Category: entertainment

How to Make “Hate Pizza”

I can’t really put my finger on when I started to be a fan of spicy food but as far as I can remember, it started in my early adult years. Actually, the more I think about it, my contempt for bland food began in the Army which led me to dowse everything with Tabasco. Since then I have ventured far up the Scoville unit scale , turning Tabasco from what used to be a heated nasal enema to mere sprinkles on a sunday.  My stomach can probably break down a twelve gauge shotgun shell with little more than a hiccup and taps to the chest.  But with this found glory of dastardly concoctions comes a lonely road where no one wants to eat everything I cook for fear of  reenacting a Bean-O commercial. I get it. Then there is Halloween with parties and I see a chance to disguise my love as a gimmicky party-food novelty. Oh I have sights for them to see. Let me teach you how to make the Devil’s pizza or how it has come to be known: Hate Pizza.

Okay. First off you need pre-made pizza crust (preferably thin) and coat it in extra virgin olive oil. I, myself, am very particular about the kind of EVOO but in reality it doesn’t matter for this particular pizza. Also, I didn’t make my own crust because when people are eating this they aren’t going to comment about how amazing the crust is but rather wonder if hitting their mouths with a hammer would reduce the burn.

You will also notice those attractive orange peppers known as habaneros. Yes, they are powerful and each one can ruin a night depending on your palate. I add eight of these lovelies and before we mince, I take off the stems because…people eat will eat this you know.

I load up all eight into the ol’ SlapChop and pound the bajeebus out of them until they are finely minced. Also, I add six garlic…things. You know, the whole pieces off the clove? You know what I mean.

That looks pretty inviting, don’t you think? Actually, right after I took this picture the mixture of the over ripe garlic and habaneros combined to almost knock me over. My eyes and nasal passages took a time out and I had to go outside and blindly pace the yard, hoping insult to injury wouldn’t result in dog poop on the shoes.

The sauce. Any good chef knows the magic of a good pie rests in the sauce. I prefer Don Pepino to Ragu sauce. Actually I prefer motor oil to Ragu but that is letting my snippy side out. You will notice that only about 1/4 of the can is used. “But Will”, you ask, “how will only 1/4 of a can of pizza sauce be enough to cover the whole pizza crust?” Good question!

Because I am adding a whole blammin’ jar of super hot Sriracha Hoy Fu Kong sauce! And it is amazing! If you have never been to a Vietnamese restaurant and had Pho or any other dish you are missing out. This is where I fell in love with Sriracha and have been looking for a good cross-dish. And sista’, I have found my medium.

While applying the sauce to the pre-made crust I thought making a devil face would be appropriate. All it ended up looking like was a frog. But it’s an EVIL frog!

We are almost there. At this point the oven is preheating to 475. A whole medium size bag of shredded mozzarella is evenly spread over the pie and the habaneros and garlic follow.  But we aren’t quite done yet.

It’s said Lucifer comes as an attractive and friendly character. Slicing one jalapeno, make a smiley face. It’s as if it is saying, “It’s okay. If you don’t like hot foods, you can take off my eyes. Everything will be alright.”

Let’s bake this bitch! The oven is all preheated and I turn the temp from 475 to 425. The average bake time is between 10 to 13 minutes. Maybe different if you are baking this on Mt. Everest. While this bakes, decontaminate everything! The seeds from one habanero can cause the dog to create a family historical event like “The 2011 Ass-plosion Dog/Couch Event”. You need to wash your hands and scrub under the fingernails. Being a spicy food fanatic, there has been many forgetful pee breaks resulting in…milk. I’ll leave it at that.

Those few minutes pass fast and before you know it the house is filled with the aroma of pain. This looks pretty inviting, don’t you think? It’s funny to think this is a vegetarian friendly pie. In my mind, vegetarians always seem so sweet.  This must be angry lefty anarchist type of veggie friendly food.

Well, I wouldn’t recommend this for a just any occasion. It’s Halloween and parties need to have one or two novelty food items. This is fun for bets or to show off who can brave a bite of the hottest pizza around. Or, if you have no soul, this Hate Pizza an be used for revenge. Because revenge doesn’t always have to be a dish best served cold.

Happy Halloween.

EDIT!

Apparently people didn’t hate the “Hate Pizza”. A bunch of crazy assholes, says me!

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What the What?

I know, right? I didn’t get the memo that Halloween is coming up in just a few short days. Man, these past weeks have been so busy and unfortunately, it hasn’t been for the spooky better. No, it has been a whole lot of work but as a guy in his thirties, what would one expect? So let’s recap what was so great about the season and then I will give you a little peak at what I have been working on for the next two seasons.

If you have not been living in a bomb shelter under the sea then you know the second season of AMC’s The Walking Dead is in full motion and it as intense as ever. I really can’t think of a better zombie epic story (word jumble!) than this one and there are a couple of reasons for that.

  1. The character development. I know that cliché characters can be drawn early in this series but as the story progresses we find out that not all of these people represent the masses. It is survival. The weak step up, the strong fall, the heroes become villains and the kids…well…they die too. It’s a realistic view of humanity.
  2. The story. We all know that the probability of a zombie apocalypse is remote. Okay, impossible, but as a guy it is fun to think about! This particular outcome is as believable as it gets. It is hopeless and as a viewer, we feel the same desperation as the characters because the world is ending and there is no way out.
  3. The Zombies. Holy Hannah! I know special effects are light years ahead of Day of the Dead but these zombies of The Walking Dead are amazing. It is crazy to think of the actors  behind these creatures. The makeup and movement make these things truly terrifying and while they don’t haul ass like the remade Dawn of the Dead, they are just as formidable. For the first time watching a zombie movie, I really felt like these things are unstoppable and will, at the end of the day, win.

