Holiday Dinosaur Dracula Fun Pack!

Hoooowdy Hooo! Welcome back to the Holiday Hell Show and today I am unboxing Dinosaur Dracula’s Holiday Fun Pack. What is a Dinosaur Dracula Fun Pack, you ask? Well I will ask, where the hell have you been?

I kid because I love.

The Fun Packs are amazing boxes full of nostalgic delight that Matt puts together and mails to you every month. Lately they have had certain holiday themes because we are in the twilight of the four months which shines over at Dino Drac but it is an ongoing subscription for only $25 a month. Very impressive stuff, too. I don’t know how he does it but as I speak I am looking at an Alien Xenomorph watch and Gremlin flip books from the eighties and lord knows how he found these gems.

Each box also comes from a personalized note from Matt with detailed instructions on how to maximize the box to its fullest potential of the goodies. This was something I had to video. I know there have been much better ones made but for the Hell Show, it had to be included. Watch the madness and if you want to (which you should) pop over to his site and subscribe to get one of your very own!

December 21, 2014 1

Christmas Rewound

It is Sunday Funday here over at VeggieMacabre HQ and we are smack in the middle of the Holiday Hell Show. Today, I am dipping into the realm that Dinosaur Dracula does so well. I have been on the couch with Christmas movies on the TV, homemade chicken soup cooking in the crockpot, a glass of merlot by my side and the YouTube Time Machine whisking me away to the commercials that filled the time between Merry Christmas Charlie Brown. It is magical. Let’s take a look and dissect these toy ads we grew up with and rip on the kids who were in these.

I was only marginally into He-Man growing up. I loved the idea and Castle Grey Skull was cool but at the end of the day, I just couldn’t get down with characters that look like a well fibrous poop. The accessories, however, were pretty damn amazing. Take Skeletor’s Dragon Water Blaster pack, for an example. You had the ability to soak your friends’ toys and be the little dick of the neighborhood.

Let us look at this advertisement. It is hilarious to look back and see these kids imitate their He-Man characters in the gruffest voice a nine-year old could make. I think it was just in the 1980’s that toy advertisers propped up kids to overact their group playtime. I never remember doing any of this! And look at the little fool who takes it to a new level and freezes himself for the duration of the commercial. He is only over to play because either these are all his toys or his mom is friend’s with one of their mothers. No one likes him.

But the one that stood out the most was the little nut-weed who had the Dragon Blaster Skeletor. Just look at him cackle with delight forcing his playmates to freeze. I know this kid. He’s the neighborhood dick who bullied you into throwing oranges at cars or rings door bells and running. He had an older brother who would beat the hell out of him so shit would roll downhill if you ever came over to his house. He is Reed and he was the one who threw the Cadberry Cream Egg through the kitchen window, not me Dad. “I SAID FREEZE!..OR I’M NOT PLAYING!”

The Sly Snootles and the Max Rebo play set was such a weird toy to get. I guess if you had the entire Jabba Palace play set it wouldn’t be complete without musical entertainment but to just have this set, I don’t know. I guess you could pretend they are a Nirvana galactic cover band touring for your other toys. It’s a stretch but I guess it works.

At least these kids got to kill Sly Snootles.

Is it just me or is Droopy McCool the shittiest of all Star Wars characters? He looks like a waterlogged pig who was put in jorts and pushed down a well.

I’ve covered this one before and every Christmas I tend to bring it up again. It’s getting to be a tradition. I never got the USS FLAGG and I’m still bitter about it. Looking back I understand because it was hard to sell the folks why I needed a toy bigger than the dinning room table. But I didn’t care and I blame this commercial.

GI Joes commercials always superimposed kids into the battle to ride in the vehicles and immerse themselves into the world and fight against COBRA. It worked and watching three kids run up and down the flight deck of the USS FLAGG made me want it worse than my dog wanting his hump blanket.

I have faith the new line of GI Joe will release the FLAGG and this time, it will be mine. I want to eat sushi off the deck of it in my living room and watch Nightmare On Elm Street 3. You have to have goals in life otherwise you’ll never have anything!

