So, I am back. I probably lost the last couple years of my life but what does that matter? Those are the diaper years anyway. No, this trip was…let’s say…interesting. I’ll recap it for you but not too much. It is my luck the boss will Google Noah Hathaway and find this.
Well, on Saturday the boss came in and asked if I had anything going on this weekend. I should have taken Winston Zeddmore’s advice when he said, “if your boss comes in and asks if you have anything going on this weekend you say YES!”. I didn’t. I said I had nothing going on and that’s why I am working on the weekend.
That’s how I got roped into driving, literally from Canada to Mexico and back with a hell-ish stay in Vegas in just three days. Here is a time line.
3:00- Left Spokane with the boss in a GMC Denali towing a trailer to pick up a car in Los Angeles.
8:00- Found out my boss won his auction on eBay for a jetski in Sacramento.
4:30am- Met the guy who was selling the Jetski at a McDonalds in Elk Grove and loaded it in under 30 minutes.
7:00- Stopped at a Flying J truckstop so the boss could shower. I brushed my teeth and applied deodorant.
12:30pm- Arrived in LA and met the guy who was selling the car and loaded it on the trailer with the jetski. When I saw it there was definitely a “WTF” moment.It was a shell of a crap car.
2:00- Finally left LA and headed east to Las Vegas. Still no sleep.
6:00- Arrived in Las Vegas and checked into the Casino/hotel.
6:05- Agreed that we would eat dinner, have a couple of beers and maybe play a quick game of black jack and call it a night.
6:45- Boss has two drinks in him and decides that Vegas needs to be blown out and proceeds to drink heavy.
8:00- I am in search of the ultimate Chinese food and the boss is with two girls and telling them about his two cabins and many cars.
11:ish- Get a frantic call from the boss telling me to come to the lobby.
11:ish- Get to the lobby and found him sitting between two security bike cops. Got arrested for having sex in the parkinglot. Gives me his wallet and I bail him out.
2:20- Made bail and I went back to the room.
3:00-7:00- Boss went back to the casino. He won $10,000 in less than two hours, took a prostitute back to the room and had sex with her while I was asleep.
8:00-11:30- Just hung around the hotel until the boss woke up.
11:45- Boss realized the prostitute stole $5,000 while we were asleep.
11:45 and 10 seconds later- I excused myself and ran outside to laugh my ass off.
12:30-1:30- Waited in the car for the boss to buy a new iPhone because she took that too. He thinks…
2:00- On the road and I drove the whole way back while he slept.
2:00am- Swear I saw a unicorn and Orville Redenbacher.
10:00am- Pulled into the office parking lot. I passed out on my desk and miracled my way home to bed.
That’s exactly how it went. Pretty epic but I am grateful to see some beautiful country. Just wish the company was better.
This past weekend I ran a 30k X-Terra relay in Walla Walla, Washington in 100 degree heat. Still not back to normal from that one. More on that later.
I really can’t remember how long this project lasted but I believe it was a couple of weeks. Each day we would retrieve our work in progress that was wrapped in cheese cloth from the fridge and start on destroying what we had done the previous day. There were not many guidelines for what the final product would be. If you had an artistic inkling then perhaps the folks would receive a pot for a plant or a nice plate with a hand print in it. If you were like me and struggled to form any sort of shape they got an ashtray.
It was a cool time when a kid could express his or her love through artistic expression resulting in a carcinogenic ash receptacle. There is no way that shit would fly today. Under that dump-in-a-jar plan for zero tolerance I am sure a kid who made an ashtray would be suspended and child services would be called ensuring a debate on Foxnews’ Kelley’s Court. (That woman sucks) No, kids don’t make them like they used to.
Don’t be fooled, the picture above was not done by me. Actually this one is pretty fucking good. It is far less bumpy and minus the fingerprints. The only way to to tell the difference between my ashtray and petrified orangutan shit was the fact it had a convenient dent in the middle; perfect for putting out a cowboy killer.
Priorities and where they are.
It’s the Frog brothers from the movie Lost boys! Actually it is Jamie Newlander and Corey Feldman. We all know how Corey is doing so we can skip that half-stack and move on to Jamie; the real lost boy. It’s funny to watch this movie and see those two act as “tough vampire killers” brandishing stakes and talking in ridiculously low voices.
TWWWOOO WEEEEEKKKSSS! Man, did this part of Total Recall blow my mind. And to be honest, really disturbed me. Priscilla Allen, (seen above) hit a home run in her freak out role as the malfunctioning costume that went haywire on Arnold. I suppose it’s just my weird thing with seizures.
This sucks. Priscilla left us back last year after a long fight with cancer. I hate learning this while writing these but I guess that’s how we find out. As a native Sad Diego gal she really spent most of her life there as a drama student turned teacher. She had a few roles including Total Recall, The Naked Truth, Let Others Suffer and above all else a couple episodes of “Happy Days”. She mainly taught and did live performances. I am sorry that we lost you Priscilla. I am also sorry you were cast as the “fat lady” in Total Recall. But I will never think of a fortnight the same.
“Here’s a quarter. Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face. Good day, Madam.”
Man, Suzanna Shepherd has made a great career at being the grumpy grandma. I think her role in Good Fellas stuck with me and maybe it’s just that she reminded me so much of my own Grandmother on my Mom’s side. You know the type…(love you Grandma!) Anywho, she has been around town and has done amazing work. She is not the most obscure actress on the “where did you go” thing I have been doing but I just haven’t seen her around. Actually, I kind of thought she was chilling with Priscilla.
Enter Taran Noah Smith: the youngest of the Taylor family in the hit 90’s comedy, Home Improvement. Back in the day, Taran, who played the character Mark Taylor, was the cute little brother that fell pray to his mischievous older brothers. He was kind of the naive child that lived under the protection of Jill and try as he may, Tim couldn’t make him tough. But as the years progressed, Mark morphed from an innocent cute kid to a gangly goth goof. And really, in real life Taran did the same thing. My how life can imitate art.
Well, Taran’s career after Home Improvent never really florished. He married a woman 16 years his senior, sued his parents for his trust fund and started his own Vegan/Organic restruant called Playfood in California. Sadly he divorced and his home has been foreclosed and I believe Playfood went tits up. Oh yeah, I read he returned home to his parents house. Ouch. Good luck, Taran!
I think Rob Zombie said it best when he commented on the actors in the 1974 Texas Chainsaw Massacre. “Are these actors or did Tobe Hooper hire crazy people for this film? Man, these crazy people sure can act.”
Edwin has had a pretty long career after TCM. He did JFK with Oliver Stone and My Boyfriend’s Back. Most of his success as of late has come from his voiceovers to foriegn animation films and even Japanese pheonomenon action shows like the Power Rangers. Who knew, you know?
That’s Xur. He escaped in the movie The Last Starfighter. He set up a sequal and they never came through. Fuck that and fuck Xur. I am so bitter about that let down I could care less who the guy played Xur is. So that’s that. Stay tuned for part 11. I’ll get to it.
Casserole of Disaster 