Excuses

I know, I’m a bad blogger but I have an excuse. Actually I don’t. Life has just been crazy here and it seems every time I look around to see what is happening another month has gone by. What is now, May? To me it is like March 83rd. So I will take this time to bitch about Idaho and Spokane and know you can’t wait to here about it.

DSCN0458I took the long way to work this morning and drove around the scenic part of my mountain. That’s right, it’s my mountain now. No one else is aware that they are living on Mt. Will but they are. Anyway, I nearly drove off the side when I passed this sign. Why would you advertise something for free and insult it? Curiosity is killing me and if I wasn’t absolutely positive that these people would kill and eat me in the name of Zworn the Overlord, I would bite. I’m really thinking of submitting this to Failblog.org.

DSCN0459I went for a loooooong hike the other day and just when I thought I was far from the reaches of humanity, I found this. Are you serious? There is no way for me to wrap my head around seeing a graffiti-ed rock miles away from any home or road. And Bart Simpson? So that means the artist had to hike at least 5 miles into the woods with spray paint. What a rebel. But then again it could be a Shawshank like clue to buried money. “Follow due north until you get to Bart Simpson. He’ll tell you what to do from there.”

DSCN0437I will admit that living in the Northwest during the Spring time is beautiful. It’s too bad my photography skills aren’t worthy enough to do it justice. This is West Glacier in Montana and I am still blown away that I can say, “I’m going to Montana for the day”. Or Canada for that matter! Here are some shots I took.

DSCN0423IMG_0563Meh, you get the gist. It was kind of funny but 90% of the park is still under many feet of snow. In order to get any hiking trails you have to walk on a paved road for almost 3 miles with dense forest on either side. It’s hard to explain but it had a real sense of purgatory. No scenery and a straight road. I have to admit it was very eerie after about a mile with no sounds, no people and only trees, road and sky in any direction. Perfect time for a bear.

So, I will be posting another post today. This time more on the VeggieMacabre style like I used to write. You know, shit like this…

psychoduckdl3Well I thought it was funny.


Dag-Nabbit!

I think that’s the phrase of the last couple of weeks. Lately I have been taking great strides towards not using the Almighty’s name in vein so “dag-nabbit” seems to do fine.Β  Here are a few examples.

  • “I have had four cups of coffee and I’m still sleepy. You would think that for the $35 I spent on this coffee for a charity, it would be better than Starbucks.”

2982910480_30defe7297 “Dag-Nabbit!”

  • “I love shitzus! They are like little people and they have such a great disposition. Can I pet him?”

Image028“Dag-Nabbit!”

  • “Whew! Thank goodness I found a restroom after that 32oz Powerade.

……where are the urinals?”

190786603_2ded604006“Dag-Nabbit!”

  • “Thanks for the messages, Erica. I’ll make sure to call this client right now.”

“Hello, this is Will from DMM. May I please speak to Matt…

IMG_0528Dag-Nabbit!”

  • “Why are there so many people laughing at me at stop lights? Is my car that dirty? I have to pull over and see what is so funny.”

IMG_0504“Dag-Fuckin’-Nabbit!”

You see? This has been one hell of a May so far. There is no way that the second half can go this way without my head spinning off it’s axis. At least it’s the 15th and a Friday.

God Damn it.

Where Did You Go? Part 9

I have really been slacking on these, haven’t I? Oh well. It’s not like hundreds of people are waiting on an update or anything. Besides, I think if I added to the ‘where did you go’ page every month I may run out of people. Then I’ll have to start getting personal, calling out old elementary school chums like Danny P. who shit himself while playing the game “Red Light Green Light”. Makes you wonder how he turned out?

images1Lar Park Lincoln (Laurie Jill Park) is one of those actresses that everyone recognizes but few can put their finger on where they know her from. But not me! She was the hottest actress in the late 80’s and even though I thought her name was Ms. Hottie McHot Boobs, her career really flourished as a serious actress. Especially in the big budget but campy horror flicks like House II and Friday the 13th VII. You know that those type of movies impress me.

