Remember that review I promised for Veggiemacabre.TV about a month ago? Well here it is. This is the first Hot Sauce review challenge in collaboration with Review the World. I know it isn’t the most exciting review but we did sacrifice our mouth and stomach lining so BACK OFF! Sorry. Well, look for major changes over at Veggiemacabre.tv thanks to this new kick off review. And check out my boy Brian’s site over at RtW.
Every so often my perception of reality changes; some for the good and some for the bad. Recently a dear friend and fellow blogger extraordinaire, introduced me to a multilevel retail extravaganza that was so extreme, I left a better person, friend and lover. Okay, maybe not any of those things but it had a profound effect on me that fits VeggieMacabre to a T. I introduce to you an iconic shop that makes the bookstore from The Never Ending Story and Ray Stanz’s spook shop in Ghostbusters 2 look like a Baby’s R Us. Meet “Father and Son” located in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Located right downtown in Raleigh, this store looks like an ordinary retro second-hand store that most cities have but once inside, there is a sort of Twilight zone feeling in the pit of the stomach. You will see what I am talking about very shortly.
The store has a series of floors and rooms, each one a different theme and feel. Sure all the rooms basically offer the same stuff (used clothes and long forgotten items of yester-year) but each has a distinct feel, some feelings of being cluttered, some feelings of oddness and some feelings of down right creepiness. The kind of creepiness like a dream where you scream and nothing comes out as you are trapped in a yellow room with a fat hillbilly family in animal masks while “Moon River” plays in the background. That kind of creepy.
Here we begin with the front room and as you can see, there is no rhyme or reason but rather just random displays of some really weird shit. You can find anything here from stickers of quotes by Dr. Dre to a cross-stitched and framed Sesame Street Grover picture. To get through this part takes no less than a half an hour because just when you think you have seen it all, there are more items behind the items that are behind the items. Much like a fishing vessel, from a distance it looks like a mess until you look closer to find that everything is right where it is intended to be.
It goes without saying that in a Kohl’s this would warrant a Fox News investigative story into witchcraft being thrust into retail therapy but here, it works. A chicken-headed girl works like pastrami and rye.
Of all the items though, this one stuck out the most. A young Hasselhoff can rarely be perfected unless of course his head is superimposed on Mr. Olympia’s body. But put him in space and it now becomes ridiculous. Had the background been in a Wendy’s dining-room, this would be at a frame shop.
Ah, the second floor. I am not showing all the rooms because that level of detail would detract from the mystique of Father and Son so I will stick to the ones that left an impression on me the most. If you stare down this hall too long it seems like it gets longer. Kind of like the scene in Poltergeist when Diane is trying to run to save her kids. God I love that part. Ok, let’s go left.
I think keeping inventory in this store would be more complicated than astro-biology because there is literally one of everything in a four-story store of one million everythings. Get that?
I am not sure why I didn’t take a picture of the whole room because just out of frame is a working tub and shower with an American flag and a shrine to paperback risqué novels that drive women of menopause crazy. I think it was just a system overload of the brain.
Here is another room with an overwhelming smell of old. There is sign that clearly states to be careful not to be rough on the clothes since many of them are from the 1930’s which to me, means the original owners are most likely dead. Does this make anyone else uneasy? I donno. But if you look close enough you can see two bloggers.
This is the room that chilled me to the core and I have no idea why. I am not one to get “feelings” but when I walked into this particular room I stated “something bad happened in here” to the shock of Mandey who later told me she too had the same feeling months prior but didn’t want to concur right then because she felt it would make her seem silly. She is silly but not that kind of silly.
I really can’t put my finger on it but the whole place just seems wrong. Maybe it’s the mannequin parts randomly strewn about or perhaps it’s the oddly way it’s lit, but I really feel that Pazuzu had been here smoking on the couch. Something bad happened here.
Keeping on the track of things that make you shit yourself with no apologies I bring you to another floor and room reserved for the strange and unusual because I myself am strange and unusual. This is the art floor and goodness, artist do art scary here. Look at these Manson pictures.
Yeah. I really wish I could credit the photographer but there were no cards or even a description of the display. I was hesitant to even post these but I feel the true underlining feel of Father and Son may not be represented as well had I stuck to my ethics. I sacrifice for you.
Yup.
It’s a dangerous decision to include a toilet on the same floor as an art exhibit. Living art is always lost on me and there is a chance that I could have made it come alive should I have had one more cup of coffee. I still don’t know if this was art or a public restroom and I have too much dignity to be thrown out over confusion.
It’s weird to see the real world from a place of insanity. I felt like screaming to passing cars and people, “HEY! HEY! I AM IN FATHER AND SON! CAN YOU SEE ME?” only to watch them walk by as if I was in a parallel universe and the store that I think I am in is in reality, a burned out wreckage waiting for demolition. I think I have carried this a bit far.
Keeping with the creepy theme, I found this in a pile of discarded family photos. Have you ever seen such a family? This poor boy never had a chance and I am not a betting man but I am thinking this is the eldest daughters prom souvenir because Mom looks like she would be a tough sell. That statement is chalk for of ugliness. I am sorry.
