Bing, Bang, Boom

It’s almost five o’clock on a Sunday night and I am knee-deep in work for a Monday morning meeting. While I want to write about funny thoughts on candy corn and zombie-retail-hilarity, I must persevere with what pays the bills. So wait right here.

Okay, I am done. Believe it or not that space between this paragraph and the one above took about three hours to cross. Doesn’t look that far, huh? Now where was I?

Oh yeah. I have had football on all day while I responded to emails and wrote budget plans, I have come to a conclusion: Keith Olbermann makes me want to hurt puppies. I fucking hate that guy. Why must something as glorious as the NFL be covered by such a smug, ugly, dick of a guy? All politics aside, his mean spirited humor and snide comments makes me seriously through around the “C” word as if I was saying “and” or “the”. Piss on him. Just his voice causes me to bend spoons with mind-hate.

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Whew! Had to get that one out and thanks for listening. The cat gave up and left hours ago. What I really wanted to write about is…I don’t know. Hold on, it’s coming to me.

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Went to a corn maze this weekend! Yeah, I am a sucker for those. It was a beautiful day and everything about Fall was present. They had cider, pumpkins, squash, Halloween decor and of course corn. Lots of corn. The only thing they were missing were the people.

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Stephen King really had something with his “spooky + corn = win” idea. Even though it was 4 in the afternoon and daylight, being alone in corn makes your senses really spin. You can hear the wind blowing above but to your left and right; nothing. Every so often your mind plays tricks and you hear conversations. Like I said I was alone in the maze that was 3 miles long. Talk about sensory deprivation!

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I finally made it through, even if I did cheat by cutting through the rows. It turns out that corn kind of itches! No longer do I have aspirations to be a corn farmer, making alien shapes in it at night. This stuff kind of sucks. And scary.

See? Corn belongs in a can or popped. Not ten feet tall or in the movies.

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In other news, I have been accepted to be a staff member over at the infamous “Review The World” website. I can not begin to tell you how excited I am about this because I have been a fan for many years. Brian does an amazing job keeping a positive, fun and informative review site and in this age of Internet abuse, that can be a real tough job. But, he has prevailed and it is a fun site to peruse if you have not already done so. I am a fan of the review videos and random road adventures. Remember folks, it’s the little things and they should be celebrated.

The 2009 Fall Beer Review: Part 1

And here we are! It is mid September and this Indian summer is finally fading into a crisp fall here in the Northwest. I must admit that this is one of my favorite times of year. You can just feel the change happen; spookiness with a need for sweaters and I love it.

This also is a time for the 3rd Annual Fall Beer Review! You’re damn right I am making this an annual thing and it is a great excuse for me to combine brews with my favorite season. If you can’t trick or treat, this is the next best thing. But this year I am having two. A private micro brew is sending me theirs so I have to wait but until then I have wanted to review a larger Fall beer that is one of my favorites.

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Enter Michelob’s Jack’s Pumpkin Spice Ale. This is a beer that should be named something like, “Son of a Bitch This Is Awesome!” because it hits on every Autumn tinge that makes this a seasonal beer. And above all else, it is lighter to accomodate those who are not true hardcore beer fanatics. Some people don’t like to heave after every sip.

Before I get to the taste, I need to point out that the look of this bottle/package is just too great not to jump around and howl at the moon for. From the orange fade-to-brown color scheme to the mascot, “Jack”, it lets the drinker know that they are drinking a season in a bottle. It almost reminds me of a throw back to the early eighties when jack-o-lanterns and scarecrows still ruled the decor for Halloween. At least that is the perception from me as a child. If they included a black cat on here then I probably would have thrown the six pack on the ground in the grocery and break danced in the froth and glass in a celebratory fashion. Luckily for Jack, the grocery store, aisle 5 and me, there are no cats on the label art.

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NUTMEG, CINNAMON, GINGER and CLOVES. These are the primary ingredients in this potion. My heart pitters over the balance of not only the spices but the words. It is like a witch’s concoction that casts a spell to buy paper skeletons and watch Halloween until the VCR finally spits it out in protest. And the blend? Pure September/October because remember, Halloween is not a day but a season.

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This is one of those beers that can not be faulted when the air is cool, college football is on and leaves are falling. If it is 90 and you are sitting by the pool you may feel like you are drinking a spent Hallmark seasonal candle. Luckily we are in the time frame to enjoy this one and I think it is beyond aces. But the past couple of years you have only heard my take. I’m going to go ask my neighbors to weigh in.

I will leave you with these because, really…I am drunk now. Seriously, I have downed a few of these and I just think anymore of me rambling will lead to embarrassment. But I did ask Matt at X-E.com and he said persevere. Will do sir. Next review I will carve something and that is a promise. So, here are my friends and their take.

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Cearsar: It doesn’t taste like the normal seasonal brews. It’s not a “bitch” beer but it’s definitely not a beer you would think. It is smooth and goes down easy and I got used to the taste and that causes one to start drinking more quickly. Not a good thing.”

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Giggles: “Tasty up front and I also like the after taste. It tastes like pumpkin pie but not too strong. The best thing I like is the lower carbonation and lighter body. It doesn’t leave you feeling full and bloated.”

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Hairy Wookie: “Free beer? Where?” Actually this is the beer to drink around a campfire. It is something to keep you warm at night but not too full to keep you down in  the morning.”

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