Four Drinks That Are Terrible For You. But Fun.

I think this is a good time to write this particular post since I am beyond exhausted after a hellish trip to nowhere. Literally, I ended up nowhere only to come into work destroyed and ready for another weekend. I half blame US Air and half blame the fucking asshole who took my briefcase when I was shutting my eyes after not sleeping for a day. But that is history and now I want to tell you about themed energy drinks from pop culture gold. Ba-zing.

I found these tucked in the far back aisle of the Five Below store. If you are unfamiliar with the Five Below store, it’s like a general store but specifically for an eleven-year-old girl. Why was I there, you ask? I needed 3 foot long Twizzlers and I heard they sold them. They did. But in that endeavor, I also found these.

Okay, let’s get this one out-of-the-way. I know almost nothing about My Little Ponies and to be honest, I needed a tough and macabre background just to save a little dignity for this site. But who am I kidding, I kissed dignity bye-bye a long time ago. You will notice the Famous Monsters magazine from an older post as the backdrop and 3-D Monster dot com’s art in sticker form below the can. I say that makes up for a girl toy.

Anyway, Rainbow Dash’s Fizzy Cherry Splash energy drink is something you never want to feed a kid. Why it exists at all, I have no idea. It is a pink sour drink that only has a purpose to quickly transport 28 grams of sugar into the veins for an instant up and a terrible crash. If you give this to an eight year old girl she will grow a beard, jump on the roof and start singing “Strange Love” by Depeche Mode until the high disappears leaving her trapped on the roof. Then you will need to throw up another can but she will only be chasing the dragon, much like what Rainbow Dash is appeared to be doing. It’s a sad and twisted cycle. But what do you expect when you read “Hasbro” on the side of an edible product?

To sum this up, take a cherry Otter Pop and melt it. Then add a wee little bit of carbonation and ta-da, you have Fizzy Cherry Splash. And it will kill you.

Here we are! Pac-Man will always save the day when it comes to weird novelty items. There is something that is timeless about the big ol’ wheel of ghost eating cheese. I never got into the spinoff cartoon or future video games that expanded on the Pac-Man universe so it’s hard for me to really understand his diet. I guess it was primarily ghost sheets, an occasional cherry and a lot of Kix cereal? But we are drifting from the drink.

It’s not quiet as in-your-face-terrible-for-you like the My Little Pony energy drink because this one actually has vitamin B and B12. Not a lot but hey, even 1% is better than none. The flavor is pretty tough to put a finger on especially when the color hints at cherry but it’s not. The can doesn’t even help. The closest guess I had was either cyanocobalamin or hydrochloride. HYDROCHLORIDE??? What the fuck am I drinking? Isn’t that what takes the algae off house siding? What ever it is, the taste is closest to Juicy Fruit. Poisonous, poisonous Juicy Fruit.

Power up with Nintendo Power! Boy, if there is something that will get me to look away from a burning car for a second it’s a glimpse of Nintendo nostalgia. It’s not that I was really into Nintendo growing up all that much (unless you are talking about Super Mario 2) but it’s just gets me warm and fuzzy. And the thought of getting a real 1up in a can from Mario makes me warmer.

God, that last sentence doesn’t sound good.

Upon tasting this Power Up energy drink it was equally mysterious in flavor. So I compared the Pac-Man drink against this one and it was like comparing two blank sheets of paper. Then I realized I am an idiot and confirmed both energy drinks are the exact same. I felt like I had been looking for my sunglasses in the house and being pissed off at how dark things are only to find them. On my face.

Yes folks, it’s all in the packaging so if you want to know how this energy drink tastes, try to remember what you just read above.

This next drink deserves a little more attention. So I shot a video.

Well folks, there you have it. A few energy drinks from iconic 80’s and 90’s pop culture and it only cost me a year off my life and possible tooth abrasion. I do it all for you.

The evil geniuses behind these drinks are the good people of Boston America Corp. I guess I should thank them.

June 4, 2013 3

Touched By the Ethereal Plane

Life is what you make of it and sometimes you just have to jump at certain chances. This weekend was one of those chances and I could not say no. You’ll see why.

This past weekend I got to hangout with the crew of the show Paranormal State for an investigation at the renown Sorrel-Weed house down in Savannah, Georgia. That alone was a pretty cool thing to do but what happened later into the investigation, I will never forget. It is definitely something that will stay with me for life. Probably should not have power lunged in a provoking nature.

I think every haunted house that is a tourist attraction in Savannah or Charleston seems to have the same premiss; blah blah civil war hospital blah blah slave house blah blah distressed widow’s suicide…and on and on. I guess that all makes for pretty good stories but no matter how many times I visit, I never really get “spooked”. True, a number of years ago I did have an experience in Savannah but so much time has passed, the thrill is gone. I honestly can’t even remember the specifics. This time was different. This time I caught proof. I think.

