Where Did You Go? Mothers

Man, it has been a while since I have written a “Where Did You Go” post. So, as I sit at the work station for Wake Forrest Medical School waiting for them to redo their entire database I think I will use this time to be productive. Let me pay homage to the ones who birthed some of the cinemas greatest characters. And by moms, I mean the ones I care about and probably no one else does.

Lane Meyer’s mom in the movie, Better Off Dead, is about as amazing of a character as you can get. Her complete absence from reality, alternative homemaking skills and her unrelenting sweetness makes her so enjoyable to watch I just wish she could have had more of a dominating role in the film. Let’s see…she wanted to cutback the grease of bacon so she boiled it, dressed as a reindeer on Christmas morning, bought Lane a stack of TV dinners for his Christmas present, improvised a recipe that was wet from the rain and cooked something to life, and invited the neighbors to dinner to welcome the new French foreign exchange student to America by making French food. You know…”fronch fries, fronch bread, fronch dressing..”? Simply amazing. She was perfectly balanced dumb, ignorant, crazy and sweet. She’s like the buddy’s mom in high school who you could get to buy you beer but never did because the thought of hurting her feelings was not worth the fun. I love her.

Played by actress Kim Darby, she has had a long career dating back to the 60’s and has been in many TV shows like Murder She Wrote (shocker) the 1970’s classic Fantasy Island and films to include a major role in True Grit with John Wayne and was Debra Strode in the hilarious Halloween: Curse of Michael Myers. She has been nominated for an Emmy and a few Golden Globes in her time and has had a long career teaching acting at UCLA. Currently she resides in LA and was married to James Stacy who was the bartender in the evil Disney movie Something Wicked This Way Comes. All in all, I know her best as that wack-a-do Mrs. Meyer who played an amazing role as mother to Lane and Badger Meyer, in Better Off Dead and that is why she is top of this list.

Oh boy Nancy’s mom, Marge Thompson, from the 1984 Nightmare On Elm Street was an inflatable dartboard when it came to being a parent but when it came to handling a child molester, she was got shit done. This chick lit the dude on fire and took his glove as a souvenir. It almost worked too had he not, you know, come back in the dreams of kids and killed them in their sleep. Doh!

The reason she is on this list is because of her complete naiveté and her love of all things vodka. Even when her daughter woke up from a nightmare in a hospital and produced the hat of Freddy Krueger, she was still in denial! Also she taught us the hazards of smoking in bed:

And doors can be used creatively.

The woman who played this drunken, twice killed, and living in denial mother is the great Ronee Blakely who almost won an Academy Award for her role in the movie Nashville, loosely based on the story of Loretta Lynne. She had been in a few films and TV shows through the 1970’s to 90’s but besides Nightmare to Elm Street, I only really care that she was in the Tales From The Darkside episode, “The False Prophet”, appeared in the forgettable 1987 Return to Salem’s Lot and sang back up vocals to Bob Dylan’s song “Hurricane”. Other than that, she will always be the lady who funneled vodka and sort of killed Freddy Krueger.

Diane Freeling from the movie Poltergeist is probably my favorite movie mom for a couple of reasons. One, she is just cool and hip. She seems like the mom who brings cupcakes to Carolann’s classroom, buy’s Robbie the cool sneakers that all the kids are wearing, makes sure Dana has condoms before she goes on a date because we all know she was pretty loose in the movie and remember to keep cold Coor’s beers in the fridge with tightly rolled joints for when Steve gets home from a hard day of work. Two, I love the way she didn’t lose her shit like I would have when this happened:

I would have “Hiesman-ed” over Carolann on my way out the door.

Diane Freeling was played by the beautiful JoBeth Williams and she is no stranger to brilliant acting. She made her debut just a couple of months before Poltergeist with Dustin Haufman in Kramer v Kramer and went on to do a number of big films like The Big Chill, Poltergeist II, and the Tim Allen abortion known as Jungle 2 Jungle. (Never trust a film, music group or insurance company with a number representing a preposition) Also she was most famous in the late 1970’s and early 80’s as her soap career as Brandy in the show Guiding Light. And know you know. Oh! And when I was looking up info on JoBeth the first site that came up was from Wikifeet; a whole site dedicated to celebrity feet photos.

