The Great Trek: Part 2

Adventure is worthwhile in itself. – Amelia Earhart

I got up relatively early on day 2 because for one, I passed out before 10pm and two, I gained an hour since I was now in central time. And by early I mean 5am. So, I showered, brewed coffee, watched the news, raided the breakfast bar downstairs and climbed into the Element cockpit, refreshed with a renewed sense of adventure. So adventurous was I that I decided to go off the recommended AAA road map and take route 65 straight north to Heaven, er, Iowa. (That was a Field Of Dreams joke) I am glad I did it, too.

I saw lots of what you see above. I guess that is harvested wheat? Whatever it is, it is as far as the eye can see. To me, it looks like God spilled his bag of Combos. You see that too? Hrm, I guess I might be alone on that.

Actually everything was very pretty for the first hour. Then it became pretty boring. I can sum up route 65 into 12 words: Cow Cow Cow Corn Corn Corn Cow Cow Cow Corn Corn Corn. That is pretty much it. I am glad I didn’t talk my friend into coming who likes to break out with an ‘I Spy’ game every ten minutes. It would have gone something like this:

Friend: Wanna play ‘I Spy’?

Me: Um…sure?

Friend: Ok, I’ll go first. I spy something red.

Me: Is it a barn?

Friend: Uh…yeah. Ok, let me try again. I spy something brown.

Me: A cow?

Friend: Fuck you, asshole.

I am positive that is how it would have gone. He is very touchy about losing that game for some reason. Maybe it’s because no one else gave a shit and he always won by default?

So, about hour 2 into the the drive I passed by a bunch of bikers. Normally I wouldn’t have thought anything about it because, lets face it, Harley Davidson really took the balls away from the average biker when accountants and stockbrokers started sporting leather and Softtail bikes. But these dudes were in formation, ZZ Top beards and giving the Heil Hitler salute to me. Maybe I scare easily but that freaked me out. I hate Nazis. It’s ok to hate Nazis, right? I know it’s not right to hate but Nazis are the exception, I thought.

I told myself I wouldn’t touch on this but I have to. So, after I escaped the 4th Reich I needed gas, so I stopped at the Kum and Go and used the Jerk and Spurt to fill up my car. It’s a good thing I already had a drink and I didn’t need a 32oz Suck and Slurp. Oh my goodness. I sent Mandy this picture because I couldn’t keep it to myself. Are these through out the Midwest and if so, do people think that’s funny?

So at this point of the trip my excitement level began to climb steadily because I was soon to rendezvous with a fellow blogger in Minnesota. I apologize for the smeared windshield. That is all bug guts. I think by the end of this trip I was responsible for the deaths of over 10 million bugs. There are bugs all over the US flying their flags at half mast right now.

So, who did I meet? Kristaine! The mastermind behind the very famous The Pilver.

This was such a treat! Generally people who meet from online groups or blogs can be a bit of a let down but not Kristaine! She was every bit as funny, smart and entertaining as she is on The Pilver and X-E. I have to say that it was a great couple of hours and I look forward to meeting more of my blog buddies. So, if I show up at your house don’t worry, I’ll come with food and beer. Thanks KB!

Well, after Kristaine and I parted ways continued on to my resting spot in Fargo, North Dakota. Yes, I had to go there. And I bought a t shirt too!

Tomorrow I will post day 3 and 4. I bet you are excited to read about my drive through North Dakota, aren’t ‘cha? I know you are.

August 24, 2008 10

The Great Trek: Day 1

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by. – Robert Frost

So last Monday I backed out of the driveway for the last time, put the car in drive and left the neighborhood for the great trek to the Northwest. I passed my favorite coffee shop, my cleaners, the gym and my running track, waving goodbye to each one. There wasn’t even a bit of sadness but rather excitement and tinge of nervousness because well, this is crazy. I left with what I could pack in a 2008 Element, a four day trip ahead, no familiar faces and no home to go to when I get there. I feel like I threw a parachute out of the plane and then jumped. But through adversity comes greatness. Or at least good blog material. I’ll break it down by days.

Day 1!!!!!

