Good grief I am sorry for the long absence. It seems that life gets crazier and crazier everytime I turn around and before I can stick my head out to see what is going on, the sun has not only set, but done so four or five times. So let me catch you up if you were curious.
I’m older. I turned 29 on Saturday. That sucks.
Damned near killed myself while driving through Washington. And by damned near, I mean I saw my life flash after my tire blew. These are a few of the images.
I have officially declared snow and ice to be the worst part of Mother Nature. Snow rhymes with blow and ice rhymes with shitty-fuckfuck.
This is big news. I am officially down to two cups of coffee a day. If you don’t think that is a big deal than you should have heard me a few weeks ago on two pots a day. “HIMYNAMEISWILL! ILIKEFOOD, DOYOULIKEFOOD? GOOD! LET’SGOGETSOMEFOODANDEATIT! BECAUSEIT’SFOOD!”
I saw the movie, The Wrestler a while ago and it’s an amazing movie. Loved every minute of it. But it’s definitely not a date movie.
I’m on a bowling league. I am also the worst one on the league. That really sucks too because there are two ladies who bowl with both hands. But if I am going to be bad at something, being a bad bowler doesn’t really bother me.
Apparently I am “King Treadmill”. I’m too big of a wuss to run outside.
Well, that’s all. As you can see, I’m not dead or missing. For the next couple of hours I will be catching up on everyone else’s blogs and I hope I haven’t missed anything huge. If I did, please tell me. I’ll make you a card out of construction paper and glitter-glue.
I trust everyone had a happy and safe Halloween? I hope so because I did. Actually it was the best one yet. Anyway I am going to post a blog that I have been giving great thought about over the years. You see, I am the type of person to really beat a nonsensical notion to death. One of notion is this odd idea I have of the afterlife. I don’t believe that we will be living on clouds with wings and halos because, to be honest, I am far from deserving a halo. But what I am hoping for is an abundance of the Earthly pleasures we enjoy here and now, without the consequences. Here is an example.
I die. Let’s say I am pissing and drying my hair at the same time because I really want to go out in style. Regardless, I cease to live and I find myself on an escalator to the great beyond. (I do believe there is an escalator of some sort) Once I get to where I am going there will be a door. That door will have a sliding eye-hole and behind it is a guy who asks for the password. (I hope it’s a cartoon ape, I hope it’s a cartoon ape) And some how I know it. I don’t know how I know it, but I do.
Now this idea I have is so wacky that I think many religions are started this way so if you watch CNN in a few years and see me in a compound, you can say you knew me when. Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, so the password will determine whether you get in or go to Hell. In my world, Hell is standing for an eternity on the waiting list for IHOP on a Sunday morning. So be good for goodness sake!
Of course I will say the right one. And beyond the door will be a smoke free English pub with every TV on VH1 Classic, ESPN Classic Bowling 1979-’84, Alf, DOG The Bounty Hunter, and To Catch A Predator (We can poke fun of the people that will be waiting at IHOP forever). I will have a seat at the bar and the seat to my right will be vacant. When I ask the bartender (who is Ernie Pantusso from Cheers) what is new, he will know my name and my drink and say, “Will, it hasn’t been the same without you”. Then he will hand me a menu.
The menu is a list of everyone I have ever wanted to meet and have a drink with. All I have to do is pick a name and they will stroll up, have a seat next to me and order a drink. And then I can strike up a conversation and ask all the questions I have ever wanted to know and listen to the stories that I have always wanted to hear. That would be Heaven for me. Good drink, good conversation and Coach as my bartender. These are my picks for my first day in heaven.
“Romell, you magnificent bastard, I read your BOOOOOK!” God, I would love to hang out with George C. Scott. That guy was one of the greatest actors of our time. Can you imagine the stories this guy had? The parties of Hollywood elite when it was good to be elite. Today the Hollywood elite is equivalent to a dump in a Smucker’s jar but back then, that was acting. And I think our conversation would be quite intriguing.
I wonder what his drink of choice would be? I peg him for a Dwars and a splash guy. In his later years he wasn’t the pillar of health so I imagine that Dwars to be accompanied by a fine cigar and a plate of cream cheese finger sandwiches. I know that my Heaven pub is smoke free but it’s freakin’ George C. Scott, man! Even in the afterlife there are exceptions.
