I am about to go down a road not often traveled here on VeggieMacabre. That road involves toys. But it’s okay because it also involves Ghostbusters, too!

Mattel’s The Real Ghostbusters Retro-Action figures were a 2011 release exclusively at Toys R Us stores and this flew well below my radar. Luckily for me, I was able to acquire this particular action set (?) for $25 from an incredibly weird toy vender who used a wheel chair but rolled it by shuffling her feet. She also haggled with me on the price which was clearly sticker-ed. This is what I get for shopping at flea market store that could be destroyed by a leaf blower.

There are few oddities which propelled me to purchase this item. Okay, there were a few oddities that made me buy this item.

The first is the “adult collection” classification. It seems a bit odd that they marketed this purely for the adults who were of the age to appreciate the old line of toys in the late 1980s and 90’s. I am not a betting man but my assumptions are there are plenty of Samhain decapitated heads rolling around toy rooms as we speak. So to limit the marketability to only adults with a cute Slimer and a sweet proton pack seems limiting, at best.

EDIT: Just looked up this set on eBay and it’s going for $79.00. So, goddamn it. Ignore my last.

Second, and most importantly, the “GIANT 22″” cardboard firehouse that I desperately needed for more ridiculous decor in the office. It was the thing that stood out the most, even surpassing one of the best villain in The Real Ghostbusters, Samhain. But I will tell you, it’s a huge bitch to put together.

Well, against better judgement, I devalued this action pack by 200% and pried it open to take a closer look at what we have. Not much of a mystery from the enclosed case but I will say these figures are pretty detailed! Right down to the boots.

Like I said earlier, I am not much on toy reviews. I like them and have been known to review a few from time to time but I mostly leave that type of article to the professionals like Matt from Dinosaurdracula.com or some YouTube celebrity with a trust fund to burn. Right now I am out for decor for my juvenile office and a chance to have Slimer, Samhain and a cardboard firehouse was too much of a temptation. Janine is no concern to me. I wish it was Rick Moranis.

I think we should start with the weapons…er…ghost-catching equipment. Let me make a stupid diagram real quick.

1. P.K.E. Meter: Psychokinetic Energy Meter that is used to detect the whereabouts of paranormal activity. I guess it measures ghost stuff and brackets it in a numbered value. Here are the parameters:

            200-300 = No Threat, small to no paranormal activity.

            301-450 = Trouble, you have a faint trace of a spook.

            451-550 = Biblical Proportions

Is it just me or is “faint trace of a spook” to “biblical proportions” quite a jump? That’s like picking up on a red-tailed shark and the next step is great white. You would think Egon would be concerned.

2. Proton Pack Mark 1: The most recognizable of the arsenal it consists of two parts: The Nuclear Accelerator Backpack (Proton Pack, Positron Collider, Cyclotron.) and Particle Thrower (Proton Gun, Ion Wand, Ion Cannon, Neutrona Wand.). It is nuclear  powered and I am sure it required a testicle shield but since ol’ Bug-Eyes was donning this, no nut-shield was needed.

3. Ghost Trap: I guest this can be described as a mini-containment unit. The Trap is an Electromagnetic Field Generator that is encased in an extremely strong and powerful Steel Grid and the EMF draws ghosts into the trap. The Trap is connected to a six to eight feet cable, which is connected to a “Stomp-on Pedal”. It requires at least 48 hours to charge ensuring if I was a Ghostbuster, I would be totally screwed all the time when it came to the final process of catching a ghost. I always have a 1/3 charge on my phone.

4. Barcharach Sniffer 300: So this will blow you frickin’ mind. It’s a real piece of equipment from a true company that specializes in equipment that detects gas and vapor. I really thought this was the most ridiculous of the bunch! And…now we learned something. It tests ionized traces left by P.K.E. activity, and can be used to date the occurrences of paranormal activity. It was created by Bacharach/United Technologies. “One of our little toys.”

In case you are impressed with my extensive knowledge of Ghostbuster gear, don’t. I got it all from here. I really want to hug the people or person who made this.

Before we jump to the characters I want to look at the absolute pain the fire house was to assemble. It was like constructing one of those elaborate paper airplanes made to look like a F-15. It has too many pieces that hated one another so you had to force them together like telling brothers hug. (Two Two Two analogies in one!)

You have to admit it’s a pretty cool idea they had to include a Ghostbuster HQ in the packaging. I hope this catches on with other “adult” collections like He-Man comes with a Grey Skull castle front. I see great things in paper-cutouts for the future.

This gif isn’t spectacular but it’s a brief glimpse of my frustration as I tried over and over to stand the damn thing up. Finally, I had it pieced together but if anyone looked close, there’s no way this building is to code. As Egon said, “I think it should be condemned…”. Thank goodness for Ray.

Now that the main reason for buying this action set is built and displayed I guess it’s time to move on to the characters themselves. I think I will start off with my favorite and one Hell of a villain, Samhain. He was the super boss if there was one in the series, The Real Ghostbusters, and probably peaked a 700 on the ol’ P.K.E. meter. Though I don’t think he’s quite as cool as the Sandman because he lacked a theme song, I do think when it comes to Halloween inspired bad dudes, you can’t beat him.

This is a pretty cool likeness to the cartoon from the glowing eyes to the tiny teeth to the magic cape which apparently is the source of powers to the…black boots? I didn’t know the demon of Halloween had feet? Makes you wonder what else this guy has for accessories? Does he have a utility belt? Perhaps a satchel full of candy corn?

Holy shit! Apparently Samhain is a fan of palates. That dude is ripped and if it wasn’t for his bulbous head full pumpkin guts, I would say he is a chick magnet.

This keeps getting more uncomfortable, doesn’t it? Not only is Samhain a palates guru but likes black underwear. (Des Webb) There is something to be said for a villain who wears a magical robe with only black underwear and boots underneath.

If I elaborate any further on Samhain’s physique and black undies, people might get the wrong idea about this blog so I will continue on with…

COME ON!!!

I think I am going to skip Janine. I am not being misogynistic but as far as the character goes, I was never a fan. I loved her in the first Ghostbusters but after that, no. I will say, Samhain isn’t doing Xtreme Fitness Tap Out Douche training for nothing. He may be looking to infiltrate the Ghostbusters, if you know what I mean. Heh.

And while he is busy doing that, I think Slimer may take this opportunity to work Samhain’s magic robe for his own cause.

Not knowing the true power of the cape from the Netherworld, he sputters Slimer-like sentence fragments and toots,  wishing to the dark forces for an eternal supply of candy. Only this disgusting spud can have unlimited and unchecked power and use it for junk food.

Janine and the Prince of Halloween were already in the Showbiz hot tub that Louis Tully had won several years ago in a skeetball contest south of Cape Cod. Too distracted by lust, they had no idea Slimer had summoned Satan himself to deliver Earth crushing loads of candy. Black underwear has powers that Janine could not break away from.

But Slimer forgot one thing about black Halloween magic; you don’t quite get what you think.

The Dark One delivered on the request but much to Slimer’s chagrin, it was a lifetime supply of pina colada jellybeans.

All-in-all, not a bad set. I guess it wasn’t made to be played with because the characters can stand about as well as Larry Flint. The legs are way too loose. Everything else was pretty spot on including the giant firehouse which was the highlight of the whole set. Aside from the construction, of course. B grade.

That concludes the dumbest shit I have ever written. I have been writing so much in reference to the Halloween countdown which is starting just around the corner, I sometimes forget no one will come if they forget you are here so…I am here! Please don’t forget me.

Oh! And here is the addition to the office. The giant Ghostbuster Firehouse. Meh.