Month: August 2007

One Hit Wonders Of The Simpsons

 It is tough to form an opinion from the 400 plus episodes of The Simpsons so I will not even try. I will say I like the first five seasons much more than any of the others and I feel I am not alone on that. For 18 years the animation has been apart of pop culture and has cleverly covered the “normal” nuclear family and the perils of suburban life.  The one thing, however, about The Simpsons are the rich and indepth characters. For as long as the show is on the air, these characters have their own thirty minutes of spot light like McBain and his daughter dating Bart to Moe and his found riches in the “Flaming Moe.” But the characters I always enjoyed were the ones who came and left, never to be seen on another episode again even though they touched us (and the Simpson family) the most. Here are the ones that stand out to me.

           

       Lisa’s substitue, Mr. Bergstrom was such a great character. He was a traveling teacher that moves from town to town, teaching from his heart rather than from a lesson plan.  Lisa sees Mr. Bergstrom as the one person in the town of Springfield who appriciates her talents. She also developes a crush on him and knows he is intellectually superior to the only other man in her life, her father Homer. Unfortunatly for Lisa, as quickly as he came into her life he left. Mr. Bergstrom left by train to another town where he can inspire more kids to be who they are. But before he boards the train he is confronted by Lisa and he leaves her a note for insperation when ever she is down. It reads “You are Lisa Simpson.”

              

                                                        

     I don’t know why but I was touched a little. I hope there are Mr. Bergstom’s among the teachers in America.  Maybe it was Dustin Hoffman’s voice for Mr. Bergstrom that made his character so likable but I can watch this episode over and over and I still feel a heavy heart when Lisa reads his note. I have to remember it’s a cartoon.

         

           Another great character that only had a brief time in the spotlight was Karl. Karl was the angel in disguise that helped out Homer as his personal assistant. Homer cheated the system by comitting insurance fraud for a miracle hair replacement drug which by looks alone propelled him up the corperate ladder after his hair grew in over night. With a new position, Karl came to the rescue and gave Homer the confidence and knowlege to be a sucess. But soon Homer was found out and Karl, like a soldier, took the blame and was terminated. He even gave Homer his umbrella and walked to his car in the rain after his dismissal. What a guy.  Some say he was gay and had a crush on Homer but I like to think he is just a nice person who gives a strange his all.

       More tomorrow!   

       It’s tomorrow!

        

        Beatrice Simmons also only had a short stay on the Simpsons. She stole Abe Simpson’s heart when they accidently had their pills mixed up at the retirement home. With one look at each other they fell in love and spent the day doing what old people do. Personally, I liked the provocative pill scene. Unfortunatly, good intentions from the Simpson family to take Abe on a day adventure to Discount Lion Safari, Abe missed Bea’s birthday and she also passed away during the night. But to show her “undying” love, she left Abe $100,00 dollars in her will. Determined to enjoy his new found riches, he spent the day trying to have fun but ultimately came to the conclusion that no amount of money can mend his broken heart. So with much thought he finally decided to spend the money and bring back dignity to the retirement home where he met Beatrice to begin with. Great story.

     I think each of these three characters are far too rich to keep forever on the Simpsons. They bring a moral lesson to their own episode and help shape the main characters for future seasons. Mr. Bergstrom reinforced the need for Lisa to be proud of herself. Karl brought the same lesson to Homer but also taught him the lesson selflessness. Last but not least, Abe’s lost love, Beatrice, gave him love and the ability to bring dignity to the aging population of the retirement home. While all these characters are great I understand why they are the one hit wonders of the Simpsons. To bring morality lessons to the show we don’t need to see their faults. They are a bright spot in a long airing series and their mark has been left for all the future seasons.

     I think I have been too serious about a cartoon. :\                                                                                                                                                                                 

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Scary Places

I consider myself pretty grounded in reality. As a pilot an systems instructor for jet aircract you would have to be. But over the past ten years I constantly wonder about my own mortality. Maybe it is because as I get older, it is only natural to contemplate what happens when we die. Do we go to this magical cloud heaven if we are “good?” If we are “bad” then do we go to a firery hell and have to listen to fiddles and screams? Or do we plip out like turning off the TV? Just like everything in my life, I over analyse this to the point that I need proof there is something else beyond death. So when ever I have a chance I check out supposed haunted areas with the hope I can see something to help me answer my question and start worrying about something more normal like who will be in the play-offs or who has the best yard on the block. These are the places I have been to and things I have seen.

