I Need A List

Of pure joy and happiness. Let’s see….

New shoe smell
Season one through five of the Simpson’s.
Drinking Perrier outside after a long, hard run.
Chinese food at midnight
Connecting with people even though you have never met them in person
Noticing Malcolm In The Middle is now on Nick@Nite.
Moving the fuck off this goshdarn mountain.

Priorities and where they are.
Being read to sleep. Still love it.
Playing Cat Stevens on guitar and singing in private. In private.
Finding out by our fire engine has a touch of Optimus Prime in it.

Throwing down a business card and saying “no…you call me”. I’m kidding. Or am I? No, I am. Maybe.
A few of my favorite things.
Finally having a clean car because I am moving off this fucking mountain!
Reading Calvin and Hobbes at age 31.

Living in a town of higher learning. (I’m a liberal guy at heart)
Coming to the resolution that I can not count down the days of my life but rather appreciate the one I’m on. No more working for the weekend.
Organic almonds. I swear they taste 10x better. Maybe it’s the organic spray?
Finding the perfect coffee shop with free WiFi. Fuck Starbucks. Fuck…Starbucks.
This dog

Went running the other day and spotted two girls taking my picture with their cellphones. That’s a little creepy but come on, how can one not like that?
College town art in small businesses.
Door knockers. Just dig ’em. It’s a lost art that I really want to bring back.

My many, many good friends. Wow am I blessed.
oh! And this Macy’s Day Parade review from Matt. It just does the trick sometimes.
And of course people who read my nonsense. you are awesome. Yeah, you right there.

July 15, 2009 39

So…You’re Only Concrete

At times I need to understand life in the most simplistic form. Almost looking for the lowest common denominator that speaks to me in a way that even a child should understand. I don’t mean to say that it takes big letters and small syllables for me to get life but when it gets hard, when it get confusing and when hurts so bad you just want to crawl under the kitchen sink and close the doors, I try to break it down; sometimes in an anthropomorphic way.

I run. I am not a strong runner or fast runner. I don’t set goals or count my carbs for the ultimate distance. I run because it takes what I feel on the inside and makes it tangible. If the mood is good, the run is free and light. If there is conflict, the run is tough and drudging with the mind lost in thought. But I will never stop motion. Lately there have been a lot of “thinking” runs.

Yesterday I put on my running shoes and headed out the door to battle the trail and clear my mind. I reassess my choices made and people I choose to be around. And then out of nowhere I thought of something that made me stop. Not only did I stop but I sat. I sat, put my hand on my chin and closed my eyes.

I thought of a birdbath. You know, the ones made of concrete with a bird molded to the side to lure others to drink. Then I imagined this little swallow that was circling overhead trying to decide if the bath was safe to drink out of. Then he noticed there was a bird already there so it must be okay. He landed on the opposite side from the statue and stared across, finding comfort in it. He inched his way around until he was next to it. Since it didn’t fly off he took this as a sign of acceptance.

The swallow rubbed against it but there was no warmth. The conversations were one sided. His offers of seeds and worms were left untouched and even the nest built beside the concrete bird was left unshared. But the swallow needed companionship so he looked past these indifference’s and stayed put.

Through the scariest nights, the stormiest days and the coldest snow winds, the swallow stayed next to the bird. He hung on to the fact that because the bird had not flown off, the emptiness was tolerable because after all, 1% is always better than zero. But soon that 1% became became less of a comfort and more of a question.

And then the reality of the situation hit the swallow. He saw that there was really nothing there at all and his bird was only an extension of the bath ledge he was sitting on. The real gravity was the fact that through the scariest nights, the stormiest days and the coldest winds he was really…just alone. So he flew off, gaining nothing and leaving nothing.

I suppose many would say that the swallow was just stupid for not seeing that the bird was concrete. Not me. I believe that time and situation control many of our actions and though they may not make sense to many, they make sense to us. There is something to be said for knowing when it’s time.

