It’s A Mad Mad Mad Monster Party: Part 1

Have you ever been to an event or party where you say to yourself, “Self, this is where I belong. These are my people”? Well, recently VeggieMacabre (me) attended the Mad Monster Party which is a horror event to end all horror events. I am still on a high from the whole experience but don’t feel bad if you missed it, I recorded every minute of the three solid fright-filled days of gory glory.

I go to conventions often. It seems like every month there is some sort of gathering with a common interest in mind. But usually the conventions I go to are about medical technology or some sort of terrible thing and the countdown to escape for a bar begins the second the plane lands. Actually, when you say the word “convention” I involuntarily punch the person to my left. Most people have learned to keep right on Monday morning meetings.

Not this type of convention, my friends! It’s hard to be bored when you are eating wings at a bar between a ghostbuster and Jake the Snake Roberts (the real Jake the Snake too). While this isn’t much of an intro to this two-part article, I should really just jump right in.

The hotel was exactly what I expected it to be; completely designed for trade shows and not for vacation. It wasn’t bad but it certainly had a bit to be desired. The biggest issue was that the restaurant sucked and if you wanted to expand away from the mandatory buffet, you had to leave the party and there was no place in walking distant. Needless to say, I had a lot of beer and little food, making conversations with horror celebrities that much more ridiculous. Speaking of celebrities, first up is one of my favorites, Dave Naughton!

Great cats, what an awesome guy! He was the first guy I met there and since I paid hundreds of dollars and the tip of my fingers for an all exclusive pass (one hour entrance before general admission and a VIP room) it was just him and just a few other stars that were totally set up and ready for nerds like me. Of course I swooned over American Werewolf In London being my favorite movies and he recalled how many hours it took in makeup for one of the greatest “wolf-out” scenes ever put on film. And it was then I noticed on his table of head-shots and movie scenes ready to be autographed I saw his old Dr Pepper ad.

“Holy Dickless Steven, I completely forgot about this commercial!” I will say, in hindsight, I wish I had said a different exclamation. He didn’t bat an eye, but laughed and asked if I was a pepper. When David Naughton asks if you are a Pepper, YOU SAY YES!

And so it is, I am a Pepper. And David Naughton is a great guy. He does, however, seem a bit out-of-place at the Mad Monster Party. Instead he looks like he should be at an engineering convention or something. I saw him later that evening browsing the buffet with the same “meh” face I made. These sort of things must wear on a guy.

That was a really exciting start to the weekend but what came about ten minutes before meeting him was just as memorable. I will admit, I was trying to take a picture of David wrestle with his backdrop poster and while looking down at my phone to switch to the camera, I turned sharp to my left and ran smack into Danny Glover. He’s old, cranky and smells like anger which was worn on the side of my face and shirt for the rest of the day. He didn’t really say anything but his publicist looked like she was going to cry. Of course I apologized and disappeared before someone could throw me out for injuring Murdock and I am sure he soon forgot the event. In fact, friends of mine who met him later that day said he forgot about being in Predator 2 even though his costar, Gary Busey, was at the next table. Busey probably forgot too.

Up next was a trip down the hall where they had an entire display from the movie Jaws. It was an impressive collection to say the least from the iconic yellow barrels to the actual mask Cooper wore that “didn’t have enough spit”. The guy who is the collector charged $5 for photos which I thought was fair. He didn’t say couldn’t edit the picture later and make Mexican Jaws 3D!

This guy is awesome! Ormon Grimsby is an unbelievable horror host from a cable access channel out of Raleigh, NC. I honestly had no idea people where still hosting shows like this but looking at his website, there are quiet a few throughout these great states. Nothing would make me happier than to cruise the channels on a late friday night, bummed from the same old programming, only to find Ormon Grimsby in his chamber hosting The Giant Gila Monster (redux). But that’s why we have the worldwide web.