Oh hell, I had a lot of these. I don’t know if it was all at once or over the course of many Christmases but even today, if you go down in the parent’s basement, I bet in under ten minutes you will find a ROTJ Speeder Bike part. They blew apart with a little button in the back and in my house, that means they never stayed assembled.

While researching for this nonsensical post, I learned the Kenner Star Wars theme song never changed for any toy over the course of the trilogy. It wasn’t anything Lucas but it was something that has been in my head since three this afternoon. And will probably be there until three o’clock in the afternoon of December 14th 2027.

I love watching these kids race their speeders around the yard showing off the speed breaks and blow-apart action of the Speeder Bikes. This was a little before my time judging by their hairstyles. They seemed to have the Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed cuts.

Alright, for a guy who remembers not being the biggest He-Man fan, I have to add another vintage commercial. Boy did I like this and it solidifies why I am such a big fan of monster movies and the dark side. The He-Man Snake Mountain play set looked evil it completely lived up to expectation. Even including a Hensen inspired bird face that would move its beak as you spoke through the echoing (reverb) microphone. Pure gold.

Today, the true prize is watching these kids play with it and imitate Skeleton in a voice that makes you question if they even watched the cartoon. And the ginger kid rocking the mic made my millennium. Look at his contorted face! I hope he grew up to be the scary warning voice for animatronics horror rides on the boardwalk.

Well, that concludes my little skip through time to revisit some of the great toys we grew up. It’s nice to relive some of the best times of our childhood while watching the advertisements and the silly kids who played with their toys all wrong.

Goodnight! I SAID FREEEEEEEZE!

December 14, 2014 1

I Remember Halloween

“Candy apples and razor blades
Little dead are soon in graves
I remember Halloween” – The Misfits

This 2014 Halloween season did not get fully going like I had hoped. I want to say it was because I have finally grown up into a mature adult and waxing my Porsche, day trading and Saturday evening book clubs have taken the place of watching Halloween for the 5,723rd time, but that is just not the case. The real truth is my company is slightly restructuring and that metamorphosis begins with people in my position. Since September I have been in at least eleven states and times two in hotel rooms. Going out to business dinners is about as thrilling as pressure washing the side of the house and if I hear the acronym “EHR” one more time, I might tie my wrist to my testicles and enter into a Frisbee-Golf competition. Lets just say, work has come and killed my Great Pumpkin.

Looking back, however, it hasn’t been a total loss. There were some spooky trips, met some amazing people and done some amazing things all in the name of The Spook Show. The great novelist, J.W Ocker, toured me around Boston, I flew down to Key West and hung out with a real live voodoo doll named Robert, visited my buddy Travis from Bayou Babylon and his wonderful wife, Crystal to shoot some creepy scenes in a graveyard, made a cameo in The Sexy Armpit’s Halloween Show, had Ben (Juggernaut Cave), Brian (Review the World) and DJ D (Retro Ghouls and Shocks) over for a weekend to review tons of spooky crap and well as Blair Witch 2 and last but not least, I was the guest host on the great DJ D’s radio show, Dark Entries.

Oh, also was blown away by Matt’s annual Halloween countdown over at Dinosaur Dracula.

I guess when you list it out, it’s been a pretty busy season even though I feel like it was half-hearted thanks to such a busy schedule. I still have lots to cram in like a Q&A with a give away from J.W. Ocker and his new novel plus a look at the amazing artist Thomas Boatwrite. I bought the coolest commission ever and am excited to push his stuff to the next level.

OH! And mother frickin’ Final Cut Pro crashed so many times I have finally given up on it. I’m done. It’s a neat piece of software but a twenty-minute video shouldn’t take eight hours to export. And Apple wants me to buy it again for $300. Nope!

So, enough with the pouty puss talk. I am sorry for an empty Spook Show this year, 2014. Work really was the boogeyman. I owe you something…but what?

Hrm…I have one Pop Rocks Pumpkin Patch Orange left that I was saving to put in the company coffee pot on Friday but I think I owe it to you. But how?

Oh I do love you. I will dump this in my three-hour old cup of coffee and drink this just for my penance for a below average Halloween season. It’s all for you, Damian! It’s all for you!

Okay, I am coming right back.I just wanted to get this off my chest and say I’m a little sorry. Just a little.