And finally we are going down to the basement. Another odd fact about this place is Mandey had a dream she went down in this basement before she ever knew this place existed. While it is weird to shop in a basement, it had no where near the creep factor that the said room above had. You do have to be careful though because if you are over 5′ 10″ there is a great chance of a head-dent on a pipe. Six foot me had three.
What can you say? It’s like a dressing room in the basement of a haunted theater with more capes per square foot than any other place in the world. Seriously, this place would make a Shakespearean actor go prose in a rapid fire fashion.
Ok, for some reason, whether it is Photobucket or WordPress, I am unable to load anymore pictures so I will have to continue this report on one of the coolest but definitely creepiest stores in a second installment. Man, I hate when technology wins and fucks with my posts. I know it does this on purpose. Well, anyway, please check in tomorrow to see where I get murdered while looking at a Kenner R2D2 AM radio from 1977. I will end this post with a picture of South Dakota.
Before I begin on this post tonight, I wanted to let a few of you that still read VM in on the new stuff that has been happening to the WordPress page. It’s changing and soon it will be a “dot com” rather than a “dot wordpress”. Part of the reason is that I have visualized this site into something more grandeur and fun. You know, with videos, interviews, links, articles and pages for….whatever? Anyway, it is finally coming to fruition and as soon as some cascading word and the cool intro is done I, I will launch it. Also will be the collaboration of one of my favorite sites and internet peeps, Brian of Review the World. I think you will notice similarities, especially in the review section. So, keep a heads up and look for your personal invite in the interwebs mail. The contrast will look something like this…
Now on to the content of tonight’s post; “What I have blown good money on thanks to eBay”. There is no question that I am always tardy to the party when it comes to fads or even really cool life changing items that most everyone has. It’s true! When everyone in high school loved Nirvana I purchased and was enamored with Motely Crue’s Dr. Feelgood album…on cassette. When kids in elementary school had He-Man, I had Star Wars. Call me old school, call me out of touch but to this day I look at the “now” and I stick with “when”. So it should come as no surprise that on Sunday, eBay and I became buddies. Look at the crap I bought!
I have a knack for destroying watches. Whether it is my $32 dollar Ironman running watch or my $3k Swiss watch, all have been put in a box because I guess I sway my arms around like Gilbert’s little brother. I have anthropomorphic images of my watches huddling together and clinging to the one I take out of the box for fear that this will be the last time they see one another. Did you know that I am older than five?
Oh yeah, so I bought the watch you see above for $10. I bought The Last Starfighter watch for $10! I bought a watch, with a picture of Alex Rogin holding a Star League uniform for $10! Granted it is shipped from Hong Kong for almost the same price but…I will have a watch with a mini movie poster of the movie, The Last Starfighter. If it tells time, that will be a bonus.
This is a t-shirt that I really couldn’t say no to owning. Apparently this was a 70’s B-rated action film that is pressed into glorious fashion. I really do pray that I don’t wear this around anyone with…you know…no legs. But still, how could you say no to the movie tag-line, “He’ll cut you down to size”?
Now, this is taken on faith but I bought, er, won the auction for the autographed picture of Bossk, the bounty hunter from Empire Strikes Back. For $15 I figured ignorance is bliss if it’s a fake and it is going to a friend anyway. I like to imagine he signed this in costume because those claws look pretty tricky to write in.
So, that is what this guy wasted $67.oo on this weekend. The t-shirt is shipped from the UK and it came at a price of 17£ which I guess at the current standard equates to around $29 bucks or so. I don’t care, that shirt puts me into a new elite status among my peers.
Goodnight and be well!
I really think I need to take a time out and readjust my attitude as of late. Work has been as stressful as ever and I find myself in limbo with most of life. I know everything will workout but it is a matter of finding the path of least resistance and avoiding the garden rakes that litter the yard. Last night, however, I almost had an episode in the grocery store. (Warning….there will be f-bombs and such. For those of you who know me for my gentle side, I am sorry. Eye-muffs.)
The shopping cart dismount: I love it when someone leaves their shopping cart in the middle of the aisle to go “on foot” to shop. Are beans an illusive product that will slip away when one is being marred down by a cart? Very rarely do I push a cart in the grocery store but rather carry a basket because, well, I am a guy so there for I am incapable of writing a list for mass shopping or can last more than thirty minutes in any store. But I think next time I will just leave my basket in the middle of the aisle and ponder for ten minutes what salsa looks better.
The Meat Guy: I don’t know if the guy behind the meat counter is a butcher or not, but no matter what I am buying he always asks me how I am going to cook something. Now, I am not a jerk in nature. I hate people who are cantankerous for no reason because I know a few. But when I am buying ground beef, trust me pal, I aint boiling or nuking it. This is petty but when you are not into small talk, small-talkers become worse than close-talkers.
The Human Element: You know you do this. I work really hard in life not to judge people but sometimes you are what you eat and there have been many times when I have peered into another person’s shopping cart to see what he or she fuels with. I know I am not the only one because I was looking for sharp cheddar when I heard a woman next to me comment on the fact I had organic apples.