Keith Moon! Can this guy party or what? If you are unfamiliar with Keith, he was the late drummer of The Who, who set the standard on how to be a reckless partying rock star. If there was alcohol, he drank it. If there was something to be snorted, he sniffed it. If there was a hotel room to be destroyed, he not only destroyed the room but the entire hotel. In fact the Holiday Inn still has a ban on The Who today.
He and I would drink a few shots and I would ask him about diving into an empty swimming pool as we have a laugh. To be in the presence of the guy who named Led Zeppelin, inspired Beatle songs, the first to use on stage pyrotechnics, and beyond all else his work with The Who would be fascinating. Now that is a slice of fried gold! Oh yeah, did you know Keith died in the same room Mama Cass from The Mamas and the Papas died in? She didn’t really die choking on a ham sandwich, did she?
As for Keith’s drink I bet that he would drink……everything. And chase it with a bar mat strained shot. For those unfamiliar with that it’s all the spilled alcohol that is collected at the end of the night. I call it a “OH MY FUCKING HELL WHY WOULD YOU DRINK THAT” shot.
“Well in the words of Harry S. Truman, if it’s too hot in the kitchen, stay away from the cook.” I would love to hang out for a few hours Archie Bunker. Not Carroll O’Connor but the character Archie. Hey, when I’m dead and gone I believe this will be possible. I also believe I will drink with Hobbes too so go with me on this one.
The real reason I want to rock out with Archie is so he can call me a Meathead. Is that so wrong to want to be called a Meathead from an American icon? I don’t think so and if I’m good all year, put out cookies and leave a thank you note by the chimney, I think it is only fair that I can be accosted by Archie Bunker. Wait…I think I am confused.
This guy! Who wouldn’t like to tip a few back with Ted Knight? Especially when he does his “Pigs In Space” voice which I am sure would come out right after our third Bullshot. Oh! And ol’ Billy Barool! “Oh Billy Billy Billy Billy Billy.” I say this to myself every time I’m in an odd predicament.
John Candy. Oh geeze. If there is one person I would want to hang around for a while it would be John Candy. I was so sad when he passed away and even today I have a hard time watching certain scenes in his movies. Especially this one:
Ho man! Every time that part of the movie comes, depending on the company, I have to go to the kitchen or do push ups. Something! It’s pathetic to see a grown man whimper over a John Hughes movie.
Well, I bet we would have a blast! He’d reenact that classic scene in Uncle Buck when he flips a quarter to that principal and told her to have a rat chew that thing off her face. Uncle Melanoma head. We’d finish a bottle or two and toss some darts. Oh yeah, that aint purgatory!
The man, the legend. Bernie Mac is definition of cool for me. God, I still can’t believe he is not here with us. But I have faith I will be able to shake his hand someday. And you know what? This is one dude I don’t mind hogging the Holy Jukebox.
I imagine he would be sipping a snifter of VSO and chewing on a Cuban. Me? I would be chugging a Pabst Blue and catching Goldfish crackers in my mouth. And we could be completely happy with that. Damn, I miss Bernie Mac.
I know I am not alone on this one. Who wouldn’t want to spend some quality time with George Carlin? Who? I bet it would be a one sided conversation because I wouldn’t even know where to begin. He seemed like the type that could carry on without much of topic. I doubt he would get old but I could see myself wondering, “I wonder if Gallagher is dead?”
So that is my list. But don’t get me wrong, when I kick the bucket my first priority will still be spending eternity with loved ones. Like how I presume I will be going to Heaven?
Don’t worry! I won’t be buying the big dirt box condo yet. You are stuck with me and my gibberish for your reading-at-work pleasure. Hey! Why are you reading this at work anyway? 😉
It’s kind of funny how the most simple things in life can solve some of the most complicated issues. I know I haven’t been posting much and there is a good reason. A couple of weeks ago I was at the fire house and we were called to respond to a fire. The details were not clear until we pulled up to the house but when I walked in…I don’t know what to say.
