Wait One

I swear I am coming back. I have been dealing with work, business trips, my tattoo and moving. Oh, and above all else, I have been writing every day and also filming for my epic Halloween countdown that will either propel me into greatness or kill me like a McNugget Sweet&Sour dipping pack behind a car tire. It will be something.

To bridge a couple of day gap, I will reintroduce my self-made video of Billy Connolly agreeing with my disdain for commercials that have obnoxious eating sounds. Fuck off indeed!

Loud Burger

I had to make a quick little video for my disgust in regards to the over the top audio in Carl’s Jr/Hardee’s and Kit Kat commercials. I can’t tell you the revolt and anger that comes from hearing an exaggerated chomp sound. Especially the Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr commercials featuring super models biting into a burger that sounds like it’s full of wet glass. I hate it. You hate it. I would rather see Heidi Klum talk about stole softeners than eat a burger with NASA microphones aimed at her mouth.

I want to personally thank Bill Connolly for saying what we all think. Enjoy my short video.

Kit Kats Make Me Wolf-Out

I hate Kit Kats now. I do. And it’s not because of the taste. They have been a Halloween staple for years and one of the great deciding factors of whether or not to kick in someone’s jack-o-lantern out of petty candy hate. But recently there has been a commercial featuring cubical maze of people all eating Kit Kats to a rhythmic eating sound montage. If you are new to my blog, let me tell you, nothing will get me to commit an atrocious act like human food crunching.  I can handle dog eating sounds or even cute cats chewing Meow Mix, but when a fucking dickhole warrior ad executive pushes food by forcing my ear to the top of someones skull as the smack and crunch away I…I…I get a little crazy.

So on Tuesday I was watching TV innocently enough when the said commercial  came on. I was already having a sub-par day so this isn’t exactly what I needed. Out of no where my vision went totally white. When I came to, the remote was no longer on my lap but in pieces across the room. The cat was staring at me from the doorway of the cat-condo as if to say, “hey…that was a little excessive don’t you think?” For the first time in my life, a commercial made me wolf-out/ Hyde-out. Which ever seems more accurate.

So now I have to be careful when watching TV with people. I don’t trust myself not to go beastie when someone tries to entice me into buying crunchy food. But this is old news to those who have been here before. They know I mean no harm.

Moving

Sorry it has been a while. That’s pretty presumptuous of me to apologize as if anyone was really waiting, huh? Well, anyway, it is for good reason. As of Monday I have resigned (even though I still went in yesterday) because I am changing careers and moving 2300 miles North West to Idaho. So, this coming Monday I will make the long trek across this great country and hopefully blog about it on the way. It’s a little scary, especially because the town I am moving to does business via fax only still. No shit, here is the conversation I had with a leasing agent about an apartment I a renting.

Me: Hello, I am moving to Coeur D’ Alene this next week and I saw from the classified ad that you have an open apartment for rent and I was hoping I could go ahead and get an application.

Lady: Oh Neat! Sure thing. Do you have a fax?

Me: I do but would it be possible if you could just put it in an email attachment since I will be putting personal information on it?

Lady: Oh, I am sorry. We don’t have the application on the Internets.

Me: *shit my own brain*

See why I might be a little nervous? I think the lady actually believes that the internet is a series of nets. Beside the fact I have no idea of what the apartment looks like. I bet she would mail me Polaroids if I was to ask. A leap of faith, my friends.

So that is my lack of posting excuse. I think that’s a good one. Now I have to get back to packing the essentials and buy a coat because I hear north Idaho can get cold, especially to a dude who lived the past couple of years in a subtropic climate. And for that very reason I may just grow a beard.

Oh, before I go I need you guys to take a survey. I have a buddy here who is just one of the greatest guys but I truly believe he is a hybrid.  It has always been up for debate who he looks like more. I will leave it up to you. Here he is below:

Here is another angle…

So study D’s features and tell me A) B) or C), who you think he looks like the most. I’m not being mean, I ask him this all the time. He always picks C.

A) Mick Jagger

B) David Johaneson

C) Ed from Iron Maiden

Choose carefully. Now I really have to go because there is a lady that just sat behind me and she is eating a plum like it’s her job. I can’t tell if she is eating the plum or the plum is eating her face.  Watch your fingers, lady!

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