We are going to end this one on a high note, folks! Good ol’ Doris from the movie we all love, Night of the Comet. She is the cliché mom we all hate. It’s obvious that she isn’t the birth mother to the two girls in the movie because she plays the role of a wicked stepmother to the T! Married to their dad who is a Green Beret on deployment to Honduras, she is throwing a comet party and letting every guy in the neighborhood get a free ride (if you know what I mean). Well, the youngest smart-ass girl gets a little pissed off when she sees her stepmom flirting with the neighbor, Chuck, and lets loose with one of the greatest lines in cinema history: “Jesus, Doris. You were born with an asshole you don’t need Chuck.” That line resulted in this series of events.

The lesson? Don’t slap in a punching contest. But don’t worry, Doris gets turned into Tang right after this scene.

Doris was brilliantly played by Sharon Farell and what a ride this lady had! She has been in Hollywood acting since 1959 and has been on such shows as My Three Sons, Matlock, THE VERY FIRST EPISODE OF ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS, Freddy’s Nightmares and Emergency. Her movie roles were pretty extensive too but besides Night of the Comet the only other one I really care about is It’s Alive where she played the mother to Satan. Which, if this was another blog that would have taken the cake for her movie-mother roles. But not this one so go suck one!

I’m sorry. Don’t do that. You know I love you.

What’s Been Going On?

Alright, the holidays are over. Christmas did what it does every year and that is sneak up behind me, steal my wallet, put 1500 miles on my car, gets me out of shape, pissy and then before I know it I am back in my office wondering why I got so excited about it to begin with. And next year, the same will probably happen. But 2011 didn’t go quietly into the night. Let me catch you up.

What you are looking at above is me, hard at work supplying all facilities with the latest and greatest medical technologies. I have been hard at work in this position for a while and so far, love it. I know you can’t tell by my expression but being an account exec does have its rewards. Let me explain.

Trying to help older people understand the web or applications is a lot like explaining the steps how to DVR Happy Days to your cat when you are out-of-town; it takes a long time and when you come home you can be certain that the Fonz will not be in your future. Older Doctors know a lot about the world of medicine but the when it comes to web applications they make a face much like I do when someone asks me if I know what a Kardashian is. “I don’t understand the question and I refuse to answer it.”- Lucile Bluth

People come and people go in life. I have learned through extinct relationships that going separate ways doesn’t require screaming and lamp throwing. It’s important to know what you want, understand that not everyone is perfect, appreciate the ones who enter your life and appreciate the ones who left even more. So, for now, being a single guy who works sixty hours a week fits well. Like my late great-grandmother said to me when we visited years ago, “…if you are a monkey, be a monkey. Let the zebras have their stripes. Just be a good monkey.” I remember that as though it was yesterday. And after that advice my grandmother took me to Burger King. What a great day.

I’ve finally planted here. While I look for a nice house to finally buy, I will be hanging my hat here and hosting a lot of VeggieMacabre.TV at that bar…thing…it. With about five thousand invested into Ikea and some art from Final Girl, this place will do just fine. I will also get to use my green screen and host the show from space or Newark!

Looks like Alton Brown and I have buried the hatchet. By finding a common bond with flying I soon forgot the present he signed for me a few years ago. In case you don’t know I received a signed copy of his first book. I was ecstatic until I read his message.

Okay, that was a pretty good one. Girl:1 Will:0

I went up north again for Christmas and every year I say it’s the last time but then November comes and I find myself committing to the madness. But, it’s family and sacrificing some time to remind yourself why you live so far away is good for the soul. Also, I get more quality time with Uncle Mark. He is an amazing dude. Although, he drives like a fuckin’ nutcase! Also, he is best friends with the Indian couple that run a Dunkin Donuts. It’s a weird match but at least we had a place to dump the discarded wrapping paper that night!

Well, that’s a quick catch up and I did so in less than 750 words! I thought for sure I would ramble for 3,000. Lucky for you.

I will leave you with a picture from 1983 at my grandmother’s when I was much smaller, Dad’s mustache was much bigger and the world was a lot more fun. I was downloading this picture to Photobucket and the lady behind me asked if this could get any cuter.