So I started off driving straight up I-75 towards Nashville, TN. I would elaborate on the details to be honest, I can’t remember very much about it. And even if I did, you would be so bored I bet it would force you to turn off the computer, tie the chord around your neck and throw it out the window. So for your safety and my reputation as a mediocre blogger, I’ll save you the story. But I did stop by Adams Tennessee to see the infamous Bell Witch site. I’m weird like that.

Yeah, I had to stop there after learning about this odd piece of American history on the History Channel. You have to go to these places with an open mind because nine out of ten times they are a disappointment. This didn’t. I have to say, right when I got off the highway I was spooked out and the many old farm houses and overgrown trees didn’t help. I can’t say that I believe in the ghost stories but when I got out of the car to take a few pictures, I swear I heard whispering all over the place. That was enough to make me get back to 75, most Ricky-Tick. I didn’t even take a photo, that’s how fast my visit was. If anyone is curious, the Bell Witch is in Adams Tennessee, and there is no lodging for at least 20 miles. The site is really tricky to find but when you do, I swear that the experience will hang with you for at least a day. Kind of like watching the movie Seven.

The next stop was my old stomping ground at Ft. Campbell, home of the 101st Air Assault. I have great memories of my brief time here and it just so happened that I needed a haircut. So, I stopped in for the famous $7 “suck-cut”. I’m serious, it’s a haircut that sucks as it cuts because the sheers are connected to a vacuum hose. Well, it’s the best haircut a guy can get for $7. On to St. Louis!

I guess this can be symbolic. It is the “Gateway to the West”, as Dad said when I text him this picture. He has been just beside himself that he couldn’t go on this trip with me but I made sure to keep him informed where I was as he followed at home with his atlas. It would have been great if he came.

I remember I took this picture at hour 8 of the trip because ‘All Things Considered‘ came on NPR. I have to listen to that show on every road trip. It’s tradition, really. If you haven’t heard of it I highly recommend you check it out because that program highlights so many aspects of the world and American culture. Just because my ass is atrophying after one million miles in a car doesn’t mean that my mind has to.

So I finally came to rest in Columbia, Missouri at a Hampton Inn, right across from U of M. At the end of day one I saw GA, TN, KY, IL and now MO. Though I went through many states nothing really note-worthy happened. My battery was so low I skipped dinner and fell asleep, face down, shoes on, TV blaring Family Guy and computer left on X-Entertainment. Only three more days to go…

Well, that was day one. Later today I’ll post day two and it is full of great stuff including a meeting of a fellow blogger, cows and corn, getting a Heil Hitler salute from a bunch of Nazi bikers, and much much more. I bet you are excited. Huh? Huh? uhhh.

August 23, 2008 8

Finally, Someone Has Said It…

This happens to me, as a Pub/Juke Box connoisseur, all the time. I just never thought about it until now.

http://lusciouslacey.wordpress.com/

August 15, 2008 11

Moving

Sorry it has been a while. That’s pretty presumptuous of me to apologize as if anyone was really waiting, huh? Well, anyway, it is for good reason. As of Monday I have resigned (even though I still went in yesterday) because I am changing careers and moving 2300 miles North West to Idaho. So, this coming Monday I will make the long trek across this great country and hopefully blog about it on the way. It’s a little scary, especially because the town I am moving to does business via fax only still. No shit, here is the conversation I had with a leasing agent about an apartment I a renting.

Me: Hello, I am moving to Coeur D’ Alene this next week and I saw from the classified ad that you have an open apartment for rent and I was hoping I could go ahead and get an application.

Lady: Oh Neat! Sure thing. Do you have a fax?

Me: I do but would it be possible if you could just put it in an email attachment since I will be putting personal information on it?

Lady: Oh, I am sorry. We don’t have the application on the Internets.

Me: *shit my own brain*

See why I might be a little nervous? I think the lady actually believes that the internet is a series of nets. Beside the fact I have no idea of what the apartment looks like. I bet she would mail me Polaroids if I was to ask. A leap of faith, my friends.

So that is my lack of posting excuse. I think that’s a good one. Now I have to get back to packing the essentials and buy a coat because I hear north Idaho can get cold, especially to a dude who lived the past couple of years in a subtropic climate. And for that very reason I may just grow a beard.

