Category: Humor

A Tribute To Richard Condie

I have been meaning to do this one for quite some time. After my tribute to the artist Stephen Gammell, there has been so many hits on it I figured I should branch out to other artists I really like. So today I will be tipping the hat for Richard Condie, an artist who not only had a unique animation style but really captured the art of humanity. Growing up I would catch these cartoons from time to time and the absurdity of the characters kept my attention but it wasn’t until recently did I get the sociological lessons not only the characters played but the plot and setting too. They are smart, funny and at times bizarre but never dull.

Condie, a resident Canadian graduated from the University of Manitoba with a Bachelor of Arts degree and worked as an accomplished sociologist, musician and performer for a number of years. It wasn’t until 1971 when he was “fooling around” did he find his artistic outlet in the form of animation. Soon he made the short, Oh Sure thanks to a grant from the Canadian Counsel and it was later purchased by the National Film Board Of Canada. I’d say that was an ego boost to have your first film picked up.

I’m going to share some of my favorite shorts that Condie created. You have to keep an open mind because they are a little far out but that’s the magic. I’m so tired of the message of the story being handed to you. It always means more to me when it is hidden behind sentence fragments, strange voiced sound effects and characters that had to be created through drugs. Here’s the first one which is a later creation Richard did in 1991. The Apprentice:

I’m going to honest with you, I have no clue what that was about. But I do know I like it and that is all that matters. How often do you get to watch a cartoon and see a dragon burp up a dude’s head? Not often my friends and that is where the magic comes to life.

Condie’s creative animations also found a spot advertising for the Canadian Customs and Exercise Department warning travelers not to smuggle opera singing bird/gerbils. Now if the US government would get on board with ads like this I promise that the amount of smuggling, embezzlement, and international law bending would come to a halt. At least I would stop.

This one is my absolute favorite and the most memorable. It’s a great message about the absurdity of nuclear war, loving your spouse and sawing your cat. I love this to know extent and is the main reason I wanted to share Richard’s work with anyone who may have missed it. Here it is, The Big Snit:

“Always shaking your eyes!”

Since 1971, Richard Condie really has put Canada on the map for animation. His awards and accolades over the years have been in the hundreds and he has even been nominated for an Oscar and a Genie as well as many international film fest awards. There is no doubt he is one of the greats and once again, Canada has provided America with true comedy.

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The Nothing

I think I am going to post some really random shit today. Maybe a little top 5 action like Allison rocked out on her recent blog. Or perhaps just some streaming thoughts about life. You guys know me. I’m a thinker and some days I just get carried away. It still blows my mind people read this. I can tell you for sure that no one listens to it. Many of my friends tell me that I ramble but lucky for me, they just let me go on. If I was stifled I am sure my head would explode straight off my shoulders from the amount of b.s. that had to get out. So here I go.

I hate coconut with a passion because in 1986 I ate an entire box of Girl Scout Samoa cookies. I was so sick the thought of coconut, cookies with a hole and the color purple from the box, makes me want to yarf on my lap.

If I accidentally bump my ankles together my knees give out. It happened in the mall may years ago. To this day I am aware of my stride in a public place.

When I was in Budapest, I won 100 Deutschmarks for eating a plate of scrambled eggs and a glass of tequila. The 100 Deutschmarks lasted one week. The nausea from that challenge is still with me, 7 years later.

Sharks have 8 times the memory of a cat. I find that surprising because I had a cat, and it only took one time for him to develop a fear of empty beer boxes.

I played little league for a few years. It was sad because I had a fear of baseballs.

I can’t eat alone at a restaurant. I get the over whelming feeling people feel sorry for me. I hate that.

Chewing gum makes my stomach growl. Still don’t know what is up with that.

The fattest dog in the world lives in my neighborhood. I thought the lady was walking a potbellied pig, but it turned out to be a short haired black dog. Here’s a picture. Sorry about the quality but it was hard to take and drive.

I have never watched a Word war II documentary without shedding a tear. Not one.

When I die, I hope Heaven is like this.

I was in a game of “punch bug” in the 8th grade. You know, you punch someone when you see a Volkswagon Beetle? I still punch myself in the arm every time I see one.

Speaking of random shit. While I was writing this, some dude’s car caught on fire in the parking lot!

Thanks for the entertainment, Mang!

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Nirvana Coffee

Everybody has their spot. You know, the place where they go to be alone with their thoughts. Mine is at Nirvana Coffee. I have gotten a few emails asking me what inspires a lot of this streaming abstract and randomness that I post here on VeggieMacabre. Well, I’ll be honest with you, it’s the fact I tuck myself in a corner and stare off into space. So in essence, it all is derived from my head as I look at this. I hope that doesn’t scare those who asked but it is the truth. By the way, you can ask on the comment section. I won’t be mad at ya!

The people here are so wonderful. I get here after my morning swim at 5:00 and the sweet lady always gives me coffee on the house. I’ve become the morning regular and I hope that is not a sad thing. Sometimes the baker will swing by my table and drop off a cookie for me to try out. He likes to run them by me first before he puts them out for sale. I have to admit I’m not the critic he probably needs because unless there is coconut in them I will always pump his ego with a compliment followed by an exclamation mark. Seriously, free coffee and cookies? Is there anything better?