Where did You Go? Part 7

I think I am going to start making this a Friday event. I will not go as far as to make it official because I have a way of jinxing myself and next Friday I might get hit by a bus full of gunpowder leaving everyone here saying, “that son of a bitch is completely unreliable”. So I will try the best I can because I have generated a list of people that need to be brought back to the limelight. Unless they are dead. Then I will bring them back posthumously. It’s the least i can do. And away we go!

*snort snort…Weeeyuuuuu*

Holy crap it’s Roy Stalin in one of the greatest movies of the Cusack 80’s genre, Better Off Dead! His real name is Aaron Dozier and man did he play the guy that every dude loved to hate. I must admit I was a little envious of the ski teams matching jackets. I have a sleeping bag that looks just like that. Regardless, Aaron nailed the role as the perfect high school prick jock and he even took his defeat in the end like the poor sport he was. “Get Lost!”

You’ll never believe what Aaron Dozier is doing today, or at least a few years ago. He is the head coach for the Boston College ACC ski team! I guess life does imitate art after all! I wish I had an updated picture. I wonder if he can still handle the K12…..on one ski?

Remember Mr. Mom? I barely do and that is probably because I was the same age as the two kids in the tub when it came out. But I got an email asking whether or not a recent fiber commercial on TV stared one of the kids and it turns out he did. It is Alex, the kid circled, who is really Frederick Koehler. I remember this kid more than the other because he wasn’t bitching about his wubby as much. It commanded my respect, even though I was guilty at that time for peeing my pants at recess playing “Red light, Green Light.”

Fred has been working his ass off since childhood and has been in everything from TV shows like Full House and ER to movies like Pearl Harbor and Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood (poop in pants 😦 ) He was even in a great made for TV movie called The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom. But recently I keep seeing him in commercials like the said fiber commercial as a downtrodden employee. He does have that melancholy look, eh? But I bet anything this guy is the life of the party. Keep it real Fred!

Whatever happened to the UZI? Did weaponry in Hollywood go to the way of Colt? I remember when every bad guy rocked an UZI back in the day. How many guys where blown in the air, flipping and throwing their UZI’s on the show, The A-Team? I myself, had countless UZI water guns because it was the gun of choice. I wanted to be the Colombian drug runner in the neighborhood! Oh well, maybe the UZI can comeback one day. The Israelis really know how to make something cool, you know?

Who doesn’t love this guy, Brain Backer (Mark “Rat” Ratner) from the great 80’s movie Fast Times At Ridgemont High ? I always had a connection with his character in that movie. He was a self conscious dork that relied on his suave but selfish friend for tips on how to land a date with a crush. Even though his friend was a jerk, I did agree that on a date you should always play Led Zeppelin, “Physical Graffiti”. Works for me!

Brian Backer was in some really great 1980’s films like, of course, Fast Times’ as well as The Money Pit, Meatballs and Moving Violations but in 1987 his agent sold him out to Police Academy 4 and he was forever cast the way of TV sitcoms. Actually to be fair, Brian won a Tony for his performance as Woody ALLEN on Broadway. I guess that is an achievement. Oh well, you will forever be known as “Rat” who got sloppy seconds from your pal at Ridgemont. And for that, we love you Brian.

Last for today, but certainly not least it’s Keith Gordon, one of my all time favorite actor/director/writers ever. This guy bleeds talent and has been a true backbone for Hollywood cinema. Most people recognize Keith for his role as Jason Melon in Back To School or as Arnie Cunningham in Stephen King’s Christine but I know Keith Gordon as Doug Fetterman in Jaws II. That movie made me never want to go sailing again and his role as the nerdy bookworm let me know that even the smart guys can be eaten. That was a weak statement, I know.

You won’t find Keith in front of the camera anymore and that’s a real shame. And it’s not because he lost his hair. No, he is writing and directing now and does a damn fine job of it too. His political and antiwar themes rub people the wrong way at times but it does provoke thought. And really at the end of the day, isn’t that what we want? I watched A Midnight Clear and was really impressed how he made such a powerful film that not only captured everything Kurt Vonnegut had written but it inspired me to be a Vonnegut fan. Now that’s a movie when it inspires reading!

Go to Macabre Fitness right now! I want you to see a movie! Serious cat says so!

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