July 10, 2009 11

Where Did You Go? Part 10

Are you ready for another installment of “Where Did You Go”? No? Well, too bad because I have the microphone so YOU WILL LISTEN TO EVERY WORD I HAVE TO SAY. Sorry.

It’s the Frog brothers from the movie Lost boys! Actually it is Jamie Newlander and Corey Feldman. We all know how Corey is doing so we can skip that half-stack and move on to Jamie; the real lost boy. It’s funny to watch this movie and see those two act as “tough vampire killers” brandishing stakes and talking in ridiculously low voices.

Besides The Lost Boys, Jamie hasn’t done too much other than the 1988 remake of The Blob, an after school special, and producing some other films here and there. He did make an appearance on the reality train wreck, Two Coreys. And even better news, IDBM has him scheduled for a Lost Boys 3. I am looking forward to that because from what I heard about Lost Boys: The Tribe, it can only get better.

TWWWOOO WEEEEEKKKSSS! Man, did this part of Total Recall blow my mind. And to be honest, really disturbed me. Priscilla Allen, (seen above) hit a home run in her freak out role as the malfunctioning costume that went haywire on Arnold. I suppose it’s just my weird thing with seizures.

This sucks. Priscilla left us back last year after a long fight with cancer. I hate learning this while writing these but I guess that’s how we find out. As a native Sad Diego gal she really spent most of her life there as a drama student turned teacher. She had a few roles including Total Recall, The Naked Truth, Let Others Suffer and above all else a couple episodes of “Happy Days”. She mainly taught and did live performances. I am sorry that we lost you Priscilla. I am also sorry you were cast as the “fat lady” in Total Recall. But I will never think of a fortnight the same.

“Here’s a quarter. Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face. Good day, Madam.”

There are people who play small parts in movies that really can make scenes memorable. Mrs. Hogarth was one of them. When she was chewed out by John Candy in the movie Uncle Buck for referring to his niece as a silly-heart, you can’t help but applaud. The kid was classic in that scene too.

Man, Suzanna Shepherd has made a great career at being the grumpy grandma. I think her role in Good Fellas stuck with me and maybe it’s just that she reminded me so much of my own Grandmother on my Mom’s side. You know the type…(love you Grandma!) Anywho, she has been around town and has done amazing work. She is not the most obscure actress on the “where did you go” thing I have been doing but I just haven’t seen her around. Actually, I kind of thought she was chilling with Priscilla.

Enter Taran Noah Smith: the youngest of the Taylor family in the hit 90’s comedy, Home Improvement. Back in the day, Taran, who played the character Mark Taylor, was the cute little brother that fell pray to his mischievous older brothers. He was kind of the naive child that lived under the protection of Jill and try as he may, Tim couldn’t make him tough. But as the years progressed, Mark morphed from an innocent cute kid to a gangly goth goof. And really, in real life Taran did the same thing. My how life can imitate art.

Well, Taran’s career after Home Improvent never really florished. He married a woman 16 years his senior, sued his parents for his trust fund and started his own Vegan/Organic restruant called Playfood in California. Sadly he divorced and his home has been foreclosed and I believe Playfood went tits up. Oh yeah, I read he returned home to his parents house. Ouch. Good luck, Taran!

I think Rob Zombie said it best when he commented on the actors in the 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre. “Are these actors or did Tobe Hooper hire crazy people for this film? Man, these crazy people sure can act.”

I think the actor Edwin Neal has always been the one horror film actor that truly chilled me. Playing ‘The Hitchhiker”, his body movements to shifty eyes and crazy twitching movements, almost as if he was in the mid stages of muscular dystrophy, he nailed the one person you would never want to pick up on the side of the road.

Edwin has had a pretty long career after TCM. He did JFK with Oliver Stone and My Boyfriend’s Back. Most of his success as of late has come from his voiceovers to foriegn animation films and even Japanese pheonomenon action shows like the Power Rangers. Who knew, you know?