Lar also had a very busy TV career as well to include her long time role on Knots Landing, Tour of Duty, Hunter, Outlaws, Freddy’s Nightmares and of course…Murder She Wrote. I swear that every actor of the 80’s had to appear in an episode of Murder, She Wrote.Β  In fact, I’m going to temporarily post a new page, just to prove my point.

Lar is still working hard on the Hollywood front in acting, directing and as an author. Sadly, she is currently in a battle with breast cancer so I am sending her good vibes VeggeiMacabre style by burning a picture of what I think cancer looks like.

001155_3Aubree Miller? Who is Aubree Miller? Well, if you where a crack level Star Wars addict kid like I was then you are quite aware of who Ms. Miller is. She played Cindel, the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Towani in the made for TV movie The Ewok Adventure (1984) and The Battle For Endor (1985). I can remember going out of my mind when finding out there was an extension to the Star Wars saga that I could watch from the comforts of the couch, snuggling with a Hasbro X-Wing and eating 3PO cereal.

To be honest, I haven’t seen these episodes in 20 plus years so I can’t tell you much about them other than what is on IMDB. I can, however, say thatΒ  Wilford Brimley has a staring role in the second one and that by default makes it worth watching. But poor Aubree’s career never branched from Endor. Her only time in the lime light was the two Ewok mini-movies and you know what? That’s okay. It’s better to burn out than fade away, Aubree. Currently she is making Comic Con like appearances and living a normal life in Chico, Cali. Here she is today and sadly, I’m a year older than her. Goddamn it.

eric-dan-aubree-nhu-2005I can’t figure out who the two on the right are. I’m going out on a limb and say fans.

marilynmanson-gal-mythsYou know this was a long time coming. It’s Josh Saviano who played Paul Pfeifer from one of the greatest suburbia melodramas set in the late 60’s, The Wonder Years. I always had a connection with Paul. Perhaps it was the asthma/allergy open mouth breathing Paul always seemed to be doing. I was the sickly kid in school that was forced to buy apple juice in the milk line you know.

2006_3_paulpfieffer1

Well, unfortunately Josh didn’t grow up to be Marilyn Manson like I believed up until a year ago. Now I am completely confused by the lyrics in the song, “Dope Show”. I imagined it to be the episode when Kevin and Paul learned about the female reproductive system in gym. I am rambling again. Anyway, Josh is an attorney now in NYC after attending Yale. Although he didn’t act after The Wonder Years, which was 99% of his Hollywood career, Milhouse on the Simpson’s was based off his character and he was on Reading Rainbow. Both pretty amazing, I must say.

8486273_111126054158I ask people all the time if they can name Bobcat Goldthwiat’s brother in the film, One Crazy Summer. So far, no one. But I can. And the only reason for that is, is for the longest time I thought they cast someone opposite of Bobcat’s character who detracted from his struggling vocal chords and twitchy movements. They needed someone who was…well…slightly “touched” or what they callΒ  here in northern Idaho, a “slow-roller”. I really did think that Tom Villard, pictured above, was retarded. But nope! He wasn’t.

Tom was best known from his role in the 1980’s drama,” We’ve Got It Made” but he will always be known to me as Egg Stoke’s brother in the classic, One Crazy Summer. Once you are in an older John Cusack movie, you’ve pretty much made it in my eyes.

I tried finding a current picture of Tom but it turns out he’s dead. I hate finding things out this way. Unfortunately he succumbed to complications from the AID’s virus in 1994 and left us way too early. Sorry I thought you were retarded Tom. 😦

If you want to subject yourself to more, I have a page at the top with 1 through 8.

Ok, I’ll Bite

The other day I was tagged by the very funny new friend to VeggieMacabre, Amanda Blog and Kiss. The tag was to take a picture of yourself without looking in the mirror or combing the hair or checking for spinach in the teeth. I would tag others but I’m always afraid no one would follow and I would hold a grudge. (3 woulds!)

