13 0’Clock!

Hey folks, guess what? I bet you can’t guess. Well, try at least.

You’re right! I am starting another web series and this time it is more than just my ugly mug you will have to stare at. The great Thomas Boatwright of BOATWRIGHT ART will be joining me in a fun little web show called “13 0’Clock”. The schtick is it will air every 13th of the month! Pretty neat, huh?

Also! While we chat about relevant pop culture news and topics of fun interest like how friction’ cool Peter Cushing was, Tom will sketch a piece that YOU, that’s right, YOU can have for your very own!

Now I know this was supposed to be on the 13th of this month but Final Cut was being a real little bitch with exporting error codes that took a whole two days to figure out. The crazy thing was I never could figure out the error code 1001 and the twentieth time I tried to upload, it did. That I cannot stand in the least. BUT, it is finally up so pretend it’s Saturday, February 13th and I am right on schedule.

Enjoy our intro, episode 0.0 of 13 0’CLOCK! Thanks Thomas for being a good sport.

The Headless Horseman In My Office

I have a weakness for CVS Halloween decor. During late August I pop into a CVS at least every other day to quickly traverse the aisles in hopes that some proactive manager gets an early jump on Halloween. I don’t know why I bother because they never start until the first week of September and all I really look like is a meth maker checking out the supply of cold medicine. I don’t like getting the suspicious eye from a twenty year old CVS clerk with a crossed out name tattooed on his neck.

What I was really looking for was a replacement to the Grim Reaper I bought last year who, unfortunately, did not survive and broke in half. I did not find him BUT I found something so much better. In fact, I will be hard pressed to find anything better this Halloween season.

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Introducing The Headless Horseman himself from the famous folklore tale of Washington Irving, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. It is not only a great Halloween display but it just so happens to be my favorite horror icon of all time. Ever since I was a young kid, that story captivated my imagination and chilled me to the bone. Even the Disney version! From the creepy autumn setting of a superstitious northern New York town to the belief that at night no one would venture in the woods because that is where ghosts and specters lurked. I love it all even though that sort of thinking back then led to witch hunts and burning at the stake. Oh well.

This guy is pretty big with a height just under six feet. Not bad for a price tag around $60! You will see in the video he doesn’t move around but his pumpkin lights up and he says a few witty phrases that are either activated by pressing his hand or motion sensing. It’s a pretty neat addition but I really wish he had a Robert Goulet voice. RIP Bobby!

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It was pretty funny when I bought this guy at CVS because he kept going off in the box which was half the size of my car. Of course the clerk took a year to ring me up with all sorts of questions like, “Are you a CVS card member? Would you like to be? and “Is this for Halloween?”. It’s hard for me to tone the sarcasm when people throw me softballs. I was nice and said no.

Well, I won’t ramble on too much about this Halloween decoration that makes me want to sing a verse from “Putting On The Ritz” in a Peter Boyle style Frankenstein voice. I will just let you watch me ramble on about it and you can hear him for yourself. I must apologize for my appearance, I’ve been operating on a couple of hours sleep a night thanks to this place that gives me paychecks. I like paychecks.

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Also! This is just one of a couple Sleepy Hollow type posts that are coming your way. I have a special treat with an artist who isn’t far from me who art-ed this commission just for me! It’s a special so be excited! (Art-ed does not sound as smart when said aloud)

 

Four Drinks That Are Terrible For You. But Fun.

I think this is a good time to write this particular post since I am beyond exhausted after a hellish trip to nowhere. Literally, I ended up nowhere only to come into work destroyed and ready for another weekend. I half blame US Air and half blame the fucking asshole who took my briefcase when I was shutting my eyes after not sleeping for a day. But that is history and now I want to tell you about themed energy drinks from pop culture gold. Ba-zing.

I found these tucked in the far back aisle of the Five Below store. If you are unfamiliar with the Five Below store, it’s like a general store but specifically for an eleven-year-old girl. Why was I there, you ask? I needed 3 foot long Twizzlers and I heard they sold them. They did. But in that endeavor, I also found these.

Okay, let’s get this one out-of-the-way. I know almost nothing about My Little Ponies and to be honest, I needed a tough and macabre background just to save a little dignity for this site. But who am I kidding, I kissed dignity bye-bye a long time ago. You will notice the Famous Monsters magazine from an older post as the backdrop and 3-D Monster dot com’s art in sticker form below the can. I say that makes up for a girl toy.

Anyway, Rainbow Dash’s Fizzy Cherry Splash energy drink is something you never want to feed a kid. Why it exists at all, I have no idea. It is a pink sour drink that only has a purpose to quickly transport 28 grams of sugar into the veins for an instant up and a terrible crash. If you give this to an eight year old girl she will grow a beard, jump on the roof and start singing “Strange Love” by Depeche Mode until the high disappears leaving her trapped on the roof. Then you will need to throw up another can but she will only be chasing the dragon, much like what Rainbow Dash is appeared to be doing. It’s a sad and twisted cycle. But what do you expect when you read “Hasbro” on the side of an edible product?