The cool thing about this guy is the fact he was awarded the bronze star with valor during the Vietnam War. I remember an interview he did about the filming of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and he recalled it being as horrific as some of his war experiences. Now that’s a crazy horror movie! Oh yeah, he also resides in Texas to this day. Nice.

That’s Xur. He escaped in the movie The Last Starfighter. He set up a sequal and they never came through. Fuck that and fuck Xur. I am so bitter about that let down I could care less who the guy played Xur is. So that’s that. Stay tuned for part 11. I’ll get to it.

July 8, 2009 13

Learned Something

Did you know those plastic thingies on the end of your shoelaces are called aglets? I didn’t but now I do.

Thanks shoe dude at Sports Authority. I am now a richer person for knowing this.

July 6, 2009 29

Dirt Napping

Man, what a month it has been! Can you believe in just a couple of weeks we have seen not one but four celebrities pass away? I know a couple were circling the drain but the other two, wow, out of nowhere. Well, let’s give them a shout out.

Ed McMahon lived the life, didn’t he? He always struck me as a guy who liked his drinks a particular way as well as his women. I could be wrong but neckerchiefs and gold bracelets never lie. At 86 one would say that’s a good long run but I did feel a little bad about his homes going into foreclosure right before he died. I think Donald Trump bailed him out but still, that sucks something fierce at that age with the legacy he had. I hope he is up in heaven having a bullshot with Phil Hartman.

I think we all knew Farrah’s time was soon but still, an icon like this going down is still hard to swallow.( That sounded dirty and I am sorry.) Even as a young kid I remember looking at this exact poster in my Uncle Brett’s room and thinking, “I don’t know what is happening but I like it.” She blazed the trail by empowering women to embrace their beauty and use it rather than feel ashamed and hide it. At least that’s how I perceived her intentions. Her passing really brings to light the fact that cancer is terrifying and no matter who you are or what status you hold, it can still get you even after years of battle.

Ok, I did not see this one coming. Not at all. I know he lived a life of mystery and bizarre behavior to include a total face transplant, having a monkey, living in Neverland, napping with kids and naming his kid Blanket but I never imagined him passing so young. I remember when Thriller came out and that video terrified me as a kid. Those monsters were far more scary and disturbing than any rated R movie at the time. I can still close my eyes and think of Vincent Price’s part in the song and walking at a fast pace to my parents room for a safe night of slumber in their bed.

I will be honest, the man was a genius. He seemed to defy gravity when dancing and his albums were nothing less than perfection. I have yet to meet a person that didn’t like something he did. I bet even the Taliban has a little love in their hearts for Moon Walker.

As Scooby Doo would say, “Rut the Ruck?” Billy Mays died? Are you serious? I have always had a fascination with the man and it wasn’t for his ability to sell you shit you would not normally buy on TV but rather his high decibel voice. The man had no indoor voice and I wrote about that almost two years ago. You can find that here. Well Billy, I am sorry you were silenced so early. Your voice will forever be in my head saying, “Billy Mays here!”.

You know what else died? My favorite bar in Idaho. It is true, my home away from home is gone forever. I know that including a bar in a blog about dead people is a little insensitive but I really feel like I lost a lot of friends.

When I moved to Idaho I knew no one. I mean really no one at all. I was living out of a hotel until I could find a place to live and my only real means of social interaction was the gym and the local pub next door called Paddy’s 2. That very day I first stepped in there I was taken under-wing by the bartender, met a nice lady would allowed me to to stay in her basement until I found myself a permanent pad and went on to forge many friendships that I still have today. It is sad when such an establishment goes under and you have only memories. And with a bar they are usually foggy ones.

Happy trails, Dougie. Until we meet again.

On a happier note, you are looking at, er, reading at(?) the proud member of probably the last 100% VHS rental store in America. Yup, it just proves that Idaho is still hanging in the 80’s. Of course I rented Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The ‘Burbs because that is how they were intended to be seen. Oh VCR don’t fail me now, we have work to do.

Oh, and somehow I caught pink eye. Jokes on me.