First on the list is The Pirate House in Savannah, GA. Believe it or not the oldest house in Georgia is inside the Pirate House, the original print of Treasure Island is in there and a tunnel that leads to the Savannah River where real pirates would drug unsuspecting bystanders and shanghi them to there boats for slave laybor. That’s quite a lot of history for one building. It is also one of the most documented haunted houses in America. So I went there, hung out at the bar and talked with the owners, manager and bartender. Every single one has had an expirience of some sort. Some of the expirience were little and some were down right distrubing. The owner told me that a paranormal investigator stayed up in the bedrooms on the second story and had to leave less than a few hours later only to check himself into the hospital for a week on anxiety medication. He was very vague but he said he saw something so evil he will never investigate again. I don’t want an expirience like that. I just want to see a floating sheet.

If anyone has seen the show Ghost Hunters, they have probably seen the episode when Jay and Grant go to the St. Augustine lighthouse. What they document on that program was enough to get me off the couch and book a hotel room in St. Augustine. It was a trip for the girlfiend but I had to see this lighthouse for myself. We spent an afternoon hanging out in the museum and climbing all the way to the top of the lighthouse. I still didn’t see anyhing crazy even though the girlfriend swore she could smell cigar smoke in one of the old keepers bedroom. They say that his ghost is present when you smell cigars. Personally, I think it was the old guy that passed by the room.

The Bonaventure Cemetery, also in Savannah, is the coolest but also the creepiest place I have ever been to. When we went there it was a sunny spring day but when we entered the gates of the cemetery it was as if it was night. We could hardly believe how dark and gloomy it was and when we parked the car and walked out it was clear that this was no ordinary cemetary. There was no breeze and it was so silent it actually hurt your ears. There were thousands of Confederate graves and hundereds of statues like the one pictured here. While we didn’t witness dissembodied voices or shadow figures you could feel the overpowering presence of something. That feeling stuck with us for the rest of the night and in the middle of the night I woke up numerous times from the feeling of people standing over our bed.

I have been to more including private homes that I can not believe people sleep there alone but I still have not seen the existance of the afterlife. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in ghosts because I know people who are very credible and they claim to have seen paranormal activity. That is almost good enough but I will do anything to see it for myself.

If you have personal expiriences I would love to hear them. I can promise to be very jealous.

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Ride On

It will be a Rock and Roll Damnation when AC/DC stops playing arena shows. I can’t describe the feeling when Let The Be Rock blares from the collasium walls and 68,000 fans scream “Angus” as five Ausies and one Scot bring the Gods of Rock to Earth. Whether you are a fan of rock or not, to see these guys live is an expirience like no other. Sure I have seen Metallica blow up the stage, Paige and Plant summon the Hammer of the Gods and Black Sabbath summon Satan himself, but when Angus is solo on stage with his Gibson SG, birds stop in flight and the world spins backwards. As you can tell, I love AC/DC and this is what they mean to me. Larry Hulst is an amazing photographer. http://www.hulstphotography.com

Now I am more of a Bon Scott fan than a Brian Johnson fan but that is neither here nor there because when it comes to rock, the chemistry is about as close to perfection as one can get. It is unfortunate that Bon passed away but his spirit is present at every show AC/DC plays. Let’s be honest, did you expect a rock icon like Bon Scott to retire in Boca Raton and pick up golf and shuffle board? Hell no! He set the standard for a frontman tits up manuever and is immortalized in heavy, balls out rock.

I think I will skip the detailed history of AC/DC because anyone can read about it from any number of sources and I would just be regergatating it here. So instead, I hope I can inspire someone to either get “Sin City” on a streaming download or better yet, go buy an album. When this is done, shut the doors, turn up the volume, hit play and strap on your air guitar. When the last chord is struck, tell me your rock and roll release hasn’t been fullfilled. I dare you.

Oh yeah, what AC/DC means to me: Quite a lot! I would eat my own arm to hang out with Malcom and Angus Young. Seriously. I would eat me arm.

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Things I Can Live Without

I consider myself an easy going guy but lately I have found myself being verbally caustic about really petty things. Am I getting older? Is this the point of my life where I turn into the character from Falling Down? I can’t tell you how many times I yell at the TV and bitch to those who could care less so instead I will blog and keep it for those who choose to read about it. In no particular order, these are the things in life that rub me the wrong way. This is my therapeutic way of coping.