A 6 year old girl was standing next to a wood burning stove that caught her pajamas on fire and she suffered 3rd and 2nd degree burns to over 90% of her body. I will skip the details but I will say that night I had to throw out my clothes and keep busy not to hear the sounds in my head from that call. She’s just a baby and that will haunt me for sometime to come.
I’ve seen a lot of bad things in my life and I can process it fine. One way is to escape to nature and the other day that is just what I did. And wow, did it work a miracle!
This is the trail right next to my place. It goes for miles without any human sounds or contact. This tranquility of being alone on a mountain while the snow is falling is just what one needs to clear the mind and remember who you are and why your here. I’m not too religious but it is hard to argue that God isn’t real when you are surrounded by beauty.
The sounds of the wind blowing through the trees and distant branches falling was so peaceful I felt as if I was the last person on earth. I walked about five miles up the mountain and sat down. Taking advantage of the situation I took out my iPod and listened to the only song that made sense of the moment and reflected on how lucky I am. Here it is, “The Wind” by Cat Stevens.
Things might get a little crazy between now and Thanksgiving so just in case I don’t get a chance to post then, I will post this now. This is what I am thankful for.
The state of Idaho. Because not many are thankful for it. It’s a handsome state when looked at from a map at least.
The movie The ‘Burbs. “I let go of the goddamn brownies…”
Finally being able (at 30) to grow a full beard.
Being comfortable with myself even though I look like a melvin. (Picture shown above.)
The men and women in uniform that keep this country safe and free.
Micro Brews with cool labels.
Empire Strikes Back. My first memory of the movies and we went the Thanksgiving weekend of 1982.
The Creepshow. That was the trailer before The Empire Strikes Back and to this day, I still am “creeped” out by that movie. God bless it.
REI
My place in the mountains. Especially my work desk view.
Oh hell, I’ll just say it. Cheese.
The New York Times. It’s a Sunday must.
Kids with odd first names like “Lake” or “Apple” or “Valley”. It makes me feel better about my initials “WEW”. Woooooo!
Home Improvement 1991-1994
XM/Sirus radio. The drive from GA to ID would have sucked real bad without that.
My job
X-Entertainment. No other place can one go to see their childhood archived.
My rock star shoes. They are on their last legs. So to speak.
Triscuits. Both reduced fat and Olive oil and Rosemary.
Maybe the one guy who can regain international trust, racial healing, national pride and all that is great with America will be the President. (don’t Fuck Up!)
The F-14 Tomcat. Even though it is retired.
Everyone on my blog role. I love sharing memories with them and I love how they share them with me. I imagine that we are all camping and exchanging tales of bike accidents and office blunders as we chortle our way to slumber. I have a very special place in my heart for each and every one on the Veggiemacabre blogroll.
All my ex girlfriends. I know that sounds odd but it is true. Each person has left an indelible print on who I am today. Even though most want me dead, they made me better. And for that I am thankful.
Little kids high on Juicy-Juice and cookies. (2:07…..it’s worth the wait. “ooooo!”) The little guy is breaking a sweat!
La Sportiva running shoes
My gift of gab
My parents. As the late, great actor John Candy’s character, Dell in Planes Trains and Automobiles said, “Love. That’s not a big enough word.”
Being in better shape at 30 than I was at 21. Or even 18. That is important to me.
Being able to put down the bottle and walk away. Always had a tough time with that. Especially last year.
Fitness Macabre is still in the works and the sponsors are letting me run with in after the 1st of the year. I don’t know if I am thankful for that yet but I’ll throw it up here.
The freedom to move around. Last year I thought 92 degrees was a cooler day and today I think 42 degrees is a warmer day. I love experiencing that broad shift of environments.
The Food Network. Especially Good Eats and 30 Minute Meals.
My close friends. The ones who put up with my snoring, know that when we eat out I may order in a foreign accent, will pontificate at random and tell long stories and often lose the point half way through. Thanks for taking it all in stride.
That my friend found the love of his life and married her. I wish I could have been there but this year I needed some serious “head’ time. I will always regret that.
Great White Sharks are making a comeback from being endangered.
