You Eat It

Not so long ago I was cruising around the word of  Wordpess looking at all the different food blogs with personally posted recipes while Man vs Food on The Travel Channel created the perfect background noise. It was a pleasant way to spend a Sunday evening and tonight, I think I will share one of my own. A word of warning though, I am not the greatest cook. In fact, when I cook meatloaf it never loafs. So I just call it “meat’n stuff”. But I will say this dish I am sharing is pretty damn good.

So let’s begin. I just came back from the store and when I decide to cook this particular dish, I really look for the freshest stuff and even go as far as organic. Though, sometimes organic just means paying 2 bucks for an apple that tastes like it has been bobbed out of the toilet.

Here’s what to get:

  • 3lbs of Italian sausage (I get hot but sweet works as well)
  • 2lbs of broccoli
  • 1.5lbs of bowtie pasta
  • Small container of parmesan cheese
  • Two packages of sliced mushrooms
  • Whole garlic
  • 2tbs of salt
  • 2tbs of parsley
  • 1tbs of garlic powder

Here we are browning the hot sausage. Whoohoo! Look at it go. Actually this dish requires multitasking so I brown it on medium high heat with a tablespoon of garlic powder added and drain every few minutes.

While the sausage is browning I dice up a few garlic cloves and place them in a medium sauce pan with extra virgin olive oil (E.V.O.O as Mega-Mouth says) and let it sizzle for a few minutes on high. I love this part because it smells up the whole house and people who don’t know better believe I am a great chef.

After the garlic permeates the air…and clothes, it’s time to add the mushrooms and cover them with a thin layer on E.V.O.O.. I usually add a tablespoon of salt and parsley but that is just me. I’ve learned in life that people are particular with their mushrooms and I would hate to upset the balance of nature pushing people to salt them unneccesarily. So, up to you.

Now that we have two items cooking a way I take the time to prep the broccoli. I basically chop it into florets and ditch any stem that is longer than a half inch. And I do so sing this:

After the meat is browned and the ‘shooms are all marinated in the EVOO and garlic, it’s time to combine the two!

Make sure to drain the meat but not the mushrooms. We need that juice to mix with the parmesan cheese later. I usually let these two mix on low heat and let it stand uncovered. Now lets boil some water and watch it!

You’re going to need about a pound and a half of bowtie pasta so this is how I eyeball it. Still, to this day, the art of boiling many types of noodles to that perfect consistency eludes me. This particular noodle, however, I have mastered. It takes 13 minutes.

I couldn’t find the bottom of my steam pan so I needed to get a little creative. This is me steaming the broccoli over the boiling noodle water in a plastic drainer. Not ideal but when broccoli needs to be steamed, you do what you have to.

So here we are. Everything is cooked and ready to be combined. All I need is a bigger pot but I guess I can use two. It’s nice to have enough to drop off to a busy friend or neighbor.

The last thing to do is to add a lot of parmesan. Remember how we kept all the mushroom sauce? Yeah, the cheese acts as sort of a corn starch and it creates an amazing garlic-y sauce that sets this dish apart. Behold, the glory of cooking for yourself for around $20. And it lasts for a long time.

Why I Blog

Why is it that I always experience true hilarity with no one around to share it with? Sometimes I feel like I am in the movie, They Live, and only I notice what is going around me. But instead of sunglasses that revile submission signs and skeletoned-alien faced creatures, I just over analyse each and every human exchange and wait for the punchline.

I was grocery shopping the other day and after two cups of tea and a bottle of water I made a detour to the latrine before proceeding to the produce. But before I could get there I passed by a gentleman who was followed by another leaving the said restroom. Here was the exchange between the two:

Man 2-“Sir! Sir?….You forgot your book in the stall.”

Man1- “Oh…thank you.’

Man2-“He dies at the end. Have a good day!”

Man1-“…..”

Okay, there is so much funny here I don’t know where to begin. I mean one, the guy brings his reading material to the grocery store (that’s planning ahead), two he forgets it, three some good samaritan picked it up off the ground (unless the reader has sever prostate issues, I don’t think he was finishing a chapter while peeing. Ew.), four the good samaritan turns out to be a spoiler-dick of a person and of course five, the speechless expression on man1’s face.

