorite eighties flick, Fright Night? This one is so much fun to watch because it’s a simple monster movie with brilliant special effects and some pretty great scares that hold up even today.

The latest episode of “Beers with Movie Sauce” is all set for your viewing pleasure. I have left my dignity at the door. Be sure to pick it up on the way out. Enjoy!

May 10, 2014 3

VeggieMacabre’s Favorite Horror Movies EVAR! Project.

Here I go again starting a new project to spice things up in the bedroom. Well, if that happens to be where you cruise the internet. Anyway, I have decided to shoot quick little videos all about my favorite horror movies, why I love them and even some little known facts about them. I have loved this genre since it was still sociably acceptable to piss my pants (looking at you, Scooby Doo) so I think now that I have just enough the video experience and no life, I can finally spread the joy to wonderful people like you.

Watch this intro in to the big ol’ project that will include probably 100 movies, shows and commercials that have spooked me to no end. I am pretty stoked to kick this off.

So you see, I want your input just like the other pages. Shoot a video telling the world how you made a cow sound during Sixth Sense. I’ll post it here and we can all laugh WITH you about your misfortune.

Tonight I am starting this series out with Tobe Hooper’s classic, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I am not airing these videos in any particular order so this one actually ranks really high on not only the scary scale but also the most memorable. You will see why in this video blurb but seriously, I made half of the males in my fifth grade class too scared to venture west of Alabama for the rest of their lives.

Come and watch why The Texas Chainsaw Massacre not only scared me from Texas but BBQ in general. (just kidding. I would sell my soul for brisket)

GODDAMN IT VIDEOPRESS!!!!! EVERY TIME! I LOOK LIKE I AM IN MID SNEEZE!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!

March 19, 2014 2

UTZ Spicy Wavy Tabasco Chips

Don’t tell me! Don’t tell me! These have been out for a long time and most likely will not be going anywhere so why would I include these on the page, “For A Limited Time Only”? Well, they are new to me and I eat potato chips about as often as the equinox. Okay, that’s not true but I really try not to shove chips in my face. It’s a personal choice.

UTZ has a special history with me. I remember during my high school years I went on a ride with my Uncle Mark and his best pal, Jim. The two were a couple of goofy guys but their excitement over the little things in life really brought me to stop and smell the roses. I definitely miss them.

Anyway, on a trip (or trek) to Bass Pro Shop in Allentown, PA we made a detour to the UTZ packaging plant. Before I knew it we were dressed in lab coats, hair nets, goggles and hard hats and toured the facility. Looking back I was pretty confused over the excitement of UTZ packaging but as a Pennsylvania staple, this was the mecca of the pretzel. I guess that is why I love Marc Summers so much.

So what about these chips? Well, I do love Tabasco so already I know these can’t evoke hatred unless there is a dead bird in the bag. If that happens I guess I will be a very rich man so maybe hatred is a strong word. No, these chips would have to kill me for me to dislike them. But then how would I dislike them if I was de- NEVERMIND!!! I am sure these are just tits!

Right away that signature tang of the Tabasco sauce hits your mouth like a 80-year-old driving through a farmers market. There is no mistake it is Tabasco sauce either. I come from the hometown of Texas Pete (I live in NC not in TX so wrap your head around that) and there is a definite difference in the two sauces. It’s almost like a spicy salt and vinegar chip which is a very good thing! All three elements in this chip will keep a person eating these for three days straight. Dangerous.

I can’t leave these chips without addressing that the bag is dressed like a Tabasco sauce bottle. Also, it looks like it could be perfect Christmas wrapping paper. I’ll keep that in mind for next year’s company Christmas party. “Look! I got you chips!”

Over all I think these chips are up there with the kings of junk food like Doritos and Funyuns. They won’t burn through the bottom of your jaw and land on your lap but they do have a little bit of a kick. A tangy addictive kick that will double up your consumption as well as chins. This truly is what potato chips are all about. In fact, if I was a potato I think my last request would to be…I’ll stop. Go out and try these. I promise they won’t make you go out and commit crime.

March 17, 2014 0

Chips Ahoy! Ice Cream Creation?

So I was roaming the grocery store looking for vegetables and mineral water when I bumped into the cookie aisle. No idea how that happens. And what do my wandering eyes focus on? Well, the good people at Nabisco rolled out ice-cream flavored Chips Ahoy cookies FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY and I could not help but buy the root beer float edition. Sure they had mint chocolate chip and rocky road but if you make a cookie and link it to soda, I have to try it. And maybe throw it up.

Sorry this is vertical but in my haste to put these in my mouth I needed to stand and snap this. As you can see there are white chocolate chips and normal ones. The batter, however, tastes EXACTLY LIKE ROOT BEER! I am mildly impressed and not because it tastes good but because it tastes so much like root beer. Almost like Jones Soda Green Bean Casserole soda. It’s not good but fuck if it isn’t green bean casserole.

I made the mistake of trying one and closed my eyes. And thought of pink Necco Wafers. Then sad took over my whole body as I hurked and jerked. The following faces represent my feelings. (Biggest to smallest).