October 28, 2014 4

Halloween At Ollie’s!

Today I was at a work lunch with a few clients and the subject of Halloween came up. Of course, the one person at the office who knows I have an alter ego for all things like Halloween was there too. It took her 0.0067 seconds to erupt into a high squeal, “WILL LOVES HALLOWEEN AND EVEN HAS A SITE ALL ABOUT IT!”

Not cool.

I smiled and tried to quickly change the topic but it was too late. Before I knew it I had all sorts of non-work related questions about movies, sexy Jason costumes and where to buy the best candy. I hate letting my personal and nerd-o life get out in the open in a work environment but the black Halloween cat was out of the bag now so I had to go with it. It was fun and a nice break from the financial speak.

I don’t know how it evolved but the discussion soon turned to the bargain store, Ollie’s. I have a love/hate relationship with Ollie’s. I love that it is a huge discount store where you can buy inflatable yard ornaments, a shirt and an entire reference guidebook to Middle Earth under one roof but I hate whenever I go into the store there is always some person who ruins my day. It doesn’t matter when, it always happens. Last time, there was a lady who tried to shoplift and was tackled in the pavement by another woman leading to a lot were cops. The time before that, some really obese girl pulled her pants down in one of the aisles.

So, I refuse to go back. Sorry, Ollie, but whenever I drive past your store all I can think about is screaming rednecks and the biggest ass I’ve ever seen. I’m just not ready yet but I had an idea.

On the drive back to the office we made a detour to Ollie’s. I gave my work mate $20 and asked her to buy that amount in Halloween junk to review while I stayed in the car. If you spill my hobby in front of clients, you have to be apart of it. It’s only fair. She picked four items and now I will review them in realtime without adding another scarring event to my life.

These are her choices.

Okay, first up in is the “Eight Is Too Much” wig from Rubie’s Character Wigs™ for $9.99. Researching the “Eight Is Too Much” points to a late seventies TV drama about a news anchor with eight kids. That’s a pretty obscure reference for a wig but we are talking about finds at Ollie’s so I will give it a pass.

I am not sure the name “Eight Is Too Much” wig is the right one. This looks more like a “May I See The Manager” wig or “White Zinfandel Tonight?” wig.

Hrm. I am not sure I pulled this one off. I feel like it’s either a Flock Of Seagulls wig or something else. I just can’t put my finger on it. It was someone on TLC who was part responsible for turning a channel about discovery and dinosaurs into total garbage and self loathing. OH!

NAILED IT! It’s that total bitch from John And Kate Plus Eight! You remember the show, the couple who ruined their lives and damaged their kids for fame and money? Man, I guess we cracked the code for the name, “Eight Is Too Much”. Eight was too much.

I give this find 8 out of 10 severed Freddy fingers. Eight is a theme here.

Gummy Boo Bands for $2.49! I have seen these around and didn’t notice they were edible. Kids these days are into all sorts of incredibly stupid shit. But, to be fair, all kids are stupid to me. With all the awareness wristbands out there I didn’t know there was finally one you can eat. That would be a great one to raise awareness for hunger! (I’m a dick)

GROSS! SICK! This thing feels like actual He-Man slime right out of the can. I know it is an orange gummy but my mind goes to the smell of Mattel slime. Plus, and waaaay worse, it gets your wrist sticky. I can stand a lot of discomforts in life but one that I can’t stand in the least is being sticky. It makes me want to cry and I am an ugly crier.

I give Boo Bands 3 out of 10 dead chicks.

Let’s see what else is in this bag-o-crap from Ollie’s. I am beginning to think I am missing a lot from my Ollie’s boycott. That is a Review the World stomping ground for sure! I might have to go back and risk seeing a human grand canyon if there are more great finds in this bag.

Ho Ho Hee Hee, it’s Juicy Oozer Gummy Vampires and Gummy Werewolves from Black Forrest® for $2.29! I love Black Forrest gummy candy. Some people are Haribo gummy fans and others are Black Forrest. The best way to compare this divide is to compare those who prefer Red Vines to Twizzlers. It’s not a huge difference to most but to a few it is like Communism vs Capitalism. Then there are the Swizzler fuckers. No one likes them.