The 2011 Fall beer review went okay. I am still not done posting these because I have two videos and a surprise guest to help me delve into my favorite picks so hopefully by Monday, the 31st, I will have all of them up and finished. But I think when you see what I have in store for Thanksgiving and Christmas you might just pass the reviews. Anyway, I failed miserably on a few because they aren’t even available to buy anymore. My fault! That was my fault. We will make it up to you. I swear.

So, what is next for the site and so on? Well, if you care to know I have been hard at work redoing a lot of what I didn’t care for during the Halloween season. This site (Veggiemacabre.TV) will be an interactive media site and will be reviewing quirky X-mas items and places. I have more time for these type of reviews in November and definitely in December. The Halloween train always slows a bit by now so luckily I have been distracted enough with CSS coding and Vince Gauraldi.

So, we have a final few days. I am busy right now working on some Halloween-ish stuff and I will post them up as soon as they are done. Be well and have fun this weekend. Remember to let Mom and Dad check your candy!

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Battle of the Paranormal Shows. We Have a Winner!

What the hell is going on with so many shows about ghosts and the paranormal lately? There are literally twenty shows that have some sort of investigative or first-person account of ghosts and hauntings right now in production. Actually, I bet I am low-balling that number. For the most part, I am pretty happy about these programs because, who doesn’t like a spooky tale this time of the year? There is nothing I like more than to get settled on the couch with a glass of brew, turn on a show that is mostly in night vision and learn about the history of an old inn or dilapidated hospital. To me, they are almost like history programs and the pay off of ghostly evidence is just a bonus. But of all these shows, there is only one that truly creeps me out. My Ghost Story.

You had me at "Warning".

Recently I have learned that the Bio Channel is not Lifetime. Honestly, I assumed Lifetime, WE, Bravo and the Bio Channel were all the same. Just since this past September did I learn that the Bio Channel is the deliverer of all things down right scary and it is because of the show My Ghost Story. Right away this program separates itself from the ridiculously dressed Ed Hardy figure, Zak Bagans of Ghost Adventures and the painfully boring Ghost Hunters, with words that will make me miss my mouth when playing a game of Cheez-it catch like “disturbing”. And you know what? A few of these episodes are a little disturbing.

I think what separates this show from all other types of paranormal shows are the real photographs and videos. I mean, take it for what it is. Any of this could be fake but after watching a few of these episodes I am hard pressed to believe that every one is a hoax.

The show has the real people telling you their experiences without actors or drawn out reenactments. There is no narrator or host but rather a simple text explaining who these people are and after their story, what the present situation is. More than not, their situation never gets better. I know this is selfish, but I like it better that way. Such a dick I am! The whole show has creepy ambiance that one can’t help but look over one’s shoulder, try not to peer at the dark windows and keep a close ear for any noises from upstairs. I am not going to lie, this show has been in my mind when the dog has to pee at 2am.

So, with so many paranormal shows out there, why is this the one that makes me want to sleep with rosary beads? I think it is a combination of the first-person accounts with the witnesses and tangible evidence. The tales, whether true or not, are just unnerving. It seems that all the “ghost chaser” shows like Ghost Adventures and Ghost Hunters, there is too much emphasis on the crew and the spooky feeling is completely lost.  Lately, these shows are ether tear jerkingly boring or laughably idiotic. My Ghost Story may not make you a believer but I promise you, next time you are in a basement alone,you’ll want to stay away from the mirrors!

If you want to watch this, and I suggest you do, it airs pretty often on the Biography channel. Actually, this coming Saturday a whole new season starts. But if you can’t wait and want to know what I am talking about, there are full episodes on YouTube.

I love you YouTube. I like pina coladas and getting drunk in the rain. I am not into yoga and I have half a brain. Please marry me.

BONUS!

Here is another review from the Dundee Seasonal Pack. This time I try the porter and chat about my favorite horror selection for Halloween. Please excuse the babbling.

My finger looks like a ghost. Wait a minute…

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The Fall Beer Vlog 2011: Part 1

Well, here it is. The first of five beer review videos featuring the Dundee Seasonal Craft Beer Pack. I didn’t plan on reviewing another seasonal pack but I couldn’t pass this one up. Why not you say? Because this beer holds a certain nostalgic place in my heart. You see, this was the first seasonal pack I reviewed some five years ago when I inadvertently started a tradition of drinking beer for the reason of celebrating Halloween and carving random items like peppers, pineapples and  Triscuit boxes. So, I figured I needed to try each one in a video that is far too long, most likely redundant and you can watch me get progressively more intoxicated. But it isn’t just beer that I will be discussing. During these reviews I will talk about Halloween shows, movies, memories and other topics that I really want you to become involved in. Watch these and tell me about your Halloween favorites in either the comments below or on the site where is says “SAY HI”.

Oh, and I know “Friend’s” on the site is wrong. But it won’t let me change it. It’s a Wix error, not mine. I swear!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next week of bonus videos that will be both on here and over in the video section of Veggiemacabre.TV. Be well my friends.

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Me Thinks Me Should Say It MeSelf

We sure did rip through the first week of October, didn’t we? Holy Hannah! I am working on a shitload of beer reviews as well as other projects to boast VeggiemacabreTV and brother, business is a boomin’. I find the work thing and life thing to be a bit of a compromising situation though, so while I want to do it all I can only do it some. But I promise it will be great. I hope.

Here is me rambling in my work clothes and trying to give some new insight with this thing I call a hobby. Be well and see you in a sec!

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