See? I never get to share these experiences with anyone. And that, my friends, is why I blog because I will see something like this below, turn to my fellow passenger and it will be gone. Damn it.

Fall Beer Review 2.5 and Pneumonia

Oh boy did I get it this year! I fucked around and caught a case of walking pneumonia. Burning a fever to the point of complete delirium can be fun but when you have responsibilities and bills to pay, drinking a cup of “coma-doze” doesn’t inspire me to pick up my socks, go grocery shopping, pop in the office or any of the one million things I have to do in a week. So, I sucked it up and went to the doctor, got some anti-bios and here I sit a week later with only an annoying cough and some sniffles. And for that, I am glad I am not a pilgrim.

Poor Mikey had to depart with a tooth. I’ll take a touch of pneumonia over that. I have a horror story about my wisdom teeth that will always make my six month check-ups a lot like my cat’s vet visit; shaking and guttural noises. Anyway, I am rambling and you want another beer review so here it is. This time it’s another cider and one of my new favorites (in moderation), the Skull Splitter. What a name!

This week we are doing a finale with the one and only, Sierra Nevada Tumbler. Really, the only reason I was asked to do this in a vlog form to begin with.

Get ready for the drear because it’s here! Love, peace and beer!

The 2010 Fall Beer Review: Episode 1

It’s that time of the year again! My liver always tells me so and so do the crisp winds of autumn, pumpkin patches on church lawns, fake severed limbs in a Rite-Aid and NFL dominated Sunday-Fundays. Such a wonderful time to be alive and we celebrate by drinking the seasonal brews that bottle the essence of what makes Fall so great.
This year you will be meeting me in a face-to-face review more commonly referred to as a Vlog. While I had some trepidation with putting my stuffy-nose voice and poor screen presence in place of a written blog, Sierra Nevada Brewery shot me an email asking me to review the Tumbler and suggested a video. I know I’m not the prettiest vlogger but if you drink with us on these reviews, I will get prettier. That’s number 312 of 5 gazillion why beer rocks and should be sewn onto the bottom right corner of our nations flag.
Also, to do this beer review properly I have included a dear friend and fellow blogger, Mike, who is a master brewer himself. As you have read in the past I am a not a beer connoisseur by any stretch. I buy seasonal beer based on the marketing and pretty pictures. Much like how I shop for salsa. So this year I put a little professional taste in the mix and I hope all of you beer snobs will be less irritated with me. (check out his blog. Excellent stuff)
I am happy this 4th annual blog er…vlog, can be something a little different for all you to watch and hopefully enjoy. remember this is a 3 part series and there will be a number of beers that we will be reviewed including some obscure shout-outs. If you can spot the five shout outs (all horror movie references) I will be mailing a prize to the first three who guess right. It’s a good prize too.
So enough of all this reading crap and on to pure visual ecstasy. Turn off your brain…right……NOW!

My Yoda Question

What is Yoda? I am not a die-hard Star Wars geek so I am sure this could be answered with as little effort as Wookiepidia or asking the question aloud in the general direction of this guy:

Now before you jump all over me for being mean or guilty of stereotyping, I did hear a lightsaber go off behind me and it was either his computer or the 90 pound old lady reading Pride and prejudice and drinking her cup of tea with as much tribulation as Rep. Barney Frank has pronouncing “sea salt”. If it was her, I give up on life as I know it and will try to fly tonight.

Anyway, back to my question. What is Yoda and in this fictitious galaxy, are there more Yodas? Obviously, being a Jedi means he is a special breed so one can deduce that there are normal Yodas, right? And that would make for some pretty lame creatures if you ask me.

Yoda's taller brother, Leo.

I like to think that Yoda was the one who had a gift for the Force but his other faux pas kept him from being fully accepted by his peers. You know, like severe dyslexia and having the voice of an asshole. I really believe the only option a guy like that had was Jedi camp.

To get my question answered quickly, I will tag only nerd attracting phrases and words. These are guaranteed to get some site hits from those who would know. But if you do, please, lemme know! Or make up your own story because trust me, I would believe you.

//

Up ↑