I can’t say enough about these. They have great shapes, you can recognize flavors, the vampires have tangy blood and the packaging is unreal. The fonts and art would make Madd Matt do the Charleston on Poe’s grave. This hits on all Halloween cylinders so please, go get thirty bags. They will be worth thousands in future currency once Samhain arrives and vanquishes all those who put out Christmas stuff during October.

10 out of 10 Jason Voorhees head lumps.

Last but not least! I hope.

Um…I don’t know what this girl was thinking and I don’t know if I want to go down this road. I have been running VeggieMacabre since the summer of 2007 and kept this as close to PG as possible. I know there has been a few times when my language hasn’t been perfect. Okay, more than a few but I still keep it clean. I just don’t know if this will translate so lets just approach this as the mature adults we are. It’s a Halloween costume prop.

Well…isn’t that special? It’s an “Open Wound Sleeve” from those sick assholes a Paper Magic Group™ for $3.29. I guess this is supposed to be a wound that you put on your arm but my mind keeps going elsewhere. Remember that scene in The Gate when the lead protagonist had an eyeball form on his hand? I guess it could be the same principle.

Oh Hell. I guess if you squint you eyes from afar it would look like a wound or a gash… GOODNIGHT FOLKS!

0.003 out of 10 Michael Myers Eye Brows

Ollie’s gets a better grade from me than I would usually give it and that is probably because I stayed in my car. I love the concept of bargain shopping because I am the type of guy who would buy a tub of ten thousand cheese puffs when looking for motor oil and a place like Ollie’s would certainly allow me to do that.

Great scores if you exclude the gyno-sleave! I need to keep that girl away from me at the office. (Just kidding!)

I am off to shoot a very special “Beers with Movie Sauce” for the Spook Show so stick around! I am all ramped up and ready for the fun so thanks for hanging with me. See you tonight!

October 21, 2014 6

Spooky NC With Bayou Babylon

Hello my friends. Today is a special day here at the Spook Show because I can share with you my amazing trip to visit my buddy Travis who you might know as Bayou Babylon down in the Gulf of Mexico, Mobile Alabama. Both he and his wife, Crystal, are some of those most amazing people I have ever met and together we had a blast. From the history to the food to the 300 beers, I will say Travis is a lifelong buddy who is stuck having an semiannual guest crash his pad.

This trip, Travis took me to a creepy and the notoriously haunted Church Street Graveyard where certain legends rest. Or sort of rest. This is also the burial spot of Joe Cain who is of super hero status to the people of Mobile, Alabama. After the Civil War ended, the Union soldiers banned many Southern cultures and celebrations. In defiance, Joe Cain dressed in Native American garb, wore beads and drunkenly drove his horse and buggy around Mobile starting up the celebration of Mardi Gras. To this day, the start of Mardi Gras begins from the grave of Joe Cain where his unknown “widows” gather to weep over his site and then dance out of the cemetery starting the celebration. Pretty awesome!

Later we visit the Boyington Oak which took forever to locate. Thanks to smart phones, we found the spot where Charles Boyington is buried. In 1835 he was quickly accused of murdering his friend Nathaniel Frost and was hung. Right before he was executed he stated that a mighty oak would spring from his heart to prove his innocence. Well, he is buried on that spot where a pretty large oak now resides. Locals claim to hear cries from the tree and the cemetery nightly so…that’s crazy!

To wrap up the night we attended a beer crawl which probably shaved off a few years of our lives. So much beer. So much beer. You’ll see.

I hope you enjoy this Spooky NC: Mobile, Alabama! The next one will be mostly myself chatting about the experiences on an abandoned railroad track. The footage isn’t the best but it was absolutely terrifying. I’ll just have to show you.

EDIT

Just to clarify a bit, Joe Cain is credited with bringing Mardi Gras back to Mobile post-Civil War. Mardi Gras has been celebrated here, in one form or another, since 1703, but was cancelled during the Civil War and banned by the occupying Yankee troops. – Travis aka Bayou Babylon

October 7, 2014 1

Category: funny

I Remember Halloween

Halloween At Ollie’s!

Spooky NC With Bayou Babylon

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