And above all else, good health
So that is my 2008 list of thanks. I wish everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving. Try to reflect and let the people who mean the most know how important they are to you. You never know when you may get another chance. Think of those less fortunate and if you can, share. Try to keep an open mind and forgive those who you don’t get along with. At least for Thanksgiving. Letting go and loving is so much easier than holding on and hating.
I am sorry that things have been so busy here and I haven’t been a good neighbor to some of my blog pals. But I have a good excuse! Actually the best excuse of all. Work! So I figure I will take you on a little tour of my office as of late. Don’t worry, you have a cooler one.
Welcome to Fire Station 7!
As the wildfire season draws to a close, Smokejumpers pack away the parachutes, Hotshot Crews turn in the chainsaws for hoses and everyone goes back to the basics as firemen. As a pilot this change is especially exciting because this is as close to the action as one can get. The team camaraderie and service to community for a career is second to none but above all else it is element of danger. I have never excelled in life with a noose tie around my neck. I’m the type that requires a helmet. And no, not because I am retarded. (smart ass)
Well, that’s all the gear of the crew that’s not one call. The bottom area is for normal fire and rescue operations and the top shelf is for wildland fire. It’s different living so close to “nature” where one minute you are putting out Granny May’s kitchen and her famous elk roast and the next you are fighting an entire mountain fire because Ernest was burning a pile of cow poop while drinking a case of Milwaukee’s Best. You never know. The crew that is on shift have their gear ready by the trucks. I need the extra time because I flex in the rear view mirrors……a lot.
That’s my seat in the truck you see above. Just in case you were curious. I have only rolled out a few times but my name is above it. And that alone makes me a happy pappy.
Everything here in Idaho is retro. I personally love that about this place but when it comes to things that stand between life and death, that 1970’s ambulance makes me weary. Remember that show “Emergency” from three decades ago? That’s it right there.
You have to love the wood paneling inside the ambulance. Nothing says “you’re going to make it” like old school medicine decor. I don’t mean to rip too hard on the paramedics’ mode of transportation but it is funny to ask them where they keep the bite sticks and glass syringes. Ah, they are good people.
Even cooler from the drives seat. It has an unmistakable smell of rubbing alcohol and coffee. I still shiver from the thought that people arrived at the hospital D.O.A. in this thing.
There is the Lieutenant hard at work. This guy is the man. He has been a Smokejumper out of California for 15 years, on the department altogether for over 22 years. He has so many stories that he tells at the most inappropriate times. Nothing beats eating pizza while he talks about having a compound fracture from a bad jump. He would have kicked me in the shins if he caught me taking this picture.
So here I sit at the station, blogging. Secretly blogging. I’m waiting for a cool call and listening to the emergency traffic. Last night I had my personal radio on at the house and there was a call for a twenty five year old male who was riding his bike naked and was being treated for exposure. Cold weather exposure. I can’t wait until 3am.
I have officially declared snow and ice to be the worst part of Mother Nature. Snow rhymes with blow and ice rhymes with shitty-fuckfuck.
The man, the legend. Bernie Mac is definition of cool for me. God, I still can’t believe he is not here with us. But I have faith I will be able to shake his hand someday. And you know what? This is one dude I don’t mind hogging the Holy Jukebox.
I know I am not alone on this one. Who wouldn’t want to spend some quality time with George Carlin? Who? I bet it would be a one sided conversation because I wouldn’t even know where to begin. He seemed like the type that could carry on without much of topic. I doubt he would get old but I could see myself wondering, “I wonder if Gallagher is dead?”
This is the trail right next to my place. It goes for miles without any human sounds or contact. This tranquility of being alone on a mountain while the snow is falling is just what one needs to clear the mind and remember who you are and why your here. I’m not too religious but it is hard to argue that God isn’t real when you are surrounded by beauty.
The sounds of the wind blowing through the trees and distant branches falling was so peaceful I felt as if I was the last person on earth. I walked about five miles up the mountain and sat down. Taking advantage of the situation I took out my iPod and listened to the only song that made sense of the moment and reflected on how lucky I am. Here it is, “The Wind” by Cat Stevens.
Casserole of Disaster 