If you could spend a few hours at the bar with someone that you don’t know personally, who would it be? I can think of about a thousand because I like to believe that I get along with everyone but if I had to narrow it down, these are who they would be. If you are reading this I would also like to drink a beer with you too. That is pretty cool you take the time to read my thoughts about nothing. This Bud is on me.

Yeah, I know he is dead. But that aside, first on the list would have to be George C. Scott. I could imagine having a very worldly conversation while I drink 3 Michelobs to his one Johnny Walker Black on the rocks with a splash of water. He would enlighten me on what it takes to transform one’s self into rich, deep characters and make Oscar himself feel humble. After I get him buzzed I would ask him to act out the famous scene from Patton, “If we are not VICTORIOUS……then let no one come back alive.” In my mind that would create a standing ovation from the entire bar, including the regulars who have been there since 2:30 Happy Hour.

Alan Shepard. What can I say? As a pilot I am in awe of this guy, not just because he was a Naval Aviator and was the first American into space with Mercury space program but because this guy can beat any “no shit, there I was” story. I can’t tell you how many times I run into people who feel it is necessary to one-up you. I guess it is the culture of aviators to be cocky but I would like to hang out with someone who has strapped themselves to a rocket and was shot into space when there was a 1:3 chance of being vaporised. That should shut up the Net Jet fuckers. I swear there was a guy talking shit that had no side burns. What a tool.

I bet you don’t know who Tom Kenny is, do you? He is the voice of the character Spongebob Squarepants and at times he does a quick appearance as the Pirate. I would love to get loaded and sing the “Campfire Song ” with him. If you watch this clip below I will be singing Patrick’s part. “C A…. erf ..F, P ….fuck…I,M, damn it…. SONG! SONG! F, P….”

I really am not very mature. Surprised?

Another posthumous drinking partner would be the guy that was too cool for cool, Link Wray. Known as the Grandfather of distortion, he paved the way to all hard rock and just listening to his music makes me want to smoke a Lucky Strike in a Chili’s and put it out in a dudes margarita, just for spite. I can imagine Keifer Sutherland’s character in Stand By Me to be a Link Wray fan. If we were drinking at the bar I would be cool by association.

Yeah, I think a night getting hammered with The Wiggles would be worth bragging rights. There would never be a shortage of tunes and if I wore a long sleeved green shirt, for a night I could blend in and be a Wiggle. Can you imagine talking to girls at the bar?

You: Hello, what do you do for a living?

Girl: I’m a psycho therapist. What do you do?

You: I am a Wiggle. The green wiggle.

I imagine we would snub our nose at Karaoke bars and start our own dance number to a crowd of unsuspecting bar-flies. Then we would play rock-paper-scissors to see who would be DD and drive us home in the Big Red Car. Oh yeah, I’ve given this some thought.

I know what your thinking. I, however, feel for Lisa Nowak and would love to buy her a drink of her choice and say “it’s ok…it’s not your fault.” Then she would say, “I know.” Then I would say, “No, it’s not your fault.” Then she would say, “I know….” Then I would say, “It’s not your fault.” Then she would say, “Don’t do this to me…not you man, not you.” Then I would say, “It’s not your fault.” then she would would probably stab me in the leg with a fork.

Seriously, I am on her side. America loves to see successful people have momentary falls from grace. She lost everything for the fact she was in love. It may seem crazy what she did but if you are in the top 1% of IQ scores, your rationality when it comes to love maybe different from most. Lisa, I think you are great and I wish this didn’t happen to you. Sorry the sleaze of the American media felt it necessary to destroy you with exaggeration and slander.

I would definitely rock some brews with anyone who enjoys Matt Caracappa’s website, X-Entertainment.com including Matt himself. I think it is because these are the people who know how to enjoy the little things in life and nostalgic memories that I share too. My real job involves responsibility that if not done correctly could result in life in jail or death so I come to it every night to escape the pressure.

Oh the drinking games! I couldn’t even begin to imagine the drinking games my fellow X-E’ers know. But I am happy to just pop in and listen to people’s memories and days. I am usually drinking for SNT anyway. Thanks for that Matt.

Today’s brought to you by the letters S,H,I and T and the number 4. It’s not that it is a bad day but it reinforces the fact that if there is a possibility of shit happening, it will most likely happen to me. I was in Kinkos today running off training manuals because that is what I do for fun when the unthinkable happened. Let me paint you a picture. I have a pair of pants that are my favorite pair in the whole world and if they are ever lost I may swear off articles of clothing from my lower extremedy all together. The only problem with them is that the fly is made of Velcro and after 7 years of ware, let’s just say I am aware of it’s position at all times. But today they betrayed me. I was in a rush to get these training manuals copied and threw on these pants after a shower. (I was commando, so what?) Well, let this be a lesson to all those who disregard the common law that boxers should always be worn under old velcroed pants. I managed to let my guard down and accidentally exposed myself to the staff of Kinkos. I don’t know if I feel embarrassed yet. It will take some time to let the full scope of my ordeal. I will say that I will never forget the large woman saying, “I think someone is trying to say hello.” I want to die.

Traitor!