Oh, before I go I need you guys to take a survey. I have a buddy here who is just one of the greatest guys but I truly believe he is a hybrid. It has always been up for debate who he looks like more. I will leave it up to you. Here he is below:

Here is another angle…

So study D’s features and tell me A) B) or C), who you think he looks like the most. I’m not being mean, I ask him this all the time. He always picks C.

A) Mick Jagger

B) David Johaneson

C) Ed from Iron Maiden

Choose carefully. Now I really have to go because there is a lady that just sat behind me and she is eating a plum like it’s her job. I can’t tell if she is eating the plum or the plum is eating her face. Watch your fingers, lady!

August 14, 2008 32

T minus 5 Days…

…until I get all the legal mumbo-jumbo out of the way and launch the new fitness site sponsored by Big Peach Running Company, Northface, Inov-8 Running and Function Drink. It will be pretty cool because I am just the administrator rather than the site designer. That’s because I am a retard on roller skates when it comes to CSS and HTML. So, with much money and a creative drive I will have little control over the look but a lot with the content.

But it will not be with out the help of friends. I lucked out to have support from those on my blogroll. If you haven’t been to the blog Macabre Fitness then check it out. It’s currently a shell for the actual site but the articles that people have contributed are amazing. I know this because the stat counts triple what I post. Here is one Pam sent me and it is exactly what I am looking for. It gives great insight to the world of the sports bra. Something I could never know anything about. The only thing I can say is boobs; I like them and they should be protected. Thanks you so much Pammy. I am even going to throw it on Veggie because it is that good.

So send me your funny stories, tips and tricks about physical fitness. I am working on free stuff to send you guys from the sponsors. No good deed goes unrewarded. Here is Pam on sports bras. Enjoy!

SPORTS BRAS!

Looking Out For #1 and #2: An Intimate Guide to Sports Bra Shopping

Those women who not only have washboard abs but also a washboard chest don’t have the same concerns as I do when it comes to athletic wear. Unless you have a rather ample bosom, you couldn’t possibly understand the pain and injuries that can occur if you’re not properly outfitted. Running, jumping, boxing or anything that requires you to move quickly in an up and down fashion is likely to be painful unless you smash your boobs. Working out is definitely not the time to enhance them. Goal number one when sports bra shopping: make your boobs as flat as possible as the correct bra will inhibit breast movement.

Therefore, the first thing to look for in a sports bra is support. So what constitutes support? That would be the back and you should choose either a full or racer back which allows your shoulder blades free movement. If made well, the thicker the back the sturdier the bra. You don’t want hooks or zippers as sweat makes metal slippery or sticky and both are cause for embarrassing moments – trust me.

Next you should look at straps, which must always be thick. Anything that resembles a spaghetti strap is going to offer about as much support as a wet noodle. Your boobs shouldn’t be hanging low when exercising but that’s exactly what will happen if you choose a thin-strappy tank top sports bra, with or without a shelf. Rule of thumb: if it’s more of a tank top that you’d wear to the beach over your swimsuit, then it’s not the right bra to work out in. Thick straps will always stay in place and you will never pop out of one – no adjustments necessary no matter how intense your workout.

BAD GOOD

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Style and liner. I dislike the uni-boob look that short sports bras will give you, which is why I always choose the tank top sports bras. But not just any tank, one that has a double liner. Nike usually wins in this category with a tight and durable outer layer and an underlying cross-shaped bra liner with thick elastic underneath. This double bra action gives an extra layer of support and ensures no flopping around.

Material. Get something that breathes or you could suffer from chaffing or zits in weird places. I’ve discovered that anything Under Armor makes is basically mana from heaven. I don’t feel wet or sticky and sweat never rolls down my back when I wear it. You want a material that absorbs as much sweat as possible without making you feel like an old shower towel. Also, never go with any bra that is made entirely of spandex as it absorbs about as much as duck feathers in a rain storm.

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Finally, purchase a bra that’s a little too small for you. Not so small that it inhibits breathing or creates cleavage in your throat, but small enough that it keeps everything in place and doesn’t allow for free movement. If you wear a 36D and purchase a Large sports bra, chances are there will be material gaps on the sides of your breasts – so get a Medium instead.