Ormon is a hell of a nice guy with a great sense of style. Go check him out and his show, Monster Creature Feature, at MCFTV.com. It’s a blast.

If you noticed I have changed shirts you passed the test. I have no clue which day was which other than the first few hours.

The free little museum walk-throughs were unreal. I would kill to have a garage full of these statues with an ever-revolving tour and at the end everyone is invited to a BBQ. Oh, and one out of the statues is a real person and would follow behind the tour and take drink orders to everyone’s shock.

And if there is a severed head around, you just know I will defile it! The people who ran the exhibit where guessing how many more people will do the same thing and probably worse as the night progresses.

Oh my love. Such an amazing woman and oddly enough I have recently written about her and had no idea that soon we would be in an embrace. The lovely Linnea Quigley or how I like to know as “Trash”. Oh goodness, I ended up confessing my entire boyhood fantasies from all of her B-movie boob-filled sexy slasher flicks and how amazing she is all in a few seconds of spits and sentence fragments. She just got up and hugged me. Even better, she winked at me throughout the whole weekend. She probably did that to everyone but I will tell myself it was just for me.

A few hours later I saw her at the bar with this guy. Not sure who he is but I will say he nearly ran over me when he got Peter Chris’s autograph on his wrist and was going to get it tattooed. Somewhere. I don’t think there was a studio there so the imagination is still wondering. He also was air-drumming violently while eating mac and cheese later that weekend too. God, I really hope he is famous because he seems too good to be true.

Ah, the exclusive VIP lounge where the celebrities mix with the pee-ons. I really did expect more. Not sure what more but something more. I honestly didn’t hangout here too long other than to play the Diehard arcade game in the corner.

But it all wasn’t such a loss. Here we have Tyler Mane from Devils Rejects, Halloween I and II and X-Men. Signing autographs and answering questions like “what it is like to be Rob Zombie’s Michael Meyers” can make a man thirsty. Coffee time! I shared an elevator ride with him that took forever later that night. We had some laughs and I have pictures. You’ll see.

We have the BIG article coming tomorrow. It will have my little piss match with Gary Busey, my buddies and I rocking the night away with Brent from Mastodon, getting seriously choked by Jason (Kane Hodder), taking the wonderful woman from Demons 1 and 2 out for dinner, DJ D singing karaoke, and an awesome time after the show with remaining horror icons as I drive a couple of them to a local freakshow and then lose them downtown only for them to call me at 4am for a ride back. This was a wild weekend. It deserves a couple posts.

March 28, 2013 2

Showbiz eBay Buy and a Creepy Phone

Today I present to you a video that highlights two items that are strangely one hundred percent me. It’s neither something I am proud of or embarrassed by but I will say, if it defines me as weird, so be it. I am never the type to swim with the mainstream. I do like to win, however, and that leads me to the first item that I “won” on eBay.

Back in the early 1980’s, Showbiz Pizza Place was a one of my childhood hangouts. (Whenever I was able to talk the parental units into taking me.) But back then there was more of an incentive for adults to subject themselves to screaming kids and animatronic bears and that was because of beautiful beautiful beer. Yes, back then the parents could kick back a few cold ones and let the rug-rats loose. It was a great time in America and for $50.00, I am now the proud owner of one of the original beer mugs. And I have already put it back in operation.

Also I am now the proud owner of a phone that has been taking calls for more than forty years in a morgue. That’s right, a good friend of mine who is in the telecommunication business helped renovate a hospital and was kind enough to give me a piece of macabre history. Don’t judge me!

One more thing, every Sunday I get about 300 to 500 Google hits looking for Jason Presson. WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

March 3, 2013 1

She’s a Small Wonder and a Robo-Zombie

Sometimes I can’t believe the amount of talent my friends possess. I try to stand close to them and see if 0.00001% will rub off on me but according to “real life” talent is something that is natural, not gained proximity . Still though, I am always impressed by their creativity, whether it be through writing, singing, art or gabbing on an entertaining video. If I choose to, I don’t have to leave my little circle of friends to find entertainment because brother, if talent was a business, it’d be a boomin’ with these beautiful people.