To sum this up, take a cherry Otter Pop and melt it. Then add a wee little bit of carbonation and ta-da, you have Fizzy Cherry Splash. And it will kill you.

Here we are! Pac-Man will always save the day when it comes to weird novelty items. There is something that is timeless about the big ol’ wheel of ghost eating cheese. I never got into the spinoff cartoon or future video games that expanded on the Pac-Man universe so it’s hard for me to really understand his diet. I guess it was primarily ghost sheets, an occasional cherry and a lot of Kix cereal? But we are drifting from the drink.

It’s not quiet as in-your-face-terrible-for-you like the My Little Pony energy drink because this one actually has vitamin B and B12. Not a lot but hey, even 1% is better than none. The flavor is pretty tough to put a finger on especially when the color hints at cherry but it’s not. The can doesn’t even help. The closest guess I had was either cyanocobalamin or hydrochloride. HYDROCHLORIDE??? What the fuck am I drinking? Isn’t that what takes the algae off house siding? What ever it is, the taste is closest to Juicy Fruit. Poisonous, poisonous Juicy Fruit.

Power up with Nintendo Power! Boy, if there is something that will get me to look away from a burning car for a second it’s a glimpse of Nintendo nostalgia. It’s not that I was really into Nintendo growing up all that much (unless you are talking about Super Mario 2) but it’s just gets me warm and fuzzy. And the thought of getting a real 1up in a can from Mario makes me warmer.

God, that last sentence doesn’t sound good.

Upon tasting this Power Up energy drink it was equally mysterious in flavor. So I compared the Pac-Man drink against this one and it was like comparing two blank sheets of paper. Then I realized I am an idiot and confirmed both energy drinks are the exact same. I felt like I had been looking for my sunglasses in the house and being pissed off at how dark things are only to find them. On my face.

Yes folks, it’s all in the packaging so if you want to know how this energy drink tastes, try to remember what you just read above.

This next drink deserves a little more attention. So I shot a video.

Well folks, there you have it. A few energy drinks from iconic 80’s and 90’s pop culture and it only cost me a year off my life and possible tooth abrasion. I do it all for you.

The evil geniuses behind these drinks are the good people of Boston America Corp. I guess I should thank them.

Dollar Store Challenge

It’s all downhill from here, folks. I have finally been able to participate in a joint project with the two of the greatest bloggers, writers and just all around good people; Matt from Dinosaur Dracula (former X-Entertainment) and Brian from Review the World. In comparison, I really don’t belong but Matt and Brian were cool enough to let me in on this great idea. I feel kind of like the kid brother who gets to tag along with his older brother and friends for a boat ride. Then a shark shows up and they get stranded on Cable Junction until Dad comes and electrocutes the shark. What? Where was I?

Anyway, we decided on a $5 limit for a shopping spree to the local Dollar Store/Tree/Mart. From there we would bring our findings home and in real-time, post a video reviewing our prized finds. I knew from the beginning that Matt and Brian’s would be spectacular. And they are.

Brian from Review the World! It is absolutely impossible to watch anything that Brian does and not instantly be in a better mood. His attitude and positivity makes this planet that much better to be on. Spend the day watching some of his past adventures. You’ll love ’em.

Matt from Dinosaur Dracula! He’s the star, no doubt. His videos are about the damn funniest eight minutes on the entire internet. His sincerity and hilarious view-point is something that can not be matched. I try and fail miserably…often. Get lost over at Dinosaur Dracula. It’s a great place to be!

Dippy me!

I am so flattered to be apart of this. I have been a fan of Matt and Brian for years and the chance to work (not really work) with them is cooler to me than fishing with Robert DeNiro. Please take time to watch their videos and join the DinoDrac community. Amazing people over there.

It’s nice to have awesome friends like those guys.

Thanks for stopping by!

The Evil Cabin Dead Fever Beer Review

It has been a bit since I have done one of my idiot beer reviews so, on this day of the Sabbath, I figured I might as well get back on it. This time I have tied the beer review to something that I have been looking forward to for quite some time. The remake and release of a 1980 classic, The Evil Dead. I have not seen it yet but after the hype has calmed down I will be in row three with no snacks. I heard it’s pretty gory. I have an easy gag reflex.

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As far as the beer goes, New Holland Brewing from Holland Michigan, is one of my all time favorites. Jason Spaulding and Brett VanderKamp, the founders, represent the all-American dream; loving beer and deciding to get wealthy making it. This particular review is the winter brown ale, Cabin Fever. I love the spooky font and the bottle art makes me think that there is a body in the backyard wood chipper. It screams VeggieMacabre and now you’ll have to watch the video to see why.

Spoiler alert! I loved it.

 

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