First on the list is the Gotti hair-do. Living for a while in south Florida I have met many of these pricks and I hate them all. I swear I have never met a genuine person that looks like this. I know this is a generalization and I should not do that but come on. If you spend four hours on your hair, have no opinion about world issues, care only about your trust fund, fake and bake, degrade women and drink apple martinis because you like the color that is fine. But if you are a dickhead that is when I draw the line. You can’t look like a douche and actually be one too! That is cause for natural selection. Now if someone is reading this and looks like this and are cool, I am sorry. Seriously, I want to meet you. The 10 out of 10 I know are fucksticks and that is all I need to sum up a conclusion.

I have been completely desensitized to any sort of alerts. One of the most dooming alerts usually comes from Foxnews. I remember a time when an alert would come over the news and everyone would stop and pay attention. Now there is an alert for Paris Hilton, Linsay Lohan, cats in a tree, the fact that it is hot in august, milk comes from cows and the fucking sky is blue. I wonder what they will do to get our attention when there is news? They really can’t do anything short of stripping down and doing the “Twist.”

When did lawyers become the voice of morality in America? The last time I checked, lawyers make a living off the tragedy of others. My skin literally crawls listening to a panel of prosecutors and defense lawyers talk about the horrors of society while raking in millions from fees and reveling in their celebrity status. (sigh) They completely disregard the “innocent until proven guilty.”

I’m going to take a break because it sounds like I’m bitching and that’s no fun to read. I’ll be back with more but with a smile.

Back with a smile! Sorry to put on a negative tone. I don’t hate people for their haircuts. If you want to shave off your sideburns and gel your hair so you look like a porcupine riding on the wing of a jet, that is your choice. My girlfriend is Italian and I am sure that someone in her family has the Gotti hair. So I am stating officially, I don’t judge character on hair. There.

I really miss the day when McDonalds could advertise puppet McNuggets and Fry Guys without the fear that the ACLU will bring lawsuits because parents have to shop at the Big and Fat store for their five year old. McDonalds was never designed to eat at more than once a week at best. Parents who feed their kids Happy Meals seven days a week are responsible for Ronald McDonald doing push ups and skipping rope rather than hocking Boo Pails and hanging with Grimas. Do they really think commercials with Ronald entering in the NY marathon will mean that McDonalds will grill mcnuggets and bake fries? If they do, they are McStupid.

As for the picture above, obviously they watched Super Size Me. If anyone eats McD’s for 90 days they should be dead from natural selection. Obviously the subtitles were not translated correctly. But “Zbog Hamurgera” just sounds awesome. I hope that means “yummy burger,” because that is what I am saying from now on.

McDonalds smrt! hehehehe

7

A Tribute To The World Of Richard Scarry.

    

   I mean look at how awesome this is. What an imagination this guy had! Have you ever seen a pig riding in a hotdog? The irony! Do you think he knows he could possibly be driving in a combination of his relatives assholes? There is even a mouse in a gay rights pen. Say it loud say it proud mouse. Growing up on these books there was no end to the creative world of Richard Scarry.

    Besides the gay mouse and the pig creating irony, you have the chicken in the egg. I think Mr. Scarry was making a statment which came first. As you see there is a chicken driving the egg which states there had to be a chicken to be in an egg to begin with but then again the chicken is driving the egg so then again that is not an egg at all so there for…..I’ve gone cross-eyed.

    The gorilla makes total sense. My good pal Kristiane’s son, Max, said he is his favorite. Good for you Max, me too! He is the only one who seems to get it right. That and Lowely Worm in his apple car. If it met the National Safety Board of Motor Vehicles standard, I would be driving an apple car today.

   The pig in the corn in the cobb. Well, I’m going to go with mildly retarted. I don’t think he can pick up chicks in corn. Maybe it is powered by ethanol? He might be in quest for an alternate source of fuel? Maybe he is smarter than he is letting on? Nah, he looks pretty stupid driving in a corn on the cobb mobile. Fuck you pig.

   I don’t know why but I like the mouse in the pickle. He speaks to me. I think it is because he is so noncomformist in his choice of transportation. You know his buddies are like, “So…is that a Klosen or did you go with Mt. Olive? I hear Mt. Olive has great milage.” Shit, I’m getting tired. I just wrote about mice having a conversation over pickle cars.

  Not much of a tribute but I felt that I needed to tip the hat his direction. It sucks he is dead.

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