Remember that show “Small Wonders” from the mid to late-eighties? You know, the father is an inventor and builds his son a sister because he had a vasectomy too soon? I think that’s the story? Anyway, I loved this show as a kid and had a bit of a crush on the android V.I.C.I. (Voice Input Child Identicant) who was played by Tiffany Brissett. (I have confessed this before on this blog) It’s was a great little sitcom, very reminiscent of Nick@Nite shows of the 1950’s.

The other children, however, were a casserole of nonsense. The red-head, Harriet, was one of the most annoying gingers in the history of neighbor co-starts. She made the Ochmonek’s from ALF look like Brad and Angelina who always want you to come over to sit in the hot tub, drink beer and eat steak while we have Angelina speak sentences that start with the letter ‘B’ like, “Buttered bread beats blue beets by being better.” Because her lips are big. Have I lost you yet? Wait!

The brother, Jamie, is equally as annoying with a face of a little politician. My boy, Bo, and I agree that he should have grown up to be a Newt Gingrich but the course of nature had other plans.

All of this is irrelevant! The point of this post is to show off a great gift from my pals over at the wonderful Lost Story Studios in Chapel Hill, NC. And you need to check them out. They’re going to be big.

It’s a half eaten zombie V.I.C.I. holing the severed-jawless head oh Harriet!!! And it’s mine! There is so much great about this, I don’t even know where to start.

Thank you Bo and Brockton! You guys are amazing. I owe you mucho beer and gin. See ya at the Mad Monster Party in a few weeks!

Check out Lost Story Studios by clicking on the link here.

February 26, 2013 8

Sally Kirkland Scared And Smoking

Back in the early nineties I saw a made for TV movie that creeped me out so bad I didn’t sleep for a year and even today as an adult, scenes from that silly dramatization of supposed true events still gives me the shivers. Thanks for the nightmares, Sally Kirkland, you sexy high-pant wearing beauty.

This little gem from 1991 is based on a true story about an ordinary family that has to deal with extraordinary events. With an over abundance of paranormal movies, Discovery Channel documentaries and ghost hunting shows today, it’s easy to pass this movie off as lame and outdated but it couldn’t be furthest from. This has some genuinely creepy scenes that will raise the hairs on the back of your neck. So let me tell you in 3,000 words what it’s about. If you don’t want to read it let me sum it up: evil spirits in a house and Sally Kirkland chain smokes.

I love films that begin with a quick blurb explaining how it’s more than just ghost story but a well documented true story. Very “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” in the way it sets up the film and provides a creepy atmosphere. Shit, this movie could be about growing carrots and if it started this way, I would turn on the closet light.

Starring the great Sally Kirkland as Janet Smurl, we begin the story as the family moves into a duplex in West Pittson, Pennsylvania and the future looks bright. With two kids and their parents living in the other side of the duplex, this is a happy family and they quickly became active members in the community and their Catholic church. But there are strange happenings afoot and soon they will be in a battle with forces from the beyond.

Holy cats! I completely forgot that Jeffery DeMunn (Dale from The Walking Dead) was Jack Smurl and his personality is the exact same. I venture to guess that Jeffery is the same person as the characters he portrays. It seems that most male roles in a haunted house story are pretty similar; the guy doesn’t believe it, forced to finally confront the situation and then tries to throw a rock at a ghost. Keep reading.

Little things start to happen as they settle in and begin to renovate the house like tools disappearing and then reappearing, stains on the walls that bleed through the paint even though they had put thirty coats on it already, scotch tape found in the fridge, toaster fires, ect… Over all, not malicious but more mischievous in nature and just enough to have them believing they might be a little nuts. The proverbial shit doesn’t hit the fan until years later. Years later and male rape. What?