So this is what I look at to begin my day. Do you notice the facade of productivity I have created? To passer byers I look like I am on the cusp of greatness as I diligently type away but really I am snooping around your blogs, leaving my two cents on your comment section and writing about bees and Airwolf. If only they knew.

I do have busy days and more days than not I have to do the grown up stuff. I do cherish the times like this morning when I can watch the sun rise as I drink coffee, laugh reading about your lives, and have moments of inspiration from deep thoughts. But my deep thoughts aren’t crazy ones. I know I am not because crazy people don’t know they are. Now if only the corduroy bear would stop talking to me.

Oh, one more thing. It’s Laurie Kendrick’s birthday! Make sure you swing by and tell her Happy B-Day! She is just aces in my book.

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Fun With Phonics

There are somethings that are so funny in life, they couldn’t possibly be made up. This one landed in my lap at a Quicktrip. I saw it out of the corner of my eye and I immediately ran out of the store to the car and grabbed my phone so I could take a picture. I had to share this with you guys because, well, I care.

Ever wonder how you would phonetically spell “restroom” if you had a Hispanic accent? Here’s how….

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See? You can’t make this stuff up! I definitely give an A for effort and if you look close enough you can faintly make out a scribble mark over the extra E. I can’t rip too hard on this person because I’m not even close to being bilingual. I get my Spanish from Dora The Explorer. Right, Dora?

Si, el dickhead!

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Being A Jerk At Whole Foods

Have you ever noticed when you go into a health food store or a nutrition shop how unhealthy everyone looks? It’s pretty ironic that many of the people who shop at the sources for all things good for you look more or less like a 19 year old sick cat. I was at a Whole Foods not too long ago God only knows what was going on with about half the shoppers. Now I know I am generalizing and if you shop there, please know I am not talking about you, but I am going to do a quick character analysis on two people and a couple that I had the pleasure of standing behind waiting to check out. I understand that this is wrong to do and I am sure I am off base but what can i say? I’m an asshole.

This is not the lady who was at the head of the line but man, this is close. She had the glasses and everything. So my first guess she is a sweet lady, maybe in her early 50’s that goes home to her husband and a Labrador now that the kids are all out of the house and married. She spent the afternoon doing work in the garden and now she has come to Whole Foods for some additions to the great dinner she will be making right when she gets home. And then she opened her mouth.

She snapped at the cashier, “can this take any longer?”. Whoa. Now the very second she asked that snotty, retorical question my analysis changed to this. She lives in a town house with her 3 cats, all named after famous psychologists. Her liberal education, many degrees and accolades left her smug and with a sense of being superior. But that sense is a false front to her real feelings of being inadequate and the feeling that there is always someone who is out to get her. Though her education has taught her that a socialist way of life is the only way to be and the little guy should be taken care of by the wealthy guy, she would never think to show an ounce of kindness to him. Hence the dismissive remark to the poor cashier who just wants to get a price check on her fish oil vitamins. I bet she is a shitty tipper too. Next….

Like I said before, this isn’t the couple that was next in line but gee wiz, that’s pretty close to what they looked like. It looked as if they both had finished a run judging from the attire. I always admire married couples who have a common hobby like exercise or art or I don’t know….lawn darts. They were purchasing soy milk, two avocados and a leafy thing. Maybe parsley? I had no beef with them until the guy blew his nose in line like it was his job. It was no ordinary blow. There was a dog that was laying down outside, the doors were shut and cars were passing by and his nose blowing made the dog jump. I kid you not. It even made me duck a little. It’s a involuntary reaction.

There isn’t really a reason why this rubbed me wrong but it did. I imagine that if you went to their house for dinner there would inevitably be a conversation about a recent colonascopy he had. Then after dinner there would be an invitation to have coffee in the living room while we all witness the miracle of child birth by watching home movies. And just when the night couldn’t go any better they drop the bomb that they are swingers and there is a hot tub in the backyard. Amazing isn’t it? I gathered all that by a nose blow.

This guy was my favorite. This picture couldn’t get any closer to the real dude that was standing in front of me. Except he had a shirt that said “Good Bush, Bad Bush” which had an image of George Bush and an image of female genitalia. I haven’t been around too many hippies so I can’t be the judge of who is or who is not a hippie. I don’t believe this guy is a true hippie because he was on the phone, using his wireless Bluetooth headset. Hippies would never conform to such a thing. More over, they couldn’t afford it.

There was no way I could have avoided eves dropping in on his conversation because for one, he was talking about a girl and calling her a bitch with no sense of shame and two, there was a shopping cart behind me trapping me close to him and the odor of patchouli. He definitely strikes me as a conscientious objector but for what reason he couldn’t tell you. I’m certain he believes 9/11 was an inside job and he could prove it by explaining the hidden messages on the dollar bill. There is a high probability that if you asked him to point to NY on a map he just may put his finger on Maine.

Well, before I knew it my entertainment was over and I was at the front of the line. I bought chips. Chips for dips.

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