Before I get into the investigation part I must say Elfie, Serge and Ryan are absolute delights. They are awesome people who truly take their passion to a high level of professionalism in this field. These are not the people who turn a blind eye to very much and it’s very refreshing to see how they rule out all possibilities before turning to the supernatural for an explanation.

So, I could go on and on about hanging out with the chaps of Paranormal State but I am really wanting to get to the down right creepy. After a tour of a cemetery and a nice dinner downtown it was time to get locked in the Sorrel-Weed house with these guys and try to get spooked. To be honest, I wasn’t really looking forward to being locked in an old house from midnight to 3am especially with beach and beer just a short drive away. But I committed to doing this and I had to ask myself when would a person get to do this in present company? Not often.

Inside we gathered and got a little history of the place but I was more drawn to the Robert E Lee painting. It was gigantic and probably priceless. Actually, I just wanted to see if his eyes followed me like an old Scooby Doo cartoon. He didn’t.

Soon we turned off all the lights and broke into groups. It doesn’t matter what you believe, when you can’t see in front of your face, the mind will play tricks on you. Every sound is amplified and every slight movement can be exaggerated. It’s hard to stay focused when you can’t get the movie Poltergeist out of your head.

We broke into two groups and Serge led us down to the basement. I didn’t think of it but before you start shooting photos with blinding flashes it’s important to say “flash”. I had to apologize…a lot. All these pictures from here on were taken in total darkness. That’s important to keep in mind especially with a certain few that no one can explain.

Of course if you have read any of my older posts about being in notably “haunted” areas, I always break into a power lunge. I can’t explain why but it is a tradition and when dealing with the paranormal and superstition, it’s best not to break tradition. This may have been a maneuver that did not go over well with the permanent residences.

What followed next, I will say, surprised me. We sat in a small group for a while down in the basement and listened to Serge talk about techniques and reasons for certain team practices. It was pretty neat but I didn’t feel out-of-place or spooked in the least. It was just a house that smelled like mildew.

Then Serge asked if I would feel comfortable sitting in the next room alone while the group left. I agreed to do that. Like I said, I wasn’t feeling weirded out or nervous so sitting in a closed room in the dark wasn’t a problem. Until…

The first picture is a bit blurry but you can see most of the room from this angle. I was sitting on an old couch and to the right was a chimney with another empty room separated by two back sheets. On the left was another black sheet separating a small storage closet. I didn’t really know what to do because the silence was deafening, you couldn’t see a thing and I knew there was a camera with a voice recorder actively recording so for the first few minutes all I did was sit in silence. After awhile, though, I began to talk and snap pictures feeling just a tad silly. That’s when something started to happen.

After I posed a question about our mortality and what it is like to be dead (stupid stupid question!) something rushed from the left side of me to the right, sat on the arm of the couch and it felt like an index finger and thumb squeezed my ear. It was so fast and so violent I jumped up and before I knew it I was out the door in a cold sweat. The team rushed to me and I couldn’t even explain but they saw my reaction from the cameras and knew something was happening.

The next two photos are what I captured right before I experienced…whatever that was. I didn’t see them until the next morning and it was both thrilling and unnerving. It sucks I didn’t think to look at them until then but I was so spun up I couldn’t think.

I looked at this for hours completely dumbfounded. I must have taken thirty pictures in a totally darkened bathroom trying to recreate this photo doing everything from putting my fingers over the lens to blocking the flash. It always comes out reddish or skin toned. Also I was sitting on the couch taking pictures holding the camera at a half an arm’s length away from my body. It is impossible to get a shadow unless the flash is behind me. It’s a dark shadow that moved so fast and fucking touched me. That’s all I can possibly believe. And it’s more than a coincidence after asking such a stupid question.

The rest of the night was kind of a blur. We did EVP sessions and I took more photos but after that happened, I was a little spooked and ready to be in a hotel bed.

I will write more on this after I go through all photos and video but I needed to post this. It was a great time but I think for paranormal hunting, I will leave it to the pros and safely watch it on TV. Like right now!

See? Every time I turn the tube on Paranormal State is on! I am happy to watch it from a far.

I know there are plenty of skeptics that laugh at this and can come up with hundreds of reasons for these photos. They are not dust orbs, though. That shit happened. And I look forward to see what’s on the video. But for now, I will be doing this type of investigating.

Beer hunting!

I’ll write more on this later. Check out the Paranormal State reruns on the Bio Channel and A&E. They are a hoot. A big thanks to Elfie, Ryan and Serge. Thanks for not laughing at me when I ran out of the room like I had a rabid squirrel in my pants.