Now, this whole story is told in first person by Janet (Sally Kirkland) and as bizarre events begin to happen she is the only one who notices. Things come to a head when she is doing laundry in the basement. It is, in my book, one of the creepiest scenes that I can think of. While she is doing laundry her mother from next door calls her from the top of the stairs. Well, she thinks it’s her mother. As she responds and walks upstairs the same mimic-ed voice calls her name again. FROM BEHIND HER!

When she ran upstairs and to the other side of the duplex she was met by her mother and pissed off father, believing they overheard Janet and Jack sharing extreme profanity. Confused, Janet explained her husband is at work and she could not have possibly heard them talking.

I don’t know why, but that whole scene gives me the chills. It’s the little things that get me.

This is when Janet begins to fall apart and the stock for Virginia Slims skyrocketed. Her husband can’t understand why she looks like a victim in an episode of “Cops: Crazy Bitches of the Midwest” and her requests to move because of ghosts were met with a “no way, José”. She was alone with some pretty spooky happenings. But, the rest of the family was about to join the party.

Soon the malicious spirit gets bored enough with Janet to start picking on her mom. When they both acknowledge that a pig-snorting vaporous black mass has been hanging out in their living rooms, a sense of relief comes over Janet. That’s good news but the tough sell will be the husbands. The men are always the problem, am I right girls?

Janet needs not to worry because one of the…the…you know what? I am just going to get say it. Jack gets raped by the demon. I am serious. It’s a male rape scene that defies my understanding of mechanics. If he wasn’t into it, I don’t think it would have happened. Especially the morphing fat-girl trick the demon seemed to pull on him. Jack might have issues.

At their wits end, Janet and Jack finally seek help through the church and invites their local pastor to come bless their house. Much like Amityville Horror, the priest gets a brutal brush with the devil and he quickly decides that being a complete pussy is the answer. He leaves and later when asked to return he pretends to be a Walmart greeter.

With little help and their family under attack, Janet seeks out demonologists to investigate their problems. Which is pretty funny because all they did was confirm that they have a problem with ghosts. Another day and another paycheck in the life of a demonologist, I suppose.

With screams and flashing lights, cabinet doors slamming and beds flipping, the family needed a break. They went camping. No shit, they are facing extreme life threatening circumstances from unseen evil forces but taking a break to make s’mores and sing songs by the campfire seemed like the right thing to do.

You know what? Ghosts like to go camping too! While they are enjoying their fire and NOT TELLING GHOST STORIES an unexpected guest floats up. Jack did the only thing he could.

Jack threatens to throw a rock at the specter. I guess shit always seems to happen when you don’t have a proton pack, right? Rocks are the logical second choice.

Meanwhile, the scene cuts to their house going bat-shit crazy and the neighbors seem concern. I don’t know why, but that also sticks in my mind from years ago and has severely creeped me out. Something about a house that’s suppose to be vacant and…not? I don’t know. It’s a me thing.

Finally they get a priest to exorcise the house. Not really sure why they didn’t do this to begin with but then again, this would be a short movie. And it seemed to work! For a while.

Actually, it didn’t do anything but make it worse. With no other option and already Jack raped, it was time to go to the media. Because when you go to the press saying you have ghosts, what’s the worst thing that can happen?

Yeah, you turn into a pariah. I don’t know why they decided to do that but long story short, it wasn’t the ghosts who finally drove them from their home but the constant harassment from media and ghost enthusiasts. They moved and yet again there was hope that life would return to normal sans the evil entities.

We end the movie with the family leaving their town and the house that was built on satanic worshipping ground. They move into a non-haunted house this time and everyone seems to be just swell. And then…

The damn ghost follows them and pulls the ol’ “pretend to be mom” move that creeped me out from before. We fade to black as Sally Kirkland stares in disbelief and sounds of pig growls lead us to believe that they are forever screwed might as well get used to having an invisible father-raping ghost that hides scotch tape in the fridge.

