Here I go again, eating snacks made for a five year old and review them for the discerning palate of a thirty-six year old. No matter what I say, this is never meant to be taken seriously and it’s a funny way to spend a Sunday but I am a single weirdo with nothing better to do, so back off! Sorry…I get a little touchy after drinking three cups of coffee and fourteen packs of sugar-logged fruit snacks. Actually, they are “gummy” snacks. What’s the difference, you ask? Read on.
I was running through the grocery store last night trying to get the final ingredients for my top-secret dirty rice concoction and when I passed the candy aisle a giant red box caught my attention. Giant red boxes will always get my attention.
Dum-Dums have finally broke free of the hard candy and can now be celebrated by people with periodontal disease. It’s a fine line when candy tries to redefine itself as a wholesome lunch addition made with real fruit. It’s either a home run or a strikeout. There are no base hits when it comes to this stuff, man.
In a tiny 70 calorie pack, there are a potential for six different flavors which include apple, blue raspberry, grape, strawberry, orange and cherry. That is a lot of flavor variety in such a small package but when you consider Dum-Dum has almost a million different varieties in their suckers, it’s not so impressive.
So, how do these individually taste? Well, not fantastic. I always compare todays fruit snacks with the 1980 Sunkist Fun Fruits and that leads to a life of disappointment. There is no way any variation can be one tenth of what Sunkist and Betty Crocker did back before the fall of the Soviet Union. It was a great time to be a kid.
I know this was a silly review but I really needed to revisit fruit snacks that kids are eating today. When they boast to have “real fruit juice” that means a touch of white grape juice. Other than that, you could find the same ingredients in a candle. The flavors do match their shapes but not anything to stand out and scream, “I’M EATING GRAPE!”. It’s more like, “I am eating grape-nope now it’s wax.”.
In other news, I turned another year older on Friday and as a gift from the universe, I found one of the last remaining video rental stores. Holy shit, it was like jumping back twenty years. From the auto-looped movie previews blaring on four TVs to the disappointing realization that your favorites movie box has no DVD behind it, it was a welcomed sight for these sore eyes.
For only a buck a movie, I came home with Halloween 2&3, Friday the 13t: Part 6, Carrie, The Last Starfighter, Pet Semetery and Pretty Dead. For less than eight bucks and five days to breeze through them, I say that’s a pretty great hull. Of course I have Hulu Plus, Vudu and Netflix, but when it comes to the magic feeling of picking out the titles and getting weird looks from the kid at the checkout counter, I say it is a fun change of pace.
The only draw back is when I got home I found out I rented Friday the 13th: Part 5 and Halloween 2 was actually Rob Zombie’s abomination remake rather than the original. Okay, that sucks. But still, where else can you roam around for an hour looking for an hour and a half of entertainment?
Tune back in later this evening. Brian from Review the World and I have done a joint review with a little twist. It’s about chili from Cincinnati and we compare fresh vs frozen. I love doing these projects with such a cool dude. See you soon!
Here is one of our earlier joint projects. I loved this one.