It’s a tough time of the season when you want all of the Halloween stuff out right now but most retailers (looking at you Target) are more concerned with backpacks and *enter boy band here* covered Trapperkeepers. It’s a tease. We are at the 10:20am mark before the menu switches and everyone is fully committed, so you have to kinda take what you get until then. That’s why this morning I am writing about smells of the demonic. Or maybe just Fall.

Searching Target in vain for anything spooky I settled on their mild nod to the season in the Fall scent aisle. They have a few purely Fall titled sprays between Glade and good ol’ Febreze. If you are not into spays because you think the Ozone still has a sunroof, don’t worry your hippy hair, they make them all in both candles and plug-ins. I picked up the sprays because I need a limited example of each. I can’t smell up each room in my house for this review.

Actually, that would have been pretty cool. Double Shits!

First on the list we have “Salted Caramel” from Glade, an SC Johnson product. At first glance I thought this to be both amazing and totally Halloween. At first smell, however, I thought this was more “Midnight Cowboy” from CVS. It’s a heavy scent that really doesn’t leave one area. By that I mean there is no permeation but a solid mass that waits for unsuspecting people to walk through it, sticking to their face like a spider web or swarm of mosquitos. You won’t get it out of the back of your throat no matter how many pumpkin beers you gargle with.

The description states it has a “…pop of salty and sweet caramel fragrance.” which is odd. I have smelled sweet things but I can’t recall an account of smelling salty things. Maybe the ocean. I don’t know. C-.

Switching from candy to leaves, Febrese Air Effects has a their “Falling Leaves” limited edition spray. I was immediately attracted to this for some reason. I think it is just specific memories of cool mornings walking home from a Friday night bash, smelling the wet leaves and cursing the 6am Saturday runners. It’s a distant memory but still an effective one.

But this can does not capture that olfactory sense at all. I think they captured Great Aunt Ann rather than anything Fall. You know the smell; make-up and sixty year old perfume? Yeah, you do. This is another air spray that is better suited to kill any offensive oder by masking it with a different but equally offensive oder. It smells and hangs heavy in the air like an invisible bag of piss, waiting for an unsuspecting passer-by who will most likely have their mouth open. D.

Here is another SC Johnson product from Glade and this is interesting. “Hayride”? I never knew a Hayride was an attractive smell. If memory serves me right it’s a mix of allergic attack and either horse poop or tractor exhaust depending on which mode of pull the farm chooses. It’s like their “Salted Caramel” idea, I just hope it’s not executed the same.

I like it! It’s really interesting and it does remind me of a Fall scene. It’s not quiet Hayride but it smells a lot like the first day of school. I can’t explain it but taking a huff off this can I am walking into Mt. Bethel Elementary with a backpack larger than my torso and velcro shoes. It’s really incredible! I love it and this is going in the den rather than the last two who are banished to the bathrooms. A-. (The minus is only because it’s not Hayride. That might be a good thing.)

Finally we come to another Glade spray and while this one isn’t original what so ever, I do believe my saturated nose will enjoy this. “Orchard Apple Cinnamon” can not not smell amazing. It just can’t!

Oh wow. Wow that smells a lot like one of those 365 days a year Christmas shops. When I take a whiff from this I am surrounded by thirty fake and tacky Christmas trees with tacky decor while fat tourists wearing fanny packs slowly meander through the narrow aisles eating soft serve out of a cup. THIS IS NOT HALLOWEEN! WAIT YOUR TURN SPRAY! C. (Will be an A when November first arrives.)

So there you have it. None of these scream Halloween and only one really has something to be proud of. Go to Target and spray these around to see..er…smell for yourself. I am fairly certain “Hayride” will be in your cart. The other three can be used to kill spiders.

Sorry the countdown hasn’t been totally wheels up since my job is not sympathetic to my demon worshiping self but hang on, shit’s about to get real.

OH! And guess who started their Halloween Countdown? Matt from Dinosaur Dracula started his chainsaw and it’s amazing. Please go there now. NOW! (Click the header)