I know this was a terrible review of a surprisingly good made for TV movie from the early nineties. It has some genuinely creepy scenes that will stay in your head especially when you have to pee at 3am. It’s late and I finally am not concerned about letting people know about The Haunted. The whole movie is available on YouTube so I highly recommend giving it a whirl. You’ll lurv it.

I give it four pants out of five.

👖👖👖👖

January 18, 2013 6

Where Did You Go? Part 17: Return of the Living Dead

Holy cats! It’s been a bit since I have done one of these and to be honest, I kind of miss searching out obscure actors that only matter to me and seeing what they are up to today? I hope no one has died since I have been writing these though. I hate editing, as you can tell from hundreds of poorly written posts. So lets light some fires and kick some poodles, it’s time for another fun ride on the ever lasting blog of…

As you can see I am trying to be more creative with my look. Is it working for you? Oh…be quiet.

I am going to start this little gem off with Miguel A. Nunez Jr. because he has always been one of my favorites and whenever I am flipping through the five million channels and I see him, I stop. Even if it happens to be Juwanna Mann.

Miguel has been in a lot of movies and television shows since the early eighties. And when I say a lot, I mean he rivals the IMDb list of guest appearances on Murder She Wrote. But of all these television shows and movies, Miguel had mostly minor roles or at best a secondary character that made only a few episodes as “tough guy #2” or “rough punk” so it seemed he had a bit of a type cast issue until, really, his three-year running with the Vietnam War series, Tour of Duty in the mid-eighties as SGT Marcus Taylor and his starring role as Juwanna Mann in the movie Juwanna Mann. But of all these minor roles he will always be Demon in Friday the 13th: Part 5 and Spider in the ever famous and personal favorite, Return of the Living Dead.

So what is Miguel up to nowadays? To be honest, it looks like he is doing the same thing he has been doing for the past thirty years and that is cranking out roles and minor appearances in television shows with the latest one in 20012. What can you say? The guy’s a pro and clearly one of my all time favorites. Miguel has also produced a few films like Homeboys In Outer Space (not to be confused with his role in leprechaun 4: In Space which he was in too) and even directed a film. Like I said, he’s a pro!

I will say there is no actor out there with a better list of character names. Here are a few:

JoJo, Biscuit, Blackie, Demon, Spider, Sticks, Royal Jackson, Juwanna Man, Chico, C, Delicious, Tiger, Mo Bitches, Maxey Sparks, Goldie, and Jammin’.

While we are on a theme involving Return of the Living Dead, why not include an actor who has helped me annoy anyone around when I watch a ridiculous movie that is “based on a true story” because I tend to yell “YOU MEAN THE MOVIE LIED?!?!”. Thanks to this guy, Thom Mathews, I have had a plenty of guacamole tossed my way.

Thom is an American born actor who I believe was intended to be named Tom but is appears his parents had a lisp. Thom grew up in LA and it seemed natural that a good-looking kid would end up in the Hollywood trade and he had some pretty amazing roles. And by amazing that means I think they are amazing. I also thing hanging tomato gardens are amazing so take that with a grain of salt.

Thom will always be Freddy, the kid who is poisoned with noxious military gas that turns most anything into a brain-craving zombie in the film, Return of the Living Dead and also as an adult Tommy Garvis who is tormented by Jason in Friday the 13th: Part 6. Both roles make him a legend to me. But after that he seemed to just have minor roles like Miguel Nunez Jr through the rest of the eighties, nineties and his latest role was in 2009.

Thom is a lot like many horror actors of twenty to thirty years ago and that he appears in horror cons and sci-fi cons, keeping one foot in Hollywood and the other in his private life. In the real world he is the owner of a construction company in California. His looks are still there though a bit more debonair because we guys can age well. (That last sentence was a filler) I am curious to see if he is still best buddies with George Clooney that is boasted on most data sites about him. It seems George is the kind of guy that would forget the people who were there on the way up. Either that or it’s just me hating him.