Here’s mine.

img_0545Like my office? I feel like I have been moved into the basement and had my stapler confiscated. Oh FDID, please hurry. If I have to listen to another two hour online tutorial on network software applications I may just start eating my shoe. That’s a section 8 that should excuse me from this torture.

You should try this! And visit Amanda. All good stuff.

To Sum It Up…

I really have been ultra busy. It’s amazing how such a lull in life can precede such a tsunami of craziness. Let me try and catch you up on why I have neglected to both write and visit you. I really am sorry about that. 😐 So here are a few key points in my life as of late.

img_0518Almost kept a puppy! I was driving to the hospital a few weeks ago and this little guy ran out in front of me. I stopped, got out, fully expecting him to run away, and tied to see if I could read his tag. Instead of timid little guy he jumped straight into my arms. Of course he didn’t have a tag so I was forced to knock on all the neighboring houses looking for the possible owners. No luck so I put him in the car and took off to attend a course that I was already ten minutes late for.

Oddly enough he didn’t chew up or pee in the car. I spent an hour in the class nervously drumming my fingers, expecting the worse but when I came out he was propped up on the steering wheel, head cocked but tail wagging.

I really didn’t know what to do with him since finding the owners was a feat in and of itself. So, enlisted the help of friends and we did what anyone else would do. We kept him for the weekend and had a blast. He was a great dog. Almost like a stuffed animal that can move and poop.

Well, I contacted the local fire department where I found him since I have “connections” there and sure enough the chief knew the pup and the owners. It turns out the owners let him out for an hour each morning when the go to their horse field and clean the stalls. So, I pretty much kidnapped their dog for a weekend. I returned him to the fire chief anonymously and it was a little heartbreaking to hear him whine when I turned to get back in the car. I still have his chew toy on my floor board.

img_0491I came real close to buying the big box condo last Friday during a structure fire. Apparently, when I was on a single hose line a high voltage wire snapped from the heat of the fire and landed on the ground next to me causing a huge electrical arch that chard the ground around me, fried the hose and created a big blue light over top of me. I was oblivious to this until I heard screaming over my radio from the incident commander that I was on a live wire and to drop the hose. I did so and was stuck in one spot until the electric company could come out and turn off the electricity. Since then I have been a luck charm for the company and other stations. But I still have the creeps since everyone including the electrician kept repeating that there is no reason that I should have survived that. So technically, I shouldn’t be here writing you.

img_0537The fire departments have been consolidating and that means my hours have been cut pretty dramatically. So, I have been forced to dust off the ol’ resume’ and now I find myself back in corporate America until they finish the rezoning of the fire agencies. It’s cool I guess. I work as a consultant for a company that streamlines large businesses as far as their digital postage, copy, office supply and equipment. The first day on the job everyone called me Jim Halpurt. Great.

So, this is what I see instead of fire trucks and catastrophic scenery. I still can’t believe I am a suit again but at least I can still work rescue part time. Actually, it’s everything I can do not to stab myself in the leg with a pen. Shit, I’m lucky to have a job though. Listen to me! I’m bitching about having a job and take little regard for the fact I was almost a post-toasty last week. I’m sorry.

img_0153Last week it was 68 and beautiful. For the first time I was able to leave the confines of the shack that had been buried in snow to cruise the logging trails on a warm afternoon run. It was glorious! I had not felt this good in months and to see the snow gone and the lake completely free of ice made me want to…to…do everything! I wanted swim, no, run a marathon or ride bikes or play guitar by a campfire. Shit, there isn’t enough time. And there wasn’t. Today I got up and looked out my window to see this. Shit I did.

img_0507In defiance, I went running anyway. In shorts and a t-shirt none the less. I know it looks pretty but it’s almost May and I need this crap to go. Please mother nature. Take pity on this boy from the south east. He knows not what he’s done.

So, that is pretty much March and April. I trust Easter went well for everyone? I had a pretty good one. The highlight was watching my friend’s dog, Ruger, and his habitual face press against the sliding glass door. I love dogs.

img_0532

Up ↑