“You know they are all the same, right?” she preached. What does one say to this? Should I get into a debate about apples? Should I serve her with a lunge competition? I really didn’t know where to go with that so I asked her where the organic cheeses were.
There are certain rules I follow in the grocery store: 1. Don’t preach to others about their eating habits. 2.Don’t make eye contact with women in the feminine hygiene aisle. 3.Spend less than 30 seconds in the cookie, cracker and chip aisle. 4. Check the eggs. Oh! And 5. Don’t compliment someone’s hairnet unless you mean it.
Check-Out: Maybe it’s just me but I always feel in a rush at checkout and it’s usually because “Check-out Mary” is leaning on the conveyor belt button forcing everything into a disorganized mess that has me frazzled and panicking to get my separator bar between me and the next person so I don’t get home to find that I purchased a pregnancy test that was intended for the girl infront of me. And I think “Checkout Mary knows this too because she keeps that conveyor belt on a steady roll until I finally give up as if to say, “fine…have my canned soup and yogurt. Hope they go in the same bag.”
Did you find everything okay?: Man, you gotta love that question! If I had not, and was incapable of asking when I was in the process of shopping, it’s a safe assumption that defeat was already declared. And only a true asshole would say no and make everyone wait while they retrieved that particular item that was so illusive to begin with. Next time I am asked this I think I will retort with, “No Checkout Mary, where are the fucking vegetables, meat and milk? I’ve been here for an hour but all I seemed to have found was cat litter and soap. Oh, I have coupons and will be writing a check.”
Do you need help carrying this to your car?: I came here with only a basket. That equates to only four bags at most. So yes.
I know this isn’t “Checkout Mary’s” fault because I am sure corporate Safeway makes it mandatory that she ask but I equate this to the same retarded ideas as “no child left behind” and “zero tolerance” policies. Removing human thought and the ability to judge for one’s self eliminates the need for the brain. It’s as simple as that. Please America, entrust that a checkout girl can think for herself. Unless that is not their policy and “Checkout Mary” thinks I am a douche. Hmmm.
So, I want to thank you for letting me get this off my chest. We all get screws loose and sometimes screws fall out. It’s an imperfect world. I am back to normal now because writing is therapeutic to me. Be well and please, be excellent to each other. Especially your meat guy and “Checkout Mary”.
Not so long ago I was cruising around the word of Wordpess looking at all the different food blogs with personally posted recipes while Man vs Food on The Travel Channel created the perfect background noise. It was a pleasant way to spend a Sunday evening and tonight, I think I will share one of my own. A word of warning though, I am not the greatest cook. In fact, when I cook meatloaf it never loafs. So I just call it “meat’n stuff”. But I will say this dish I am sharing is pretty damn good.
So let’s begin. I just came back from the store and when I decide to cook this particular dish, I really look for the freshest stuff and even go as far as organic. Though, sometimes organic just means paying 2 bucks for an apple that tastes like it has been bobbed out of the toilet.
Here’s what to get:
Here we are browning the hot sausage. Whoohoo! Look at it go. Actually this dish requires multitasking so I brown it on medium high heat with a tablespoon of garlic powder added and drain every few minutes.
While the sausage is browning I dice up a few garlic cloves and place them in a medium sauce pan with extra virgin olive oil (E.V.O.O as Mega-Mouth says) and let it sizzle for a few minutes on high. I love this part because it smells up the whole house and people who don’t know better believe I am a great chef.
After the garlic permeates the air…and clothes, it’s time to add the mushrooms and cover them with a thin layer on E.V.O.O.. I usually add a tablespoon of salt and parsley but that is just me. I’ve learned in life that people are particular with their mushrooms and I would hate to upset the balance of nature pushing people to salt them unneccesarily. So, up to you.
Now that we have two items cooking a way I take the time to prep the broccoli. I basically chop it into florets and ditch any stem that is longer than a half inch. And I do so sing this:
After the meat is browned and the ‘shooms are all marinated in the EVOO and garlic, it’s time to combine the two!
Make sure to drain the meat but not the mushrooms. We need that juice to mix with the parmesan cheese later. I usually let these two mix on low heat and let it stand uncovered. Now lets boil some water and watch it!
You’re going to need about a pound and a half of bowtie pasta so this is how I eyeball it. Still, to this day, the art of boiling many types of noodles to that perfect consistency eludes me. This particular noodle, however, I have mastered. It takes 13 minutes.
I couldn’t find the bottom of my steam pan so I needed to get a little creative. This is me steaming the broccoli over the boiling noodle water in a plastic drainer. Not ideal but when broccoli needs to be steamed, you do what you have to.
So here we are. Everything is cooked and ready to be combined. All I need is a bigger pot but I guess I can use two. It’s nice to have enough to drop off to a busy friend or neighbor.
The last thing to do is to add a lot of parmesan. Remember how we kept all the mushroom sauce? Yeah, the cheese acts as sort of a corn starch and it creates an amazing garlic-y sauce that sets this dish apart. Behold, the glory of cooking for yourself for around $20. And it lasts for a long time.
Casserole of Disaster 