You know what? Fuck it. Let’s run with this theme since there are soooo many awesome people in Return of the Living Dead. Linnea Quigley is absolutely wonderful for many reasons. The most notable one is her character Trash who fantasizes about being felt-up to death by old men and finally strips into a full nude scene in ROTLD. (Sorry, that became repetitive to type). Little did Trash know that is exactly what would happen to her. It’s an awesome character who annoys her boyfriend, Suicide, into stating another great line, “you think this is a fucking costume? This is a way of life!”. But Linnea had other great characters besides Trash and went on to become quite the “scream queen” of that 80’s horror genre.

Growing up in Davenport, Iowa, she moved to LA in the late 1970’s and quickly started into her sexploitation role by becoming a Playboy Flasher Girl and blending into a horror scream queen character starting with Silent Night, Deadly Night and then ROTLD. After that it seemed her path was clear and some of her films after that were Sorority Babes in the Slimerball Bowl-O-Rama, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, Night of the Demons, Blood Church, and Spring Break Massacre. One of my personal favorites is a horror workout video from 1990 and wouldn’t you know it, it’s available on YouTube but I have to warn you it is NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!! BE WARNED. But it is awesome.

Well what is the Scream Queen of my dreams up to today?

Well, Quigley is still being awesome and acting as a scream queen. I love that ! In fact she has three films in post-production right now that should be released in DVD format this year (2013). It’s so refreshing to see someone love what they do and still do it well, even though it has been thirty years of screaming and being slashed by chainsaw wielding zombies. It’s truly what I consider a master of their craft. I think I’m in love.

So the green hand is pointing to the great actor, John Philbin, whose character is the nerdy hipster, Chuck, who couldn’t get laid in a female prison with a fist full of pardons. Growing up his role was easily over-looked with so many other prominent characters but as I learn about him as a grownup (take that lightly) I see he was also a pro surfer and I believe on the set he was anything but a nerd.

His list of movie roles are much like the others which are not really a main character but as a co-starring character. ROTLD was not his first horror movie but his second with Children of the Corn coming in just a year before. Fast forward a couple of years later and John got to imitate real life as a surfer in films like North Shore and Point Break. He also was a cowboy in a personal favorite of mine, Tombstone. I think he is killed in the OK Corral shootout but I could be wrong. Wait, or was he hit over the head with a pistol handle by Sam Elliott? Either way, that’s a pretty cool resume boost.

John still acts from time to time and if you pay attention you might see him in a random Law and Order show or an episode of SVU…what ever that means. But the coolest thing is John lives in Pacific Palisades California today and runs a surfing school. He’s doing exactly what he loves and does it well. Oh, and when he was at UC Santa Barbra he was on their surf team. THEY HAVE SURF TEAMS IN COLLEGE??? WHY DID I GO TO MARYLAND?!?!

I think I will end this on a high but low note. Suicide is an iconic punk character in ROTLD and everyone loves him. With classic lines like “You think this is a fuckin’ costume? This is a way of life.” and “Hey, fuck you, ballbuster!”, how can one not? Played by actor Mark Venturini, he was like the missing member of the Misfits. He also, like Thom Mathews, was in Friday the 13th: Part 6 as some psycho who was chopping wood but ends up chopping up a retarded fat kid over a chocolate bar. I really liked that scene. Maybe a bit too much?

Kind of a bummer but there are no current pictures or information about Mark because at the age of 35 he passed away from Leukemia. Way too soon for such a great talent. I hate finding out the death of such a great actor that I have been quoting since I was in high school but that is part of writing “where did they go?”. Sometimes you find out sad news.

Thanks for reading part 17 that ended up having a Return of the Living Dead theme. It wasn’t planned but that’s the way the cookie crumbled. Now go watch it! I am.

January 11, 2013 3

Category: film

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