May 13, 2013 2

It’s A Mad Mad Mad Monster Party: Part 1

Have you ever been to an event or party where you say to yourself, “Self, this is where I belong. These are my people”? Well, recently VeggieMacabre (me) attended the Mad Monster Party which is a horror event to end all horror events. I am still on a high from the whole experience but don’t feel bad if you missed it, I recorded every minute of the three solid fright-filled days of gory glory.

I go to conventions often. It seems like every month there is some sort of gathering with a common interest in mind. But usually the conventions I go to are about medical technology or some sort of terrible thing and the countdown to escape for a bar begins the second the plane lands. Actually, when you say the word “convention” I involuntarily punch the person to my left. Most people have learned to keep right on Monday morning meetings.

Not this type of convention, my friends! It’s hard to be bored when you are eating wings at a bar between a ghostbuster and Jake the Snake Roberts (the real Jake the Snake too). While this isn’t much of an intro to this two-part article, I should really just jump right in.

The hotel was exactly what I expected it to be; completely designed for trade shows and not for vacation. It wasn’t bad but it certainly had a bit to be desired. The biggest issue was that the restaurant sucked and if you wanted to expand away from the mandatory buffet, you had to leave the party and there was no place in walking distant. Needless to say, I had a lot of beer and little food, making conversations with horror celebrities that much more ridiculous. Speaking of celebrities, first up is one of my favorites, Dave Naughton!

Great cats, what an awesome guy! He was the first guy I met there and since I paid hundreds of dollars and the tip of my fingers for an all exclusive pass (one hour entrance before general admission and a VIP room) it was just him and just a few other stars that were totally set up and ready for nerds like me. Of course I swooned over American Werewolf In London being my favorite movies and he recalled how many hours it took in makeup for one of the greatest “wolf-out” scenes ever put on film. And it was then I noticed on his table of head-shots and movie scenes ready to be autographed I saw his old Dr Pepper ad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aorSzrnWBT8

“Holy Dickless Steven, I completely forgot about this commercial!” I will say, in hindsight, I wish I had said a different exclamation. He didn’t bat an eye, but laughed and asked if I was a pepper. When David Naughton asks if you are a Pepper, YOU SAY YES!

And so it is, I am a Pepper. And David Naughton is a great guy. He does, however, seem a bit out-of-place at the Mad Monster Party. Instead he looks like he should be at an engineering convention or something. I saw him later that evening browsing the buffet with the same “meh” face I made. These sort of things must wear on a guy.

That was a really exciting start to the weekend but what came about ten minutes before meeting him was just as memorable. I will admit, I was trying to take a picture of David wrestle with his backdrop poster and while looking down at my phone to switch to the camera, I turned sharp to my left and ran smack into Danny Glover. He’s old, cranky and smells like anger which was worn on the side of my face and shirt for the rest of the day. He didn’t really say anything but his publicist looked like she was going to cry. Of course I apologized and disappeared before someone could throw me out for injuring Murdock and I am sure he soon forgot the event. In fact, friends of mine who met him later that day said he forgot about being in Predator 2 even though his costar, Gary Busey, was at the next table. Busey probably forgot too.

Up next was a trip down the hall where they had an entire display from the movie Jaws. It was an impressive collection to say the least from the iconic yellow barrels to the actual mask Cooper wore that “didn’t have enough spit”. The guy who is the collector charged $5 for photos which I thought was fair. He didn’t say couldn’t edit the picture later and make Mexican Jaws 3D!

This guy is awesome! Ormon Grimsby is an unbelievable horror host from a cable access channel out of Raleigh, NC. I honestly had no idea people where still hosting shows like this but looking at his website, there are quiet a few throughout these great states. Nothing would make me happier than to cruise the channels on a late friday night, bummed from the same old programming, only to find Ormon Grimsby in his chamber hosting The Giant Gila Monster (redux). But that’s why we have the worldwide web.

Ormon is a hell of a nice guy with a great sense of style. Go check him out and his show, Monster Creature Feature, at MCFTV.com. It’s a blast.

If you noticed I have changed shirts you passed the test. I have no clue which day was which other than the first few hours.

The free little museum walk-throughs were unreal. I would kill to have a garage full of these statues with an ever-revolving tour and at the end everyone is invited to a BBQ. Oh, and one out of the statues is a real person and would follow behind the tour and take drink orders to everyone’s shock.

And if there is a severed head around, you just know I will defile it! The people who ran the exhibit where guessing how many more people will do the same thing and probably worse as the night progresses.

Oh my love. Such an amazing woman and oddly enough I have recently written about her and had no idea that soon we would be in an embrace. The lovely Linnea Quigley or how I like to know as “Trash”. Oh goodness, I ended up confessing my entire boyhood fantasies from all of her B-movie boob-filled sexy slasher flicks and how amazing she is all in a few seconds of spits and sentence fragments. She just got up and hugged me. Even better, she winked at me throughout the whole weekend. She probably did that to everyone but I will tell myself it was just for me.

A few hours later I saw her at the bar with this guy. Not sure who he is but I will say he nearly ran over me when he got Peter Chris’s autograph on his wrist and was going to get it tattooed. Somewhere. I don’t think there was a studio there so the imagination is still wondering. He also was air-drumming violently while eating mac and cheese later that weekend too. God, I really hope he is famous because he seems too good to be true.

Ah, the exclusive VIP lounge where the celebrities mix with the pee-ons. I really did expect more. Not sure what more but something more. I honestly didn’t hangout here too long other than to play the Diehard arcade game in the corner.

But it all wasn’t such a loss. Here we have Tyler Mane from Devils Rejects, Halloween I and II and X-Men. Signing autographs and answering questions like “what it is like to be Rob Zombie’s Michael Meyers” can make a man thirsty. Coffee time! I shared an elevator ride with him that took forever later that night. We had some laughs and I have pictures. You’ll see.

We have the BIG article coming tomorrow. It will have my little piss match with Gary Busey, my buddies and I rocking the night away with Brent from Mastodon, getting seriously choked by Jason (Kane Hodder), taking the wonderful woman from Demons 1 and 2 out for dinner, DJ D singing karaoke, and an awesome time after the show with remaining horror icons as I drive a couple of them to a local freakshow and then lose them downtown only for them to call me at 4am for a ride back. This was a wild weekend. It deserves a couple posts.

March 28, 2013 2

Showbiz eBay Buy and a Creepy Phone

Today I present to you a video that highlights two items that are strangely one hundred percent me. It’s neither something I am proud of or embarrassed by but I will say, if it defines me as weird, so be it. I am never the type to swim with the mainstream. I do like to win, however, and that leads me to the first item that I “won” on eBay.

Back in the early 1980’s, Showbiz Pizza Place was a one of my childhood hangouts. (Whenever I was able to talk the parental units into taking me.) But back then there was more of an incentive for adults to subject themselves to screaming kids and animatronic bears and that was because of beautiful beautiful beer. Yes, back then the parents could kick back a few cold ones and let the rug-rats loose. It was a great time in America and for $50.00, I am now the proud owner of one of the original beer mugs. And I have already put it back in operation.

Also I am now the proud owner of a phone that has been taking calls for more than forty years in a morgue. That’s right, a good friend of mine who is in the telecommunication business helped renovate a hospital and was kind enough to give me a piece of macabre history. Don’t judge me!

One more thing, every Sunday I get about 300 to 500 Google hits looking for Jason Presson. WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

March 3, 2013 1

She’s a Small Wonder and a Robo-Zombie

Sometimes I can’t believe the amount of talent my friends possess. I try to stand close to them and see if 0.00001% will rub off on me but according to “real life” talent is something that is natural, not gained proximity . Still though, I am always impressed by their creativity, whether it be through writing, singing, art or gabbing on an entertaining video. If I choose to, I don’t have to leave my little circle of friends to find entertainment because brother, if talent was a business, it’d be a boomin’ with these beautiful people.

Remember that show “Small Wonders” from the mid to late-eighties? You know, the father is an inventor and builds his son a sister because he had a vasectomy too soon? I think that’s the story? Anyway, I loved this show as a kid and had a bit of a crush on the android V.I.C.I. (Voice Input Child Identicant) who was played by Tiffany Brissett. (I have confessed this before on this blog) It’s was a great little sitcom, very reminiscent of Nick@Nite shows of the 1950’s.

The other children, however, were a casserole of nonsense. The red-head, Harriet, was one of the most annoying gingers in the history of neighbor co-starts. She made the Ochmonek’s from ALF look like Brad and Angelina who always want you to come over to sit in the hot tub, drink beer and eat steak while we have Angelina speak sentences that start with the letter ‘B’ like, “Buttered bread beats blue beets by being better.” Because her lips are big. Have I lost you yet? Wait!

The brother, Jamie, is equally as annoying with a face of a little politician. My boy, Bo, and I agree that he should have grown up to be a Newt Gingrich but the course of nature had other plans.

All of this is irrelevant! The point of this post is to show off a great gift from my pals over at the wonderful Lost Story Studios in Chapel Hill, NC. And you need to check them out. They’re going to be big.

It’s a half eaten zombie V.I.C.I. holing the severed-jawless head oh Harriet!!! And it’s mine! There is so much great about this, I don’t even know where to start.

Thank you Bo and Brockton! You guys are amazing. I owe you mucho beer and gin. See ya at the Mad Monster Party in a few weeks!

Check out Lost Story Studios by clicking on the link here.

February 26, 2013 8

Category: TV

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